We have three kids, now 10, 8 and 6 and have been considering having another. We have always wanted four but have had a rough few years including a mammoth house fire and things just were not very stable.
[name_f][/name_f]I’m concerned about the age gap.
[name_f][/name_f]Ours are so close, they fight but they also adore each other.
[name_f][/name_f]I’m worried the little one will be left behind, or lonely or the others may be annoyed if we can’t do certain things because we have a baby around…
[name_f][/name_f]Any experience with a nice sibling bond at 7 ish years apart! (And 9 and 11 years from the older ones!)
In my personal experience of bigger families, the older children adore the littlest one, more so with an age gap. All families have unique dynamics of course, but this is a trend I’ve noticed. So there’s a tendency to quite happily accept things that revolve around the littlest, as long as the older kids’ needs continue to be met, of course, and the baby grows up with a lot of nurturing from the siblings as well as the parents.
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Sorry to hear about your challenging journey bless you guys 🩷
[name_f][/name_f]So my mum has three children I’m 31, my sister is 28 and my brother is 21 clearly there’s a big age gap between me and my brother. It was very noticeable when we were younger I was almost like a second mum to him. [name_f]My[/name_f] mum had a few mental health issues and then had to care for her mum in her final stages of life which affected her mental well-being so I took on a large part of raising my brother. I weaned him, changed nappies, potty trained him, took to school, attended teacher conferences, did homework with him, did his laundry and fixed his meals. I would say the relationship was more parental then that of sibling relationship that I have with my sister and I loved it. I moved out of home when I was 15 due to having a getting into a relationship but still had an active parental role in Billy’s life (my brother) and it was really nice. Now that we’re grown [name_m]Billy[/name_m] & me (I’m definitely closer to my sister but I think that’s because we are both females with your own homes and have similar interest) are really close the age gap doesn’t feel noticeable at all. He’s also a fantastic uncle to my daughter.
[name_f][/name_f]I would say if you’re thinking of expanding your family the age gap will not be a huge issue especially if all children get to be children and not become mini parents which can happen the most important thing for me is just to keep all your children children.
[name_f][/name_f]Hopefully these ramblings help 🩵
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I have 7 siblings, and I am definitely closest to the four who are 6—15 years younger than me. [name_f]My[/name_f] youngest brother particularly is one I have such a special bond with (there is 15 years between us) and I’m closest to my brother and sister who are 7 and 8 years younger than me. They’re some of my closest friends ouside of just being my siblings.
[name_f][/name_f]But I’ve also always loved babies and kids, and was exited about them from the time I found out about each of them, so it very much is dependent on a person personality imo. I have two sisters less than two years to either side of my age and the younger one has never been particularly fond of having any other siblings no matter their age gap, while the older one was more like me and loved having “little” siblings around, but hasn’t really had a lot to do with the rest of us since adulthood. So it definitely could be a kid-by-kid basis.
[name_f][/name_f]As long as the older kids aren’t parentified or made to feel responsible for new baby, I think the liklihood of them being old enough to either be indifferent to or really enjoy having the baby around is higher given their ages. You may lightly discuss the idea of a new baby with them too; just to see where their feelings are at so you have an idea going forward. If you hype up the idea and all the benefits and fun they could have as an older sibling it may also help soften any of the cons when/if a new baby does arrive. But I personally think the bigger the age gap the better potential for a lasting bond and relationship is, and that has definitely been my real life experience
I have a 6 year age gap between me and my oldest sister (9 years between her and my youngest sister) and while growing up we weren’t super close, [name_f][/name_f] she graduated high school while i had just started middle school n so very different stages of life. But since we’re all adults now we have a closer relationship.
There’s a six year age gap between me and my little brother, and we’re super close – closer than I am with my older brother, who is only three years older than me. The boys are both pretty close with each other as well (9 year age gap).
[name_f][/name_f]What my parents did after my little brother’s birth was set aside time each night after the littlest one went to bed so that we could do things as a family, or just us older siblings, that we may not have been able to do while the baby was around (ex. watch big kid movies, play a more mature board game, etc).
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Thanks for all the replies.
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Feel[/name_m] like there could be a lot of positives for a different age gap!our kids love babies and toddlers so can’t see it being an issue at the moment and maybe actually bring out the lovely caring side of them.
[name_f][/name_f]I’m actually now only nervous of doing it and having to tell my parents!! Think my dad would disapprove of four! They’d get over it though and inlaws would be super excited.
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I have a younger brother whonis 9 years younger. I personally would not do it because we never had a real relationship with each other. I was a second mother and that was basically it. That is why we had our children in such a short time. After our first 3 children we were not sure if we would have a 4th child. I made it very clear to my husband that we only have a small window for a 4th. It was either last year or their would be mo further child.
We also have had a few problems with health issues but if it would lasted a year longer the shop would have been closed after 3 babies.
Our kids were born in 2017, 2020 (twins) and 2024
I personally would not do it.
My cousins are about 7 years apart and have always shared a close relationship. While they did things together, and even share some friends, they did also have their own activities and (eventually) lives after the oldest left for college. They grew up several states from where they now reside, and both moved to the same town as adults. They and their families hang out regularly.
My grandma was one of 12. The oldest two passed away in the first couple years of life due to illness and the youngest was stillborn. My grandma was no. 11. Her closest siblings were 3 of her sisters born 18, 14 and 9 years before her, even though she got along with all of them well. While she lost all of them over the years and misses each of them, she misses these three keenly. They remained close throughout their lives and she is close to their kids, grandchildren and great-grandchildren still. Btw, she is 102.
My mom and her 3 siblings are the opposite of you. My uncle was born three years before his next sibling, and the next three were born one right after the other three years in a row. Though the gap wasn’t as large as yours will be, it did feel larger because three were within months of each other and experienced many milestones in quick succession years after their oldest brother. While they had their moments as kids (and my mom laments having to follow her siblings in school, particularly her slightly older brother as he was the class clown and a better student than she was), they were and are still quite close. They will rally around each other in support whenever the need arises and still take trips together, they also live their own lives. Unfortunately the oldest passed away in 2022 due to medical issues, but they are still working on fighting for and maintaining his estate.
If you are wondering about not doing things because of baby, don’t be concerned. Yes, we did a few things in my family with the cousins, but things were not planned around the youngest when we were together. Let me back up, my younger brother and I were raised with our cousins on our dad’s side when we weren’t in school… my older brother lived with his mom. Activities and daily life wasn’t planned around the youngest, but did include things for the youngest to do.
At one point, my grandma was taking care of five out of six of us during summer break… we ranged from 1.5 to 17.5 years old. The older ones, though they did have separate activities as they were old enough to go around on their own, and the younger ones would do things together regularly. Everything we did together was planned for the older kids to enjoy, but allowed for the younger two to be included as well. We didn’t cater strictly to the youngest in the family, but took the youngest along.
We, being my younger brother and I, benefited greatly from this as we grew up doing things we wouldn’t have had the opportunity to do otherwise (and quite frankly would never had been able to do as our parents were in the midst of a contentious divorce when we were finally old enough to do all of that stuff on our own).
Btw my older brother is 4.5 years older than me, and my younger brother is 4 years younger than me. Until our father decided to play his mind games, we got along great. I think the cruelty of our father and the want of a relationship with him (which he gives to one male sibling at a time even while we are adults) has torn us apart, but we had an amazing support network and amazing times until he pulled us apart.
We learned that life didn’t revolve around us, but our special moments were celebrated. We were included and loved in the family, but we also were individuals who could have our moments. And we learned we had a support network… though we did loose it during the divorce, we knew what one was in order to build our own later in life.
Yes, you will have some activities especially for the youngest, but that doesn’t mean everything will be. And, from experience, the youngest can definitely benefit from seeing and joining the older siblings at their activities. Life lessons will happen for all, but when will they not. On the other hand, the love and support they each receive from each other will be amazing.
I think being conscientious about how you’re raising them and how much responsibility you put on the older siblings to help take care of their youngest sibling makes a big difference. Helping because they choose to or because of being asked to occasionally is one thing, but near constant help is something different altogether. Btw even closer siblings can be asked to help with their younger siblings (i.e. my dad took care of his three years younger sister when she was sick and she him when he broke his legs while their parents had to work), but I think it’s more the pressure put on the siblings that could harm that relationship more than anything (as it did my younger brother and I during the last part of my parents’ divorce).
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I feel like there’s pros and cons to any age gap! Some people absolutely love close age gaps and want their kids to be as close in age as possible. Other people only want them spaced out much more. I can definitely see the positives to both! If you feel like things are stable now and you’re wanting to add to your family you should definitely go for it!
[name_f][/name_f]I don’t have personal experience with this, but my mom was one of 7 kids. She was the oldest and her youngest sister was 15 years younger than her. They had an incredibly close relationship and stayed very close throughout their whole adulthood.
[name_f][/name_f]I also have an aunt who had 3 kids and then had a fourth child about 5 years later who was a surprise. She said she really enjoyed getting to savor every stage one last time. That she was much more aware of how fast the time goes and felt like she could really give her youngest child a whole different parenting experience knowing what she knows now. The older siblings really love their sister too and she’s always included when the bigger kids friends are around.
[name_f]My[/name_f] dad is the second oldest of 9, he’s 17 years apart from his youngest sibling. That sibling is a brother that’s his best friend, they travel together and love each other very much, everyone says they’re twins separated through time 
[name_f][/name_f] and he’s not that close with any other sibling. You can never know what a relationship is going to be like when your kids are older, it depends on how much they have in common personality wise. I would do it, in the big scheme of things 7-8 years doesn’t seem too much.
Unfortunately, there is no magic age gap. Pluses and minuses to all of them. I worried about this between mine and there is no “perfect” time. I really think it is different for each family!
[name_f][/name_f]That said my stepson and son have a 6.5 year age gap, my son and daughter have just less than [name_f][/name_f] a 4 year age gap.
[name_f][/name_f]It has worked for us! [name_f][/name_f] But I think it does always work out!
[name_f][/name_f][name_f]My[/name_f] stepson is great with both, even though he wants to be “too cool” at his current age. He is good with both. Him and his brother love each other and he can be too rough sometimes, but isn’t that always the case with brothers?! He ironically does not do so well with his half sister at his mom’s and they are closer together in age.
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There are so many factors that determine how close siblings are and what kind of bond they share. The age gap can be one of those, but there’s no perfect age gap, nor is there one that’s “too big” or “too small”.
[name_f][/name_f][name_f]My[/name_f] oldest son is almost 10. I divorced his father, and went on to have 5 children with my second husband. Our oldest that we have together is now 5, our youngest is 16 months old. So there’s significant age gap, and while things aren’t always easy, they all have a great bond. Our oldest adores his siblings, and they all love him. We’ll have to see how their relationship develops as they get older, and since there’s 6 of them they’ll inevitably be closer to some than they are to others.
[name_f]My[/name_f] sister and I are 8.5 years apart. We were not close as kids because we were always in a vastly different life stage to each other. I love her, but we were not (are not) besties. We are closer now that we’re both adults and can talk about things on a similar level, although there are still big differences (early 30s vs early 20s).
[name_f][/name_f][name_f]My[/name_f] biggest advice is: your older kids aren’t extra adults. I spent a lot of my time looking after my little sister like a spare adult (cooking meals, doing chores, helping with schoolwork, etc) and I feel like I missed out on a normal teenhood because I was her “second mum”. Your older kids deserve to still be kids.
[name_f][/name_f]If your little one is feeling left out, there’s always community groups and activities where they can engage with other children their own age.
[name_f][/name_f]Big age gaps present unique pros and cons. I hope it goes well if you do decide to have another baby! 
I have a brother 12 years older than me and one nearly 7 years older than me.
[name_f][/name_f]In my experience I socialize just fine with my brothers and the only problem this may just be me idk if others with large age gaps feel this too[name_f][/name_f] but I feel like I don’t always know how to socialize with kids my age, and I tend to get along better with people older than me or a few years younger than me—like my sister’s age—but that could just be me being homeschooled
[name_f][/name_f]Either way I think that you could reasonably have a 4th.
[name_f][/name_f]Also love seeing families with four, I think it’s a nice number of kidsI won’t have but a lot of people that I met with five kids say they want less and ones with three want more,