One of my close friends recently got pregnant and she discovered my list of name combinations and has decided that she simply must use my two top combinations on my list as the name for her daughter or son. I normally wouldn’t complain but both those names are what I’m planning on naming my first daughter and son and I don’t really want the double up. I’ve offered to find other names for her but she’s dead set on them and won’t accept any changes to the name. I’m way off childbearing age, but those have been my top combinations for almost a year now, how far should I go and what should I do?
Gosh… I don’t really see what you can do - if she wants to name her baby something you can’t actually stop her. However, maybe your friend is just suffering with a bit of anxiety or something with all the big changes a new baby brings? You could ask her why she is so set on using these names or explain how much they mean to you, which might put her off. Or maybe make suggestions to her, something like “oh, I always imagined your baby to be called…”
That’s all I can think of.
There isn’t a thing you can do unfortunately. That’s why I never shared my baby name favs with anyone.
Like a PP said, maybe just explain to her why the names are so important to you. I know a lot of people aren’t as serious about names as the majority of Nameberry is, but it’s kind of weird that she just happened to pluck the top two combinations off of your list and claim them as her own. Wouldn’t she much prefer to pick out a name that’s meaningful for her, as opposed to a name that’s meaningful for you?
I don’t think it’s worth sacrificing the friendship over, but definitely worth being honest about.
I agree with what the previous posters said:
- There is nothing you can do about. You don’t own the names. You can talk to her and try to explain, you can suggest other names, but you can’t stop her from using them.
- I don’t talk about names or tell anyone about the names I like in my real life (other than my fiancé).
I will also say this. If she does decided to use them its not the end of the world. You said you are way off child-bearing age. So, the chance that these are the exact combos you are in love with when you are ready, are slim. Maybe you have some of the same names in their, but its not a big deal (in my opinion) if your child has the same first name as a friend’s child’s middle. Middle names rarely get used. The names I loved 10 years ago are not the names I love now or are on my list now. You change/mature and times change, trends change. A name you like could become very popular and you could be put off by its popularity or it could seem like the trend has passed. There is also one big wild card in all of this: your future SO. Most likely if you are having a baby, there is another person in the picture. This person gets a say and usually has opinions of their own. They could have a totally different style than you, think your choices are too trendy, too weird, too popular. They could have relatives they want to honor, they could come from a different culture. Naming a child is rarely something you get to do 100% on your own.
So just keep in mind that if she does “steal” your names, they probably weren’t going to end up being your real future children’s names anyway. And hey, those kids got good names, right?
Thanks for the advice, I didn’t tell her my names, she jokingly stole my phone because I wouldn’t show her and then I couldn’t get it back. She just so happened to choose the name that honours my grandmother and the name that honours someone extremely special in my life, both are combos I’ve had for years, before NB. Still not sure what to do but I have 6 months or so to convince her to use other names.
I think she definitely crossed some boundaries here. Like a pp pointed out, she could be experiencing naming anxiety. I’d tell her how important those names are to you and leave it at that. She needs to find a name on her own. Hopefully she’ll do the right thing!