[name_f]Pretty[/name_f] much what the title suggests - has anyone else been in the position where they want one more but their partner doesn’t?
It feels like… there’s still one missing from the 3 kids I’d always imagined. And that the baby phase has all just zoomed past so quickly and suddenly its gone and I’ll never get to cuddle a wee babe again. I’ll never get to know this extra little person/personality I wanted to. And yes, it’s silly, but some of the names I ended up picking for my kids weren’t what I imagined I would, and some of my biggest loves are left unused, and I feel a sense of loss at that too. I’ve thought since I was a kid that I’d have an [name_f]Elsie[/name_f]
Is there anything in particular that helped you come to terms with not having a many as you’d hoped? Making a list of all the big-kid stuff that’s easier to do with out a baby?
It’s also frustrating to me because I’m a planner. If we’re not working towards having another kid I want to be working towards SOMETHING. A holiday? Doing up the house with it’s hideous-coloured threadbare carpet? [name_f]My[/name_f] partner is not a planner, he’s a “take each day as it comes and just play board games or computer games if there’s spare time” sort.
I likely can’t be of much help, but just wanted to say I understand how you’re feeling.
I always wanted 3 or 4 but knew I’d be lucky to have 3 because my husband only really wanted 2.
We ended up having twins as our first and the idea of only ever experiencing one pregnancy and never having another baby was really getting to me by the time they were two.
We did end up having our third and I know he’d never change that for anything now as he adores her, but we were definitely not always on the same page when it comes to family size. I even told him I felt like I was missing a baby at one point too.
I’ve accepted that 3 is my limit mostly because of how my csection went with my last and the fact that it would just be too dangerous for me to risk another pregnancy even if my husband agreed to it.
I get very sick during my pregnancies so I also feel like it would be unfair to my other kids to spend another year pregnant and then with a newborn all over again. That, plus my age. It all adds up to me being crazy to think of going for a 4th.
I cope by focusing on our future together with homeschooling and trying to enjoy this time when they are all little. They do grow so fast. [name_f]My[/name_f] youngest is already 19 months
And if I’m really feeling the idea of another baby I come here to live vicariously through other people naming theirs
I have one, but wanted 2. Always worried about not giving her a sibling. [name_f]My[/name_f] partner came on board for one, but didn’t budge for 2. It is too late now, so I kind of focus on the nice things I get to do for her because she is my one and only. I know so many people that didn’t get to have what I have that it took away the sting.
I know exactly how you feel! I want more children and my husband feels done. Something that helps me is remembering that my list of very favourite names i REALLY want to use would mean 6 MORE children and even if it were totally up to me i wouldn’t have 6 more just to use all my favourite most favouritest names so no matter what there will always be leftovers…
Yes, going through this myself. I want a second kid so badly and husband feels one and done. She’s newly 2 and we haven’t closed that door yet in a permanent way, but I don’t feel it’s likely to change.
[name_m]Can[/name_m] you find someone to give some of your baby equipment to. We’ve given the infant carseat and a few other things away and it feels good to think about some other baby using them.
I always wanted 3-4. Husband was always adamant that 2 was his limit. Our 2nd pregnancy turned out to be twins, so I did get 3, but I felt like I missed out on so much of the baby stuff I had been looking forward to because you’re just in survival mode with 3 under 3. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband got a vasectomy when the babies were 3mo. I struggled for a little while with wanting a do over pregnancy/childbirth/baby (SINGLETON). The girls are 7, 5, & 5 now. The little ones start Kindergarten in the Fall. Life is certainly a lot more fun now: we can go more places, not slaves to a nap schedule, they can entertain themselves, everyone wipes their own butts. I don’t think I realistically would want to go back to the baby phase if it was even an option (plus I turned 41 on [name_f]Monday[/name_f], so I don’t feel as physically able either). I also think now, the 3 girls are so close in age and great friends (and sometimes worst enemies) I think a 4th would feel left out or even lonely. So the farther I get from the baby years, the easier it gets to see all the reasons it wouldn’t be great. I also at some point had to be honest with myself that I may never feel “done.” Like that just may not be in my makeup. It helps to refocus myself on making the most of the time I have with these 3 kids rather than chasing some idea of fulfillment that I’m not even sure is attainable.
And yes, it’s silly, but some of the names I ended up picking for my kids weren’t what I imagined I would, and some of my biggest loves are left unused, and I feel a sense of loss at that too.
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband had a son when we got married, as far as I’m concerned, he is mine too. We only have him part of the time, but I still say he is my son too. We talked about more babies before we got married and were on the same page. Id always planned for 3. With my stepson, we would have 2. Well, I got pregnant super quickly with our son who is now rapidly approaching 3. I would have had our 3rd already, but he is not for it. He told me at one point that he couldn’t handle a 3rd, but wouldn’t tell me a hard no because I so feel like something is missing. I’m still holding out hope he will give in. He has been planning a trip for the four of us to another country next year. If we had another baby in that time frame, that wouldn’t be possible.
I’m willing to chunk up he trip to have #3 but he doesn’t feel the same way. We sort of got a late start and aren’t as young anymore either, so I feel like my clock is ticking.
In my maybe unrealistic hope, I’ve kept all the baby stuff. Car seats, bouncers, jumpers, clothes, toys, bottles… I just can’t bring myself to give up just yet.
I’m so grateful for the one I had and the healthy pregnancy, but as someone he waited their whole life to be a mom I just can’t imagine only doing it once.
