How silly would it be to add a second middle name to our one year olds name?
As many of you may possibly recognize or remember me, I struggled a LOT with girl names for our daughter. One of our very top contenders was down to the wire and we ultimately picked a different name. I can’t imagine her name to be anything else! It’s truly her name. However, as time has gone on, I found myself frequently regretting not having used the other name - even if as a second middle. Her first/current middle is important, an honor name for someone very dear to
me, that couldn’t change.
I want to preface that i’ve already thought this through her year of life. However recently we are expecting again, our last baby (for sure). We found out now it is not a girl, i’ve been thinking a lot about how the name isn’t one I can use any longer. It saddens me to think this name will be lost in its use when I loved it so much. So ultimately i’m considering adding a second middle to our girls name.
Some things to consider:
She’d be the only one of 5 kids so far to have two middle names
Id love to be able to use it as a nickname occasionally, she’s young enough I could start to
Because she’s over one, it would take paperwork and notaries etc to get it all situated in place, is it worth the trouble?
I like that she could always choose herself between her names to use when older.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] I go forward with this decision? [name_m]Or[/name_m] is it one of those things where I learn to let the name go?
[name_f]My[/name_f] parents “added” my second middle when I was 9/10 so I think if it’s a name you hate to “loose” it’s not too late at all. Middles are hardly used anyway, and your baby is still young enough that adding, legally or not, won’t affect them negatively. If it’s important to you, go for it
If you’re willing to do the paper work, I think you could add it, especially if that stops the name regret. Plus, you’re expecting another - could they have 2 middles too, to balance it out?
I’m sorry that you’re still struggling with your daughter’s name. Since this feeling hasn’t faded away with time and you don’t plan to have more children after your current pregnancy, I think this may be the perfect moment to consider a name change.
First of all, adding a middle name will not be a brutal change for your baby. She will get to keep her name, with a special bonus. It certainly will not be confusing for your baby girl, and most people will never know that you made that change. Furthermore, your daughter is so young, it’s better to change her name now that after she goes to school, for example.
[name_m]Will[/name_m] it be worth all the money and time spent on bureaucracy and document changes? Only you and your family can decide that. It’s a very personal decision. I would say that if you have the conditions and opportunity to move forward with the process, being convinced that it is the right decision, in the end, it will be worth it. However, if changing the name causes too much stress and melancholy, for whatever reason, it may not be the best decision. Honestly, only you and your partner will be able evaluate the situation with clarity, because only you know all the details in this story. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you and your partner both feel unsatisfied about your baby’s full name? What are the positive and negative aspects, in your opinion, about the name changing process?
Could you wait to see if this sad feeling about losing the opportunity to use the name that you love goes away? Of course. Could you learn to accept that you may never use that name? Probably. But does that reassure you?
Perhaps using two middle names for your youngest son will help you feel that the sibset is cohesive, however, that is definitely not required. Please choose a name that you love unconditionally, whether it has one or two middle names.
I hope you find the best solution for this dilemma soon. Good luck with everything
I think it would be totally reasonable to go through with it if you would continue to feel loss over the name. Yes, it’s paperwork now, but really, that’s not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. In 5 years, that time and effort spent on paperwork probably won’t feel like a whole lot anymore, especially considering the impact. I think it could be helpful for you to think about how you would feel 10-15 years from now. If you do it, would you be glad you did 10-15 years from now? If you don’t do it, would you be disappointed you didn’t in 10-15 years?
I like the suggestion of using two middle names for your upcoming baby to even it out a little!
Some of our kids have 2 middles and some have one (we have 5 kids). We live in a culture with no middles (my husband’s home country), but we are also friends with people from all over and some have even more middles! So in my experience, it all works
We also add the second middles later because we can register their US births later at the embassy (and the second middle is only on their US birth certificate… confusing, I know ). So we take our time picking the second middle name and do it a few months after they’re born. I love getting to take time to get to know the new baby and actually picking one name that suits them. It’s really quite fun!
So I say go for the second middle and cherish the process that has led you to picking that name as you got to know your baby throughout the first year!
could you do it? totally. as others have pointed out, she’s definitely still young enough that it wouldn’t make a difference to her, as long as you understand and are willing to go through the bureaucratic process if you want to add it legally.
this is a tricky one for me though because personally I wouldn’t. and I know that’s not the answer you want to hear.
as an outsider looking in, it feels a bit frivolous. in my family, it would’ve been a source of drama, and probably would’ve resulted in the other siblings asking for another middle name too. as the eldest sibling, if my parents had added a second middle name for my younger sibling, I would’ve had a lot of questions—why would my parents want to add another middle name for my sibling but not me, why are they thinking so much about my sibling’s name and not mine, why can’t I have another name as an option to go by, why do they get two names my parents love, etc. and the explanations given here wouldn’t have eased my anxieties as a kid. so if it were me, I would find a way to let the name go.
5 years down the road will you regret the process? Unlikely, I think.
5 years down the road, will you still pine for this name? That I don’t know, but you probably do.
If it were to honor a loved one who had passed away since your daughter was born, then I would say it would possibly be worth the paperwork and potential future complications for your daughter (I know from experience that having a name change in the past can lead to paperwork issues in the future). However, since this is just a name that you like and isn’t honoring anyone, I would vote that it would not be worth it to pursue a legal name change. In the words of [name_f]Elsa[/name_f], I would let it go.
). So we take our time picking the second middle name and do it a few months after they’re born. I love getting to take time to get to know the new baby and actually picking one name that suits them. It’s really quite fun!