[name]Hi[/name] all. DH and I have been trying to conceive for several years (including IVF) with no luck so we have decided to adopt. We know that we are much more likely to get a child sooner if we are open to taking a child who is black, hispanic or biracial but are a little concerned that it might be difficult for the child being raised by parents who are a different race (we are white). I was wondering if any of you are raising children who are of a different race than you are? If so what, if any, are the difficulites you have encountered? [name]Do[/name] your children ever express feeling like they don’t ‘fit’ into your family because they look different? Have you had any problems with other children teasing them for this? Did you find that your family and friends accepted them as easily as any biological or same race children? Has the child had any identity difficulties? [name]Do[/name] they ever express that they would have preferred to be with family who was of the same race? We are just beginning the process of adoption and just would like to understand what some of the potential difficulites might be if we decide to go with a child of a different race. I would really love any advice from other adoptive moms or moms who have biological who are biracial. Also we live in a very ‘white’ part of the county. [name]Do[/name] you live in an area where there are lots of children of various races or in a mostly white area, has this made a difference? Thanks so much!
I come from a biracial family, and never had any identity problems. In elementry school, sometimes other kids would ask why my dad was ‘brown’ (I look more white). But nothing clode to emotional scaring.
Goodluck.
I am imagining your struggle and am sending you enormous hugs.
I am currently on IVF, and if they doesn’t work we are considering overseas adoption.
I can see some possible difficulties- mainly with attachment. The later you adopt the child the more likely they are to be at risk of long term mental health issues related to attachment.
I think a child of another race brings new challenges to the table- you must make a huge effort to openly learn about their birth land and culture- perhaps incorporating some traditions within your own as you build a family.
This said the children often come from desperate situations and the stability and love provided by families in a stable home where education, healthcare, adequate food and shelter, and all the nice extras bring that child a chance at a life they would never have had. I think people are more and more open about children being adopted from overseas. The child will know very early as they will obviously look different. There is no need to worry- people will see the child is not your biological child and accept that you are still the parent who is raising and loving that child. Raising any child has challenges- it is the challenge that makes us a parent.
I wish you all the luck in the world finding and bringing home your child to start your family after such a long struggle.
Are you considering local adoption only or overseas adoption also?
I don’t know if I can help you, but my mom is Chinese and my dad is White. My sister has never had issues with being both [name]Asian[/name] and white since she looks more like my dad. However, I have witnessed some racism since I look more like my mom and thus appear [name]Asian[/name]. I think anyone who isn’t white and grows up in [name]America[/name] will face some form of racism at some point in their life. I faced it in middle school and a little bit in high school where people would assume that I am good at math and science, when I sucked at both of those, my sister on the other hand was good at that. My subjects were actually English and music, which were the opposite and so I often heard “you’re not asian” comments…
You just have to have the ability to educate your kid on racism and how to stand up for themselves. I just ignored comments and never let them get to me.
By college, no one cared, but I went a diverse college. I never faced anything horrible, but it really depends on where you live and what race you are dealing with…
I think people are ignorant no matter who you are or where you go. If it’s not their race its something else it seems. I am from [name]Canada[/name] and living in the US and I get so many ignorant comments all the time about [name]Canada[/name]. Mostly pathetic stuff. My husband is part Japanese and although doesn’t look it at first glance, once people know they all assume he is good at math and violin or piano (and he is and plays piano so it just adds to it lol). I think it’ll be fine. We have considered international adoption and I think whichever route you go the most important thing is to teach your child to be itself and stand up for his or herself 
My family is a bit of a melting pot - I am white and my husband is Hispanic. My kids are 50/50, but my son looks more white and my daughter more Hispanic, so when we are out without my husband, I’m often asked if my daughter is adopted. I live in a very diverse area, though, so I haven’t encountered any serious racism personally.
However, I also have a half-black cousin (through intermarriage) and two [name]Asian[/name] cousins (through adoption) and they live in a more stereotypically white area. They have experienced some ignorance, but it’s just a matter of teaching them how to stand up for themselves and be the bigger person. None of my cousins have ever said they feel like they don’t fit in to the family - they know that they are loved. That’s the most important part - being loved. That makes up for a lot!
Any baby is adorable- no matter if Hispanic, Chinese or [name]Black[/name]. You wil love the baby, trust me. I know a white family that had two boys, then decided to adopt two [name]Asian[/name] girl babies. I know a family who adopted a Hispanic boy. It may seem weird at first, but you just become a family. I don’t know if I am making any sense or not… You may encounter racism, but your baby will be proud to be part of the family.
I agree with PPs that people make comments about anything and everything. People can generally be very rude and ignorant, so it’s something you will probably face. But I think if you raise your child to know that they are a strong person, no matter what they look like or where they came from, they will learn to just shrug it off. I mean, people make fun of others for anything - like PP said, we even make fun of Canadians! (I admit it, I’ve done it to my Canadian friend, haha. It’s mostly in good fun but it’s sad when people say serious things about something so stupid. I don’t live THAT far from [name]Canada[/name] so it’s not like I’m even THAT different from him lol).
I am not adopted, nor are any of my family members, but I have some friends that were adopted or came here from another country. Most of them are from Korea now that I think about it. But I don’t remember anything too terrible being said about them, just the typical things people joke about (like how my [name]Asian[/name] friend is a terrible driver… it’s a stereotype and she totally fits it, lol. We’re smart enough to know it’s not always true though!). I also don’t remember [name]EVER[/name] hearing comments about them being adopted. So I think it will be fine. You’re doing a wonderful thing! Good luck!
I’d like to direct you to a blogger who’s adopted two boys of a different ethnicity. [name]Kristen[/name] tackles the subjects of transracial adoption and other race issues often, and I think her blog might be of help to you: http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/
My step-dad is black while my sister, myself, and my mom are white. It was hard sometimes to be the family getting dirty looks from (mainly) elderly people when at a restaurant or being the kid asked “Is your dad really tanned?” (this one from very young children) or “Why are you so white when your dad’s black?” (this one from everybody, my sister and I are very white, my poor sis doesn’t tan even if she uses a tanning booth!). Kids don’t like to be the “oddball”. But you learn to deal with it. I had a far better childhood than I would have had if my mom hadn’t remarried after my dad’s death considering her lack of education and job skills. I grew up in a small town and went to school where the population was mainly whites and blacks with literally one [name]Asian[/name] family and a sprinkling of Puerto Ricans.
It’s nice to see someone else who is half Chinese and half White 
My mom is also Chinese and my dad is White as well. I’m pretty much the flip side of catloverd; I look more like my dad, but have “half Chinese” eyes (as my mom likes to put it lol). I haven’t really experienced any racism at school (yet); people usually think that it’s really cool that I’m half and half. I even have a few friends that are jealous of my races. :rolleyes: Of course, there were jokes on ‘Hug an [name]Asian[/name]’ day about me only getting half a hug, but that’s as far as teasing got, but even then, they were good-natured jokes. Never really had anyone say anything about me sucking at the math and math-related sciences, even while the rest of my siblings are gifted in math. This is unrelated, but I find it quite interesting that my dad is the mathy one while my mom is an English person.
As for my younger sister, she looks a lot like my mom, and once, during parent-visitation, her friend asked her if she was adopted xD. But from what I know, she hasn’t really experienced any issues from being mixed. As with me, they at first were surprised, but then thought it was really cool. I also have a friend that’s half Japanese and half White, and she’s never had issues either.
I agree that as long as you educate your child on racism and how to deal with it, there shouldn’t be too many issues. Plus, from my experience, there’s a good chance that it won’t be a problem and his/her peers will accept him/her the way they are.
As a [name]Black[/name]-American, I am open to adopting a child of different race. My parents and grandparents have taught us to accept those for who they are not what they look like. I know it may seem far-fetched or impossible in some areas, but if you raise your children to be more open minded they can hopefully counter-attack ignorance with positivity and intelligence.
I know this is a bit off topic, but I am originally from a big city, and for personal reasons, I moved to a small town that is predominantly Caucasian/White. My mother and I have gotten so many comments from Whites about how we do not “act” as other blacks they have met. Not fully understanding, of course we ask. Some of them has stated that we are friendly and not really stand offish because they are of different race. On the other hand, from blacks, they have stated racial comments that can relate to the movie “Roots” or trying to please them. Far from the truth of course. I guess they tolerated each other? I don’t really know, seems silly to me. I do know it seems very small-minded of them.
Not trying to start a whole racial fiasco, but I remember my grandmother telling me how she can understand a little when they labeled “Blacks” as “Colored.” Her reason being, is because our race comes in so many shades/levels of colors, it can be a bit difficult for them to identify as a race. For instance, when my nieces was a baby she was fairly light skinned compared to my milk chocolate colored skin. An elderly White lady, with a sincere and non-offensive voice said, “Oh my, you have the most adorable colored baby girl I have ever seen.” You could only picture my shock and amazement when she said that, especially, since that was the first time I have experienced it. When I got over it my mom told me to go outside, and not mind her much–just look at her age and look over her word of choice. As I was walking out the door, you can see her families embarrassment as they took her in the private section of their store.
From personal experience, I have been asked which one of my parents were black and which were white? I am different tone of “[name]Brown[/name]/[name]Black[/name]” lol. Why do I “act” like an “oreo”–I guess talking with proper pronunciation with the best of my ability labeled me with that stereotype. A nurse tried to encourage a family member with a bi-racial baby to do a paternity test because the child was born too “light.” If you can get over the child’s “color” and look at them both, it’s spooky on how much they look-a-like. [name]Just[/name] a lighter version of the father.
All-in-all, I believe no matter where you go, a person will judge you based on your looks–no matter who raised you. I would like to continue to believe that parts of the world is becoming more open to trans-racial adoption/families. Children are usually more accepting until they notice adults judging. [name]Even[/name] if a child unknowingly say something offensive, if you correct them, they will try to correct their behavior and become more accepting to diverse family. Not every family is the same and that is what makes them extra special. You love that child no matter what.
Sorry for the long post. If you read it all–Thanks.
I have known many families with children and they don’t seem to have any problems. However, I did read something the other day that I found interesting. It was a vacation pamphlet. It said when traveling on vacation with your adopted children, especially those of a different race, be sure to all all their adoption papers, passports, and proper documentation because problems can arise leaving other countries with children that don’t look like you. But I would never consider this something to stop you from adopting!
When I was in high school, we actually had an issue like this. [name]One[/name] of the seniors is Chinese and he had a green card. We went to Mexico for a day on the trip and they almost wouldn’t let him back in despite him having his green card! Luckily our band director and already contacted the Mexican president to let them know we were there and they got him through…
But that just proves how careful you have to be when traveling! Not saying you have to go to the extreme and notify the president, that was just because there were 100 some of us, so our band director took extra caution, but you do have to be careful!
I was adopted from [name]China[/name] when I was very little, and we live (and have always lived) in a white area. [name]Just[/name] make sure you and your baby have no question about who you are as a family. No matter what you and your baby is a family.
It’s hard for me to explain, but I suggest googling “Psychology of Adoptees” and reading that stuff. I would say that’s 95% how I feel.
I just graduated high school, and I’m white, so I probably won’t be much help here … but I think (fortunately and unfortunately, if you know what I mean) that there are bigger issues than racism, ie: homophobia. You’re going to have intolerance ANYWHERE, whether it’s a little or a lot depends on the location.
Personally, I’m sorry you’ve had troubles conceiving, but happy that you’re choosing to adopt Kids need a good home, and if you can provide that for them, skin color shouldn’t matter. As a few people have said, be open about the adoption: educate them about racism, but let them know they are family and that’s what counts.
Good luck on the adoption process! 
I hope to do this one day <3