I have always loved names, but to be perfectly honest, I cannot see myself having children. It’s not just my health, it’s that I really don’t want kids! I would love naming them, yes, but I really just collect names for characters. Of course, someone is going to say I’m still young and could change my mind, but I’m just being realistic. It’s absolutely fantastic if you have your dream number of kids and get to use all your favourite names. I’d be glad for you.
But I don’t see that in my future, personally. I have names I would use in the highly unlikely circumstance I become pregnant, but I’m just not really seeing myself having actual kids.
Anyone else like this? What do you do with your name collections?
I couldn’t have kids for mental health reasons and reasons related to my autism. When a child is crying or shouting (no matter the reason) it hits my hyperempathy and senses hard and I absolutely HAVE to get out or I’ll meltdown. I’m 18 and I’ve felt that way all my life. I don’t see it changing and I don’t think I’ll “grow out of it”, nor do I think it’s something that needs growing out of.
I arrange names (I don’t think it’s a weird hobby, people arrange and match flowers and clothes), look at the etymology, try to create an image with a certain name, look at names in other countries, look at the names we choose as a reflection of hopes, preferences and/or insecurities in the world, etc etc
I started out looking for names for characters, and thus blossomed my love of names. Whenever I think about my future, I never factor in any children. That, and the whole idea of childbearing and childbirth disgusts me. The number of things that can go wrong during pregnancy really turns me off to the idea of it all together. Reproductive issues run in my family, so after seeing some of the things some of the other women in my family have faced while pregnant or trying to carry a child to term I really don’t foresee pregnancy being a positive experience for me. On top of that, I’m studying to be a doctor, and I don’t think it would be fair to work long hospital hours and leave my children to be cared for by someone else for the early part of their life. But I’m also not going to spend 8+ years in college to get a degree, only to give my job up to take a few years off to stay home with the kids while they’re young. Speaking solely for myself, I think having the job I’ve wanted since childhood would be more fulfilling than raising children.
On a more spiteful note, I’m also really tired of the idea that women must want children just because it’s in our nature or whatever. [name_f]Every[/name_f] time someone drops the “you’ll change your mind” or the “what if your husband wants one…” line on me, it makes me want children even less. If I’m with a partner that can’t respect my reasons for not wanting children, then we really have no reason to be together in the first place.
If the day comes where I decide I do want children, that’s my business. For now though, there are just too many things that keep it from seeming like a good idea.
I totally agree and I don’t think what you are saying is spiteful at all. People saying “oh you’ll change your mind when your maternal instinct kicks in” annoys me because they know nothing about me or my situation. I have nothing close to such instincts and when they say that all it does is make me feel unnatural and guilty. I think people invalidating others’ feelings and very personal choices like that is more dismissive and spiteful than any retort against it.
I can’t say I’m not interested in having kids, but I totally get that it’s not the right path for everyone! If you do not want to be a parent, you do not have to be. As for names, I first got interested as a young child not at ALL thinking about my own children!
I am someone who has always been on the fence about having children. Now, I know my DH and I will have 1 (only 1 though) but trust me, I have been on the other side where I didn’t see myself having children and there are times I have my moments of enjoying my childless lifestyle, but I have always had an interest in names. I like the meanings behind them, building a combo, just the whole thought process in picking a name I guess.
I actually plan to get sterilized when I get old enough. I.don’t want any possibility of accidental pregnancy ,(sometimes it happens even with protection)
I stay up late to perfect name combinations, I bookmark dozens of baby clothes websites, I drool over pictures of vintage prams, I stare dreamily at other people’s little ones and feel sadness and longing over the fact that I don’t have one of my own.
So, as you can obviously tell, I do want a baby. Several, in fact, so I can give them all long, rare, pretentious first names with multiple middle names in tow. But I do very much question whether or not I actually will have them in the future, for several reasons:
While I don’t have a condition (officially, at least), I have a larger than normal amount of social anxiety. And the thought of having to meet new people because my kid made friends with their kids already makes me feel nervous and uneasy.
I always picture myself with a baby or toddler. I rarely, if ever, imagine myself with a 5+ year old child and I have not once pictured myself with a teenager. This leads me to believe that I’ve been caught in a fantasy version of parenthood, as opposed to the reality of it.
I want to own loads of snakes, I want to learn to make dresses, I want to have never-ending freedom (after I finally leave college) and I want to continue having a stress free relationship. And I just can’t picture having any of that with a child in my life, never mind several.
With all that in mind, as utterly obsessed as I am with names, there’s at least a 50% chance that I won’t have kids. And I didn’t even realise that fact until I saw your question and started writing this answer! Thanks for making my future a little bit clearer!
