[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] is a lovely name. Go for it.
You’ve got a lot of good advice here regarding your mom - don’t engage, “I’m not having this conversation”, she’s got bigger issues than your baby’s name, … They are all on target. HUGS My mother is similar, and one of my tricks is to start a sentence and then hang up, because then she suspects it is my phone that is the problem, not that I’ve hung up on her.
[name_f]Susan[/name_f]
It really seems like your mom’s issued are much deeper than a baby name. I would just suggest not engaging with her. My dad can be similar with certain topics (just way over the top opinionated) and I’ve gotten to where I don’t text back, or speak to him when he gets in that zone (vs saying “I don’t want to talk about this” I just [name_m]DON[/name_m]'T talk about it). He will still rant but when I don’t engage, he moves on to a friendly topic.
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] is an adorable name with lots of nickname potential. You’re also right, your little girl will fit right in with a name like [name_f]Winnifred[/name_f] amongst her classmates. As far as family not liking the name, I don’t think that’s the end of the world. No one in my family is super excited over some relatives choice for baby names but we all love the babies regardless.
Another suggestion is using [name_f]Winnifred[/name_f] as a middle name. I’m not the biggest fan of exiling a name you like to the middle for others, but it may be a decent compromise for you. DH and I have a name we might use as a first name and I recently realized it lends itself to his grandmother’s name as a nn (his grandmother HATES her name). So if we use it and they hear that nn I’m sure we’ll get some pushback, but I’d rather name my baby what I want than regret letting others tell me what to name them.
My nan’s sister is [name_f]Winsome[/name_f], and I actually really love that name. A virtue and still a nn for [name_f]Winnie[/name_f]. Still a way to honour [name_f]Winifred[/name_f], and [name_f]Winsome[/name_f] [name_f]Margot[/name_f] flows pretty well!
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] [name_f]Margot[/name_f] is so cute! But yes, I completely understand about the pushy mom thing. If you really don’t want to upset your mother, you could always try to find some names that are close to [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] and use them in the first or possibly middle spot. Names like
[name_f]Winola[/name_f]
Winika
[name_f]Winslet[/name_f]
[name_f]Winona[/name_f]
[name_u]Winter[/name_u]
If your mom is so direct in her dislike of things, maybe it’s possible to embrace that and try to get her to move on. At least with my family we didn’t face anything worse than some initial uncertainty about our name choices, but it got better when we quickly followed it with “…and YOU can call her whatever nickname you want!” Grandparents often end up with pet names for the grandkids anyway. If she’s into the -ida names, perhaps you could use [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] but allow grandma to call her [name_f]Frida[/name_f]?
What’s wrong with compromise…at least as a first step?
Tell your mom that your daughter will be named [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] and what does she think would be a nice nn.
When my cousin became a grandmother she said to her daughter… You can name the baby [name_f]Isabelle[/name_f] [name_f]Ivy[/name_f] if you want, but I shall call her [name_f]Daisy[/name_f]! (Everyone survived).
But you MUST name your OWN baby [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] because that is already her name, and you’ll never feel right if you deprive her of it.
I’m going to go against everyone else here and say don’t use [name_f]Winifred[/name_f]. Not just because your Mom doesn’t like it, which, to me, I would consider, but because your Grandma hates her name. While she would probably be tickled by you honoring her, you also want to consider her feelings on her own name.
Could you use her name as inspiration? Ask your grandma about names she always loves/likes?
At the end of the day though, you’re just not going to be able to please everyone, and your Mom may hate every name that you come up with.
Your mom sounds like a drama queen who needs to be told “no” more often. I deal with similar personalities in my family. You just have to set your boundaries and realize you can’t please everyone. I think your family members’ minds might change once they meet your sweet baby daughter [name_f]Winifred[/name_f].
I agree with what a lot of others have said - what she’s doing is classed as bullying, and rather than ‘pleasing her’, you need to stand up for yourself. Her attitude seems rather childish towards this, and I would flat out tell her how you feel. I also second the idea of a ‘timeout’, this is incredibly unacceptable behaviour on her part, and it’s anything but supportive, which, I imagine is what you’d want from your mother? I would suggest that if she wishes to continue to bully you out of using your top name, that she can expect to be ‘off the guest list’ for her granddaughter’s birth.
I agree with most PPers here. I think you should name her [name_f]Winifred[/name_f], and give your mother license to call her a personal nickname forever.
If this were me (and my mom isn’t at all like what you’re saying, but my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] definitely sounds like that), I would actually take the boundary one step further. I would say, “Mom, you’ve been hassling me about my own name for the past 30 years. I don’t want this toxicity bleeding into my own family. Now that I’m having children, I get to set up the ground rules for my own family, and this is one where my family will not look like ours did growing up. I love you and you have been a wonderful mother in so, so many ways, but I have to put my foot down here. If you want to be a part of my new and growing family, that means you will NOT complain about my name choices for my children, and you’re also not allowed to tell me anymore about how you hate my name. I’ve heard it enough. I get it. I’m sorry that dad went over your head, but you can continue to take it up with him… not me. It’s not my fault, and I’ve suffered for it enough. We are going to name our child a name that BOTH my husband and I agree upon, which is different from what you had when dad took control from you with my name. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you hear that? We’re making a MUTUAL decision, together as husband and wife, and you need to respect that. If we don’t name her [name_f]Winifred[/name_f], it would be because of YOU. It would be taking the control away from my husband and from me, which is just unacceptable and continuing the same “injustice” you suffered thirty years ago inter-generationally. This is OUR decision. Either get on board or don’t expect to be involved. I hope you agree that a name isn’t enough to split a family up over, but honestly, if I don’t put my foot down now before she gets here, this will never end, and I just can’t do that to my daughter. I love you.”
Also, as a complete outsider, it sounds like this is about more than the name. As I brought up in my potential script above, I think that this has a lot to do with her feeling a lack of control over YOUR naming, and still living with the trauma of having had that control wrested from her. This might actually have more to do with your marital relationship with your husband than it does with the name itself (I get it, she still hates it, but I think the drama is stemming from something deeper). She might actually be jealous that you and your husband CAN be on the same page about issues like this, since it sounds like that clearly wasn’t the case with her and her own husband. Your marriage might actually feel threatening to her. Again, I’m a COMPLETE outsider here, but it feels like this is more then just her granddaughter’s name we’re dealing with.
I raised my hands and said “amen” when I read the speech above 
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] is a lovely name with tremendous charm and you both seem to love it…[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] [name_f]Mirabel[/name_f] and [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] [name_u]Valentine[/name_u] are pretty…
I agree with what everyone has said above. I completely understand the position you are in. My mother is very similar to yours and made a point of hating both [name_u]Finn[/name_u] and [name_m]Leo[/name_m], which were the top contenders when I was pregnant. She actually went through a list of popular baby names in front of us, as if we were unaware of the other options out there (we were very offended) suggesting [name_u]Colby[/name_u] and [name_u]Easton[/name_u] and [name_m]Weston[/name_m]. Or couldn’t we call him [name_m]Nicholas[/name_m] or [name_m]Matthew[/name_m], something normal? Where did we find [name_u]Finn[/name_u]? Like the fish?
We love the name [name_u]Finn[/name_u] and are so happy we chose it. We’ve commented often to each other how much we enjoy saying it everyday. Since his birth, I haven’t heard a peep about the name. I know if I had have been bullied into choosing something different, I would have regretted it, because to me [name_u]Finn[/name_u] is his name.
I think you should choose [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] not just to make a point to your mother, but because you’ve said it’s your husband’s favourite and the only one you can really get on board with. Why should you both have to settle for something you don’t love to please your mother? I know standing up to her will be hard (I avoid as much conflict with my own family as possible) but if you don’t, you’ll always know that you backed down over something that mattered. [name_f]Winifrida[/name_f] isn’t [name_f]Winifred[/name_f]. You and your husband should choose any name you want, so long as you agree on it.
You have to do what is best for your new family, and that includes protecting your daughter from her bullying grandmother. I would suggest saying something to your mom about keeping her criticism to herself. You don’t want your daughter upset because Grandma hates her name and must therefore hate her too.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Does your mother hate her own name? What about using that in the middle spot to placate her? Is it possible she doesn’t want you to use your grandmother’s name because she’s jealous you aren’t using hers?
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] ___ or [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] Margot___ might help with flow.
While my mother loves my name, I know something about family comments that can be categorized as bullying. No one in my family talks with me without making a remark about my appearance and, to me, the idea of actually stopping what I’m doing to talk with them about their less-than-welcome comments never crossed my mind. I have grown used to it, just like you. Maybe, is about time both of us have a serious family talk.
I know you probably do not want to hear this, but we tend to raise our children the same way we were raised. So, not naming your daughter what you want, may result in you becoming your mom. It doesn’t seem a very pleasant outcome.
What I suggest:
1- Be certain of your choice. Seems like you do not love [name_f]Winifred[/name_f], but it’s one of your favorites. [name_f]Do[/name_f] more research. However your choice is, be certain of it, enduring the bullying is easier this way.
2- Only reveal your choice after birth.
3- Give your mother lots of nickname possibilities. [name_f]Winnie[/name_f], [name_u]Win[/name_u] [name_u]Win[/name_u], [name_u]Freddie[/name_u], [name_f]Edie[/name_f], [name_f]Didi[/name_f], Nini, [name_f]Freda[/name_f]/[name_f]Frida[/name_f] or even [name_m]Sig[/name_m] (from [name_f]Sigourney[/name_f]) and [name_f]Ida[/name_f] and Phy (from [name_f]Phyllida[/name_f]). Calling your daughter by her middle name is also an option.
While my grandparents comments about my appearance aren’t nice at all, I must admit that the bullying is harsher on their own children than is on me. I’m saying that people are softer with their grandchildren than with their kids, so: stay positive!
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] [name_f]Dottie[/name_f]
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] [name_f]Margot[/name_f]
[name_f]Dorothy[/name_f] [name_f]Agnes[/name_f]
[name_f]Dorothy[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]
[name_f]Dorothy[/name_f] [name_f]Margot[/name_f]
[name_f]Agnes[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]
[name_f]Agnes[/name_f] [name_u]Freddie[/name_u]
[name_f]Agnes[/name_f] [name_f]Mirabel[/name_f]
[name_f]Agnes[/name_f] [name_u]Valentine[/name_u]
[name_f]Pearl[/name_f] [name_f]Dorothy[/name_f]
[name_f]Pearl[/name_f] [name_f]Trudy[/name_f]
[name_f]Pearl[/name_f] [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f]
[name_f]Pearl[/name_f] [name_u]Valentine[/name_u]/a
[name_f]Trudy[/name_f] [name_f]Mirabel[/name_f]
[name_f]Trudy[/name_f] [name_f]Margot[/name_f]
[name_f]Trudy[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]
[name_f]Delta[/name_f] [name_f]Winifred[/name_f]
[name_f]Delta[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]
[name_f]Delta[/name_f] [name_f]Margot[/name_f]
[name_f]Delta[/name_f] [name_f]Trudy[/name_f]
[name_f]Stella[/name_f] [name_f]Winifred[/name_f]
[name_f]Stella[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]
[name_f]Stella[/name_f] [name_f]Josephine[/name_f]
[name_f]Stella[/name_f] [name_f]Margot[/name_f]
[name_f]Stella[/name_f] [name_u]Valentine[/name_u]
As you can see, I believe [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] is the best middle name ever!