My husband and I agree on a small selection of names, although there isn’t one that we absolutely both love. We are definitely drawn to clunky, grandma names- my husband’s top picks are [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] and [name_f]Dorothy[/name_f], mine are [name_f]Agnes[/name_f], [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] and [name_f]Trudy[/name_f] ([name_f]Gertrude[/name_f] is a little too much clunk for me). The others in the maybe pile are [name_f]Delta[/name_f] and [name_f]Stella[/name_f].
My husband has his heart set on [name_f]Winifred[/name_f], and I know I wouldn’t regret the choice as it was my [name_f]Nan[/name_f]'s name. Thing is, my nan despised her name and my mum is absolutely, one hundred percent against us using it. I know you’re probably thinking ‘you’re a grown up, name your baby what YOU want’… To which I would respond ‘you’ve never met my mum!!!’ She HATES my name…everyone was calling me by it, I was 6 weeks old and the birth certificate HAD to be filled in so my dad just went and filed it. She is still mad at my dad about it and at 30 years old she STILL tells me at least once every two weeks (no exaggeration) how much she dislikes my name (I’ll add that I actually like my name). She is really known for not letting things go…so the choice to name my child something she doesn’t like would be the choice to hear about it in a very negative way for the next 30 plus years, on a VERY regular basis. She has called me crying and sent me emails in the middle of the night saying she can’t sleep at the thought I might name my beautiful little girl something so horrible (this is entirely about the name, she and everyone else adored my nan). It’s all very stressful for me as I’m due very soon and very hormonal.
Would you just use the name anyway and deal with the fallout?..none of my family are fond of the name and it will definitely be an issue. I don’t think they understand that a little winifred born now will be going to school with [name_f]Martha[/name_f]'s and [name_f]Sybil[/name_f]'s and [name_f]Edie[/name_f]'s and it won’t seem terribly out of place.
Anyway, sorry for the rant! I feel like I need to come up with some combos to see if I can get my husband on board with anything else…I am also open to suggestions in our style. People keep suggesting [name_f]Bonnie[/name_f] to me, I just don’t know how I feel about it.
Any of the names previously mentioned can be used for first and middle name combos…names in consideration for mn ONLY are [name_f]Mirabel[/name_f], [name_f]Josephine[/name_f], [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f], [name_f]Margot[/name_f] and [name_u]Valentine[/name_u].
Thanks so much in advance berries!
Ps. My mum’s suggestions are absolutely awful [name_f]IMO[/name_f]! But if there is a name you can think of that would please both sides, I’m open to it! She likes [name_f]Sigourney[/name_f] and [name_f]Phyllida[/name_f] (YES, this is the woman that thinks [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] is horrific…rolls eyes)
I like [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] and most importantly, so do you and your husband! That’s all that should matter!
I have to say that I agree with the previous poster, that standing up to your mom sounds like a good way to handle this. But I also know that in a situation like this, where your mom has bullied the whole family for so long, then not complying with her wishes is much easier said than done. Is there anyone else in the family who supports your decision and could maybe come with you to have this conversation with your mom?
Whatever you decide to do this time, I would certainly keep any future children’s names a secret until they are born. Make it clear while you’re pregnant that you’re firm on your baby’s name and when you do reveal it, you don’t want to hear criticism of it as it is your choice, etc.
[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t know if this helps but wishing you the best of luck with this!
My parents have strong opinions about the names we are considering too but at the end of the day I am going to pick something that makes ME smile. I have to live with that I name my daughter and I want it to be something I [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] and hope that my daughter will love too. I think you need to stop trying to please your mom, it sounds like now is a good time to take a stand. I know you say your mom doesn’t ‘let things go.’ Well she needs to learn. Sounds like an excellent time to assert some boundries.
For what it is worth, [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] is so cute!
My question to you would be whether anyone has stood up to her and told her that it’s not alright to be this critical. It’s not healthy for her or the people around her. Because honestly, [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] is more “normal” than [name_f]Phyllida[/name_f] these days. And more importantly, it’s not her kid… and it’s not her choice. In the end, though, it’s really all about setting boundaries… just put your foot down now and get other relatives to help establish boundaries. If you don’t do it now, then you will have stress for each and every baby… and this really shouldn’t be about pleasing your mom.
This. All of this. You and your husband need to let your mom know, politely, that her behaviour is unacceptable. And if it continues, she will earn herself a timeout until she can be more supportive. The timeout may or may not interfere with her being a part of her granddaughter’s birth. It’s really up to her.
What she is doing classifies as bullying and manipulation, and you need to call her out on it. Be prepared for blowback. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t back down.
And, PS name her [name_f]Winifred[/name_f]! 
This is good long-term advice, too! Second-ing!
I have a bossy [name_f]MIL[/name_f] with controlling tendencies, and we kept [name_u]Gus[/name_u]'s name a secret til birth. It was actually my husband’s idea, because he didn’t want to deal with her childish behavior.
We dealt with some pouting, because we “wouldn’t tell,” but it was an easier battle to fight.
With overly opinionated people, it is best sometimes to make it abundantly clear that they do NOT, in fact, have a say!
Thanks so much for all your replies and support!
I know that my siblings as well as me,do a lot of things just to appease our mum so that we don’t have to hear about her opinion for the rest of our lives. I wore my hair up for my wedding even though I wanted to wear it down because I knew I would never hear the end of it from my mum. That still makes me sad. I’m actually a very strong willed person, but my mum seems to make me question everything. I guess whatever your age, you still ultimately want your mothers approval! It is about time I stood up to her, but I’m hesitant because she will talk about this constantly to me, to family, at family events etc and I don’t want her to make my daughter self conscious about her name. If I was giving advice to someone else in my situation, I would say ‘go with what you love, she’ll come around once the baby is born’. But with MY mum, I know that’s not true…like I said she still tells me she hates my name and it’s still a big thing.
Gahhhhhhhh, I don’t know what to do. All my other first name choices are pretty clunky, so I would probably want something softer in the middle, which may result in me leaving out [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] all together 
She sounded like she could possibly come around to [name_f]Winifrida[/name_f]…but I’m not sure if it’s just unnecessarily frilly and looses the groundedness of winifred that I enjoy…any thoughts on [name_f]Winifrida[/name_f]?
Thanks so much ladies, I really appreciate your responses! Confirms to me that my mum is being crazy! Haha
[name_f]Winifrida[/name_f] is nice enough, but it’s [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] you both love. It’d be such a shame not to use it because of someone else’s opinion, even if that person is your mother.
Honestly, it sounds like unless you pick a name she has actually suggested to you, she won’t be happy, and since you don’t like her suggestions, I don’t think naming the baby [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] is going to result in any bigger a fallout than trying to find a “compromise” name that still isn’t one of her favourites. I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude about your mother, but I just think that is so incredibly childish and needs to be stood up to.
So what if you have to hear over and over how she dislikes your daughter’s name? You have heard that for 30 years about your name and you still like it. Would you rather that or have to call “[name_f]Phyllida[/name_f]!” across the playground every day?
LOL! Well…when you put it like that @ew314! I can’t think of many things worse than shouting [name_f]Phyllida[/name_f] across the playground everyday! Haha! No offence to anyone who has or likes the name, I just strongly dislike it.
My mum is childish, but I know she’s never gonna change so I just try to deal with it
To be perfectly blunt if my mother was going to be childish and make my daughter feel badly about the name I gave her my mom wouldn’t be allowed around my daughter until she grew up. She would have 2 options. 1. say nothing at all about her name or 2. only speak lovely things about it. That’s it.
While I agree that hearing some criticism may be good (not everybody is going to love your choice and you have to get used to it), your mother is crossing the line and it’s rather unhealthy. She is trying to manipulate you into doing what SHE wants because she knows you just want her to shut up. You wore your hair up in YOUR wedding day just to make HER happy. This is about you and your baby, not hers. You can not let her dictate your own happiness. I think you can use this moment to send a clear message that this is YOUR kid and YOUR life. You are an adult that can make her own choices. You aren’t asking her for suggestions. If you love [name_f]Winnifred[/name_f], use it. If she doesn’t like, she’ll have to get used to it. I 100% agree with @mulme944, sometimes is best to let everybody know that this is not open for discussion.
Maybe you could use [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] in the middle? I know it has already been suggested and you said you didn’t want two chunky names but I think [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] or [name_f]Delta[/name_f] [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] would work perfectly fine 
Maybe it would also be better off that way because then it is like you are honoring [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] in the middle for your [name_f]Nan[/name_f] whilst also giving your daughter her own name instead of it seeming like her name is just being recycled without you putting much thought into it, even if this isn’t the case and you do truly like the name itself it could possibly come across this way, good luck
I can completely relate my mum eats into that over-bearing Jewish mother stereotype and I can imagine her having the same reaction as your mum if I chose a name she didn’t like.
However its YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND’S [name_u]BABY[/name_u] therefore you guys get to chose the name. You both love [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] it’s a lovely name and she will being going to school with children named [name_f]Martha[/name_f], [name_f]Edie[/name_f] or [name_m]Augustus[/name_m] so will not stick out from the crowd and I don’t believe she will have any difficulties with this name.
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] [name_f]Margot[/name_f] is gorgeous I say go for it : )
And this is why I strongly suggest people never mention potential baby names to friends and family prior to giving birth. Here’s the thing, it seems like your mom is going to be a nightmare unless you bow down and select a name that she suggests or loves…which seems rather ridiculous. If she can’t be mature enough to keep her negative opinions to herself, then she doesn’t have to be involved in the child’s life. I honestly would not let my mom around me if she was constantly being negative about stuff like that. My mother may not love all of the names I come up with, but she has never said a negative or nasty name about them.
Starting now, I would just keep it on the DL and wait until your daughter is born to see her. Once she is born, I think it will be much easier to come to a decision about the name. For what it’s worth, [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] has always been a “guilty pleasure” of mine and has always been one of my favorite names. [name_f]Winnie[/name_f], in particular, is an absolutely adorable nickname or name. I’ve actually loved the name [name_f]Winnie[/name_f] on it’s own for a long time ([name_f]Winnie[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] was a combo I toyed with).
Your mother sounds just like my mother, and she is no longer a part of our lives. It is in no way acceptable for an adult to act that way and personally I would put her in a “time out” for such comments. If she’s acting this way over a name, will she try to dictate how you raise your child as well?
[name_f]Winifred[/name_f] is gorgeous and can you imagine a little [name_f]Winnie[/name_f]? Swoon! If any name is THE name that makes you smile and really gives you joy then you all should use it regardless of how your mother or anyone else may feel about it.
Your mother sounds like she has issues much greater than your name choice…
If you are intent on keeping your mother an active part of your life post-baby, I’ll be the voice of descent here and say that I’d just use a different name that you and hubby love, and find a way to incorporate your [name_f]Nan[/name_f] into the name in another way.
I wouldn’t want to inflict my daughter with being bullied by her grandmother, no matter how unfair that is.
I’ll chime in because I can relate on many levels and many lucky respondents to your post can’t- so saying “do this” or " I wouldn’t this…" Is really a different ball game than someone who’s lived it.
So, we picked a clunky eccentric name for our child. My mom found out after that fact and HATED it. She went on and on about why we should pick another name, and was pretty negative in general, and had many reasons why not to use it.
With the help of my partner we did what we wanted ( although she filled me with dread over it and I second guessed myself tons) and she totally accepts the name now, never mentions it and is smitten by the little urchin
My vote is for [name_f]Trudy[/name_f] [name_f]Mirabel[/name_f]!
My husband taught me a trick for dealing with manipulating, controlling relatives. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t engage. They talk and talk, but you don’t respond. And if that doesn’t work, you simply say, “I’m not having this conversation.” Otherwise, you’ll be regretting your daughter’s name for the rest of your life, just like mum! OMG.
Go for it. Call her [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] if that’s name you both love. Your mother is crossing the line here and it does sound like she is manipulating you to do what she wants. If you like [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] (and if you like your own name for that matter), her negativity has no place in your life. Call your daughter what you and your husband want.
While I normally wouldn’t advise someone to change their decision based on one persons opinion, I have a mom who sounds remarkably similar to yours and I would never use something she absolutely hated. You also mentioned that, aside from your mother hating the name, “none of my family are fond of the name and it will definitely be an issue.” This should be a big red flag, and is probably the reason you asked this question to begin with. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though it’s not fair, I wouldn’t want my child to have to deal with that for the rest of their life. Hate of a name can lead to resentment and mistreatment of the child, even if it’s only subconsciously.
I’d advise skipping out on [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] and picking something else. There are so many good names out there and you might find something you and your husband love even more than [name_f]Winifred[/name_f] if you take it off the table. If you do decide to choose something different, maybe don’t share it with your family until the baby is born.