Asking for gifts without a shower?

Parentberries
1

My husband and I live 4000 miles from our families- in [name_f]Alaska[/name_f]. :slight_smile:

I won’t be able to fly home before the baby is born to have a shower, and I think it would be silly for them to have one without me. But obviously I want all my family & friends to know we’re expecting (especially those not in the Facebook loop) and I know many will want to send us gifts.

I have a registry set up for everything we’ll need- so I also want to communicate that (I know some would appreciate getting us things we need instead of having to guess).

My thought is sending a pregnancy announcement in the mail to everyone- making it clear that we are not expecting gifts, but listing our registry info for those who want it.

[name_f]Do[/name_f] you think this is rude? My family is pretty laidback and nontraditional so I don’t think they’d be offended. But what do you think?

2

Congratulations!

Personally, I wouldn’t put the registry info on the announcement. I’m really not that into traditional etiquette stuff but I think if I got a pregnancy announcement with registry info on it I would think they were fishing for gifts (and adding the text “no gifts necessary” wouldn’t negate that).

I’d send the announcements with your address and email address somewhere on them (maybe the bottom or even the back). That was someone can either send you a gift or email you and ask if you’re registered anywhere. Also give your registry info to a few other people that you’re close to (maybe your Mom? [name_f]MIL[/name_f]? sister?) in case people ask them if you’re registered anywhere.

In my experience the people that like shopping off registries know to ask or know how to look up your name and popular registry locations. The ones that like to pick their own gifts aren’t going to do anything with the registry info anyway.

Good luck to you! I hope you have a good support system in [name_f]Alaska[/name_f] since your families live so far away!

3

When I first read the title, my thought was “that’s rude.” After reading the rest of the post, I don’t believe it is rude. I like the idea of sending out announcements. I would just say something like “while we are not expecting any gifts, we would appreciate you looking at our registry if you’d like to help us with our newest arrival.” which is essentially what your thought was.

4

Congratulations! I dont think its rude at all, infact I think its ideal since your families aren’t close to you. It allows them to be doting (grandparents love to dote) without having to guess or worry about making travel plans. a simple “if you wish to send gifts, please look at our registry for things we need for our new arrival.” It gives them the option and a place to start without being demanding. I think its a great solution.

5

I think asking for gifts is always rude, shower or no shower, but after reading your post I get it.

However, I still wouldn’t put it on the announcement. I would write something like “A registry is available upon request” so they know gifts aren’t expected, but if they want to send one, they can ask for a link to your registry or what you need in general.

6

Another thing I just thought of…perhaps someone could throw you a “virtual” shower. Instead of you sending out pregnancy announcements have them come from someone who would actually throw you a shower if you lived near your family. They could have a cute maternity photo of you on them but be “from” the “host” of the shower and they could have some cute little saying or rhyme about helping you prep for baby from afar. They could list your address and registry info. [name_m]Just[/name_m] another idea. :slight_smile:

7

It’s totally understandable that in those circumstances you’d be considering adding the link to a registry on a pregnancy announcement, but it’s still a little bit rude.

If people want to buy you gifts from a registry, they’ll just look you up and/or ask.

8

Yup.
Or set up a small [name_m]Web[/name_m] page with bump photos or ultrasound pics or whatever & put a link to your registry somewhere on that page. Whoever cares enough will check it out.

9

[name_f]Share[/name_f] your registry info with just your mom and [name_f]MIL[/name_f] (or whoever in your family is similarly close to you, maybe a sister or [name_m]SIL[/name_m].) You don’t throw yourself a shower, a close friend or family member does that and disseminates the registry info. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if they aren’t hosting your shower, they can spread the word about gifts.

Otherwise, the people who buy from registeries will just look it up on their own.If I don’t have registery info for someone, I check Target, Amazon, BRU and Buy Buy [name_u]Baby[/name_u]. But a lot of people would just ignore registery info anyhow

10

Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I’d make a registry someplace so that I could keep track of what I need/want and only tell anybody about it if they ask you about getting the baby something. " Definitely avoid adding anything about it on a pregnancy announcement, because a friend of ours did that recently and it came off as really rude. It’s sort of like someone handing out a list of birthday gifts they would like someone to buy them.

That has to be hard not being too close to everybody, but I hope the best for you. Congrats on the baby.

11

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] and congratulations! I also lived far away from my family during my pregnancy, and in a country where showers are not a tradition at all (though I was pleasantly surprised when local friends all brought gifts after the baby was born–apparently that’s how it’s done here).

I was always taught that you never give out information about your own registry (for weddings, showers, or anything) unless/until you are specifically asked about it. I wouldn’t be surprised if some folks, after getting an announcement, do ask you about a registry, and at that point you could let them know. We sent out an email pregnancy announcement to friends and family (with no registry/gift info), and we did get some gifts in the mail afterwards.

12

I would be thrilled to receive a pregnancy announcement in the mail! However; if the registry / gift information was listed on it or with it, I would view it as a gift grab and the joy for the exciting news would be replaced by irritation. People will want to get you gifts, they will choose something of their own liking or reach out to you, or those closest to you for your registry information or just go to the obvious stores and pull it up on their own.

13

I was going to suggest this too. My friend who lives far from her family had the same thing. A bunch of people from home Skyped her as she opened the gifts. I thought it was a lovely idea. Actually, I think I’d still prefer that to a ‘real’ shower because there are no embarrassing games, like guessing how big the mom-to-be’s belly is! :stuck_out_tongue:

14

I totally get where you’re coming from, and I’m completely on board with the idea of sending a birth announcement. I’m just not sure you should add the registry information. Send the announcement and then have your mom/dad/aunt (someone close to you) spread the word about where you’ve registered. Also, registries aren’t typically very hard to find - when I know someone is pregnant and want to buy them a gift, or know I’ll be invited to their shower, I immediately go to Babies R Us, Buy Buy [name_u]Baby[/name_u], Target, and Pottery [name_m]Barn[/name_m] Kids online to search for their registries - without ever needing to be specifically told where to look. My coworkers, for example, found my wedding registry with no problem, despite not being invited to my bridal shower and never being told where I was registered.

15

I love @truenature’s idea.

My family in Germany was constantly texting and emailing asking for updates and pictures. A pregnancy announcement with information to a private blog so you can share the experience with the people you would anyway if you lived closer would be a great way of keeping them in the loop and guiding them toward the gift items you want. ([name_m]Just[/name_m] keep in mind that people will gift what they want to gift - my cousin gave us a gift I specifically said I didn’t want to have and my aunt decided that my request for no pink was aimed at everyone but her - she hand knitted a sweater and blanket in bubblegum pink for us - I love both don’t get me wrong, but am grateful that most other things aren’t pink.)

16

[name_u]Baby[/name_u] Shower Gift Ideas
There are lot of gift ideas my friend . [name_u]Baby[/name_u] is also a gift from god . Choosing a good gift for your angel is not easy . . A baby shower is celebrated right before the birth of the baby. It involves close friends and family members. All of them gather to wish the future parents.
What are the best baby shower gifts? [name_u]Baby[/name_u] shower gift such as basket, baby bottles, blankets, towels, bath items, soft toys, teething toys, etc.
All of these items will be needed by the mother.
[name_u]Baby[/name_u] Health Items

[name_u]Baby[/name_u] health is most important for every parent. For example, baby lotion, baby powder, baby safety pins, baby thermometer, baby wipes.
[name_u]Baby[/name_u] Clothes

Clothing is an item which makes a baby personality. You will find many, cute and awesome clothing for baby in the market with logos… It includes blankets, undershirts, socks as well. However, make sure that the clothes you select are comfortable for baby as they are very easy to put on and to remove.
[name_u]Baby[/name_u] Bath Products

[name_u]Baby[/name_u]'s bath products also make an excellent gift item. It includes baby soaps, baby shampoos, baby towels, baby brushes, baby lotions, anti-skid bathtubs, bath toys and washcloths, etc.
[name_u]Baby[/name_u] Feeding Items

[name_u]Baby[/name_u]'s feeding items which you can gift, at a baby shower includes baby formula, bottles, feeding spoons, bottle holders, bottle sterilizers, tipper cup, bibs, breast pump, nipples, etc.
Items for [name_u]Baby[/name_u]'s Room

It is a great baby shower gift idea. It includes wall pictures, picture frames, ceramic items with baby’s initials, bouncy seats, stuffed animals, piggy bank, furniture . Various toys for the baby can also be a good idea for a gift.
Other baby shower gift ideas include a savings bond for the mother and the baby. Such gifts can have a very good impact on the future parents because they will gain a financial benefit from the bond as just like the baby, it will also grow over the years. Gift certificates like professional house cleaning services, dry cleaning coupons, store certificates or restaurant gift certificates, etc. also make a magnificent gift option.
All occasions of parents-to-be should be celebrated with great joy and happiness as it is the very important phase of their lives. [name_u]Baby[/name_u] shower is also one of the very important occasions. Express your love and best wishes with the great gifts which show that you care for the baby and the mother

17

I don’t think it’s rude.

I know you said you wanted a way for non-Facebook friends/family, but thought I’d share my suggestion. Last year, I hosted a FB baby shower for my sister who lives in MD while the rest of her friends and family are in NE, TX, and WI. She was on travel restrictions but still wanted to celebrate her 2nd baby and still needed some things they never got before her first daughter was born. She made a registry, I made a FB event, and we invited people or called family in case they wanted to send her something. It was a really fun party and she got a lot of essentials.