Baby Berries April/May/June 2024

Parentberries
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[name_f]Love[/name_f] how busy it’s been in here! @WildroseofJuillet - Welcome!!! We are definitely a small but chatty group, hopefully yours picks up soon but you are so welcome here!

@Beort12 - I didn’t realize it either!!! Luckily the pain has gone but there’s still quite the lump there. I did ask my midwife again at my appointment on [name_m]Friday[/name_m] and she said that after the worst of it it can take a couple weeks for the full swelling to resolve, two weeks I think is the end of this week so hopefully soon. I wouldn’t worry too much if your breasts aren’t leaking or reacting at all, I’ve read that breast changes are no indication of whether or not you’ll have supply or success with breast feeding/pumping after baby comes!

[name_f]My[/name_f] baby shower was also yesterday! I have similar feelings, it was fun, and wonderful to see everyone but I’m also equally glad it is done and behind us! Now I’m figuring out what we still need and settling in to really get everything ready for baby! I crashed super early last night and feel exhausted today but I feel so lucky that so many people are excited for the baby! We handed out cards asking for name suggestions, I’ll post them later when I’ve got them nearby.

I really hope your rib pain resolves, did they check your gall bladder??
Also I don’t think it would be unreasonable to request an ultrasound if you are feeling worried about growth or positioning! [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it just helps calm your mind! If it helps, I’ve been consistently measuring behind in fundal height but baby was above average in size at the last scan, and I feel lots of tumbling movements but she’s been consistently head down for 3 weeks now! I don’t know how there’s so much movement while she maintains position but it’s there! I’m also not really gaining weight at this point, I’ve gained maybe 2lbs since 25 weeks, my midwife said this can be completely normal too.

@_thelittlefairywren - I found the biggest movements really started in the third trimester! If it’s really side to side and feeling uncomfortable, baby could be sitting transverse! [name_f]My[/name_f] girl was in that goofy transverse position at 30 weeks and the movements were wild and I was constantly uncomfortable especially when standing! Two days after the growth scan she flipped head down and the discomfort immediately went away and the movements completely changed again, she’s been head down since but the pressure movements are still so strange. I can feel when she stretches and arches her back and it puts a big hard pressure area all through my left side! It’s so cool seeing how the movements change as they wriggle into new positions and find new ways they can stretch!!!

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Sounds like lots of fun preparations! :grinning:

Ultrasound has been pushed off due to illness…has anyone had one at 15 weeks where the gender was very obvious? :crossed_fingers:t2::grin: I don’t have a new date yet, but I’m guessing it’ll be next week. We’re hoping to find out soon so we can surprise close family :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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@Beort12 Yay! I’m glad you had a good shower! Except for your house being a party zone… that’s why I decided to have ours in the park and get it catered - minimal effort and clean up! It’s true, weddings are so much effort, but so fun! Using your break to finalise things sounds like a great use of time!

I’m glad your rib pain has gone away! That sounds so uncomfortable and stressful. I hate when they can’t find a reason for things - so frustrating! Or the good, old “that’s just pregnancy”, which feels like such a cop out response.

I hope baby is happy and healthy, even if he is little. I read something recently that said medically they’re not considered too small unless they drop below the tenth percentile. I found that quite interesting and reassuring. Regardless, I agree with @Kibby that it is totally reasonable to request a scan, if this is really bothering you.

@Kibby How funny that you both had your shower on the same day! I’m glad you had a good time, even if it seemed a bit overwhelming. Asking for name suggestions is a great idea! I hope getting your last few things goes well.

Baby has also been consistently head down for weeks, despite all the movements. It must just be arms and legs flailing about haha. The other day there was a consistent pressure along one side of my belly, which I assume was their back. I’ve had a lot of movement at the top of my belly the last couple of days, so I think baby is giving their legs a good work out!

@WildroseofJuillet Oh dear. I’m sorry you’re not well! I hope it goes away soon, so you don’t have to move your appointment again.

30 weeks today here! :tada: I can’t believe how fast this is going!!

My check up on Tuesday went well - nothing particular to report, although the doctor did confirm that they’ll make the call about induction or not (due to GD) at 39 weeks.

Wanda is still sleeping on the bump, despite the baby wriggles! :smile:

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@_thelittlefairywren we actually didn’t have the shower at our house, but about 20 people came over for a couple hours after the shower! They didn’t leave it too messy, it was more presents all over. I moved most of those down to the basement, and will redistribute to where things need to go next week during my break. And congrats on 30 weeks! We are all getting so close, it is crazy.

[name_f]My[/name_f] doctor doesn’t feel concerned about his size, and I know that a singular growth scan at this gestation would come with a large margin of error, so it probably isn’t super useful. She said I have likely all but finished up with any weight gain for me, like blood volume, fat stores, etc., and from now on out likely pretty much all weight gain I am going to see is just the baby gaining. Oh and after my fundal height measuring just very slightly behind fairly consistently I have “caught up”, which also indicates baby is probably growing fine. As far as the rib pain she said she believes that pregnancy can sometimes cause ribs to slip out of place and cause muscle spasms, and since we ruled out concerning things with my liver or gallbladder that she suspects that is what was happening.

@WildroseofJuillet I don’t have any experience with finding out the sex that early, but I know I have definitely heard of people being able to find out the sex at 16 weeks, so perhaps 15 weeks is enough! I feel like it depends on how confident the sonographer is in their assessment, and probably the baby’s position, if they are interested in making a guess.

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I’m glad to hear baby is growing well :blush:

I’m crossing my fingers :crossed_fingers:t2::smile: I’m so over hiding my bump lol :laughing: I think my SIL is a little suspicious but otherwise, I think it’ll be a surprise to family, as I was asked in [name_f]December[/name_f] if we were planning to have another anytime soon. I had said I needed to get my thyroid in check first, so things happened pretty quickly! Labs with my midwife show my thyroid is looking within normal range. I still need to have my reverse t3 and thyroglobulin retested though.

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[name_f]Glad[/name_f] to hear all is well with you. Your kitty is so sweet!

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I was finally able to get a hold of someone in scheduling! Ultrasound is for [name_f]Monday[/name_f] :smiling_face:

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@WildroseofJuillet Yay! [name_f]Glad[/name_f] you have an appointment for your scan! So exciting! :tada:

@Beort12 Oh, I see! Sorry, I miss understood! 20 people is still a lot to tidy up after. I don’t think we’ll be having any large groups in our house for some time - I can barely keep things organised while pregnant with only two of us in here haha :sweat_smile:

I’m glad you got reassuring feedback from your doctor about baby’s size.

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[name_m]Just[/name_m] popping into say I’ve had a wickedly rotten week, sick as hell, stomach flu and just all kinds of awfulness. Can’t figure out if it was food poisoning or a bug, but I’m FINALLY on the mend. [name_f]Baby[/name_f] is doing good luckily, lots of movement, no preterm labour signs, I’m just exhausted and run down in a big way. I hope everyone else is faring better this week! 0/10 do not recommend third trimester stomach flu.

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@Kibby Oh no, that sounds awful! I’m glad you’re on the mend and baby is okay. Getting sick while pregnant is horrid. Hugs! :people_hugging: Xx

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I am genuinely amazed at the increase of strength and movements in the last week. It’s like we got to 30 weeks and baby turned into a WWE champion! :rofl: I’m thankful for movement, but I also feel like my insides are a boxing bag! :flushed::rofl: My whole belly wobbles when I get kicked now!

@Kibby I hope you’re feeling better and continuing to mend. Xx

How was everyone else’s weekend?

@kathleen12345 @samosier24 @MamaEnzi @ElsieWren Been a while since we heard from you all. I hope you’re going well and babies are treating you well. :heartbeat: xx

This titok made me laugh: TikTok - Make Your Day - “ask what fruit the baby is this week” :laughing:

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@Kibby oh geez that is terrible. A stomach bug/food poisoning is horrible at the best of times, but being sick while pregnant is a specific kind of torture. I hope you feel better and a little bit more energetic soon!

@_thelittlefairywren it really is crazy how strong these babies get! You so quickly go from “was that the baby” to getting somewhat pummeled from the inside!

I did some more freezer meal prep yesterday and added 3 casseroles and some breakfast burritos to my freezer stash. I already had a few things, like a couple soups and some lentils, in the freezer so I think I feel good about stopping here. Plus I am running out of freezer space! I have a couple coworkers who have talked about bringing some food when the baby comes, so hopefully we will be good. [name_f]My[/name_f] back was killing me after several hours in the kitchen, so I also think I can’t do that again even if I wanted to!

I don’t think the baby is coming anytime soon, still, (I am 36 weeks), but it is feeling more like crunch time. I do think he has dropped/started to drop, because the shape of my belly is different and I have been going to the bathroom SO OFTEN over the last few days. I am probably getting up at least 4-6 times a night right now, and that number just seems to be increasing. I did also start eating dates a few days ago. I don’t mind them, so a few dates a day with peanut butter is actually a pretty nice snack, especially in the afternoon at work.

[name_f]My[/name_f] plan today is to attempt to assemble the stroller and possibly the bassinet also. Well, or assemble the main stroller. I also got a compact travel stroller, but we likely won’t use that for a while (although I did realize you can attach our car seat to it, which I didn’t even know when I bought it, so in a pinch if we are going somewhere and don’t want to lug the full sized stroller I guess we could take this one even before he is big enough to sit up in it).

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Anyone else’s internal thermometer broken? I am amazed at the difference pregnancy has made to how I feel temperature. 31C (87F) should be the perfect day, but I’m sitting here sweating haha :hot_face:

I had a breastfeeding education class on Friday (just gone). The hospital said it was “mums only” and my hubby was quite put out, as he’s been to all my appointments and classes. He was like, “what if there’s something I should know!” Thankfully, they gave me a print out with all the references and videos they used, so we can go through it all again together. I love his enthusiasm and support. I found the class quite helpful and they discussed a few things I wasn’t aware of. It was run by this adorable, older midwife, who kept calling us all “the girls” haha.

@Beort12 Pummelled is such a good word!

Oh you’re so organised! I keep thinking about freezer meals, but haven’t done anything about it, as of yet. We do have a handful in the freezer all the time, but I do want to top it up before baby arrives. Things I can dump in the slow cooker and leave all day sounds like good options at the moment, as I don’t particularly fancy standing in the kitchen for hours.

The midwife who ran our antenatal classes was talking about dates. She said I can eat them with GD, as long as I space them out and check with my diabetic educator. No eating them all at once!

36 weeks is definitely the home stretch!! I can’t wait for the group announcements to start! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: :tada:

Urgh, I already average 4 trips to the loo a night. I’m not looking forward to baby dropping on that front, at least!

Have fun assembling things! :grin:

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Is it slowly dawning on anyone else how much life is about to change…?? :flushed: I’m so excited, but also kind of terrified. I’m a creature of habit and routine, and that’s about to go out the window. I also am very attached to my personal down time… how do other introvert mummas cope with all the attention and touching and being needed all the time?? :confused: I think I’ve sort of started to grieve what life looks like at the moment. We’ve had 7 years of just hubby and me, and I am definitely ready for the next stage of life, but I am also sad to leave our “easy breezy, double income, no responsibilities” type life behind. :melting_face:

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I ate a lot of chocolate and blasted “Adagio for strings” to calm myself while everyone screamed around me :sweat_smile:

I dunno, you get used to it, it gets better, and then you’re exhausted but wouldn’t have it any other way. All the cute little things they say and do make up for the exhaustion and busy-ness and being touched out.

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It really changes so fast once the baby comes! It takes a bit to find your “groove” but it’s a good kind of busy. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

I had my ultrasound today! The tech didn’t try figuring out gender but we got some sweet pictures and it looks like baby is doing well. Heart rate is 153bpm which calmed my nerves instantly, as I was worried my Doppler I use was picking up at 120 and slower. Also I was relieved when she put the transvaginal ultrasound wand away when she learned I’m 14 weeks :joy:

Also forgot to include we told my husband’s parents tonight! They were so surprised! It feels good to sort of get that off my chest :sweat_smile: hoping to see my dad within the next couple weeks to tell him next. Then probably our siblings around Easter. We have a late Easter party we’re going to on my side of the family. How funny it would be to just walk in at 20 weeks pregnant :joy:

I can’t believe the details in the baby’s face :face_holding_back_tears: baby even waved at us.

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@Kiriko Firstly, how are you, lovely?!

Haha love your coping strategy! :sweat_smile: I have heard people say you get used to the chaos, but it feels overwhelming heading into it for the first time.

@WildroseofJuillet That’s true - I guess I just need to find the new normal and be okay with whatever that looks like.

I’m glad your scan went well and baby is looking healthy, even if you couldn’t find out the gender like you wanted. That’s such a lovely clear image! :heart_eyes:

You should totally just rock up to [name_f]Easter[/name_f] and be like “surprise!” :laughing:

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@_thelittlefairywren I’m doing really well thanks. I’m still sad about my loss, but not like a super sad of that makes sense? It’s just a little thing that sits with me at times. I’d like to do something special on the due date, but I’m not sure what yet. I rollercoaster up and down between still wanting a third and being happy to move on with “big kid” things like forest walks and actually being able to take them on holiday without the worry of a screaming baby the whole car ride :sweat_smile: [name_f]My[/name_f] partner’s still a hard no on having another, and I know realistically that with my age, our finances, our lack of family support and previous pregnancy complications stopping at 2 is best. But it still feels harder to accept now, given that having a 3rd felt like a reality before disappearing on me again.

I’m trying to work on getting myself a bit fitter and healthier, as I’m currently at my highest weight. The comfort-eating of chocolate might not always be the best coping mechanism for dealing with young kids :laughing: I’ve also found a less stressful job this year and I think that’s doing wonders for my mental wellbeing.

I can totally understand heading into the chaos for the first time feeling a bit overwhelming. You probably don’t want honesty… but if I’m honest I totally found the intensity and relentlessness of parenting overwhelming at the start, and the things you mentioned (constant attention and being touched out) WERE hard. They often still are hard, with my 5 year old constantly saying “Mummy play with me” but yelling at me if I ask her to go to the toilet, and my 2 year old still wanting to be breastfed and his idea of ‘play’ always meaning toys and magnets etc all over the floor.

But it’s also so rewarding. You change, you grow, you find your way. And it’s so amazing, this whole new person there who’s their OWN person, and getting to know them. And that payback you get after they turn 1 and start to talk and share their world with you… their ideas, their thoughts, their excitements and interests. You get to see the excitements of the world through fresh eyes again. Train rides are exciting, a plane flying overhead is exciting (so fun to take them to a spot near our airport where you can get up close to the take-offs and landings). Finding local streams to ride their balance bikes to and just splash and explore is always such a fun time.

Sometimes I’m honest with them about feeling touched out, my partner and I will ‘tag’ in or out if one’s clearly needing a break, and I try to find time for my hobbies like gardening. And as an introvert, lots of walks honestly - kids are happy as it’s an adventure, I’m happy because I’m out in the fresh air not being forced to play dolls :rofl:

It’s getting so close for everyone, such exciting times!

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The changes in the transition to parenthood are enormous even if you cope well with them and most people will have days when they don’t. I’m nine months postpartum with my first baby and I’ve been reading a lot about this topic recently so it’s also been on my mind. I have some thoughts about all the changes below if you’re interested.

For all that is said about the changes you experience there’s so much that isn’t said. Information focuses primarily on baby care rather than the holistic changes in a new parent’s life. Comments to new parents are usually superficial in nature and tend to minimise or ignore the distress that is often felt alongside the rewarding aspects of parenthood. There’s a lack of rituals that acknowledge and celebrate the parent that is born during this rite of passage. I am still working out ways to mark the transition myself.

There are drastic changes to the brain structure during pregnancy, labour, lactation and while caring for an infant. It changes in many different ways and tells a different story than the term ‘baby brain’ would have you think. There are also huge hormonal fluctuations and both of these include permanent changes. Research is relatively new in this area but it shows that these changes are at least as significant as adolescence if not more significant. It’s a neurocognitive developmental stage of it’s own.

Then there are changes to your social supports, friendships, partnership, wider family dynamics and sense of self. I feel like every relationship I have changed in some way. Managing grandparent expectations has been especially challenging. I also miss connecting with my friends like I used to. There is so much more I’d like to share with them than I have time for and sometimes I could really use a friend’s perspective on things.

The changes to your time, your sleep, and your priorities are brought up a lot but what isn’t mentioned is the extraordinary increase to your cognitive load especially if you’re the primary caregiver. There’s all the learning you do while trying to understand and respond to your baby. The baby changes from week to week so the learning you do as a parent never seems to stop. The baby is all consuming for a while and it can feel like you’ve lost yourself.

The emotional landscape is wide. Amidst all the warmth, love, fullness and enjoyment there are times of loneliness and isolation, feelings of inadequacy and guilt, there’s worry, stress and hypervigilance, thoughts of your own mortality, reflections on your own childhood and grief for your past self and past life. These feelings aren’t talked about outside of postpartum anxiety and depression but they can be normal considering the changes and the demands parents experience.

The shifts that occur are so great that it can feel like a fresh start. You can discover yourself and your world anew. You can open yourself up to change in other ways and find new purpose and new meaning in your life. You can go in different directions empowered by what you’ve gone through and overcome. I’ve only just started my journey but even now parenting motivates me to be a better version of myself. I also feel inspired to show my son that I’m more than a mother and so I’ve started to think about ways I can bring my passions back into my life.

In terms of coping with the changes, accepting support is probably the most immediate thing you can do about being touched out and overwhelmed by demands for attention.

For me, that’s mostly just my husband since time away from my son is stressful unless I completely trust who he’s with. There’s times when I’m overwhelmed and he’s at work or unavailable. For instance, I had a hard morning yesterday and I got through the hardest moment by chanting ‘I’m doing my best. You’re doing your best’ over and over until we got through it. So in that case, using the healthy coping strategies you already have or learning new ones.

The other thing that’s likely to help is having an outlet to talk it out. I find it cathartic to talk out the stresses and challenges from my day. This is where a friend’s perspective can be helpful from time to time. I also started journalling to capture some of the events and feelings I had in those early weeks. That might be another outlet you could use.

You can also control your environment to help you feel calmer. That might be certain music or a certain place. I head out into the backyard for a break. [name_f]My[/name_f] son and I both enjoy the change and it usually feels like a reset to our moods.

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@Kiriko I’m so glad you’re doing well. :blush:

I understand what you mean. I found that miscarriage grief comes and goes - sometimes it feels really raw and sometimes it’s just this thing that’s always in the background that you just live with. It’s sounds like maybe two is the number for you, but that sounds hard if you don’t genuinely feel like your family is complete. A friend was talking to me the other day about when they decided to stop having babies even though she’d happily have many more - it sounds like such a hard decision to have to make. But I have a lot of respect for people that are aware that their finances, resources, capabilities, etc, cannot handle more children, as opposed to people that have a basket full of children without the resources to actually look after them.

I hope your fitness journey goes well. I’m sure having a less stressful job will definitely help! Stress creates so much havoc in our bodies that we just don’t notice half the time.

Oh no, I’m very happy to hear the honest thoughts and feelings. I don’t see the point in thinking it’s all puppies and unicorns when it isn’t. You make it sound hard, but full of blessings, which is what I expected. It’s nice to hear about all the rewarding moments too, so thank you.

The way children see the world is so special. The world would be better if more adults had that kind of joy and excitement about things.

I can see us using a tag team system too. My husband is much more extroverted, so hopefully he’ll be happy to entertain a baby, chase a toddler, etc, when I’ve had enough haha

@kachenka Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. This is so helpful to read. Do you have any books to recommend?

I love your point about the need to recognise our own growth as parents, as opposed to everyone’s constant focus on the baby. A new mum is learning just as much as a new baby. That’s such an important reminder!

I do need to be better at asking for support. I very much take pride in “getting things done by myself”, but I realise that isn’t always helpful or healthy. I just have to deal with my baggage on that front. It’s a journey.