Baby naming etiquette with friends.

Hey,

I wondered what your opinions are on this.

I will be having my first baby shortly. We do not know the sex and my husband and I have come up with a short list of baby girl and boy names. On our boys list we have [name]George[/name] [name]Alexander[/name] [name]Holmes[/name] and [name]Tobias[/name] [name]Victor[/name] [name]Holmes[/name]. We only recently started thinking about names but it has taken ages of searching to find two that we both like. My husband prefers [name]George[/name] and I prefer [name]Toby[/name]. It has been very difficult to come up with names as both my husband and I have very large but close families and so most good names were already taken. We wanted something that no-one else had and that sounded good with our surname,

Anyway, I told my closest friend our short lists, she liked the names but said “Oh you can’t use [name]George[/name] - that name is reserved for when I have a baby - after my dad.”

My friend is not planning on having children for a long time (at least 5 years) but now I’m upset that I cannot use this name. [name]Even[/name] if we used [name]Toby[/name] for this baby the plan would be to use [name]George[/name] if we had another boy. However I really wouldn’t want to upset my friend by taking the name that she obviously has always wanted (being her Dad’s name) when we’ve only recently fallen for it.

What are everyone’s opinions on this. Is it OK to ‘bagsy’ a name?

In my opinion this is what it comes down to-
[name]How[/name] good of a friend is she, how kind of a mother are you?
If this woman is going to be around in baby boy”s life (I would sort of bet on you having a boy, I”ve noticed ”Mother”s Intuition” really kicks in when it comes to focusing on one sex”s names vitaly) and be called Auntie ____, if your children, five years apart or no, play together and you plan on this woman and her family being around for a long, long time then you need to acquiese. This is her name. It”s the name she has loved for many, many moons, it is her father”s name, you don”t tread on that.
Furthurmore, if you want to give your baby a good name, search harder, dig deeper, leave [name]George[/name] be and find another name as awesome as [name]Toby[/name], don”t sit around wondering about naming etiquette, if you have to wonder if you are in the wrong, you”re in the wrong. Not just for your friend, but for your baby, who wants his own name (and doesn”t want to feel his origins are less special than bestfriend [name]George[/name], named after a beloved grandfather, are). That is my opinion, if I haven”t convinced you take your beloved someone”s name and picture your friend using it.

Blessings,

[name]Bella[/name] <3

To be honest, if I were you I wouldn’t have even told my friend in the first place. One of my sisters (who doesn’t have a daughter) had told one of her close friends who was having a son her favorite name and that friend ended up taking it and using it. Which I don’t think is very cool.

If you don’t tell anyone (except for family) what you plan to name your child then by the time your friends meet your newborn it’s too late to change the name :wink:

If this person isn’t a good close friend. Then I’d use the name, but if it is someone who you talk to regularly and go out with a lot. Then I’d say don’t use the name.

I say cross that bridge when you get there. You may not even have two boys and she may never have a boy!

I don’t really see the problem with both of you having a little [name]George[/name]. It’s not like they would have the same last name. It’s a little silly that she said you can’t use the name. She could have just said she would be using [name]George[/name] as well, as it is a family name. If she won’t budge and you decide to not use it, you could always name one [name]Alexander[/name] [name]George[/name] instead.

I had this situation twice.
One woman I worked with (and now NEVER see) named her son after her husband with a nn. When she was talking about names (and told us what he would be named), I told her that we were thinking of the same nickname since it honored my husband’s father and grandfather.
Family - no way anyone can claim a classic name. And truly, as weird as I am with names, I never once thought I was “stealing” from her as there was a “reason” to it.
Second time around I chose a SSA 300’s name for my daughter. 4 years later a woman I was becoming friendly with (on my street, older daughter in my daughter’s grade etc) named her daughter that name. You can say “so what, they are not in the same class”. But truly, it is confusing when we are all together and all kids are playing.
Now, I do not own that name like you do not “own” [name]George[/name] but IMHO you both can have dibs on it. You mentioned it first but she has a family claim to it. [name]Do[/name] you see her everyday? The boys will not be in class together and if she does not live down the street it won’t be as bad as you think.
Like the above poster said, next time do not share!!!
Good luck!

Another reason we never share the names!

It really depends on the level of friendship - if you use [name]George[/name], you are going to have to have a talk with her, and she may not be happy about it, and you’d have to accept that.

But, having named 4 kids, let me tell you that there are ALWAYS more names out there, and you and your husband would be able to find others.

I really dont think your friend has the right to claim a name prior to even being pregnant. I dont see why you both cant have sons named [name]George[/name] either. Is your friend married yet? Because if she hasnt discussed the name with the husband then there is a chance he may not like the name [name]George[/name]. I would talk to her about it and see if she is really going to be upset by you both having boys named [name]George[/name].

I personally prefer [name]George[/name] over [name]Tobias[/name]. [name]George[/name] is so refershing and handsome.

If you do decide to nix [name]George[/name] as a fn you could still use it as a mn. [name]Tobias[/name] [name]George[/name] would sounds nice, but so does [name]George[/name] [name]Tobias[/name].

I agree that this is a bridge that can be crossed once you arrive at it. You love [name]Tobias[/name], right? Maybe this is a sign that [name]Tobias[/name] is the right name for this baby. You can’t be sure you’re having another boy, and by the time you do have another child, your tastes might change a bit. However, if you love [name]George[/name] and that’s the name you envision on your baby when he arrives, then I think you still have every right to use it. [name]Truth[/name] be told, your friend has no more claim to the name than you. Yes, it’s a family name for her, but imo the fact that it’s a family name doesn’t make you own the name. If it did, the name pool would be quite limited and quite boring. Second of all, your friend isn’t pregnant and she can’t be sure she’s ever having a boy. [name]How[/name] sad would it be if neither of you ever got to use your favorite name just because she claimed it first? And finally, it’s not that you’re stealing her name. You can honestly say you had no idea that was “her name”. What if you never said anything and used the name? Would she still use it? Since it’s a family name I’m assuming the answer is yes. Had that been the case, would there be resentment? Would she tell you that you couldn’t name your son that once he was born and named? I truly hope not. My mother is still best friends with two of her closest high school girlfriends, they live in town my mom grew up in and both named their daughters [name]Jennifer[/name]. They’re actually the same age, and one goes by [name]Jen[/name] the other by [name]Jenny[/name] (though now that we’re adults they both go by [name]Jennifer[/name]). It was never a big deal having two girls in our group of friends with the same name. I think it actually made them closer. Anyway, I’d say you should go with your heart on the name. It’s your child and really you both have equal claim to the name. But again, I think maybe it’s a sign that your baby’s name is [name]Tobias[/name]! [name]Hope[/name] that helps!

I agree with the other posters, I would have kept quiet about my choice.
It’s true that no-one owns a name, and in general my opinion is first come, first served. First of all, she is not pregnant, and she may not have kids, or may not have boys - no-one knows until it happens. If someone used a name I loved and wanted to use, I would probably use it anyway. If your friend is planning to use the name, she can still use it if you have already done so. But I guess the best way to decide what you should do is ask yourself how you would feel if the situation was reversed, and would you want her to use a different name if it were you?

Good luck :slight_smile:

I agree with the other posters, I would have kept quiet about my choice.
It’s true that no-one owns a name, and in general my opinion is first come, first served. First of all, she is not pregnant, and she may not have kids, or may not have boys - no-one knows until it happens. If someone used a name I loved and wanted to use, I would probably use it anyway. If your friend is planning to use the name, she can still use it if you have already done so. But I guess the best way to decide what you should do is ask yourself how you would feel if the situation was reversed, and would you want her to use a different name if it were you?

Good luck :slight_smile:

I know two friends who lost their friendship over the name [name]Lola[/name] - one named her daughter [name]Lola[/name] and the other already had a boat called [name]Lola[/name] and had planned to call her imaginary daughter that. She is over 40 and will probably never have a child yet it upset her so much that she won’t speak to her to this day. People are strange. It depends how much you value your friendship. There are plenty of nice names though so just pick another one as a sign of respect. Call him [name]Toby[/name] for now.