Maybe I’ve spent too much time watching American TV shows & YouTubers but I thought a baby registry for a baby shower was normal & a convenient thing to do. You list gifts of various prices, your friends can choose what to get based on their budget, and you don’t end up with 50 babygrows and no burp cloths… Right?
Well, I found this (admittedly slightly old) post over on mumsnet:
It turns out some people (especially Brits, it would seem) think a baby registry is rude? I’m a couple of years off having children so its not an imminent problem, but I had been thinking of doing a baby registry when it came to it, but I definitely don’t want to offend all my friends and family! (I’m British.)
What do you think? Is it rude to make a list of gifts or just more convenient? Did you have a baby registry or not?
I know baby showers are not really a thing here in the UK. But I honestly think a registry would be a good idea because otherwise, like you said, you’d end up with 50 babygrows and nothing else. If I ever have a baby shower, whenever that day may come, I’d definitely do a registry so I at least get a range of things and it makes it easier to work out what else I need to get to be prepared, rather than struggling to essentially get everything because my guests just brought clothes
My thoughts exactly! Babies grow really fast as well so being given loads of cute newborn clothes is such a waste! I wouldn’t want my family and friends wasting their money on things [name_u]Baby[/name_u] won’t even use.
goodness!! the comments on there are so extreme, it’s not that big of a deal, the people were making it seem criminal!! Personally, I probably wouldn’t make a specific list of things but I would definitely make it clear that if people wanted to buy gifts then things besides baby gros would be appreciated.
I just went to the other website and OMG they’re all so obnoxious patting themselves on the back that “they would never stoop so low as to have a baby registry blah blah, the moms who do that are pathetic and selfish”. Honestly, I like baby registries! It really does help to not have so many of the same things around, and if you don’t want to get anything from the registry then bring clothes, wipes, or diapers!
Full disclaimer: I do not like baby showers. I only had one for our first child, and felt like I was at a greed fest that screamed “I’m pregnant so give me stuff”. For friends and family, I only attend the ones that are specifically meant to be a fun, happy get together to love on the future mom and maybe leave a card, a small gift and take photos.
With this fully out on the open, if I were to attend a party strongly focused on presents for mother and baby, I would like to have a baby registry. Why? Because I don’t want to give something that would go to waste and collect dust for years until a spring clean when the baby is 3 years old. It would be nice to know that at least what I gifted was put to good use.
How can a baby registry make someone “so uncomfortable” and qualify as “horrible”? Are these people dull, bored or both?
It’s a sober reminder as to why I don’t attend baby showers nor do I have them for myself.
I can see the logic in having a registry as long as the items on it are affordable - putting a crib or a pram on it and expecting someone to buy it for you seems entitled but if you know you plan to formula feed then it might be a good idea to ask for bottles, for example, that you can guarantee will get used a lot as opposed to a load of newborn-sized clothes baby will outgrow in a couple of weeks. I don’t think the concept of a baby registry is a bad thing but, like with many things in life, it’s all about doing it the right way. I’d be uncomfortable if I was sent a link to one and each item was £100+ that I couldn’t afford to spend as a present on someone, but if it’s all like £10 or whatever I’d be much more inclined to buy from it.
I wouldn’t take anything you see on there as an accurate representation of how people will act. When the time comes I’ll probably make one. If people don’t want to buy from it that’s fine but at least it’s there.
I’m in the US and baby registries are common at least where I’m at. Pretty much every invitation I’ve gotten has had a registry. I like them cuz then I know what they want/ need and can see what others have already gotten them. Most items will be anywhere from $5-$60. Sometimes they might have a crib or other big item and on the invite it’ll say if you want to contribute to a group gift message the host. For my first I did a baby registry. But for my second I had a baby “sprinkle” and didn’t have a registry since we already had a lot of stuff from my first. We pretty much just needed the basics like diapers, wipes and clothes.
Definitely not considered rude where I am. The registery isn’t saying you have to get something from there. It’s more for convenience and so people don’t end up bringing the same gifts like you said. I think it’s nice to know you’re getting at least one thing the couple for sure want and need.
I think most people have a big baby shower only for their first baby and don’t really do another one unless their kids are really far apart or maybe if they’re having a child of the opposite gender.
Baby showers and registries are definitely not rude or uncommon in the part of the US where I’m at (east coast).
For my first I had both. I think where there’s a million different brands and styles and colors for pretty much everything from bottles to bibs to baby tubs registries are great at telling everyone what you’re wanting to use. I’m a mom that over researches so for my registry I had a certain type of everything. If someone is going to spend their money I’d wouldn’t want them to do so and have it be something I wouldn’t use. And I say it that way because often, even with my second and third, I got asked by at least a couple “what do you need.” A registry is the headache free way of answering. With your first the list is extensive but that’s not to say you won’t need a few things here and there with the children after.
I did with my first have expensive things on there like a crib and stroller and those were bought by group gifts or a really excited grandma ha ha.
Even with the registry there’s no rule saying you must buy from here. I’ve gone to showers and brainstormed my own meaningful gift. At my shower maybe 1/2 at most bought off the registry.
But all the gift talk aside truly what I was most excited about was gettig a reason to get all those who means so much to me together. The last time prior to that was the wedding.
I certainly like baby registries more than [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] gift ones or wedding ones! Since most new parents need a few things, it can be practical and helpful. However, it’s important that you understand what your friends/family can realistically contribute, and what you actually need.
It might be a regional thing as well, but it also seems to be a generational thing… my grandma (dad’s mum) always goes on a rant about registries when they get invitations. She thinks it’s impersonal (as in, she doesn’t get to choose the gift from scratch) and rude to assume people will bring a gift. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents aren’t big on registries either, but they don’t seem as offended as my grandparents are.
I don’t see registries as assuming everyone will bring a gift. I see them as a useful way to get something you know the recipient will actually appreciate. (Nothing worse than being stuck with something you hate, and not knowing what to do with it!) We used a registry for our wedding, and so have most people we know. I think one baby shower I’ve been to in the last few years had a registry - baby shower registries seem a bit less common than wedding ones.
If you want a registry, have a registry. It’s hardly wrong to have one, and if people want to whinge about it you unfortunately can’t really stop them. I think they’re super useful, as I’m quite picky aesthetically.
You could always mandate a particular type of gift, instead of a registry. [name_f]My[/name_f] SIL asked everyone who wanted to bring a gift and give the baby a copy of their favourite childhood book. Everyone loved this, and she got a beautiful collection of books. No junky toys or daggy clothes to deal with!
This was done as part of my shower. It was requested that people bring a book instead of a card. This can be a really cool thing BUT it can come up with its own downfalls as well. [name_f]My[/name_f] kids are major bookworms so an unfortunate considerable number of these books- board books and hardcover have completely fallen apart due to the binding not holding up which then destroys the message that was left. And then from my experience I would suggest the host maybe finding a way to keep track for all of what books are coming in… I ended up with at least 5 copies of “[name_u]Love[/name_u] You [name_u]Forever[/name_u]” by [name_m]Robert[/name_m] Munsch
Registries are an interesting one in terms of how people react. I live in NZ now but I’m British (married a kiwi). When we got married we made a British registry and a NZ registry and included details on a separate slip in our invites for people that wanted to buy us a gift. We got tonnes of things off the UK list and nothing off the kiwi one- literally not one thing! Kiwi’s apparently don’t like them because instead people either gave us money (which we then spent on the things we’d had listed on our NZ registry ) or picked out a different gift for us.
Bearing this in mind, I definitely wouldn’t make a baby registry now I live in NZ. Having said that, some people have approached us and asked if there is anything in particular we want for the baby so it seems they hate registries but sometimes do want to know exactly what you’d like? Or maybe they just hate wedding registries but would like baby ones?
We made a universal registry ([name_f]Thankful[/name_f] Registry) for our wedding and have kept the same one going now that we have had kids. We didn’t include the link in our wedding invitation or baby announcement or [name_u]Red[/name_u] Egg and [name_f]Ginger[/name_f] Party invite, but several people reached out and asked either a. Whether we were registered anywhere or b. What we genuinely needed. At that point I always point to the registry and always keep a wide variety of things linked on there, from $5 to a couple select items above $100 for ideas for the grandparents and great grandma. It largely serves as a wishlist (what more is a universal registry anyway?) and I would say of the things we have “received” we have bought half ourselves. We keep stuff for the kids and an occasional book or special something for the home on it. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom and grandma love it as my mom finds me difficult to shop for and my grandma does birthday gifts for the kids like “something to wear, something to read, something to play,” so I always stock things in those categories according to our taste and needs. [name_f]My[/name_f] FIL’s side (in-laws divorced) has never bought us anything off of it and they prefer to give cash. But my MIL has complained constantly about our registry. She says the things we put on there are too expensive (again, there are loads of good items under $10, not junk, and 3/4 of the items on the whole registry are under $25 … and all of them are things that would get used and loved and bring value or experiences to our lives… but MIL is rather miserly and I think her definition of expensive actually means “not a bargain”). Instead she has sent us junk gifts from businesses we would rather not support, items we will never use and have always sent back or immediately donated. I think (hope) she FINALLY got the message as a few weeks ago she got us the balance bike we had wanted for over a year for our elder’s upcoming birthday. I’m honestly so grateful for it as I know he is going to love it. He has wanted one for a good long while as all his friends already ride.
I didn’t have a baby shower either time, we did have a [name_u]Red[/name_u] Egg and [name_f]Ginger[/name_f] Party with my first (the 2nd babe happened during COVID so has yet to be celebrated), which felt so nice and got everyone meeting babe at the same time and that felt very convenient to me vs. separate visits. I know that most people I have had the opportunity to ask about it would have rather had a Sip and See or some other kind of communal celebration once baby was actually here than to have a shower if they could go back and do it all differently. It feels like the whole point of a shower is the gift (hence the name) almost no matter how you structure it, whereas the whole point of celebrating a baby’s arrival is… the baby and the relationships between people important to you. I always smile when we get something from our registry as I really love everything we have on there and have taken a lot of time to select things. But ultimately it is just a registry and most people we know don’t know it even exists.
I also love the concept of 2nd-hand baby showers and have considered having one for my third and final, but honestly we don’t NEED anything baby anymore and would probably just wind up with a bunch of random stuff we wouldn’t actually use.
) or picked out a different gift for us.
Or maybe they just hate wedding registries but would like baby ones?