So I am not a mom, but I thought maybe you ladies could help me out with an etiquette question about baby shower gifts. [name_f]My[/name_f] best friend is pregnant with her first baby, and she and her husband asked me to throw the baby shower. I feel incredibly honored and very excited to do this for them so I’ve been planning away for the last month or so!
The shower is next week and my question is this. I’m about to go to grad school, which I’ll be paying for myself. I’m also moving to another state where I haven’t found a job yet. I don’t have a lot of money to spend on a baby shower gift… and I also feel a little bit like I’m spending a lot of money putting on the shower, so I shouldn’t have to get her something huge in addition to that. I did crochet a very cute blanket/lovey for the baby, and there are some decorations that I’ll be giving to her also, like stuffed animals and another blanket. But on the other hand, I feel guilty not getting her anything from her registry. Another very good mutual friend of hers bought them their crib AND dresser and every other shower I’ve been to the host has bought something big from the registry, so I feel like I’m skimping a bit, I guess. I was going to get her the bedding set they picked out, but it’s $180 and just too much outside my price range right now.
So, is it okay to skip a big gift since I’m throwing the shower? Or is it still expected of me to get them something from the registry?
If it helps I also threw her bridal shower as an unemployed college student and made her a “marriage survival kit” with mostly dollar store items (which she found hilarious), so I don’t think it would ruin our friendship if I didn’t buy her a $200 stroller, but I want to make sure I’m not doing something horribly offensive either. [name_f]TIA[/name_f]
She is your best friend, she is not going to care! A handmade gift is always a wonderful thing to give. If you wanted something else rather cheap, you could give her a gift card to a movie theater (or restaurant ) and a “certificate” offering to babysit. Cheap, and would be appreciated by mom and dad. Once the baby is here and a little bigger, she will appreciate the chance to get out of the house with her husband!
Throwing a shower can become quite expensive so I don’t think you need to but her something big at all. A homemade gift like the one you described sounds lovely. The shower itself is a wonderful gift and I’m sure that she sees it that way too.
I don’t think that anyone needs to feel that they must purchase an item from the registry. The registry is for people who want to give a gift, but don’t know what is needed. It isn’t an assignment. It can also be helpful if a group of friends want to go in together on a large gift (like a $200 stroller)
I have been to many many baby showers, and most of the guests seem to disregard the registry, other than for large group gift.
Something handmade by you, the best friend, is an AMAZING gift. I think your friend will be thrilled with the thoughtfulness of you throwing the shower and making a gift.
OK, so disclaimer: I’m English and we don’t do that sort of thing (and to be honest, I don’t understand the custom of baby showers at all). But surely, surely your friend is not going to be offended if you don’t get her an expensive present just because she’s having a baby! Especially considering you already did get her multiple presents, including a hand-made present! I mean yikes, you know her well I assume, and she’s not a terrible person? If not, I can’t believe there is any way she could be offended.
A present is always a kind and voluntary gesture. Nobody has the right to expect presents, on any occasion. If they’re mandatory, doesn’t that sort of take away from the whole warmth of giving? It sounds like you are being extremely kind and thoughtful towards your best friend, and that you are genuinely celebrating this new step in her life with her. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t worry about it, I’m sure that she will be touched and grateful.
I would personally feel like my friend went above and beyond if she did what you have described. Handmade gifts are the best. Out of everything I received for my daughter five years ago, a knitted cardigan from a friend was my favorite.
A homemade gift is wonderful, especially since you are throwing the shower. I’ve found that most big item gifts are given by family members and friends who pitch in together. Also, some registries allow parents to receive a percentage off or a gift card for what people have bought off the registry, so they could end up getting those things anyway. When they are putting the baby in the car seat, they likely won’t think of you every time they use it, but a homemade gift is something that leaves an impression.
I think you probably could have just done the shower and not gotten her anything. The fact that you made her a blanket is just wonderful! If you did want to make a joke gift with dollar store items you could buy things like ponchos and ear plugs.
I absolutely don’t think you need to get her an expensive registry gift!
[name_f]My[/name_f] friend who threw me a shower gave me a baby book she made (she’s an artist/printmaker) and a diaper bag, which I think ran around $50. I’ve been using the diaper bag daily for over a year, so really appreciate it, but wouldn’t have thought twice if she didn’t get me that or give me a gift at all after all the work and money she put into the shower!
It’s nice to have a gift to wrap (like the blanket, soft toy, etc) for when she’s opening gifts but a costly or very practical item isn’t needed!
vouchers for babysitting, helping with housework, or meals you cook after the baby’s birth would make a great gift!
Oh my gosh, ponchos and ear plugs! That’s hilarious I wish I could do something like offer babysitting or cleaning, but I’m going to be moving 4 hours away about two weeks after the shower so I won’t be around much. I guess that’s another reason I got so anxious about the gift.
I do know her very well and she’s definitely not the type of person who expects to be bought expensive gifts, but I just wanted to make sure that it wouldn’t be odd for me not to give her a gift. Several of the showers I’ve been to the host has gotten something large like a stroller or car seat, although those were thrown by family. I gave her a hand-painted plate for their wedding and she hung it up immediately with all her wedding pictures so I know she appreciates the hand-made things.
I think I’ll put the rest of my effort into making the shower awesome and not worry so much! Thank you ladies for making me feel better!
I wish I could do something like offer babysitting or cleaning, but I’m going to be moving 4 hours away about two weeks after the shower so I won’t be around much. I guess that’s another reason I got so anxious about the gift.