I tried to post this yesterday, but the site refused to work on all of my devices. Anyhow, we are TTC and thinking ahead sort of calms me, so I was thinking about a baby shower. Anyone not have one? I’m not really against them, especially for a first baby, but I reallllllly don’t want one. I’m a quiet person by nature and absolutely have always hated being the subject of parties (birthdays, graduation, even my own wedding). Having people look at me and watch my every move is alarming to me, personally. Also, our families…they are so bad, they make the Hatfields and the McCoys look like timid bunny rabbits frolicking all friendly-like through a field of daisies. I don’t like the idea of getting them all together and having to interact with them, which would mainly consist of fluffing their egos. And gifts…I’m uncomfortable with the idea of them. I feel that, since my husband and I are choosing be responsible for bringing a child into this world, we should be the one to buy what he or she needs. Again, I do think that baby shower gifts can be very helpful, but my husband and I like to be as self-sufficient as possible. A friend of ours recently sent us a link to her baby shower registry and it consisted of all uber-expensive, mainly pointless baby gifts and she included in the message information, such as she wanted 3 different baby carriers (ranging from $40-$60ish) so she could choose which she liked best and could try to match them with her outfits. I’d rather die than ask people for something like that, especially expensive things. I don’t know…I just don’t want one, and my husband agrees. We’ve done some math, and that, coupled with the fact we get discounts at his workplace (and a huge discount around black friday on one item), we believe we can cover the items ourselves.
I’m not saying that showers are just for gifts and I don’t mean to criticize those who have them, but it’s just not my cup of tea. I didn’t even have a wedding shower! Has anyone else just not had one or want to not have one? I’ve looked it up and found it isn’t that uncommon.
If you really don’t want one, just say that you’d prefer not to if someone wants to do one. Technically, the parents aren’t supposed to throw it themselves (although baby shower etiquette has gone out the window), so if you say no hopefully they won’t try a surprise (we do at work…). Some cultures/religions find it bad luck to celebrate a baby before they are born. You aren’t alone, even if it may seem like everyone else is having a baby shower.
At my baby shower I had a few friends bring little homemade things (crocheted slippers that look like little strawberries, & beautiful little blankets) that I really cherish. I believe if I hadn’t had a shower those people would have given us those special things anyway, they are just that kind of people. I got some lovely cards too which I saved in my daughter’s baby book.
[name_f]Every[/name_f] other aspect of the shower I hated. Being a spectacle, gushing over things I didn’t care for, registries that are always over priced… it was so awkward! If I were to do things over I wouldn’t have a shower at all. I’m also not a fan of those “meet the baby” parties because germs and babies under 3 months, ya know? And in that case you probably already have most of the baby stuff you really need… but if it’s just a family expectation that you will have a shower or whatever then a post-baby one might be slightly less awful than sitting there 8 months pregnant feeling exhausted and hormonal and being paraded around where [name_f]EVERY[/name_f] person there touches your belly and asks you the same infuriating questions over & over. At least once the baby’s arrived he/she will be the center of attention and it’d take some pressure off you. Or you can escape in the middle of it to nurse or change the baby… or or you might be happy to hand the kid off for a few minutes to all her adoring fans so you can have a break.
Sorry if I’m bring negative in this post! [name_m]Just[/name_m] very pregnant and generally angry at the moment. Haha.
We aren’t planning on having one either. DH and I haven’t stayed in touch with most of our friends so it would be a bit awkward inviting them and expecting them to get us a gift. I’m also a shy person who doesn’t like to be the center of attention. We didn’t have a wedding shower and don’t see the need for a baby shower when all it would be is uncomfortable. We are going to make a registry more for our own use to make sure we get everything we need and if family asks about it we are willing to give them the info. I think you should do whatever makes you most comfortable and not worry too much about it. [name_f]Hope[/name_f] this helps
If you really don’t want a shower, then don’t have one. [name_m]Just[/name_m] make sure your wishes are known to your family and friends, so they don’t throw you a surprise shower.
I’ll be honest, I hate being the centre of attention, and yet I really did enjoy my baby shower. He’s our first child, which is the only reason we bothered with a shower; babies aren’t cheap, and I’m more than happy to get a little help along the way. Although I should point out that we made most of the big purchases ourselves, with the grandparents insisting on buying a couple of other big ticket items over the holidays. So our registry mostly consisted of smaller, inexpensive items, and coupons for hand me downs and used books. We did receive some incredibly sweet, handmade items that made us feel very loved. Although as a poster above pointed out, these particular gifts likely would have been given regardless of an official shower taking place.
I supposed my rambling point is that there is a middle ground between no shower, and an uber expensive gift fest. That being said, you should do what makes you and your husband comfortable, and if having a shower doesn’t feel right for you, then don’t have one.
I didn’t have one. My mother’s family is from Greece and they believe it’s bad luck to have a shower before the baby is born. I have to admit I kind of feel like I missed out in a way–my fiance and I will not be having a wedding, so there won’t be a bridal shower either, and part of me thought it might have been nice.
After [name_u]Finn[/name_u] was born, there was a Meet and [name_f]Greet[/name_f] for everyone to see the baby, held at a buffet, with no decorations or anything. We stayed for two hours, people looked at the baby, they gave money and a few gifts. So in a way, THAT was meant to be my shower I suppose, but it just didn’t feel the same.
[name_f]Every[/name_f] family is different and every situation is different. If you don’t want one, definitely make it clear that you don’t want one. Those people closest to you may still want to buy your baby a gift–my parents and grandparents helped us out with that. We did a registry and not one person used it. Ultimately, make the experience the way YOU want it to be.
I don’t want one and probably won’t have one (your technically not supposed to throw your own, but if we were to have one, we’d have to since our nearest relative is 2 hours away!) I also don’t want to appear rude by giving a list, but I also don’t want a bunch of random crap that we won’t use.
I say just don’t have one. I would just do a little get together after the baby is born. If people want to bring gifts, just let them know you’d prefer cash, gift cards, or little things like diapers, wipes, etc.
I did not have a shower, as I’m also a quiet person that dislikes being the center of attention. I’m glad we didn’t have one but my experience was that pretty much everyone (family members, friends) really wanted to buy a gift anyway. I kept having to tell people we didn’t need anything but they all went ahead on their own and I ended up with a whole stack of blue baby blankets and so many newborn/0-3 mo. onesies that I literally could not even wear each one once. I would suggest that you may want to go ahead and make a registry with some small items that you would want (some clothes, burp clothes, swaddle blankets, etc.) just so that when anyone asks if you have a registry you can give it to them. If no one asks you never have to tell anyone about it, but it can be there just for those who insist on getting stuff Definitely when we have another that’s what I’m going to do.
We never had one. In our religion it’s considered inviting the evil eye to tamper with things before the baby is born.
All the people who would come to a shower will give you gifts anyway after the birth (or before, if you wish.) [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t worry, you’ll get the ‘stuff’ that you’ll need/want for the baby. A shower isn’t necessary.
Well, thanks for the feedback everyone! I know that I don’t have to have one and that I wouldn’t likely be throwing one for myself anyhow. I appreciate all your honesty and experiences. I think our best bet would be to be honest and upfront about it in the beginning, if someone asks.
We’re planning on having one, but a casual one. My registry will only include small ticket items and nothing too expensive. I would totally forgo the registry, but I have some alternative opinions when it comes to what I want for my baby. Such as cloth diapers,no plastics,organic cotton,ect. I just want to steer people in the right direction if you know what I mean. Also, all my extended family is across the country and probably won’t be able to make it. Our shower is going to be very casual, probably a cook-out and men will be invited. I want it to be a celebration of our new addition and not a awkward social event where everyone feels they have to dote over me. We won’t have games, and minimal decorations and it’ll will probably be a pot luck. I feel this is a good compromise to not wanting something so traditional and everyone will be more comfortable. I plan to have it small, but our parties always end up bigger.
I think it’s everyone’s personal decision to have a shower or not and what type of one. If you don’t want one, for goodness sakes, don’t make yourself just because a website,relative or friend is pushy about it! You could always have a very small brunch at a restaurant too, invite only super close friends/relatives if you don’t want to host. Neutral ground in public could also help with relatives that don’t get along. I don’t think there’s any one right way to go about this. It’s all preference and those whom love and care about you should respect your choices Best of luck and congrats!
[name_m]Even[/name_m] if you don’t want a shower, I would go ahead and register for stuff, even big stuff. I used to work at a Babies R Us, and anything on your registry that wasn’t purchased is 20% off after the date you include on the registry.
You don’t have to mention the registry to anyone, but that 20% on the big stuff couldn’t hurt you. I know people who registered for expensive stuff not expecting anyone to purchase it FOR them, but to get the 20% when they went to purchase it.
