Best way to stop an unwanted nickname from the get go?

Name Advice
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[name_m]Hi[/name_m] everyone!
Not talking about a child, talking about someone who dislikes the intuitive shortening for their name intensely and wants to dissuade people from using it.

[name_m]Said[/name_m] person has tried correcting people even from the first time they mess up, and on average, most people need over 10 corrections for it to sink in. Each. And then, they’ll mess up again after you’d think they’ve gotten it.

A name change or using middle name is not an option for said person, so making this name work is the only possible option.
The only intuitive nicknames for their name include the unwanted nickname.

When introducing themself to someone else, should the person just go with their full name and keep correcting from the first time the person messes up?
[name_m]Or[/name_m] would it be possible to include a “but don’t call me X nickname” clause in the introduction without it being awkward?

E.g, there’s a [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] that hates being called [name_f]Jill[/name_f]. I love both names but it’s all I can think of now.
Should she just introduce herself as [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] and firmly but nicely correct people the first time they call her [name_f]Jill[/name_f], or should she go something like “Jillian. Not [name_f]Jill[/name_f]. Nice to meet you” when meeting someone.

  • Unfortunately I think people would see that she doesn’t like [name_f]Jill[/name_f] and use it to try and get a rise out of her, and she doesn’t want that.
  • Would it be strange / clunky to do that upon introduction or just wait?

Secondly,
When correcting people if she waits until they mess up (let’s just say for people who mess up a few times rather than one, let’s say three or onward) would it be better or worse for her to propose a slightly more stretchy nickname for people to use instead of [name_f]Jill[/name_f]? If they can’t seem to remember three syllables.

E.g, “Hey, I’ve told you a few times now that I really don’t like being called [name_f]Jill[/name_f], but if you want to call something shorter, feel free to call me [name_f]Julie[/name_f]. [name_m]Just[/name_m] not Jill.”

(Let’s ignore the etymological relation and just look at phonetics)

If they ask why [name_f]Julie[/name_f], she’d just say that it’s close enough to [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] but without the temptation to shorten it to [name_f]Jill[/name_f] :joy:

So, if you made it this far into my brain dump, thank you. I’d love to know some outside perspectives on the matter!

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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling someone “hey my name is [name_f]Jillian[/name_f]! I really only go by [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] though, not [name_f]Jill[/name_f]. I really just don’t prefer Jill.” [name_m]Or[/name_m] something like that?? I feel like saying it in a more friendly way will make people less likely to say it just to get a rise out of the person?? If someone said that to me, it would be super clear that they just wanted to go by [name_f]Jillian[/name_f].

I think the stretchy nickname is also fine! As long as the person likes it.

Question…. Is the first letter of the name an option? Like [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] going by “J”?

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I don’t see any problem with telling people up front that they go by their full name, as long as they say it firmly and politely! But, unfortunately, there’s always going to be boogerfaces that’ll try to annoy the person.

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Luckily I don’t dislike the only predictable nickname for my name, but I have considered using a nn to get to a name that I like more than my given name… I don’t know that I’ve ever encountered someone who has to be corrected more than once or twice when someone voices that they don’t like a nn. That seems pretty rude to me, but I don’t live in a country where nicknames are pretty much guaranteed (which I’ve heard is the case in Australia, not sure if that’s where you’re at or if that’s the problem you’re facing in your dilemma?).

I think it depends on the person and what they think of their full name… both my sisters have longer (3 syllable) names, both have a common nn for their name that they strongly dislike, and they’ve found alternative nns they do enjoy (and are called frequently). One is fine going by her full name though, and the other… she doesn’t hate her full name and doesn’t hate being called by it, but she does feel weirded out if you’re close to her and still call her her full name. For her, her nn is akin with familiarity and closeness, and she doesn’t want to be called her full name unless it’s a formal or professional situation (graduations, classes, new work encounters, doctor appointments, etc.). If this person likes their full name and is happy to go by it, I would say sure, gently correct people back to “Jillian”. But if that isn’t really their ideal either, then I think it’s fine to say something like “Jill is a fine name but it doesn’t really suit me, I prefer to go by ______” or with new acquaintances they could even just introduce themselves “hi I’m [name_f]Lily[/name_f]! [name_f]Gigi[/name_f]! [name_f]Anya[/name_f]! Annie!” [name_m]Or[/name_m] whatever. All more stretchy nns but I don’t think it’s outside the realm of possibilities for a [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] to go by any of those :blush:

(If said person needs help brainstorming nn ideas, feel free to DM me, I’ve tried to wrangle any possible nn out of my own name as I possibly could a couple years ago lol.)

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It’s quite a common name, and nearly everyone with that name is either ok with the nickname or goes by it, so that makes people think that everyone with that name likes the nickname.

How about “It’s [name_f]Jillian[/name_f]. Please don’t call me Jill.” or, “I prefer [name_f]Jillian[/name_f], not Jill.”

Does “Don’t call me Jill” or “I hate being called Jill” make people want to mess with her maybe?

She’s unfortunately been caught out and impulsively said stuff on the fly which hasn’t been polite per se, but surprisingly the most effective :joy:

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Would something the distance of [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] to [name_f]Julie[/name_f] be appropriate for the stretchy nickname?

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Would there be any way of dealing with said boogerfaces firmly?

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I totally get it would be so annoying and frustrating to be called a name you dislike over and over! I think something like [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] to [name_f]Julie[/name_f] is fine also :slight_smile:

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The person would want to go by [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] ideally and have people use it, just for the ones who can’t stand not giving someone a nickname they can call her [name_f]Julie[/name_f]. I don’t get why people feel the need to shorten any name over two syllables! We say long words all the time without shortening them, so why names?

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I’m not sure, you could say something like “I feel really disrespected when you call me X, so please call me Y. If you continue to disrespect me, than…(some boundary setting according to the situation)”

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I don’t know, people can be frustrating? I know a little girl whose name is [name_f]Jessica[/name_f] and not only does it not get shortened… she gets called [name_f]Jessica[/name_f] + one of her middles (she has two!) very often! [name_m]Even[/name_m] by friends of the family, it’s not just something her parents do and that’s it…. So surely your person could be [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] with no nickname. Three syllables truly isn’t a lot to contend with lol.

If you truly can’t get them to stop… then maybe entertain a nn but remember to take deep breaths and know this is going to be a long-haul situation. Sorry, wish I had better advice for you! I’m rather flabbergasted by it all, I don’t know one person who gets called something against their will more than once or twice accidentally, that sounds frustrating! (But I’m wondering… if they don’t use the full name… would they use a less intuitive nn?)

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I have a brother who goes by a very unintuitive nickname from his middle name, and he always introduces himself with his middle name (the equivalent of Gregory) and says he’s “Gregory, and I don’t go by Greg; but you can call me Gage”. I do realize it is different for masc presenting persons than femme ones though, but there is nothing wrong with someone saying “hey my name is [Jillian], please don’t call me [Jill], if you must I do prefer [Julie]”. [name_m]Or[/name_m] just introducing themselves as [name_f]Julie[/name_f] to begin with :woman_shrugging: so many go by middle names, unintuitive nickname, or unrelated ones entirely that most should get it right and if they don’t it’s likely because they are being obtuse on purpose and there is really no polite way of making them outside of refusing to answer to [name_f]Jill[/name_f], or just firmly reiterating “I don’t go by Jill; [name_f]Jillian[/name_f] is my name but you can call me [name_f]Julie[/name_f] if you must”. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to have others insist on what your name is; but honestly if the person is having so many issues there is no true polite way to make others call them what they want and more firm measures are probably needed (i.e. like refusing to respond to “Jill”; childish but possibly most effective with family/friends imo, or telling them to just call you “Julie” so they feel they have a pet form; a firm reminder to coworkers/bosses/teachers “my name is Jillian”, I personally wouldn’t even mention the possibility of “Julie” in these scenarios as a nickname feels more personal and sticking to the full name would be easiest to police in a professional type setting; being firm “I’m [name_f]Jillian[/name_f], not Jill” when meeting new people and offering “Julie” up if they keep slipping to Jill)

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Thank you!! I completely agree. Repeatedly enforce just “Jillian” for formal settings but in more casual ones, after several stuff ups, give someone the option of [name_f]Julie[/name_f] as the nickname instead.
Family and close friends never actually use [name_f]Jill[/name_f], just people outside the family. Family hates all nicknames, and reinforced this sentiment always. They didn’t think [name_f]Jill[/name_f] would be an issue, somehow!

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Seconding this - this stops it from the get go - and as you get older, I think people are more respectful of things like this, especially if you do say it in this friendly manner. I don’t think this is weird - you could even add as smiley/friendly sort of ‘I’ve just been called [name_f]Jill[/name_f] way to many times jokey :roll_eyes:’, so again, it’s setting the boundary but not in any clunky way.

If that does feel awkward or someone does persist in the nickname, you could correct them the first time, then what I’ve done is I tend to just say my name whenever they use the nickname - so just as an example:

Person: so, [name_f]Gracie[/name_f] -
Me: [name_f]Grace[/name_f]
Person: hmm?
Me: [name_f]My[/name_f] name’s [name_f]Grace[/name_f]. Not [name_f]Gracie[/name_f]
Person: oh

I find it makes it awkward enough people often remember and don’t do it again

In terms of a stretchy nickname, I think you could definitely do that - and the unexpectedness of it might mean it both appeals and sticks in people’s mind?

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I’d say introduce with the version of the name you want to be called, with no caveats. For example, my legal name is [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] but I go by [name_f]Sadie[/name_f], which is the opposite of your question but I think my answer is the same.

I say “I’m Sadie” and if they’re looking at my name for some reason, like at a doctors office or whatever, and they see [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] and decide to call me that instead of [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] I’ll firmly correct them.

I would never say I’m [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] short of [name_f]Sarah[/name_f], but please don’t call me [name_f]Sarah[/name_f]. That would put [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] in people’s heads when I want the opposite. If I just say I’m [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] and then wait for them to make the error it’s easier to correct, and don’t put any ideas in their heads.

People should call people what they want to be called, regardless of how long or difficult to pronounce it is. I have a student who has a long and complicated to pronounce in [name_f]English[/name_f] name, and already all of the other kids can pronounce it and call him it with no trouble because we practiced and always corrected them when they made a mistake.

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So essentially, the pink elephant paradox - telling someone not to think about a pink elephant makes them think about a pink elephant more even subconsciously. Thank you, [name_f]Sadie[/name_f]! I didn’t consider that before but it makes total sense.

It reminds me of this girl I know who got called “Danielle” at roll call but she goes by “Maddy” - she threw a massive spack about being called [name_f]Danielle[/name_f] and yelled at the teacher for calling her [name_f]Danielle[/name_f] when her name’s Maddy… and I must confess, it took a long time to not think of her as [name_f]Danielle[/name_f] or even Danielle-Maddy after that! (While still calling her [name_f]Maddy[/name_f] in person).

Thank you for your viewpoint :blush:

So I’m thinking the best course of action would be to:

  1. Introduce just as “Jillian”
  2. Correct people when they inevitably use [name_f]Jill[/name_f]
  3. For repeat offenders, provide an alternative nickname to use instead of [name_f]Jill[/name_f] (Have thought of one less stretchy than [name_f]Julie[/name_f] which is growing more liked by the minute)
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