Now, I am nowhere near getting pregnant – I’m still in high school – but I’ve been wondering lately about the pros and cons of having smaller families (1-3 kids) versus larger families (4+).
With smaller families, you can really focus on and nurture each child – no one gets left behind. Plus, more money to go around. But with larger families, the children are often less lonely and have more “friends” in the family. More kids to relate to. There’s more to love and more fun but less flexibility and less attention per child.
I grew up and live in a very conservative town where it’s VERY common to have 4+ kids. Knowing myself, being an obsessive perfectionist type, I’m probably going to end up having to have a larger family for the sanity of my children – don’t want to suffocate them! :lol:
What do you think? Which do you prefer personally? [name]Do[/name] you think it’s a matter of what your personality is?
Definitely a matter of your personality - and your own upbringing, too. For example, I am not an only child, but growing up I was the only child still living at home. Despite this, I never, ever played with my parents or spent time with them - they were always off doing their own things, and then I went to boarding school at a young age. I think this has made me a large family-fan - I always longed for the automatic playmate of a sibling, but I also noticed some good products of quite how much I was left to my own devices - a really good imagination, for example, from relying on myself for entertainment. I had a lot of common sense from an early age, too, because my parents weren’t always hovering there to point out that if you run on the slippy surface, you might fall and hurt yourself et cetera. For this reason, the relative autonomy children in a large family have appeals to me - I think the qualities I mentioned above are really important, and if I had only one or two children, I’d be tempted to fuss over them to an extent which I personally think would be too much (that said, I plan to interact with my children a lot more than my parents did with me - I might homeschool for the primary (elementary) years to make this happen).
In contrast, I know families of one or two children where a stay-at-home parent constantly interacts and plays with the kids, and that obviously has its own benefits - so I know many of my friends who had upbringings like that, would not want more children than they could give what they deem a ‘proper’ amount of attention to, ie almost 24/7.
So, I myself hope to have a big family. Because I’m an eco-worrier, and also simply because the idea appeals to me, my large family would probably be through adoption.
This is such an interesting topic - I’d love to hear from Berries who already have children, and hear how their plans might have changed etc.!
For me personally, I would like to have either two or three children. It’s easier to manage, easier to afford and each child gets more attention and time. I also want to have a career, and I feel with more children this becomes more difficult.
However for other people with different situations and lifestyles, the more the merrier and I admire them!
I am only 14 so this is in the distant future for me
Like you, I’m also in high school, but I’ve also wondered about family size.
I have only one sibling, so I’ve always felt that having a smaller family is best. The parents and children are usually closer and get along well, and the kids don’t feel neglected in a way by their parents. Also, I kind of that parents shouldn’t really be outnumbered by their kids (except for maybe by one kid).
I have a friend who is the oldest of about 5 biological siblings, and has lived with numerous foster siblings. He told me it totalled around 9 over the years. He’s also told me that with so many kids it’s hard to find quiet, alone time, and that he’s not very close with his parents. Which is so sad to me, because I’m very close with both of my parents.
Now I know this is an extreme example, but I still think that too many kids isn’t the best choice - at least for me! Everyone is different, and it definitely depends on the kind of person you are and your financial situation.
Knowing that I can get stressed easily and need my alone time, as well as that I want to be a teacher, I’ll probably stick with 2 kids in the future.
Good point, isaberry. I forgot about the career factor.
I see where you guys are coming from. But in my family, I don’t get along well with anyone, so sometimes I wish there was another person that I might be able to connect with. Sometimes I just feel suffocated because it’s so small, you know? And the loneliness often hurts. So I guess this is just case-by-case. But I’m curious to see what others have to say!
I think family size is a very personal decision. There is no “perfect” family size and I think that how many kids a couple has is no one’s business but their own. I know several large families (7+ kids) and I’ve found that they are actually a lot closer than families with just 2 or 3 kids. I am a very passionate defender of large families and small families alike, but since large families are generally the most attacked I have a lot more to say in that area. I don’t want to turn this into a debate, though.
At this point, I’d like to have 4 kids. A few months ago I would have told you that I thought 10 was a good number for me. My ideal family size changes often. Since I’m only 15 though I have a while before kids become a part of my life. I do know that whether I have 2, 4, 10, or 20, I want to adopt my kids.
I’m for smaller families personally. I don’t have anything against other people having large families, but for my hubby and I, we both did not want many kids. Our plan was to have 2 and hopefully have one child of each sex, but if we had 2 children of the same sex we’d have 1 more child. Regardless of the sex we would stop at 3 maximum.
Well our first 2 kids were a girl and a boy, so we were content with that. I was very happy to stop there and focus on getting my life in order (we started our family very young and hubby and I still haven’t established careers. we are studying now.) But life had other plans for us - I fell pregnant with baby #3 unexpectedly. It did throw us a bit because another baby did not really fit in with our ‘plan’ at the time. But it’s definitely not a bad thing, these things happen. It’s better it’s happened now rather than 10 years down the track when my other kids would be much older, would be like having 2 families, which is something we really don’t want. We haven’t found out the sex of this bub yet it will be a surprise but we will be happy with either sex. I honestly think we could have stopped after 1 child and been happy (at least I know my hubby would have. I was happy after 2)
This number 3 is definitely the last one though. I love kids but being a stay at home mum isn’t for me, I get weird about being house bound all day, I like being a mother but I don’t like the home mum/housewife role - I really go a bit crazy :lol: . My hubby doesn’t want any more because he doesn’t want to have to buy a large car!! I want a career. I don’t know if it’s possible to be really career focused and have a large number of children, I’d worry the children would miss out. I think the career/family balance is a big factor as to how many children you have, at least it has been for me. It’s a personal choice. Finances are another factor. As students we can’t afford to give our kids all that we’d like to, or educate them in private schools. Unless your hubby earns big bucks and you have 6 kids, school fees are really expensive. I guess it’s nice to plan how many kids you’d like now, but remember that life does not go according to plan.
I have friends who are successful and beautiful but are depressed because they have not found Mr right. And therefore they are worried that they will not have kids before 30. They had their whole life mapped out from a young age and I honestly think that doing so has caused them nothing but disappointment. So be careful you don’t get your feelings hurt with your planning don’t put undue pressure on yourself
It’s better it’s happened now rather than 10 years down the track when my other kids would be much older, would be like having 2 families, which is something we really don’t want.
That’s exactly how my family is. I’m going to college in not too long, and I’ll grow up without one of my brothers. It’s strange knowing that I will never know him like I know my other brother. I love my youngest brother, but I wish my parents hadn’t had him nine and a half years after me.
I know, life doesn’t go according to plan. :lol: But I’m a crazy planner. I have to plan things out so I can sleep at night. But it’s okay – I don’t get upset when things don’t work out, I just readjust my plan. I am constantly readjusting. :lol:
Obviously there’s no one right answer for everyone but my husband and I have three kids and that number works really well for us. Like you said, we have more money and time to devote to each kid and we’re not too strapped for cash. I’m even able to stay home with the kids though I do plan to go back to work once the baby is in school. The kids are close in age and love playing together (most of the time.) I think with three or four kids you kind of get the best of both worlds.
I’m not the best mulitasker and I don’t think I could really handle more than the three I have. Some people thrive on that though. I guess it just depends on the person.
It really depends on finances to me. If you want a large family that’s awesome, but it’s not okay if you can barely afford to care for them. I would love a large family, but no more than 4 or 5 biological children and the rest would be adopted. I personally believe that with so many children in the world that need homes and live in orphanages plus the human population is getting so huge, you should adopt children if you want 7+. Sorry if that statement offended people with that many biological children, but that’s what I believe.
I think that if you end up having more than around 5 children, unless there are some twins/triplets, the oldest kids are going to do a lot of the raising of the younger ones. Also, children are quite a lot of work. If you want to have a career, but still focus on your children a lot, as isaberry said, a small amount of children would probably be better. That said, it really is a matter of opinion. I’d like a smaller family myself. Two or three kids at most.
Kids are definitely a long way off in my future only 19, but I am the elder of two and have always wanted a large family but I have no idea why. My mum grew up as practically an only child 11 years between her and her sister and my dad is also the eldest of two but for some reason I can’t imagine only have two. At this moment time I would like 4 maximum of 5 but they may change once I have actually had children.
I am the oldest of four girls. It was great when we were little, but as teenagers (which two of my sisters still are) it had awful moments. We were and are all hormonal at once and with there being so many of us there was almost always a fight going on.
My parents also split up when I was 6 and my youngest sister was 1. My mother couldn’t afford all four of us on her own, and we lived with my grandparents until I was 15.
I plan on not having more children then I can afford as a single woman, as of right now (at the ripe old age off 22) I want 3 children. 2 doesn’t seem like enough and 4 seems too many.
I would love to hear from women who already have children and what their opinions are
I’m more of a small family person. I come from a small family myself - it was just me and my mother for 11 years, until my younger brother was born - so that may be why. Also, I live in [name]London[/name], where the term is “childfree” rather than “childless”, so there are a lot more small families than large ones. A lot of people don’t want kids.
Oddly enough, I love names but really hate the idea of having a child! I just find children over the age of about 2 extremely irritating - no offence to all of you who have little ones of your own! I assume that will change over the next few years though, and I envisage myself having maybe 1 to 3 within the next decade / decade and a half. All adopted or from a surrogate, I have a fear of pregnancy/childbirth. I’d love to spoil my kids rotten, so just a few would work out well.
Of course it’s different for everyone, but to me small families just make more sense.
I definitely wouldn’t like a family like my own. I’m 22, with my second child on the way, but I’m married and I live in my own house. I’m the oldest of 5, but whats weird is I’ve never lived with one of my sisters.
I’m 22, I have twin brothers who are 15, another brother who is 6 and a sister who is 3. Whats kind of hilarious is that my daughter is older than her aunt by a year! My mom and dad decided they wanted another baby when I moved out with my daughter, I guess they missed having a baby in the house or something.
I don’t regret getting pregnant young, it wasn’t planned but I was with my husband 4yrs by then so I knew we were rock solid.
I’m expecting a girl again this time, and I think I’d like to have one more baby, hopefully a boy. I know a lady who kept having children until she had both genders, and ended up having 6 boys before she had her girl. I don’t think I’d go that far, but I would love a son.
Definitely no more than three though. I don’t think I’d cope with more than three!
My thoughts exactly. I have always wanted between 2 and 3 children, and I attribute that to my background. It’s just who I am, I guess. 1 is too few and 4 is too many. I want to enjoy my children.
Also, I have always felt the need to plan things in advance/be prepared/work/ be efficient/etc., so I think that I personally would feel better with a small family.
I agree with previous posters that small families do make more sense, and that you should never have more children than you can provide for.
I always wanted three or four children, whilst my husband wanted a bigger family.
We decided to take it one at a time, and assess how we felt. After having four, we decided to have one more, and ended up with twins!
We now have six kids, aged from eight years to seven months.
I love seeing all the children playing together, they are all great friends! For this reason, I think a big family is fantastic! But I must say that it isn’t easy. I do occasionally imagine how different my life would be if we had stopped after the first two, three or four.Though it would be easier, I don’t regret having a lot of children.
I think it is a decision that you need to think about carefully, becasue you can’t go back! Also, be warned! With a big family you will run into a lot of people who disapprove and aren’t afraid to tell you!
I have always wanted a larger family, although I’m not exactly sure why. I am the oldest of two (I have a brother) while my husband is the youngest of two (he has a sister).
Our parents though, all come from larger families: My mother is the second of four (3 girls, 1 boy), my father is the oldest of four (1 boy, 3 girls), DH’s mother is a twin and the second (by minutes) youngest of 5 (1 boy, 4 girls) and DH’s father is the oldest of 3 (2 boys, 1 girl). I think I envy them in a way because sometimes it would get a little lonely growing up - although my brother and I are very close, and close in age, unlike DH and his sister who have six years between them. Oddly, I don’t know if DH can really relate to that feeling of loneliness, but I don’t think he cares to think that deeply about his childhood, or to examine his relationship with his sister that closely, sigh men!
When I was a teenager my mother admitted to me that she kind of wished that she and my father had of tried for another child. I don’t want to ever feel that way!
I think that for me, two is too little but five is too much, so I am hoping that we have three or four children (DH would prefer two or three so lets hope I have twins! :lol: )
