I thought this could be a safe space to chat with other moms about body related things after having babies, ask for advice, or seek support and understanding. 
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I’m 2 months postpartum and I officially got back down to my pre pregnancy weight today! According to a bmi calculator I still have 17 pounds to lose to get into “healthy weight” range though. And my abs have a 4 finger separation which is wild, a normal separation between ab muscles is 1 finger. It’s going to take a lot of physical therapy to bring my abdominals back together if it’s possible without surgery. I feel like when women talk about postpartum healing it’s about the downstairs area most of the time but no one talks about your abs stretching apart and how long that takes to heal and regain core strength! A lot of women talk about “mom pooch” like it’s fat but for a lot of people it’s actually an ab separation [name_f][/name_f]- and weight loss doesn’t cure it. Mine wasn’t fully healed after [name_m]Marshall[/name_m] before getting pregnant again and so now it’s a pretty extreme gap. [name_m]Wisdom[/name_m] I can pass to [name_f]Bonnie[/name_f] one day I suppose if she decides to have children!
[name_f][/name_f][name_f]My[/name_f] core feels extremely weak, and I can’t do normal exercises without my abs “coning” which my Dr. told me can actually make the separation worse. So for now I am doing abdominal activation. It’s pretty simple, I lie on my back and flex my abs in toward my spine. It’s so simple yet I actually do get a workout from it at this point! Insurance doesn’t cover physical therapy or surgery to repair ab separation unless it results in a hernia I guess, so i’m left to the internet and fellow moms testimonies!
[name_f][/name_f]Has anyone dealt with an ab separation after pregnancy?
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I’ve been questioning whether I have an ab separation, but I did the finger test and didn’t pass - I guess it’s just a pooch. 
I’m really trying to embrace it because I had my son via c section over a year ago now and I can see that my stomach is never going to look exactly the same as before pregnancy. But I do consider getting a “tummy tuck” in the future - depends on things like whether or not I’ll have another child or can justify the cost to myself.
A difficult part of it for me was that I’ve always been skinny and small framed. Never was perfect but the thing I liked most about my body was my stomach, and now I don’t have that. And most frustrating of all, I can’t stand the way I look in nearly all my clothes. I feel like I look pregnant again, and when I’m bloating during menstruation?? Forget it. It’s spandex and big sweatshirts all week.
It’s nice to let it out. I don’t like to talk about it out loud because it seems to come off as a form of fishing for compliments, but I’m really not in the business of bragging about my pre pregnancy body, I just want to hear someone say they understand, you know?? Sometimes people forget that people with all body types experience insecurity.
I truly wish for every mom out there to eventually come to a loving relationship with their body. We deserve nothing short of that.
By the way, I’m sorry insurance doesn’t cover more options for you. I hope core exercises will continue to help you, but remember to take it easy too, since you are only 2 months pp. I’ve read it usually takes longer than that though there doesn’t seem to be an exact timeframe.
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Thank you so much for your response! I feel the same, I have a feeling my stomach may never look the same as it once did and that’s something I have to come to accept.
I’ve thought of tummy tuck too, i’ve read online they can fix an ab separation during a tummy tuck too, it’s just so expensive that unless something in my life drastically changes it probably won’t be an option at least until my kids are on their own.
More than anything I just hope to feel as strong as I once did, I think the weakness and straining to do daily activities bc of my stretched out muscles is what really bothers me the most. I too feel like I still look a little pregnant even though by now my uterus has probably shrunken down. My skin is also a lot more loose than pre-pregnancy. I feel like I bounced back so quick after my first but now after my second I think I was expecting the same and that’s just not my reality this time around.
It makes me feel so much better to be able to talk about it in a space free from judgement with people that genuinely understand! It’s so true women of all body types experience insecurity, there are so many changes that take place when your body does something as miraculous as create life! I do need to love it for that and give myself grace. Even if it takes years to rehabilitate my core. Thank you again for responding!
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Thank you for this thread. I just wanted to say I already feel seen from what you have both shared. I might come back later to say more.
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Ahhh gosh it’s amazing to see threads actually addressing the changes in our bodies after pregnancy but also just life in general so thank you!
Firstly I think as women we put to much stress/pressure on yourselves to be the ‘perfect’ image whatever that is depending on what images are shown to you. I live in a area that is very multicultural the biggest communities being Afro-Caribbean where women tend to aspire to look differently to Asian hijabi women another big community, to the travelling community another large community within my area which is the community people identify me with predominantly due to my dad and his family etc women are desired to be ‘glamorous’ fake tan, lash extensions, micro bladed eyebrows, glamorous party outfits short dresses etc, hair extensions, acrylic nails and ideally traveller women aim for the Barbie figure of incredibly slim but big boobs so for a tall, plus size girl with small boobs but big butt I do not fit in with the traveller aesthetic. So I have always had body image issues I was very skinny as a teenager I had anorexia after I got pregnant at 16 with my angel baby my body changed I had really bad angry red stretch marks which I was very self conscious about and my issues surrounding ED worsened. I then entered recovery and years later became pregnant and brought earthside my daughter Lilia. During my pregnancy I lost tons of weight as I had hg I had a very traumatic pregnancy/birth in every sense which really affected my overall sense of self. I just didn’t feel like myself at all after she was born it’s been a long journey but now I feel that despite not fitting in with the image that I’ve always wanted to be I’m actually happy with myself. Honestly I think just preaching self acceptance, discovering my own sense of style and realising that my body has given me the best gift has put me in a position where I feel so body happy 
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This was touching to read @tori101 …As a slightly tall and small-chested woman I understand the battle of accepting yourself in a world that doesn’t always deem it ideal. It sounds like you’ve done some healthy self-reflection and I love what you said about appreciating the gift your body has given you. I try to think of that every time I instinctively squeeze my belly out of insecurity - my baby, my everything was once here - and my scar is a testament to my body’s journey of bringing him earthside. I’m not a little girl anymore; I’m a woman and a mother, and my body reflects that now. 
It really feels good to hear others thoughts and know we aren’t alone.
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I’ve debated sharing but here goes:
[name_f][/name_f]I’ve been “bigger” since I hit puberty 2 months after my 10th birthday. Many women in my life shamed me for it when, in retrospect, was I not only not responsible for the food I was eating at that age but also I was a really active kid. Sports at the rec center for at least 1-3hrs every day 5 days a week after school and swimming 2hrs 3x a week during the summer in addition to sports at the rec center. I would tell my younger self those things if I could. But basically there was a lot of womanly fat suddenly with nowhere to go until I gained full height at 12 and my body balanced out a little as a teen although I was still bigger[name_f][/name_f] because I wasn’t 100lbs and flat-stomached like my mom was.
[name_f][/name_f]Weight has been a lifelong battle. I have long had suspicions that my metabolism isn’t what it ought to be but never had the money to really dig into it. Going into this first pregnancy, I was a lot bigger than I wanted to be because of a medication my OB had me on that drained my energy and I was barely able to do my job and go grocery shopping once a week, let alone the gym multiple times a week.
[name_f][/name_f]Then I gained about 30lbs with this pregnancy and only lost a third of what I’d hoped to lose. AND I gained 5lbs because I hurt my back then had some sinus something going on and then my first postpartum period came this week and hit me like a freight train.
[name_f][/name_f]I’m hoping to hit the gym, cardio only, starting next week about 3-4x a week and hopefully my apartment complex’s pool will open soon. I’ve also just been struggling with meal planning and eating out too much and I honestly feel like I’m drowning in just the never-endingness of it all–the baby, meals, cleaning. I feel like I’m failing all 3, honestly.
[name_f][/name_f]So basically I’ve never really been happy with my body but my body now is pretty bad. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been. [name_f][/name_f] [name_f]My[/name_f] waist (which has always been smaller) is the largest it’s ever been. Despite precautions, I have nasty looking stretch marks on my stomach and my upper legs. [name_f]My[/name_f] arms feel HUGE and I dread and will probably try to avoid tank tops this summer. I want to drop at least 40lbs by the time we want to try #2[name_f][/name_f] but right now I don’t know how I’m ever going to handle more than 1 child…
[name_f][/name_f]In short, life’s been a lot and both women and men have been extremely cruel. Thankfully my husband is wonderful.
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Ahhh @rosajune[name_f][/name_f] thank you honestly our bodies bringing growing and bringing these lives into the world are miraculous and we need to celebrate. I have a lot of black female friends and both African & Caribbean communities really celebrate curvier female form along with mothers. Mothers are so respected being around these fabulous women and their partners. Seeing how uplifted they are as mothers has massively helped my whole self acceptance journey. So grateful to them girlies! [name_m]Just[/name_m] keeping reminding yourself that your body is worth so much love without it you wouldn’t have S0nny 
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I had to message you to say take the pressure off reading this post makes me feel for you [name_f][/name_f] and feels very similar to myself.
[name_f][/name_f]I have always been bigger and sucked at sports so this was not a winning combination. [name_m]Just[/name_m] like you I was judged by a lot of people within my life for my weight. I was bullied and experienced ED as a teen so was very skinny as a result.
[name_f][/name_f]I’m now bigger a UK size 16 and I know that I’m overweight but I’ve accepted that happiness is the most important. I’ve set goals for myself so I complete a 20 minute workout video daily, eat relatively healthily and record what I eat. This helps me feel healthy and comfortable. But I still enjoy life you still need to enjoy life and food is part of that I enjoy going out for dinner so I do, I enjoy baking so I do and I enjoy hosting so I do. Try not to allow these thoughts over consume you your body has given you an amazing gift, try to break the generational cycle of body judgement by loving yourself and the fact that your trying and you care is amazing.
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What a wonderful idea for a thread! Such an good thing to talk about and normalise! 
I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight (baby is one today, for timeline context). I was already overweight when I got pregnant, so I still want to lose more, but getting rid of my pregnancy and post-partum weight gain (12 kgs in total) was my first stage goal and I feel so accomplished. I would like to weigh less before #2[name_f][/name_f] because medical people just treat you differently when you’re overweight (even if it’s not by heaps). Not that I had a bad experience with anyone while pregnant, but they do talk to you like your size will make everything dangerous and impossible (it really didn’t).
[name_f][/name_f]I am very blessed that my body handled pregnancy very well overall. I have no abdominal separation or saggy skin. [name_f]My[/name_f] physio said they allow for 2.2 centimetres between abdominals and mine was 1.5 at 6 weeks post-partum (I walk a lot, which I think really helped). I still had exercises for core-strength and pelvic floor strength, though. I have a handful of stretch marks, but they have faded from purple to basically skin tone now, and aren’t very noticeable at all. I love them, though. I really wanted them as a reminder of my journey with my daughter, and complained to my husband constantly that I hadn’t got any during my pregnancy. They finally turned up in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy and I was so excited, haha! 
Surprisingly, I think being overweight before pregnancy actually helped me to accept my body and the changes much better. I was very thin in my early 20s and started to gain weight after getting married. I hated my body for a long time and learning to love myself at any size was a long journey. I feel like having already battled this demon made pregnancy smoother. I’ve already seen my body change, so what’s a bit more change. I am also blessed with a husband who regularly reminds me that he loves me and my body, whatever shape it’s in.
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@user10[name_f][/name_f] I hope your physio exercises work well and you don’t need surgery for your separation! 
[name_f][/name_f] I definitely agree that women should be taught more about how to heal their whole body[name_f][/name_f] after pregnancy and birth.
You can definitely feel strong again! I am much stronger now than at any point during pregnancy or early post-partum. I know it feels a bit impossible early on, but it does come back, especially if you slowly increase your exercise safely overtime.
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@rosajune[name_f][/name_f] I’m sorry you are struggle with how you look and feel in your clothes post-partum. It’s such a big change. It’s okay to take time to get back in touch with your body and find new clothes to love. Clothes are designed to fit your body, not your body to fit clothes. Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable, and be kind to yourself!
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@tori101[name_f][/name_f] I agree! We need to disconnect ourselves from these fake visions of “perfect” bodies! Pregnancy affects our bodies in so many ways, some of which are permanent. The concept of “bouncing back” is ridiculous and doesn’t help anyone!
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@cms1512[name_f][/name_f] I am so sorry that you have faced so much judgement about your body over time. People really can be cruel. It’s so awful. I’m glad you feel safe enough to share with us, here. Good luck on your weight loss journey before trying for #2[name_f][/name_f]! 
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[name_m]Ab[/name_m] separation is definitely something affecting me! I think I only had it mildly after my first baby, but it definitely got a lot worse this time. I noticed when I was on my hands and knees, and I realized looking down that my belly almost looked like two separate danglies. It’s hard to describe, but the two sides next to midline dangled down separately. It just looked weird to me!
[name_f][/name_f][name_f]My[/name_f] other struggle is that after I was done pumping for my first baby, my breasts shrunk a tonnnn. Never got better. And then they grew again during my second pregnancy, but only to the size they were before having any kids. Then PP this time, they shrunk again even though I was breastfeeding exclusively. And now my son is 16 months old and only nursing once a day, and they are even smaller. And add onto the that the fact that my nipples have white scar tissue streaking them because of usinmmm damage an sores from using the wrong flange size the whole year i pumped for my daughter.
[name_f][/name_f][name_f]My[/name_f] husband is thankfully very kind about it all, which helps some at least. But these changes also make me feel less confident in the bedroom, and I can’t imagine him not being at least a little bummed even though he is totally understanding and loves me the same. I still feel bad even though he tells me I don’t need to feel bad.
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[name_f][/name_f]Hopefully this offers someone some piece of mind about weight and BMI.
[name_f][/name_f]I’m a registered dietitian, so I’ve learned a lot about nutrition and health and bodies and such. One of my most informative classes was a master’s class a couple years ago about obesity. One important thing we learned that BMI is not a reliable indicator for health. [name_f]Kinda[/name_f] wild because it has been engrained into all of us that BMI is reliable. Probably the biggest drawback to BMI is that it was created exclusively using white, male bodies (as most things in health were and often still are), so it is not helpful to apply to other populations, including women and non-caucasion people. Different people have different body types, especially across ethnicities and sexes. Women specifically naturally have more body fat than men, and it’s meant to be that way. It’s healthy even! So it’s not fair to have men and women on the same weight:height comparison tool as men because our bodies are just different. And that doesn’t even account for the vast differences in body types within the same sex. All that to mean that a 27 BMI on a woman is not the same as a 27 on a white man.
[name_f][/name_f]Additionally, guess what BMI category has been found to have the most long-term health benefits anyway… The overweight category! There are a lot of theories and explanations as to why they think this is the case, but I can’t remember most of them.
[name_f][/name_f]Informative indicators of health status include things like energy levels, ability to need your physical needs and wants, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.
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@tori101[name_f][/name_f] Your story is very relatable! I was bullied for being more than average hairy especially before shaving when I was younger and also my skin will not tan i’m extremely pale and people would always say like my skin is blinding and I felt like I am not beautiful bc I am not tan. I hate that society [name_f][/name_f]- even culturally [name_f][/name_f]- people hold a very specific and closed minded idea of what beauty is instead of celebrating all forms of beauty every shape and every skin tone. And what I hate the most is the “beauty we celebrate is often time fake. Fake tan, eyelashes, surgery. I find natural beauty and curves far more breathtaking!
[name_f][/name_f]I also had hg in my recent pregnancy I had to take medication for and it’s absolutely debilitating I completely understand what you mean when you said you didn’t feel like yourself!!! I was losing more than a pound a day for a while it was bad. And the. when the medications started to help and I could eat I think I overcompensated a bit lol.
@cms1512[name_f][/name_f] I am sorry that you’re feeling that way, People are so rude I’m in disbelief on how society treats even young children who have no control, it’s so disgusting to put those superficial expectations on kids. And having a new baby is such a huge adjustment I swear after I had my first I didn’t keep the house super clean or cook elaborate meals. I definitely wasn’t keeping to a workout regimen and I definitely felt like I was drowning some days. I hope things start to get into a rhythm for you and you’re able to tackle just one thing at a time.
[name_f][/name_f]@_thelittlefairywren[name_f][/name_f] Your story is inspiring you are so positive about the changes in your body! I agree having a loving husband is so helpful to feel beautiful
@Audreymb[name_f][/name_f] Thank you for sharing about your ab separation now I don’t feel so alone!!! Is there anything you do to try to rehabilitate them? I exclusively pump for both my babies and I definitely feel more confident when my breasts are full of mil as when they aren’t they definitely look more deflated. I’ve also found certain nightgowns can make me feel more confident or sexy that mask the things i’m insecure about and enhance things i’m more confident about and that helps a lot with bedroom confidence for me. What you said about bmi is so interesting and comforting as I fall into the overweight category!
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For me, the thing I wish I’d heard more about before my pregnancies was the likelihood/risk factors of prolapse. I was blindsided by what turned out to be prolapse of the vaginal walls after the birth of my third baby. I was very fortunate to be able to do PT with an excellent therapist who helped me correct my posture, which had been poor for years and was contributing to the pressure on my pelvic floor. [name_f]My[/name_f] first delivery, which was hard (pushing for close to an hour, tearing, stitches), was probably what precipitated it. Both she and my obgyn reassured me that some degree of prolapse is very common; and I had never heard of it except for reading about it once in a veterinary context. If I had realized my risk factors, I could have done more to prevent it.
[name_f][/name_f]Also fortunately, mine is not severe and didn’t prevent subsequent pregnancies, as I was at first afraid it might. [name_f]My[/name_f] pregnancy with and delivery of my fourth baby didn’t worsen the prolapse at all.
[name_f][/name_f]I’m in a pretty good headspace about my weight, abs and core strength 15 months postpartum. I had a bit of ab separation which seems to have healed in the last couple months. I did a lot of swimming in [name_f]February[/name_f]. I still do have a pooch; several sweet little old ladies have asked if I’m pregnant again 
[name_f][/name_f] I should return to the core exercises my therapist taught me. We don’t have a scale at home, so I very rarely weigh myself. I don’t love the pooch, but my sweet husband still thinks I’m hot, so I’m good 
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That’s definitely something that needs more awareness bc I didn’t know about it either but I have had that extreme pressure feeling postpartum, my hubby and I call it the brick bc it feels like a brick is trying to fall out of there 
[name_f][/name_f]I love swimming and it’s so good for you I wish I had a family member with a pool or something! I could imagine that being a great way to strengthen your core with minimal stress to the muscles!
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I need to look into exercises to help with the diastasis recti, but I haven’t had the dedication or forethought to do so. I really need to! I have seen PT’s online talk about stuff, but I haven’t looked into it beyond hearing that it’s supposedly an option. Have you tried anything?
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]True[/name_m], sexy nightgowns do help me too! I need to remember those more haha. I’ll be curious to see if my breasts remain small once I am done BF all together. I am worried they will shrink even smaller than they did after my first because they started shrinking while I was still BF full time.