[name_m]Long[/name_m] story short…
My Grandma got married to her first husband, they had two children, one being my dad. When they were about 12 and 7, her husband passed away. She remarried within about two years and they are still together.
I don’t see my step grandad as a step grandad - I see him plain and simple as my grandfather even though we aren’t biologically related. I’ve known him since I was born and I don’t feel any detachment or any different to him than any other biological family members, if anything I probably like him more than some certain family members haha.
Anyway, it kind of bothers me that he doesn’t have anyone to carry his name as Grandma had complications with her second birth and was unable to have children after that. It makes me sad. He is so great with kids, it makes me sad that he doesn’t have his own, and even though he has four grandchildren, we are not biologically his and that makes me sad, without being disrespectful to my biological grandfather.
I really want to honour him, and I’ve even been thinking about changing my last name to his. Part of this feels disrespectful to my biological grandfather, I’ve done some family tree digging and the family was just amazing and its such a shame I never got to meet him. But on the other hand, my last name is just so negative for me. It reminds me of my dad, who isn’t all that much of a dad at all, but he’s still around to remind me he is living a great life without the commitment of children, and he would definitely kick up a sizable fuss if I were to change my last name. I can’t wait to get married He just can’t admit to his abuse and lack of responsibility and as amazing as my great grandparents and their story are, my dad just ruins the name for me. I’ve also considered using my mum’s maiden name, as I’m quite close to her father too.
I’m a grandads girl!
Is it insensitive of me to consider changing my last name if and when my father passes on? I mean its the only way I can see myself being able to change it without copping more abuse.
My mum also told me recently that if she had ever had another girl she would have called her [name_f]Summer[/name_f] - my step grandads last name. I don’t really like the name [name_f]Summer[/name_f], but when I thought about using it to honour him, I loved it.
But I love [name_f]Matilda[/name_f] and [name_f]Adelaide[/name_f] more
Plus I would be sad if he didn’t live to see his great granddaughter, of course.
SO that brings me to this - A blogger I follow didn’t give her daughter her last name or her partners, she gave her daughter her grandfathers last name. Although in my opinion she just did this because his last name was the coolest, most indie, but she said it’s to honour him even though she only ever shares negative things about him. Could I give my child a different last name to mine? Or it’s parents? Is that legal in Australia? [name_f]Do[/name_f] children have to carry one of their parent’s last names?
I have no idea of if this is a legal arrangement, but I think it could be confusing with things like travel or school enrollment, ect. Perhaps you can use his surname as a 2nd middle or use a variation of his surname as a first. Somerset perhaps? Or Summit?
My maiden name is not one that I felt any connection to or positive feelings for. I was estranged from my dad for many years and I have never met his family as they disowned him before I came along. So for me, I was happy to take my husband’s name after years of considering a legal name change anyway.
I think it would be nice to take your grandfather’s name if it makes you happy, but I would do it now while he’s around to know & so you can share it with your child.
Though I personally never felt that it’s sad when a person’s name dies with them, it is their memory living on through loved ones that’s important in my opinion.
Okay, I understand the previous posters concerns about the child not having the same last name of either of the parents, but I have some cousins that were adopted but kept their precious first and last name, so as far as parenting goes it has happened before and no one in my family ever seemed to make an issue of it. They were adopted at an older age.
Secondly, I would just change my step grandpa’s last name to my own. I understand your concerns about being disrespectful to your actual grandpa, but the way I see it is that you want to honor him because he was a father-figure in your life when your real father wasn’t and that is a very noble thing to do. If your dad has a problem with it, you explain to him that a man who wasn’t biologically related to him and couldn’t have his own children with your grandmother, took care of her two children as her own. An honest, decent man like that deserves to be respected; Many people would do alot less. Some people treat step-children differently to their own children so kudos to him.
I would take his last name and maybe talk to a counselor about any concerns you have related to your father. Incase you have any guilt before changing your last name, just to talk it through with a professional to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
Next, as for using your grandfathers last name on a child, it may be confusing to the child to have a different last name to either of his/her parents and also remember you will also have to consult the father of your child on this. It may be confusing to the children for siblings to have a different last name (to their parents or even to each other if you only use one child to carry his name). Also keep in mind that the father of the children may want someone to carry his last name. If your significant other has someone else in his family to carry on the name then it may be fine. Which leads me to my final point, how about just having a good old fashioned double barelled last name for the children. Like [name_f]Annie[/name_f] [name_f]Summer[/name_f]-insert fathers last name.
Legally, I think you can give your child any surname you want. However, this may be confusing. If I were you, I’d consider adding [name_f]Summer[/name_f] as a middle name for myself or my future child or both. I don’t think I’d just change my surname.
I’m not sure if it is legal in Austraulia or not, but here in [name_u]North[/name_u] [name_u]America[/name_u] I met three siblings who had different surnames from their parents. One parent was Italian, and had a different last name. The other had an unusual one as well, and they gave their 3 children pretty different ones too… I don’t want to mention all the names, they are fairly unique, and named after a load of different things. The son’s name was Laurien, I believe he was 10 or 11? Anyways, the children shared a last name, but different from the parent’s. I thought it was creative, but I don’t think I would do it myself. Changing your name to honor family is a fabulous idea, if you’re up to it that is
I’m also unsure of the legal rules about it but if you’re concerned your father will be upset about you changing your last name then I doubt he’d be any less upset about it with his grandchild. I also think it’s something you’d really need to make sure the father of your child was on board with and prepared for possibly a number of relatives (your father and in-laws) having issue with the idea. I also think it might get confusing to have both parents have a different last name then their child. I think a lot of people will make assumptions like that the child was adopted or refer to you with the wrong surname. If you wish to keep things simple perhaps using it as a middle name would be the easy route.
[name_m]Benji[/name_m] [name_m]Madden[/name_m] (better known as [name_f]Nicole[/name_f] Richies partner) changed his last name from his fathers to his mothers maiden name. His father abandoned the family and they wanted to make a nod to their mother who worked hard to support the family. People do these things. It may be difficult though to change all the names on bills and diplomas etc… but if it is something you want to do it should be worth the effort.
You should have the same last name as your child. I think you should either change your own surname beforehand & give that surname to your child(ren), or should you decide to keep your/partner’s last name, you should keep the same name for your child & pay homage to your grandfather with a middle name.
I wouldn’t give it as a last name. [name_f]Summer[/name_f] is my cousin’s name so I don’t see what the problem is with just naming your child [name_f]Summer[/name_f] or using it as a middle name. That seems the easiest way to go about it. Passing on your family name is such an old outdated tradition…
He just can’t admit to his abuse and lack of responsibility and as amazing as my great grandparents and their story are, my dad just ruins the name for me. I’ve also considered using my mum’s maiden name, as I’m quite close to her father too.
