My cousin is due about a month before me and we are both having girls. I just found out that one of her top contender names is [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] - that also happens to be my top contender, but my partner and I are not sharing our name choice. My cousin does not live close to me, but is it really bad to have two [name_f]Sophia[/name_f]'s in one family? I know there are millions of names, but this is literally the only name my partner and I both love and agree on.
If you don’t see your cousin that much, I wouldn’t worry about it. You can easily explain that you loved the name too and had it mind as well.
I wouldn’t worry about it–your children will be second cousins, after all, and how often will they see each other? And [name_f]Sophia[/name_f]'s a common enough name that it won’t seem as though you were copying her.
As a side note, my husband and his first cousin share the same name (first and last) AND they were in the same high school in the same grade. Occasionally it led to some confusion (it helped that they went by different nicknames), but overall it wasn’t really a big deal–their parents both happened to like and use the same name, and now that they are grown and living in different places it really doesn’t affect them at all.
Honestly, I don’t think not matters one bit. We have two [name_m]David[/name_m]'s, two [name_m]Luke[/name_m]'s, two [name_m]Matthews[/name_m], two [name_u]Michael[/name_u]'s, in my extended fam. No one thinks it’s weird. Use the name you love.
Two [name_m]Erik[/name_m]'s ( Spelled differently), Two Michaels, and two [name_u]Cameron[/name_u]'s( extended family cousin and my nephew) in my family, so no I don’t think it’s weird. I don’t want to use one of my uncle’s and aunts kids name, because I see them the most since they are my first cousins, but if my dad’s uncles had kids named something I liked I would use it because I don’t see them at all. So, if they don’t see each other( meaning like you go years in between before you see them again), it’s fine. Plus again, I think [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] is a common enough name like [name_u]Michael[/name_u] that two of them is fine.
I actually just wrote a blog post about this!
In general, I don’t think it really matters all that much for there to be two Sophias (or [name_m]Williams[/name_m], or Claudias, or whatevers) in the same family, but you do want to tread lightly. I’d recommend discussing your intention to use [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] with your cousin to avoid the shock that can add negative emotion to the situation. I’m all for using the name you like best whether or not someone you know has used it before, but it’s still important to be considerate of your cousin’s feelings.
That said, [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] is a top 10 name (and #1 in some states), so if your daughter not sharing a name is important to you, you might want to reconsider that choice.
I wouldn’t worry about it. you said it’s a top contender, so she might not even use it! even if she does I’m not sure it’s really a problem for cousins that distant to have the same name; unless you two were really close.
Unless you are super close and would be spending a lot of time together, I don’t think it matters at all.
Personally, it’d be a deal breaker for me. I didn’t use a name that I really loved because it was similar ([name_f]Bridget[/name_f]) to my EX-stepmother ([name_f]Gidget[/name_f]). She and my dad had been divorced for easily 15 years before I had kids. shrug I’m weird though so…
That being said, I have two cousins with the same first and middle name (one uses a nn and one doesn’t)…but they have different last names, are about 20 years apart in age and live at least three hours away from each other.
Maybe you could tell your cousin that you will definitely be using [name_f]Sophia[/name_f], as it’s literally the only name you and your husband agree on. That tips her off in case she would prefer to use one of her other top contenders instead.
If she then uses [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] anyway, at least she does so knowingly and without any potential resentment. I see no downside to telling her upfront.
Good luck!
I have three cousins called [name_u]James[/name_u], it’s fine.
I think it’s fine. Your cousin might not even end up using [name_f]Sophia[/name_f]. If she does, your daughter probably won’t see her daughter much anyway. You should use [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] if you love it.
I’ll echo what so many commenters have already said: you should definitely still use the name.
It’s no problem!
Personally, I’d continue looking for other options. I don’t liked shared names within a family (even an extended one), and if she’s due first then she has the right of way. If you truly can’t settle on anything else you are obviously free to use [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] if you wish but I’d tell her about it before you make any sort of public announcement so she has the time and space to settle her feelings on the matter before being put on the spot.
I guess I’m going to be the dissenting opinion here, but I would definitely not use a name my cousin had used without a very good reason like it being an important family name for my husband, but even then I’d probably still feel uncomfortable and use it as a middle name. I only see my cousins maximum once per year, but they’re still family and those names are taken. Conversely if my cousins have another baby and used my kid’s name, I would not be really happy about that.
[name_f]Sophia[/name_f] is a very common name. I don’t think it’s an issue.
Thank you for all the responses everyone. I definitely feel better about using the name, and I would certainly talk to my cousin before doing so. However, those that don’t believe it’s ok to use the name have given me some food for thought, which I really appreciate. Thanks again!
Probably best to see if she even uses the name.
It really depends on your relationship with your cousin, too. I wouldn’t use my cousins’ kids names because it would end up with little comments being made and it’d get on my nerves. But then again, none are Top Ten names. I find the more popular a name is, the less it can really be staked out.
My cousin has just used [name_m]Eli[/name_m], which I love… but now I won’t come any closer than something like [name_m]Ezra[/name_m] or [name_m]Levi[/name_m] as there’s no reason to copy (not a family name) and I would feel odd about it.