I’m expecting a baby boy and have had my heart set on [name_m]Rueben[/name_m] for many years. This is a name I’ve shared my love of with my family in the past and it’s special to me. However, my younger sister has recently come out as nonbinary (in the last year but before I was pregnant) and is now going by the name [name_u]Robin[/name_u]. I expressed some annoyance over this name when they informed me, because they knew I always wanted to call my son [name_m]Rueben[/name_m]. (They called me unsupportive and transphobic and said my “stupid baby which didn’t even exist couldn’t come between them and their perfect true self name”. We haven’t discussed it since.)
I know they are different names and look quite different on paper, but the pronunciation is incredibly similar and I’m very torn on if I can/should still use it. We’re a small family, my sister will be his only aunt. Although there’s a chance they might change names again or revert back to going by their birth name they are obviously insistent for now that [name_u]Robin[/name_u] will be their name forever. Are the two names too similar? I don’t want any of my extended family thinking I named my son after my sister.
Thanks for any advice.
I feel you could still use it. It’s similar, but not that similar to the point where its not usable. It wasn’t really fair of them to use the name knowing you liked a name similar.
[name_f]My[/name_f] opinion: Use it if you truly love the name!
i’d still use rueben ! the response of your sister is unnecessarily hurtful, considering they knew you had your heart set on this name.
despite that, i doubt the bitterness/questions over the name will stay for long once the baby is born, since the names’ similarity is more of just a coincidence.
Use it, it’s not like they didn’t know, so just as they have every right to choose the name [name_u]Robin[/name_u], you have every right to keep the name you love for your child. It’s similar but well, you just have similar taste.
They are similar and people might consider it to be an honour if they know your sibling’s name - but, if you love [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] enough, I think you could use it. Rue/Robbie/Bobbie/Ben have different sounds to differentiate between them if you were all together.
I’d say, wait a little time - see if you can have a less heated discussion, not with annoyance and more of a ‘how would feel if I used Reuben’?
I know in your position I’d feel incredibly annoyed at such a similar name choice, and I’d definitely feel unable to use it because of the similarity - but that is just my personal position and I do think it would be totally valid to continue with your choice.
Some things to consider. It’s not really safe (or fair) to assume that [name_u]Robin[/name_u] might change their name again so I wouldn’t bet on that eventuality. As others have said [name_u]Robin[/name_u] and [name_m]Rueben[/name_m] have different-sounding nickname options, so if you’re okay with similar names but different nicknames, it might be easier for you in the long run.
I am sorry you are going through this but I feel you should use [name_m]Rueben[/name_m]. Not only did you make your love of the name known before they chose [name_u]Robin[/name_u], but you made it known that you wanted to name a son [name_m]Rueben[/name_m], which VALIDATES your choice. [name_m]Rueben[/name_m] is such lovely name and I hope you use it! I know a brother and sister named [name_u]Shaun[/name_u] and [name_f]Dawn[/name_f] which probably isn’t ideal, but they’re adults now and it has worked out fine.
The way I see it, Robin’s naming decision for themselves and your naming decision for a son are not related in any way. I can understand your disappointment and if I was in your position I would probably be privately frustrated about the similarities too. However, I think [name_m]Rueben[/name_m] can still be an option for you if you can see Robin’s name choice as a separate decision to your name choice without lingering feelings of hurt.
I would not factor into your decision anything about your sibling changing their name in the future. I would also address your concerns about your son being named after your sibling by expressing why the name is special to you when you announce his name. If anyone did outwardly wonder, you can tell them the similarity is a coincidence. It is after all and as you mentioned your immediate family already know you love the name.
I didn’t like their response. At all. Stupid baby?! I’m shocked. [name_f]My[/name_f] little cousin has her favourite boy name and we all know not to use it. It’s about respect and love.
Did they officially change their name? Is they quite young ? It was such an impulsive and emotional reaction that it leads me to think they actually might change their mind about their name at one point and then you will forever regret not using your dream name. I’d still use it, it’s not thaaaat similar. Perhaps use it as a middle if it really bothers you? I’d definitely also explain to people that he is not named after them and his name has been your chosen name for a very very long time.
Sorry if I used they/ them wrong in some way, I’m still getting used to this new changed world
It sounds a little to me like your sibling isn’t upset about you using the name [name_m]Rueben[/name_m] so much as you expressing annoyance with them over the name they chose. I think it is fine for you to still use the name you want, and it doesn’t actually sound like they don’t want you to. They just want you to also be ok with them using [name_u]Robin[/name_u].
I don’t think [name_m]Rueben[/name_m] and [name_u]Robin[/name_u] are too similar at all. I would definitely still use your favourite name! And, honestly, even if they were similar, I’d still say go for it - I honestly don’t think the similarities (to whatever degree) matter.
First of all, your precious baby boy is NOT stupid. Congratulations!
You’ve had your heart set on this name for a long time, so I would definitely go for it!
