Yes I know this sounds crazy but we want to change or sons name. We called him [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] and he knows himself as benji, but both my partner and I can’t bring ourselves to call him anything. We just call him darling.
We first flagged our name regret after 4 months and we’re talked into keeping it by our elders ( mainly the in laws)
To save ourselves shame and upsetting people we left his name as is but find we both have knots in our stomach when hearing others say his name
It’s just so removed from anything I would have ever considered. So depressed
I’m scared because I don’t want horrible family members to make fun of him or to confuse or hurt him in anyway
But imagine having a beautiful grown son and you still regret saying his name
It’s not even a bad name it’s just not our name for him if you know what I mean
[name_u]Lawrence[/name_u]
[name_m]Fox[/name_m]
[name_m]Floyd[/name_m]
[name_u]Indiana[/name_u]
I think it will be difficult to change a 3 year olds name. My two year old already knows his name and will tell you his name is [name_u]Sam[/name_u]. But if you guys really have this much regret over his name, maybe change his first name to something you and your partner like better and move [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] or [name_m]Benji[/name_m] to his middle name. You could start out calling him [name_m]New[/name_m] Name [name_m]Benji[/name_m] and then eventually drop [name_m]Benji[/name_m] when you call him. What is his current middle name? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you like that name better?
Obviously the situation isnt ideal but at the end of the day the longer you put it off the less likely you are to change it which isn’t good for either of you. Many children who are adopted at older ages have their names changed and i haven’t heard of a child not adapting to their new name. I think if you make sure to transition to his new name in the right ways e.g explaining whats happening, make sure he’s not made to feel like its anything to do with him, slow transition like using it as a nickname with his current name e.g benji “insert new name” etc. As for family make sure you are firm with them and make sure they understand that they must not make negative comments regarding the name in front of your son and make sure they use his new name. Lastly please don’t beat yourself up over this, things don’t always work out how think they will.
I’m sorry you’re going through this! I posted my own thread about potentially changing my 2-year old son’s name, and got a lot of wonderful, helpful responses: Nameberry - Welcome to the Nameberry Forums
Why did you pick [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] in the first place? Did you like it then, and later changed your mind? Did something happen to change your mind about it? Or were you pressured to pick [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] by family members and you never liked the name?
Well, in order to change it, you’re going to need to change it to something HE likes, too, at this point. Something he wants to be called. Or is it that you want his legal name to be [name_m]Benji[/name_m]? What’s your desired alternative?
If family members are going to be that horrible to you both then they should not be around you or your child. People like that are clearly very controlling and think they know what is best for YOU and YOUR child which is absolutely NOT [name_u]TRUE[/name_u]. Be careful if you’re going to keep people like that in your life. They don’t often change and if left alone with your child there is a high chance they will be immensely disrespectful to you and how you raise your son. There is no reason to put up with any sort of disrespect like that. Family is supposed to be love. Pure and simple and that is not love my dear.
I think the previous poster who said to include your son and explain it to him gave excellent advice. I also like that they said maybe calling him by the new name, followed by [name_m]Benji[/name_m] for a while until you feel you can just drop it. Unless you just go by the new name, tell him you’re sorry but that you got his name wrong. Oops! Mommy and daddy made a mistake! Make it light and happy 
Definitely go ahead with it though! You both clearly know what is in your hearts and it is hurting you, so go do it! Keep looking to your hearts to find the name that you both feel is his, you’ll find it! Your son will be quite amenable And the family isn’t family if they are going to treat you that way!! Not their life!
Normally I would suggest you take some time to reflect on whether you really don’t like the name or if it’s just that you’ve associated the name with the stress of a new baby, because that does seem to happen a lot. But, since you say it’s removed from anything you would have considered, I assume your family pressured you into using it. If that is the case, you can still take the decision back from them and change it. However, you should include your son in the decision and if he doesn’t want to change it, I think you should let him keep it. You wouldn’t want to continue the cycle of controlling behavior. Maybe it would be easier for you to use if it was the name you son chose for himself.
Changing a first name is actually quite easy, especially for a child when both parents are in agreement. This is an ideal time to do it because he isn’t established at school and he can have some input on his own name. There’s no shame in a name change and if family members can’t help but to be cruel and disrespectful of your (and your son’s) name choice, maybe they should just not interact with him until they can. Be firm and call them out on bad behavior; your son should see that it’s okay to stand up for yourself and not okay to bully people.
By the way, I really the list of names you posted. [name_u]Lawrence[/name_u] is one of my favourites, second only to [name_u]Laurence[/name_u].
I agree with pps advice to include your son in this choice. At this point, because he is three, its his name and he has thoughts and feelings and opinions so I would strongly encourage you to talk to him about them. Maybe something like “[name_f]Do[/name_f] you think the right name for you is [name_m]Benji[/name_m]? Cause mommy and daddy think maybe they got you the wrong one, should we get you a different one? Which of these do you think should be your name?” The purpose of names is to be a personal identifier, I think because of his age the most important thing about this is how your son feels about his name and the situation. I also feel the phrasing of these questions is important so he doesnt feel like he is letting you down one way or the other. Best of luck!
I think I honestly, if it’s bothering you this much… Put his first and middle names as middles together. Choose a first name that means something to you. I wouldn’t take away his names but you can give him a new legal first… OR choose a nn to just use … If [name_m]Benji[/name_m] feels wrong … You can just call him Darling… Or [name_f]Starling[/name_f]!! Or [name_u]Sterling[/name_u]? Or something. But personally I wouldn’t remove a name. I would say we just really think he needs just one more name… NOT WEIRD, so many cultures name and see names as their people grow up.
But I agree with other posters too, once he’s any older the name will be too established for him. I would not go with [name_m]Floyd[/name_m] as it’s quite different. [name_f]Indy[/name_f] & [name_u]Laurie[/name_u] are a little similar to [name_m]Benji[/name_m] and that’s more ideal for his transition. Or like I said you could just call him [name_m]Fox[/name_m] and just not even worry about the legal name… You can make nns stick. Of the people I know… [name_m]Just[/name_m] saying but they all don’t go by full llegal first names… by random nns, logical nns, mns, or even nns from surnames, initials… Sure some go by their given names… [name_m]Just[/name_m] not all. if you change it to [name_u]Indiana[/name_u] call him [name_m]Benji[/name_m]-[name_f]Indy[/name_f] and eventually stop saying [name_m]Benji[/name_m] for example if he has a hard transition. This is obviously not just a passing concern… As it’s been 3 years.
I would keep his name as [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] im the birth certificate.
But if you don’t feel like he’s a [name_m]Benji[/name_m] start to call him a “nickname” and put it in his middle name. So at least something is officiall abd he doesn’t have an identity conflict so young.
It will need to be a short name as to not be confusing. Like [name_m]Ben[/name_m] is short so maybe
[name_m]Fox[/name_m], [name_m]Brent[/name_m], [name_m]Bram[/name_m], [name_u]Bran[/name_u], jack, [name_u]Kai[/name_u], [name_u]Tate[/name_u]
[name_u]Beau[/name_u] would be perfect. Close to [name_m]Ben[/name_m] and super cute. And still a B name.
I agree with all the posters who suggested to keep his legal name, and just call him by another name that has either a rough association with his actual name, or a full-flung nickname that can ‘stick’ into a name status.
Right now I’m thinking of my own 3 year old son, and imagining calling him by a completely different name. I can’t imagine he’d like it.
If we were calling him “Darling,” an easy transition could be “Dar,” into “[name_u]Darby[/name_u],” or any name with Dar in it.