Sorry, this might be a bit of a ramble, but basically, I’m expecting a baby boy due [name_f]December[/name_f] 25th. I originally picked out his first + middle name around 20 weeks pregnant, and now, at 32 weeks, I’m having some feelings of doubt. Not to the extreme point where saying his name when I talk to my bump sounds 100% bad/wrong, but I still get this nagging feeling where I’m not totally confident of my choice.
In trying to analyze why I feel that way, I think part of it is the name I landed on wasn’t something that’s been a tried-and-true favorite and doesn’t fit some of the parameters I thought I’d name my kids with before getting pregnant, speaking as a long-time name nerd. Another factor is because I’m going this road as a single mom without a partner’s input, I ran through name options with my parents early on and the name I landed on has always been my mother’s top pick. She’d even call baby that name before anything was finalized, and I think I was influenced by her in some way. Lastly, I always figured I’d be the parent who would have to go to the hospital with a shortlist and decide upon meeting my little one what they’d be called. So to have decided so early on was a little out of character-ish for me.
I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced anything like this, or general thoughts/advice: what would you do? Stick with the name I have already, or explore other options?
I guess I’m not sure if it’s too late in the game and if it’d be silly to start over with a name search. Is it better to stay committed to my original choice and try to be more confident in that?
It’s definitely not too late to reconsider if that feels right.
However I think this feeling is pretty common. I know with my 2 pregnancies I definitely felt this way especially as I got closer to my due date. And I always went back and looked through my lists reconsidered all my favorites and realized none of them felt 100% right. And tbh I never really had a this is it moment with my names. I just had to remind myself the reasons why I chose the name I chose and I never completely ruled out any of my favorites until I signed the birth certificate. If I had felt I like another name fit them better when they were born I would’ve switched, but it never did.
This is pretty common IMO. I think the closer we get to having our babies the more real it suddenly feels & the more we start to question everything we have chosen, whether that’s something big like the name or something simpler like what brand of nappies etc.
Personally I’d remind yourself why you love this name so much & why you chose it, if all of those things still ring true then I wouldn’t stress over the name too much.
That said it never hurts to have a couple of back up options for when they’re born, that way you’re prepared if your original name doesn’t feel right & if it does you just have a starting pointing ready for your next child
The vague sense of unease you’re describing sounds like it’s on the lower end of the spectrum right now. It’s common for doubt to emerge late in the naming process as we get closer to committing fully and letting go of all other options. It’s also common during pregnancy to feel increased anxiety as you near full term. So all these things make me think the feelings will pass.
Right now, I would do nothing. I would make an effort to dismiss the thoughts if they come up and give yourself a chance to move past it. You could set a date to check in with yourself in a few weeks and see where you’re at. [name_f]My[/name_f] thinking is, if there is something wrong with your choice, your feelings will get stronger and clearer with time.
You’ve given the name a lot of thought and consideration so even though it may be a more recent love, it’s probably the right name for this baby, and for this time. You can have confidence in your process and that the name you’ve chosen will serve your son well.
I think this is fairly normal when it comes to making such a big decision! That said, I don’t think it’s too late to float about a few other options - see how they make you feel in comparison to the one you’d settled on - you might find once you look at a few others, you’ll have reassured yourself that you are making the right choice?
Thank you everyone! I’m glad to hear at least that this is normal to feel because ngl, I was feeling like a bad mom for second-guessing his name when I’ve been calling baby boy that for all these weeks. Not sure if this is a passing anxiety or not, so we’ll have to see, but I think I can relax and give it time. I might do a little brainstorming just to have a backup option, but I won’t give up on his chosen name yet.
So when I was pregnant I was going to be a single mama and for a lot of my pregnancy my DD’s father was not involved. Then he did (me and him have had a long bumpy road consistently off being on/off but I’ve always felt/have lived as a single mama so wanted to say on a side note you’ve got this and feel free to PM me if you want to discuss single motherhood) and I had to compromise with him which was tricky as well. To be honest as a name nerd my whole naming journey was not what I envisioned!! Like you I leaned on my mum heavily which involved following Jewish customs so that took me on a completely different path and I chose a name that was not my ‘favourite’ name. Definitely not the name I envisioned for my child either. This resulted in a lot of unease, feelings of doubt and lots of exploring different naming options but I kept landing on Lilia. So before she was born she was Lilia but at 32 week mark I was just like you overwhelmed and unsure. Just to reassure you have plenty of time and you can change your mind! But it’s so normal to have doubts. Also this is your baby so don’t feel pressure by anyone to name him something you don’t want too even if all your family love the name. Personally I would still keep this name as a contender but I would create a little list of favourites and bring them to the hospital then when he is born decide your favourite for him preferably without anyone else’s opinion.
I can relate, broke a lot of my own rules when nami my my baby, including choosing it before he was born. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents did the same thing (calling him the name before I made it official to them) but I took it as a sign that they knew I loved it and was right for me. however I can understand why it would be bothersome when you’re trying to have the ultimate say in naming your baby. You do not have to stick to a decision right now, you can decide that’s the name “for now” until you meet him or until you feel more sure!
I wouldn’t force yourself to commit to the name, but I’d also factor in, as others have said, that some natural decision-making anxiety might be creeping in. I personally had two in utero names - neither stuck - and a shortlist of 5 names for the hospital, 3 that were really top contenders (one of the top three was an in utero name). Deciding I would go with a shortlist instead of deciding for sure meant I could enjoy the last few months including playing around with name order (first and two middles) - for fun! I would do whatever makes you feel good - better to reduce any unnecessary stress hormones for you and baby, with so much else going on.
Oh, and in the week before Will@ was born, a hairdresser I happened to be seeing (not regular) took a call, and the told me it was her sister, Will-Will. That led to her telling me her actual name, and we went for it. Pipped the others at the post!
I think it’s completely normal !
I honestly chalk it up to FOMO ! For my son we had such a different naming experience than our daughter. With him I had 6 names for each gender and each letter of the alphabet, for our daughter she was always going to be her name , pretty much from the time we found she was a girl . Now I talk names with him and he will mention a name of a classmate or imaginary friend and I will say oh that was on the list for your name , and generally he is like oh that’s a silly name.
Are there names I regret not using . Absolutely but I think it will be more clear who they are once they are here
Congratulations on your [name_f]Christmas[/name_f] baby! Wishing you the best
I would go against the grain here and ask if you’re accidentally chosen name your mother likes better than you. If you decide to change it, you still have time to change, but would personally talk more with your mom. Maybe your mom like name you’re chosen because she doesn’t like any name you originally liked.
And you definitely have more time to change it, it’s not yet set in stone, meaning, it’s still not legal name of your baby.
You can also write this name and names you originally liked and still like and take that list to hospital.
I think my mother is something I’m definitely worried about, considering how hard she campaigned for this one name. In talking with my folks, they reiterated that whatever I decide to name DS, they’ll support, but I can tell she’s pulling for the original name. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom is a bit of a dominant personality so it’s hard not to feel pressure from her opinions.
Luckily I’ve gotten better as an adult at putting my foot down, so I’ll do what I think is best in the end.
Thanks for the support! Being pregnant as a single mama has its ups and downs for sure. There are a lot of things for pregnancy that are written or made for expecting parents using couple language, which feels a little alienating, like birth classes. Not to mention that peoples’ intitial thought upon hearing I’m solo parenting is that there must be a sad backstory behind it, because clearly a woman can’t just choose to get pregnant while happily single
One thing that looks different in my naming journey is that I never thought I’d use an honor name for my kids. But part of why I decided to become a mama now is my dad. His health struggles mean he may not have 20+ years to spend with his grandkids; we don’t really know how long he’ll have. There’s a lot of factors up in the air -c ould be a long time or a little time. I wanted to give him the most time I could and decided to move ahead with motherhood despite not being in a relationship. All of that + finding out I’m having a baby boy made me feel like I want my son to share his middle name with my Dad.
I think you’re right about waiting to decide on the final pick and bringing a list of my favorites. Right now, with how much I’m stressing about his name, that idea gives me the most relief.
Honestly a lot of parenthood journey is set up for nuclear cisgender heterosexual parents whereas the reality is that there are many different people in lots of different setups who embark on the road to parenthood. But there are some books I liked the kickass single mom by Emma Johnson & Gentle parenting for single mothers by Dorothy Ore. I found them helpful. I think solo parenting by choice is such a nuance thing that it’s a shock when people meet single parents without the backstory.
Sorry to hear about your dad I think sometimes when we are creating combinations they are sort of make believe it’s fantasy land where we can just be creative. Whereas naming an actual being is so different with a whole heap of emotions involved so it makes sense now that you want to include an honour name. I think honouring your dad is a great way especially as your dad will be a significant male within his life/own identity so it’ll be nice to include him. You could also honour him through his hobbies (for example using the name Robin for a bird watcher or Story for an avid reader) or use his birthplace as an honour option or his favourite colour etc you can think outside the box not just be tied up with his actual name as the only way to honour.
I’m in a similar boat, it is my top name but I’m still feeling not 100%. It’s hard naming a baby. Ultimately as long as it’s simple to spell & say you’re probably good but I would make sure it’s the name you & your partner love, and not necessarily give your mom’s vote any true weight. She’d named her babies, it’s your turn