This is a fake advice column for (nonexistent) people who can’t find the right names for their kids, pets, or fictional characters. I will begin by writing about a paragraph explaining my dilemma, and you, the “name nerds,” will respond by giving the last person who “wrote in” a perfect name. Let’s get started!
Dear Name Nerd,
HELP! [name_f]My[/name_f] second child (a girl) is a week old and we still haven’t agreed on a name! I like [name_f]Astoria[/name_f] [name_u]Lynn[/name_u], but he says it’s too “out there,” but I think his pick, [name_f]Madelyn[/name_f] [name_f]Marie[/name_f], has been done to death. I want a place name, at least, and he wants classic. ([name_u]London[/name_u] doesn’t work because that is his strange cousin’s name.) please help!
Sincerely,
Disastrous disagreement
Ps I do not really have children. This is fake in every sense of the word.
Dear Disastrous Disagreement,
the perfect name for you is… [name_f]Virginia[/name_f] [name_u]Lynn[/name_u]! A well established place name with your favorite middle!
Always happy to help,
[name_f]Marta[/name_f], the Name Nerd #236
Dear Name Nerd,
I have a terrible problem! I already have two sons: [name_m]Reuben[/name_m] [name_m]Anthony[/name_m] & [name_m]Maxwell[/name_m] [name_m]Jonathan[/name_m], and I am pregnant for the last time! It is a girl this time, but me and my hubby seem to disagree on every name on earth! We both agree that we want something unusual for our last child, as we did not had the courage with our previous two… we would love to incorporate a gem name, or a name that’s related to gems - and, of course, stays off the beaten path! Middle name could be a classic name with a twist - or, in other words, a modern version of a classic name, preferably from [name_f]Jane[/name_f] [name_u]Austen[/name_u], since me and hubby are big fans! We already rejected [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] and [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f]… So please, help us asap, as my due date is next week!
Thank you in advance,
Desperate mommy-of-three-to-be
Please note: I have not read any [name_f]Jane[/name_f] [name_u]Austen[/name_u], so I can’t do that. However, I am interested in geology, so I can definetly do gems!
Dear desperate,
The perfect name for your gem is [name_f]Opal[/name_f] [name_u]Ruby[/name_u]! [name_f]Opal[/name_f] strays from the norm in a charming way, and is also a gemstone, and [name_u]Ruby[/name_u], also a gem, is a cute and classic pick to balance out the more unusual first name. [name_m]Just[/name_m] in time!
Sincerely,
The name nerd
Dear Name Nerd,
I’m 11, and I get to name my new brother, since I am not too happy about becoming the middle child (I have an older sister). I pick the first name and my sister picks the middle name. She picked [name_u]Kyle[/name_u], and every name I’ve thought of clashes! I’d like something fairly common (I’m not happy about him, but I don’t want him to go through life with a name everyone will mispronounce!). Please help, because we have to have the name picked in four days!
Sincerely,
Middle child in the making
Dear middle child in the making,
Try Joseph Kyle. Joseph is a fairly common name, and has a good balance with Kyle. I hope this helps!
Sincerely, Theodora
Dear namenerd,
My husband and I have received surprising news! We are having our fourth child!
He will be joining sister Adira Ruby, brother Rooney Barrett, and sister Rita Charity.
We like names relating to hope, strength, courage, faith, and light. He will be born in March, so perhaps something relating to spring as well could be good. We need a first and a middle. Last name is Fletcher, so neither name can start with F or end with R. We’d also like to keep a similar style to the siblings names,
Thanks in advance,
Blessedmother
Dear blessed mother,
Since you appear to like names that are words, I give you [name_f]Destinee[/name_f] [name_f]May[/name_f] [name_m]Fletcher[/name_m]! [name_f]Destiny[/name_f] could also be spelled with a ie or a y, but I find the -ee spelling to be the most aesthetically pleasing of the three. [name_f]May[/name_f] is both a short and sweet middle name and a spring month, making it an excellent name for your spring baby.
Dear Name Nerd,
After months of begging, my sister and I got a puppy for christmas! It’s a girl, and she is a golden retriever. We want to name her something christmas-related but not weird. We can’t use our original pick, Rudolph, because she isn’t a boy. My sister keeps suggesting strange names like Eggnog, Carol and Star. Please help!
Sincerely,
Puppy Presenting Problems
Sorry. I missed that it was a boy.
I am writing this simply to get this game back on the front page so people will see it. Have a nice day!
Dear puppy presenting problems,
I find that the name [name_f]Merry[/name_f] would fit your puppy perfectly.
Sincerely,
[name_u]Noel[/name_u] Name Nerd
Dear Name nerd,
Me and my wife are adopting twin girls from [name_f]Africa[/name_f]. We want their first names to stick to the African culture, however, easy to pronounce and appealing. We want two middle names. The first [name_m]Harry[/name_m] [name_m]Potter[/name_m] inspired. The second vintage names.
Sincerely,
Stressed out soon to be mommas