A couple months ago I felt my top name for boy and girl had more or less risen to the top. We still have a shortlist of alternatives for the boys and a bunch of first/middle and double vs. single middle combo rearrangement options for the girls, but I was feeling like one option was a winner for each.
I told my partner what I was feeling and he was happy I felt more settled, but slightly surprised by what I’d chosen. He likes every name on our shortlist and thinks I’ve done a great job at narrowing down to the list of suitable options. But that was just kind of the tone of his response… like, ‘good job! I know it was a journey to get to this point. I’m fine with any of these names and I also like the ones you have picked for now.’ I asked him to think on it and let me know if his feelings changed at all with time.
Today was the first time we had talked names in at least like 5 weeks, I think. I told him I’ve been feeling slightly unsettled again and asked if we should explore the other options and he was just like… there’s nothing wrong with what you’d picked so why go backward? He had no other helpful insights to share about his feelings about this baby’s name. I can’t help but feeling annoyed by the lackluster nature of his response given that he was so much more invested the last time I was pregnant. We talked a bit about that and he was essentially just like, “That’s inevitable. We had 9 months last time to have in-depth discussions about names over time. We now have two toddlers who take up every last bit of our waking attention and energy, so many logistical things to be dealing with regularly, and just way less face time to actually have these talks, so they’re not a priority compared to everything else that needs to get done or that you want to get done before this baby comes.”
He IS right, but I think a huge part of my hesitancy and anxiety about this in general is that he doesn’t seem elated with anything. He was so much more happy, giddy or ecstatic, even, about the options for our first and with this being our last I personally feel like it’s even higher stakes for me as every other option that we don’t choose is a name left on the table forever, that I will never have the opportunity to use… ever. But my interpretation of his behavior has been that he feels this is just another kid and he will be happy no matter what. That really doesn’t sound appealing or acceptable to me…
How should I reframe or what should I be doing here?