I was essentially an only child because my brother is 12 years older than me and I didn’t grow up with him, but my husband is one of 6. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband has never mentioned having any struggles getting attention because of the number of siblings. If anything, a lack of attention had more to do with some of his siblings having louder and more demanding personalities than he did. With any number of siblings, you’re going to have some struggles between the kids here and there. How much attention each child gets is really up to the parent, though. It can be difficult, but most people I know with multiple children make a concerted effort to spend time with each child they have so that no one gets left out.
As far as growing up in a large family translating to how many kids everyone has goes, his older brother and his sister both have 4 kids, so they did have relatively large families. 2 of his older brother’s kids are step kids, though, so that’s a little different. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I have one child and one on the way and we don’t plan on anymore unless we decide to adopt later. The younger siblings don’t have kids yet, but I don’t think the younger ones really want very many, if any, so I honestly think it comes down to each individual person’s personality, feelings about children, etc, not so much whether you grow up in a large family or not.
In regards to the “best” number of children, I don’t feel there is one, but my husband and I did have a range we felt comfortable with. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband (big family) always told me he wanted at least 2 and would be okay with up to 6 kids. I (only child) always said I was okay with 1-3. I will say that adding a second child to our family has been much more difficult for me because I don’t have any experience with having a sibling, so I have no concept of what that dynamic feels like. Because of that, it’s incredibly difficult for me to imagine being able to love a second child like I love my first, imagine what it would be like to give attention equally to two children, etc. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband has had a little bit of a hard time with the idea just because it’s different from our current norm, but he grew up with siblings, so he knows parents can easily love and give attention to more than one child, if that makes sense, so it’s easier for him to add to our family than it is for me.
I’m from a family of 7, I think it depends on personal experience and sometimes birth order but I personally wouldn’t want a big family. I see cases were it becomes a “older kids are second parents” and that alone is a trauma I know too well! Big family’s take more time and often parents don’t have the time— while I would enjoy it I’m also a realist and know my career plans don’t call for it.
This is really interesting. I’m kind of wondering if those from small families want large families and those from large families want small families? [name_f]My[/name_f] hair used to be straight and I always wanted curly hair for instance. Because I only have one sibling, I always wanted more and plan to have a large family when I’m older.
I am part of a large family and love it! I’m the second oldest daughter, and have loved having younger siblings. Now that we’re getting older and there’s not really anyone that needs a babysitter it’s even more fun. There’s always someone to go shopping with, or to take out for coffee. Girls’ movie nights are SO fun! I have several friends from large families, and they love it too. I will say that watching my younger siblings while my parents are gone hasn’t always been the easiest thing to do, but that has a lot to do with how you train your children. Once us older kids learned to back each other up things got a whole lot simpler!
I would love to have a family of my own one day with as many children as possible! @kellylyn, I also would love to foster an adopt! And I agree with you about getting enough attention. There’s always a sibling to play with. We don’t have any extended family living near us, but we’ve “adopted” aunts, uncles, and cousins that we see all the time.
No, it’s not always easy having a large family, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
This is an interesting question with interesting responses!
I’m from an small/average family… I have one brother. Unfortunately he died in his early 20s (obviously a terrible thing). We always had plenty of attention given to us. As a kid I never wished to have more siblings. I never thought about it. Both my parents were from larger families but not huge. It’s great to have aunts and uncles and cousins. I am a bit sad that I will never have a niece or nephew from my side of the family and that any children I might have will have a much smaller extended family than I did. [name_f]My[/name_f] plan is to try to have one healthy pregnancy and go from there. I think it is fun to plan for a large family or the perfect sized family but life rarely gives you what you plan for there are too many unknowns. Sorry if this is a bit of a downer.
Goodness- there are so many factors that play into whether a family is happy or not than just how many children there are. I know thriving families with one child and thriving families with many. We have four children and also foster. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband is one of two and I am one of three, so neither of us is from a large family. We are living the downsides of having lots of kids (not fitting in a sedan, general noise and chaos, no fancy vacations, etc). But there are beautiful things too: no one gets bored, each of our kids knows the world does not revolve around him or her, our family identity is a “team,” the kids supposedly learn to share and be gracious and forgive and all that good stuff. I’m a stay-at-home mom, so I have time for the kids, but we also have less money. It’s a trade off, one we’re content with usually. There’s not a right or wrong answer to your question- just see how you’re led and what makes sense over the years
I like @bjoy’s response here. Everyone’s experience is a little different, but number of children isn’t an end-all indicator of how healthy a family dynamic will be. Most of the big families in my circle are happy, and mine is one of them. I’m the oldest of 8. Growing up, there was pretty much nothing more exciting in our lives than a new sibling. There are tradeoffs; we didn’t have a lot of money for extras, but we always had the necessities plus some. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents’ attitude was “We would rather have you than the vacation/ new car/spotless house, etc.” Not that they were deliberately trying to have a certain number of children; they just let it happen, found the means to provide for one more, and consider themselves blessed.
Now that most of us are grown, most of us want multiple children. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I are expecting #3 with no plans to quit after this one. I always said I wanted a dozen, and it didn’t scare my then-boyfriend-now-husband off, but I doubt we make it that far
I always pitied the only-children I knew. It seemed so lonely (and I am an introvert.) But I also know parents of onlies who do it well. They can afford to do cool stuff we couldn’t. Also, there were so many of us that people outside the family tended to view us as a group, rather than as individuals, and that annoyed me growing up. That has finally changed as most of us are now adults starting our own families and careers. Yes, I was like another mom to my baby sister, and I enjoyed it, but it also wasn’t as if my mom thrust that upon me, and my relationship with my sisters and theirs with each other has changed since I married. They’re less dependent on me now.
At the end of the day, children are a blessing, my sibs are my friends, and there are none of them I’d trade for the opportunity to have traveled around the world or taken extra horseback riding lessons.
TL;DR my big family was happy, and I’d like a big family.
Came back to add a bonus advantage of multiple siblings, in my case: Grandpa & Grandma plus a few single/teenage aunties a half-hour drive away? [name_u]Free[/name_u] babysitting, guys!
We really don’t take advantage of it very often (I breastfeed, plus we don’t want to wear out our welcome), but they are so happy to keep the boys for us, I recommend having a few sisters nearby
I had 6 siblings growing up and luckily two loving parents who are still married now. I had an older brother, an older sister, a twin sister, two younger brothers and a younger sister.
I always wanted a big family because I was so happy in the environment I get up in. I always had someone to play with and always had someone to share special moments with.
I have 7 children now! [name_f]Hermione[/name_f] (8), [name_m]Ferris[/name_m] (7), [name_u]James[/name_u], [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f] & [name_f]Lucia[/name_f] (2) and [name_f]Sophie[/name_f] & [name_u]Jonah[/name_u] (3mo) so the house is pretty busy (especially at the moment with everyone homeschooling)
The dynamic with my family is luckily perfect. [name_f]Hermione[/name_f] & [name_m]Ferris[/name_m] are close enough in age to play together and they have similar interests. The triplets of course can always play together and that goes for the twins as well (although they are too young to do so at the moment).
My hubby is one of nine, and he still very much wants as many children as we can muster! As others have said, I think this very much depends on each person’s experience - a good or bad relationship with ones siblings would make or break your perception. I know my experience definitely affected me. I only have one sibling, but a large age gap (don’t recommend, if you can help it).
My immediate family isn’t large but both of my parents grew up in very large families (10+ kids in both their families) from their experiences it sounds like the hardest part is the younger years, with less attention and resources to go around. However they say you always had a friend, and someone to do things with. And now that they’ve all grown up they love having lots of siblings, it makes for great memories and family reunions. You have lots of different people with lots of different skills, from Dr.’s to carpenters, plumbers & accountants all who you can call up and ask a question to, lots of people to help when you’re sick or sad etc. There’s always someone in a similar situation or whose been through it before.
So there’s positives and negatives to a large family.
I have six siblings and I’m right in the middle. I wouldn’t want a large family tbh bc I don’t like really big age gaps [name_f]My[/name_f] oldest brother is 25 years older than my youngest sister, and his oldest child is two years older than the oldest of our younger sister and imo its kinda weird.
there’s probably some pluses to having a lot of kids but I don’t think I’d be for me
I’m the middle child of three, with less than 5 years between oldest and youngest. I loved having siblings, and I definitely think it influenced how many children I want myself - I’ve always pictured myself with four. (But I guess realistically we’ll decide after every child if we’ll have another, rather than deciding on a number before even having one).
Despite being the only girl, I never made the experience of being the replacement mom, partly because we were so close in age it didn’t make sense and partly because our mother stayed home until the youngest was almost 8. Even as a kid, I considered that a great privilege. I would have liked a fourth sibling and would sometimes play-pretend we’d have another little boy or a foster sister close to me in age. My mother was very insistent that 3 was the perfect number for her, though.
What I liked most about having siblings was having someone to be a “team” with, not even necessarily for playing together (that too), but in a “we’re strong together, nothing can beat us, bam!” sense. I also looked up to my older brother and adored everything he did, and was pleasantly surprised that my younger brother thought similarly about me at times! What I liked least was being compared. But getting compared to the neighbor’s kid can be just as bad, it doesn’t have to be a sibling thing.
Another thing I always wanted to change when having children myself was the age. I often felt like I had old parents compared to others (it wasn’t by that much actually) so I wanted to be a young mom. At the moment it doesn’t look like that’ll work out though
[name_f]My[/name_f] fiancé was one of four (not quite a big family but definitely bigger than average) and his brother (who I’m in touch with) has 3 kids and wants 4 or 5 total.
[name_f]My[/name_f] fiancé himself doesn’t have a number, but says there’s definitely a point where it would become too much to handle mentally (money isn’t too much of a concern for us).
I only have one sister, 8 years older than me, and I definitely want more than two kids, spaced a bit closer together.
So far, none of our six kids (the oldest of whom is 16) seem to want a large family for themselves one day, but it’s hard to predict what will actually happen.
I was one of two siblings and always wanted more.
[name_f]My[/name_f] family is large by today’s standards (4 kids). It was fine but I don’t think it’s for me.
I think the biggest aspect for me is the financial one. There are lots of experiences I didn’t get to have growing up because we just couldn’t afford them. And I would want any kids to have as few financial anxieties as possible, and the ability to seize opportunities. Tying into finance is the logistical aspect: we’ve outgrown our house but it’s too expensive to find one around here that would comfortably fit us. There’s also the environmental impact of having a larger family which worries me enough to rule it out (bigger car, more waste, etc).
I don’t think I received less attention than my siblings due to how many of us there are but rather due to our needs and dynamics within the family.
I don’t think there’s a magic number of kids for everyone; it’s a very individualized thing.
Funnily enough, I was supposed to be a twin, and my dad said if that had come to fruition they would have stopped at two kids… makes me wonder if my perspective would be different.
I grew up in a small family of 4, my mother and my two younger sisters. We had a big extended family but for the most part it was just us four. My father went on to have two more girls who i love so much but the gaps are strange, (19, 16, 12, 8 and 1)
I did have to raise my sisters a lot and have always been “stuck” taking care of all of my baby cousins and such but I’d still love to have a big family!
Realistically i’ll probably have 2-5 with my boyfriend but if definitely go up to 8 or 10! We plan on fostering and adopting in the future as well
I also have experience in daycare taking care of groups of 8 young kids on my own and it was great, my opinion might change but so far ttc it hasn’t
I am 1 of 7, the 2nd child and 1st girl. The age gap between the oldest and youngest is 17 years. (15 yrs between myself and my youngest sibling)
While I have done a lot of babysitting and and helped take care of my siblings, I love it!! (I can see how some people hate it tho…)
I grow up with no video games and no tv, so my first thought is how boring it would be to have a small family.
To me family is a team, we work together we play together, we support each other, and we protect each other.
I am extremely close to both of my parents, and I have a special relationship with each one of my siblings, and while I probably wouldn’t tell my 5 year old sister everything, we still have a relationship that’s unique and sweet in its own way. Same goes for all the rest.
Personally, I would love to be as good of a parent to my kids as my parents were to me. I never really thought of a number since I’m not there yet, I think 6 or 7 would be great!!
As 
As others have said, I think this very much depends on each person’s experience - a good or bad relationship with ones siblings would make or break your perception. I know my experience definitely affected me. I only have one sibling, but a large age gap (don’t recommend, if you can help it).
