I’m not TTC yet, but I already feel pressure from relatives to give any future children family names. It’s not like I don’t love my relatives or don’t want to honor them in some way, but my husband and I feel that our children should have their own individual names. This idea is mostly coming from my elderly relatives who have opinions about names and feel that a family name is best for a new baby. A few of them were annoyed when my cousin and his wife named their daughter after a close friend and only gave the baby her great-grandmother’s name as a middle name. They later let it go when they were told the friend had passed away very tragically a month before their daughter’s birth.
My husband’s family have a naming tradition that we actually like. The new baby is name using only initials of a relative or relatives who have passed. They never use the exact same name twice or name after anyone living. So if Great Grandfather [name]Arthur[/name] passed away before a baby’s birth and Aunt [name]Lydia[/name] did as well a baby could be named [name]Asher[/name] [name]Lee[/name] or [name]Lilly[/name] [name]Ann[/name], or any combination of those names beginning with either A or L. We like this tradition because our child will have their own name and it would be less confusing within our families.
If we find out if we’re expecting in the future we plan to keep all names secret until the birth. This way any naysayers can’t persuade or guilt us into a name because it will be too late.
Did you have pressure to name after family or give your baby an exact namesake? Are you also planning on not directly naming after family?
My father-in-law expects us to name our first son after him, but it’s not happening. I’m not opposed to naming children after family, I just honestly don’t like my fil’s name.
Meh. [name]Just[/name] because me and my siblings are all named after family members. I mean, my middle name is a maternal tradition, so first daughter gets [name]Anne[/name] as a middle name. But it’s not a family thing to name for family members; most of them have fairly common names, and despite being named after them me and my brothers are certainly the odd ones out as far as names go.
I’m only 18, not TTC or pregnant or anything, so I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, but for right now I’ll continue to find names that I love for the names, not the family.
I don’t care for my relatives’ names either. The names are pretty old fashioned and don’t offer any appealing nicknames. I’m also not opposed to others naming after family. Husband and I just don’t really like our relatives’ names. Unfortunately my relatives see this as we don’t like them for some ridiculous reason.
This is our mindset too. We would like names with a good meaning and ones that we think would best suit our children whether they be family names or not.
We definitely felt a little pressure on our son’s name, and it took me awhile to be okay with it. Our son is the 5th [name]Michael[/name] down the paternal line. I did like the name (and even more now that it’s both my DH and my son’s name!), but it’s just soooo very common. No regrets though, since he got his own middle name. He gets called [name]Michael[/name] Q. and Q-[name]Man[/name] a lot, which I love.
I named my son [name]Edward[/name] “[name]Ned[/name]” and [name]Elizabeth[/name] “[name]Eliza[/name]” because we have so many Edwards and Elizabeths both in our families. My family goes back to pre-revolutionary colonial [name]America[/name]. My late husband’s was a very distant poorer cousin to British nobility. If I had others, they’d likely be named [name]George[/name] or [name]Mary[/name]. Nicknames have a way of easing the challenge of heritage and family obligation.
No pressure but I wanted to use family names. I only used names that I liked and I only used them with my first and second daughters. There weren’t any family names left that I wanted to use with my 3rd and 4th daughters.
We didn’t feel pressure. My father specifically told me he would NOT want us to name a child after him because he doesn’t like his name (not that it mattered this time, our baby turned out to be a girl). My husband’s family made jokes about us naming the baby after one of them, but they were only kidding. I’m sure it also helped that we 1) didn’t find out the gender and 2) didn’t discuss names with anyone. Sometimes people would ask “So, have you thought of any names yet?” to try to open up the conversation, but we just kept saying we were still thinking about it. We did give our daughter my grandmother’s name as her middle name (my husband picked it, actually) and it ended up being significant to both sides of our family because it was my husband’s great-grandma’s confirmation name, but we didn’t know that at the time. I am feeling pressure to pick something just as special and meaningful to both our families if we have a second daughter, but that’s pressure I’m putting on myself. If we have a son, it’ll be easy because we’d give him my maiden name as his middle. Husband’s family tradition + my family name = done.
When I was pregnant with my first child, if I had a girl, I always knew that I wanted her mn to be my mother’s name. I am not particularly fond of my mum’s name ([name]Heather[/name]) but I am EXTREMELY find of my mum so that swayed me and my mum LOVED it.
But, I have to say this started a trend…! [name]One[/name] that my husband quite dislikes.
So when pregnant with #2, if it was to be another girl we would have had little choice but to go with my [name]MIL[/name] name, cause she would have been mightily pissed if my mum was the only one “honoured”. We had a boy, so my husband’s family got the “honouring” and we had [name]George[/name] as a mn after his Pop.
NOW, I am in very early stages of pregnancy #3 and we are STRUGGLING! I am not overly close with my Dad or my Grandfather, and I really quite dislike their names too! But I would be happy to get my maiden name in as a mn ([name]West[/name] or [name]Weston[/name]). But husband hates both, so we may simply default to [name]Simon[/name], which is my husband’s name. But if a girl…yep, my [name]MIL[/name] will be there as a mn ([name]Christine[/name])…
So if you start the trend with the first, you actually create the family pressure yourself!! That’s what I have found. It’s all about not offending people now. My husband has always said, no middle names!!, and now I sorta agree
I’m not having a child anytime soon but anytime baby names comes up around my cousins and I our grandmother says that someone should name their daughter after her, [name]Beverly[/name] and no using her middle name isn’t good enough. I thought it was funny the first three times but now that people are getting married it is getting annoying. I feel like my family will care a lot about what I name my child(ren) and how I raise them. I have a feeling I will have to have many “talks” about how they are mine… This could start drama :/. I hope this isn’t just mine family; everyone knows best. ARG!!
Not really. I have family names, but I don’t think my parents care that much, at least for the first name. My husband’s names are just names his parents liked. There’s no real set precedent.
The first names we pick are just names we like. Middle names are a subtle nod to family: [name]Caron[/name] = [name]Carol[/name] + [name]Sharon[/name]; [name]Roman[/name] = [name]Rodger[/name] + [name]Herman[/name]. Not sure what we’ll do if there’s a 3rd child, but we aren’t expected to follow any sort of rule.
Ditto. It’s traditional in my husband’s family to name the eldest son after the father’s father. However, it’s definitely not happening. My husband is keen, but, to be perfectly honest, I don’t like my FIL enough to name my son after him (I know that sounds really bad). Also, I don’t really like his name.
My [name]SIL[/name]'s daughter’s middle name is for her husband’s sister (the baby’s aunt) who died of cancer three years ago.
I’m not keen on people naming their children after friends instead of family. I know it’s their choice, but I’ve always thought family is more important. Same with choosing friends as godparents over siblings (the baby’s aunt and uncle), but that’s another story!
In my husband’s family, using family names is a thing, but not in mine. Like, at all. Maybe because my grandparents all hated their own names? Anyway, when we were brainstorming for son #1, my husband kept throwing out all these names from his family as suggestions. 1) I didn’t really love any of them aesthetically, 2) I didn’t really know any of these people, and 3) most of the names were of relatives who weren’t especially beloved of my husband (tyrannical grandfather, absentee uncle, misanthrope father).
I vetoed all of my husband’s family suggestions and I could kinda tell it hurt his feelings a little, but I just couldn’t do it. I guess it’s just a cultural difference, but for the life of me, I don’t get the “family names for the sake of family names” thing.
Family names isn’t a thing in my OH’s family, and it’s not really in mine either, apart from the fact I have the same middle as my mum, so I don’t think we’d be pressured to use them at all. I was considering using my middle name as a middle for a first daughter but now I’m reconsidering - I hated it as a child because I thought it was really dated and I don’t know if I would want to put a child through that, even though I like it so much more now.
I don’t have children yet, but I can already sense that I will probably get at least some ‘suggestions’ from my father’s side of the family. I was the first granddaughter after my paternal grandmother had all boys, and she was furious that my mother didn’t use her mn or any of the names she always wanted to use for a daughter. But to be honest, I’m glad my mom stood her ground, mostly because the names my grandmother suggested were pretty bad. I also like having my “own” name, whereas my brother got several family names. Not surprisingly, he goes by a totally different nickname. I can just see my super traditional father urging me to use my grandmother’s name.
My SO and his siblings all have mns from their parents and grandparents. He’s not particularly close with any cousins/aunts/uncles, and since he and his siblings have devoured the names that would be an option, I personally think it’s time to “retire” them for now. Three generations is enough to me, especially since SO thinks his mns are for old men. Can’t imagine what a new little guy would think!
Anyway, my last point is that I think it’s presumptuous to assume a baby will be named after you. I would love to use a variation of my mom’s name as a mn someday, but that’s because I want to honor my mom, not because I think my hands are tied. I love names that have meaning and aren’t just chosen at random, but meaning doesn’t have to be synonymous with tradition. Meaning can be very personal and subjective to each couple.
SO and I are nowhere near TTC, but there is a lot of pressure from his mum and aunt to have kids - and from his mum to name them certain things. Apparently there is an ancestor named [name]Eliza[/name] [name]Jane[/name] and my future [name]MIL[/name] has “claimed” the name for one of her granddaughters. I don’t mind the name - it is cute actually - I just like others more. She is also putting a lot of pressure on us to use [name]Daniel[/name] as that was my SO’s younger brother who only lived a couple hours after birth. I understand that it is close to her heart, and I may consider it as a middle name, but it is a family name on my side as well. I have a living uncle named [name]Daniel[/name] and there is a great-grandfather [name]Daniel[/name] on the same side. I am pretty against giving a child the name of a living relative - it just gets confusing.
That being said, I do really want to honor some of our family, just indirectly. Middle names, or related names. For example - my mom’s name is [name]Dorothy[/name] (and she has told us all not to name a child after her because she doesn’t like her name) so I would love to use [name]Theodore[/name] for a son. My dad is called [name]Jay[/name] and my sister’s mn is [name]Jayne[/name] - so I would like to use it as a mn if I have a daughter. Things like that. But I certainly wouldn’t do it just to do it - I have to like the name, too
We have also gone down the road of naming children after family members and if we have a third I’m not sure if we’ll continue or not. I would like to continue but all the family names I really like my husband does not like so we’ll have to see what happens. He won’t really talk about names since we’re not even TTC yet and won’t be for another year but if I casually mention a name then he tends say he dislikes it or it’s not his favorite. We both utterly loved our two children’s names and picked them out before we were even married. I’ve always wanted to name a daughter after my deceased mother so it was a condition of us getting married that he’d agree to it. He said fine but he wanted our son to be named [name]Patrick[/name] (a family name on his side) and later we picked his grandfather’s name for [name]Patrick[/name]'s middle name. I’m not sure what will happen if we have any more children. We would like a third but I think the name is going to be really up in the air for a long time. I do really love the name [name]Rose[/name] (my grandmother’s name) though so I’m hoping over time I can sway him.
I don’t have kids either, but my husband and I have never felt any pressure towards names…just to make a baby to begin with, so we’ll see! We personally want to find a way to connect our children to both of our families, and still be true to our tastes. So we’ve chosen names that incorporate subtle elements from multiple extended family names. Either the sounds or the meanings will pull from several generations at once, but still be unique to the family. We hope our kids will appreciate having a name just for them while still having the inspiration of generations before them.
