Family Honour Name Advice

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] all! I am TTC by end of the year thru fertility treatment and have gender selected this first time due to genetic disorders to have a girl. To close family I have already announced her name, which I have LOVED for soo long :heart:

I do love both names and think it is very sweet, but I am second guessing the middle name. Ugh. And I feel awful about it. The name as a whole is:

  • [name_f]Leah[/name_f] [name_f]Emilie[/name_f]
    I don’t mind at all the names both containing the “lee” sound. Nothing about the flow bothers me. [name_f]Emilie[/name_f] is a family name, after my sister. Now, she is 10yrs younger than me and going through teenage years. We were VERY close up until she was about 13 and we have drifted some apart. She has always been special to me despite not being soo close anymore. She doesn’t really like her name and when I announced the name she had a reaction of she didn’t want the baby named after her – but sometimes she says things like that, but deep down is does mean alot to her (I wasnt able or sure how to tell this time if it was one of those times). I just am mostly worried I am using an honour in a special way that maybe she doesn’t actually want and then it makes me feel I shouldn’t do it? Im really not sure what to do, should I continue with [name_f]Leah[/name_f] [name_f]Emilie[/name_f]? At the same time, I don’t want to not use it and then she be hurt that I took her out of the honour after sharing to her she would be honoured. Also, how my family may take it if suddenly I remove her as the honour, after telling everybody the meaning behind the name.
    I just didnt get the reaction I was looking for when announcing and it’s made me second guess this soo much :disappointed_relieved:

Any advice where to go from here and what to do?
Thank you!

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I would not talk about names with my family again and just announce it at birth, and I would do a more subtle honor. If it comes up after the fact just say you wanted to do something like flowers or colors or places or initials or anything else that reminds you of your sister


Totally understand what you mean! And that is a great suggestion!

I should also add, and I do agree about announcing too soon may have been a problem now, but other than my sister reacting as she did to the middle name being her honour the name was very well recieved otherwise. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom thought it was super sweet that I would honour my sister and I just dont know what the reaction would be if I chose not to anymore or if maybe I shouldnt honour my sister. :grimacing:

I would encourage you to sit down with your sister privately and ask if she genuinely doesn’t want your daughter to be named after her. I would explain that you love her very much and she is special to you, which is why you want to honor her in your child’s middle name, but because you love her you also want to respect her wishes and therefore are willing to pick a different middle name if she really would prefer you not to use [name_f]Emilie[/name_f]. I think having an open and honest conversation about it with her will help you understand her feelings more, which can influence your next steps (picking a different middle name versus keeping Emilie).

If she doesn’t particularly like her name, is there another version of it (Emilia, [name_f]Millie[/name_f], [name_f]Emmie[/name_f], etc) that you could use? [name_m]Or[/name_m] maybe use her middle name if she has one?


I think it could be a good idea to talk about it with your sister.

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[name_f]Leah[/name_f] [name_f]Emilie[/name_f] is a lovely name but I understand why you’re having hesitations.

I think it might be worth trying to understand why your sister doesn’t like the idea.

  • Is it because she doesn’t like her name and therefore considers it a bad choice?
  • Is it because it’s her name, even if she doesn’t like it, and she doesn’t want to share it?
  • Is it because having a baby named after you is kind of intense and a lot? As in, it might feel overwhelming/overpowering, or like a lot of responsibility - as in, she has to be a good role model, make the right decisions, be someone that a child wants to be named after? That could be a lot to deal with emotionally and think about?
  • Is it just a knee jerk teenaged reaction?

I think as a teen - or even now - I might feel some of all of those things?

Talking to her about it seems key here - if she still reacts negatively, I’d find something else - even if it still honours her, but in a more subtle way. As for family, if you do change it, you could explain that you talked about it with her and subsequently changed your mind?

From here - besides talking to her - I’d consider:

Alternatives for [name_f]Emilie[/name_f] - that still honour your sister:

  • something similar in sound like: [name_f]Amelie[/name_f], [name_f]Elodie[/name_f], [name_f]Emmeline[/name_f], [name_f]Romilly[/name_f], [name_f]Millie[/name_f], [name_f]Esme[/name_f], [name_f]Elise[/name_f], [name_f]Emmylou[/name_f], [name_f]Emmanuelle[/name_f] etc
  • simply an E name, so it’s a nod to her without being a direct honour: [name_f]Leah[/name_f] [name_f]Edith[/name_f], [name_m]Lean[/name_m] [name_f]Eden[/name_f], [name_f]Leah[/name_f] [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f], [name_f]Leah[/name_f] [name_f]Evelyn[/name_f], [name_f]Leah[/name_f] [name_f]Estelle[/name_f]
  • use something that reminds you of your sister, something you share/both love, a quality you admire/love in her? so as an example, if I was to honour my brother, I’d consider a ‘bird’ related name, because they’re one of his favourite things
  • see if she wants to be involved in the process - see if there’s one that she would choose for you?

Alternative people to honour - just throwing it out there - is there anyone else in your life you could/want to honour who might be more straightforwardly happy about it

Alternative names - ones you just like. [name_m]Just[/name_m] play about with combos, see how it feels?

Best of luck going forward with this :heart:


Thank you so much for this! I will definitely need to speak with her one on one about this without the pressure of anybody else around us.

I did have an alternative in mind already - 2 to be exact, but they are alternatives that wouldn’t honour her not even subtly. I enjoyed the suggestion as well of looking at alternatives that could subtly honour her depending how our conversation goes. I don’t at the same time want to push this on her, so I am very open to any choice she makes.


Thank you for this! We definitely need to speak more about it one on one and I am very open to her making any decision she feels most comfortable with :slightly_smiling_face:

To chime in on the social dynamics of all this, I agree it would be worth one more conversation with your sister, but be prepared to agree to disagree. Luckily it’s in the middle place anyway so it’s not like it’ll be in her face every day.

Another compromise option that I don’t see mentioned yet is to go with another spelling of [name_f]Emilie[/name_f] - like [name_f]Emily[/name_f], [name_f]Emilee[/name_f], [name_f]Emmalee[/name_f] or [name_f]Emmaleigh[/name_f]. That way, you can keep the sound of the names you like and still honor your sister, yet anyone can see that the baby’s name isn’t exactly hers.

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Thats a very great suggestion!! Thank you!! I really appreciate that.

First of all I want to say congratulations! That’s a big journey to go through, but it’s worth it when you get to hold your sweet baby in your arms, which I am so excited to do in just a few weeks!

[name_f]Leah[/name_f] [name_f]Emilie[/name_f] is gorgeous! I love the spelling as well! If you REALLY like [name_f]Emilie[/name_f] as your daughters MN, then go for it. You also have to remember that it’s YOUR baby, not your sister’s. Teenage years can be rough, going through puberty and all these drastic changes in your life, which your sister is probably experiencing. Most times you have look past that, and sometimes have a feel for their perspective. Obviously, what I’m saying could be the complete opposite, but it’s always nice to have some help. But I do think you should listen to what I said before. YOUR baby, YOUR choice.

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Thank you lots!! :slightly_smiling_face: And congrats to you!! Very exciting!

I see what your saying and to go off that. Since she is just a teenager I dont want a decision to be made now and she regret later on in life that she gave up that. Such a hard decision! I dont want her to resent the baby if she feels soo strongly that she doesnt want her name used. Im going to talk to her sometime shortly and hopefully get a more clearer picture on her wishes and then see where I should go from there - if she feels too strongly about it or if it would be fine to continue using it. :slightly_smiling_face: