Agreeing with all the other berries so far!
For the surname, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving your son your last name. A mother’s surname is just as much a family name as a father’s. If you’re the one carrying, birthing, and likely doing most of the parenting, I don’t see why his surname should automatically be the default. Honestly, I think having your mum’s surname should be a lot more normalised. My mum kept her own surname when she married my dad, and he kept his, and my brother and I were given her surname when we were born. My dad’s surname is our middle name, so we still have that connection to his side of the family. My parents divorced when we were really young, and growing up it always made sense to me that we had our mum’s surname. [name_f]She[/name_f] is our mum, she gave birth to us, and even though custody was technically 50/50, she did a lot of the day-to-day parenting. At the same time, I do genuinely like having my dad’s surname as my middle name. But that’s because my dad and his family were actively involved in raising me and were a huge part of my life. To me, that connection came from the relationship, not from sharing a surname. So if you want to give your son your surname and maybe include his father’s surname as a middle name, that’s a perfectly reasonable option too. But I definitely don’t think you should feel pressured into giving him his father’s surname just because that’s what’s traditionally expected.
For the middle name, I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to repeat the same pattern he’s used for his other children. If that’s something meaningful to him, that’s fine, but it doesn’t automatically mean it has to continue for every child across different relationships. Your son can still be part of his family regardless of whether he shares the exact same middle name as his siblings.
With the first name, “Ed” is a pretty big ask if it’s not something you love, especially if his other children already carry that family connection in their names.
I don’t think you need to feel stuck between either fully giving in or refusing everything. [name_m]You[/name_m] choose a first name you actually love. Middle name could be a variation of “Ed” (like [name_m]Edward[/name_m], [name_m]Edwin[/name_m], [name_m]Edison[/name_m], [name_m]Edgar[/name_m] etc.). Or you use his surname as the middle name. Or it would be perfectly acceptable for you to choose both the first and middle name, and give your child your last name.
I honestly think it might help if you stop it being an open-ended back-and-forth and instead make a shortlist of names you actually like and feel good about. Then he can pick from that rather than just shutting down everything you suggest. At the same time though, I don’t think it should become a situation where he gets to just override everything or veto endlessly either. Ideally it’s still a joint decision, but within a structure that actually gives both of you a fair chance to land on something. If he’s rejecting everything without offering real alternatives, then it’s less about finding “the perfect name” and more about finding a process that forces actual compromise. And honestly, you still deserve to choose a name you genuinely like at the end of all that, not something you’ve been pushed into just because it was the only option left.
From your list, [name_m]Whitten[/name_m], [name_m]Iverson[/name_m], and [name_m]Macklin[/name_m] all fit that “surname-style first name” feel. [name_m]You[/name_m] might also like names like: [name_m]Callan[/name_m], [name_m]Soren[/name_m], [name_m]Maddox[/name_m], [name_m]Camden[/name_m], [name_m]Langston[/name_m], [name_m]Wilder[/name_m], [name_m]Reid[/name_m], or [name_m]Hollis[/name_m].
