Congrats mama 
Similarly to you I found my naming journey challenging and just want to reassure that you will eventually find the right name. Do not rush you have time.
So me & my BD are not together and I also completed my naming journey compromising with someone who wasn’t my favourite person in that moment of my life. I think my BD also enjoyed just vetoing names for the sake of vetoing as he knew it would rain on my parade it’s all long.
I would suggest creating and maintaining firm boundaries. For you to do that I would establish what your boundaries are and enforcing them mine were that our child would have a hyphenated surname, I would formulate a list of my favourites names to which I was happy to use upfront whichever he whittled down to his favourite three choices (I had the final say) and we would use a family name from either side of our family trees. It worked for us and yes her name is long but the most perfect compromise.
Onto your questions…
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It’s not disrespectful to use your last name what an archaic patriarchal thought process. Please ignore this nonsense. I strongly believe that the person actually raising the child (primary carer) should be represented in the last name category. I think for me the compromise I had was a hyphenated surname which I actually feel works in these situations well. Similarly you could always use his surname as the middle name like for example [name_m]Iverson[/name_m] [name_f]Jennings[/name_f] [name_m]Smith[/name_m] could work. But do not bend to this patriarchal nonsense and feel pressure to use his surname. On another note really think about whether to put him on the birth certificate especially if control surrounding previous partners/BM’s is an issue as the legalities surrounding the BC is definitely a way someone can assert control seek legal advice before making this decision.
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Again do not feel pressure to use a name just because he’s bestowed it onto all his children break the mould if you don’t like the name don’t use it.
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[name_f]Say[/name_f] no! [name_m]You[/name_m] do not owe this man anything yes he’s your BD and it would be nice to reach a compromise but that’s it a compromise not being dictated too/being forced to use a name you don’t like especially to honour someone who doesn’t even like you. Stick to your guns say no!!
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This behaviour doesn’t feel surprising to me I think the continuous vetoing (been there) is a form of control and a way to rain on your parade so I would stop it in your tracks. If I was you create a shortlist of names you love equally and say you can choose your favourite from these that’s all he can do. Boundaries are so important as he will continue this behaviour and you can stop it in its tracks by being firm in your response.
Your top three have a cool cowboy swagger some other ideas could be [name_m]Stetson[/name_m], [name_m]Sawyer[/name_m], [name_m]Malachi[/name_m], [name_m]Colby[/name_m], [name_m]Gatsby[/name_m], [name_m]Marlow[/name_m] + [name_m]Ellison[/name_m].
Wishing you all the best 