I ran into a woman while walking my dog today and found out she was lesbian. She had her daughter in the stroller with her and the daughter’s middle name was [name]Mary[/name]. It would’ve been used as a first name but with the slang term of it used in the gay community she would never use it.
We got to talking about naming concerns for gays and lesbians which is something I never thought of before. It ranged from not naming your child after gay icons (no [name]Judy[/name] or [name]Barbara[/name]). Obvious related names like [name]Rainbow[/name] or [name]Butch[/name] are a no-no. Another thing she mentioned is that gay and lesbian couples often hyphenate their last names ([name]Smith[/name]-[name]Johnson[/name]) so shorter names would do and multiple middle names for her we nixed.
With gay marriages becoming more visible, I wonder what challenges gay and lesbian parents have with naming their children. [name]Pam[/name] and [name]Linda[/name] have written in their books and this blog about concerns minorities like the Jewish, African-American, and other communities have about kids’ names. I wonder what unforeseen points that lesbian and gay parents have on naming.
Um… What does [name]Mary[/name] stand for in the LGBTQ community? I’m a part of that myself, but I’ve never heard it being used. The only thing I pair it with, is a [name]Mary[/name] [name]Sue[/name] - which is a perfect character within writing.
Plus, I wouldn’t care - if I got a kid - if s/he had two middles and two last names. But I’d love to see him/her with my last name, since I cannot pronounce my girlfriends last name, as it’s [name]German[/name] (though I’m a little [name]German[/name] too, as her). And I’ve never given it a thought that it would give problems in naming my child something and I’ve never thought that I probably should put more “effort” into icons from the gay community and stray from those names.
But I’d never name my child [name]Rainbow[/name], so I’m pretty sure I’m safe on that one. Heh.
This is an interesting question. I grew up in a Chicano community in Southern [name]California[/name], and can appreciate the extra considerations those who identify as members of a culturally marginalized group often make during the naming process.
I think it still comes down to preference. She could’ve given her child a long name with 2 last names if she wanted to. She could name her child [name]Rainbow[/name] if that’s what she liked. It was her preference also to not name her child after gay icons. I know lots of people who belong to a minority group who have named their children after their cultures icons.
That’s so interesting dear. I was just on another post that was talking about naming her daughter [name]Faye[/name] and how unfair it would be to a little girl. I mention words like societal patriarchy in my response. Anyway, yes the lesbians and gay can get married (hooray!) but they’ve always been a part of someone’s family. Now, they’re starting their own.
My guess is as good as any and if I didn’t marry my late [name]Edward[/name] and instead went with an [name]Edwina[/name] ([name]Eddie[/name] for both of them mind you), I’ll lean more toward classic traditional names. It’s seems only the ridiculous heterosexuals around LA and NY are naming their kids [name]North[/name], [name]Apple[/name], [name]Suri[/name], and [name]Blue[/name]. Then again though, I can see the point of not choosing too girly-girly ([name]Precious[/name]) or too rough ([name]Butch[/name]) if I was in a same-sex relationship.
What gay icons could you name after a child? [name]Martina[/name]? [name]Ellen[/name]? [name]Oscar[/name]? [name]Truman[/name]? [name]Gore[/name]? [name]Elton[/name]? I’m sure we can come up with more without resulting in narrow stereotypes.
Interesting topic. I don’t understand why [name]Mary[/name] would be a problem. I’d get it if two men said they wouldn’t use [name]Mary[/name] but why a lesbian couple?
I think most people tend to prefer shorter/simpler names if their child will have a long or complex surname, hyphenated or not. My cousin only considered one syllable names for when she was pregnant because her surname is 12 letters long
It’s true. My wife and I never considered [name_f]Mary[/name_f] for either of our daughters because of just that. Honestly, the only challenges we faced when naming our four children were whether or not to use names along the biblical route (my wife was raised catholic, and we are raising our children in a christian church that welcomes everyone), as well as, the common troubles of avoiding kids with the same name, family names, and disagreements amongst partners. As a lesbian couple, we never faced any major challenges. Maybe it’s because we live in NYC where it’s common to see gay families walking down the street, or because had such a great support group of our friends, and my family. I’m not really sure what your question was, or even if it was a question, just thought I’d put in my experiences.
I’m queer, and so are many (probably most) of my friends. [name_f]One[/name_f] major difference I’ve noticed is that my queer friends feel it’s important to give their hypothetical kids gender-neutral names – totally understandable, since quite a few of them changed their own names to better reflect their gender presentation and identity.
For my ex wife and I it was more a challenge for last name. It’s the norm to put the fathers last name but with no known father (donor sperm) for the first two it became difficult as to what to put. We thought about hyphenating our last names but that was too long. Then we thought of combining them and couldn’t come up with the right combo. It was eventually decided that since I was the one carrying them that they would have my last name. (Note: when we got married [name_u]Jessie[/name_u] kept her maiden last name and only assumed mine for informal things.)