[name_f]My[/name_f] little boy, [name_u]Jem[/name_u], is almost 3 months old. I swore up and down through my entire pregnancy that I would never ever have or want another baby after this! Then after he was born I had some PPD, which sealed the deal for me.
But now, three months later, here I am pining away for another! Not for a few years. I would want [name_u]Jem[/name_u] somewhat independant- at least potty trained
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I always wanted boys. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband has a brother, and I spent my entire teenage years caring for many little boys. Then, once we found out I was pregnant, suddenly we started to enjoy entertaining the thought of having a girl. I love me a daddy’s girl, and the thought of how protective my husband would be of her and seeing them develop that relationship makes my heart melt. Plus I’d love to have a little girl just so that I am not outnumbered by boys! Plus all those sweet baby girl clothes- ugh! [name_m]How[/name_m] can you not love it?!
When we found out it was a boy, there was a tinge of disappointment, but not a ton, and we quickly got over it!
Now, contemplating a second, I’m really worried about gender disappointment. I love my boy so so much. But if we had two boys I think there would be a lot of disappointment! First off because two is the max number of kids we want. So the thought of never having a daughter would sadden me. Plus my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] is nuts. Not that this should really play into our decision, but she drives me crazy! There are mostly boys on hubby’s side, and all girls on my side. She likes to constantly remind me about how the baby is SSOOOOO much like his daddy and nothing like me. At all. So to have another boy would play into that even more. Again, this is just a side note.
We aren’t even sure yet about having a second. So I shouldn’t be worrying about this yet! But in curious if and how anyone has dealt with gender disappointment! Maybe it would help to not find out gender? I mean once you go through the work of growing and pushing out a human, could you really be disappointed with the end product once it was here??
I worry about it all the time, especially because two is our maximum. I’m really afraid that I’d actually be disappointed about either gender. I switch around with which one I’m hoping for. Fiance, so frustratingly, doesn’t care at all. He has no longer has a preference either way and says that even if we could choose, it would be entirely up to me.
I think it’s normal. There’s a big difference between a boy and a girl, even if you don’t go for gender stereotypes. I don’t really have any advice, just support. I’ve been there, too. No matter which gender, you’ll love your next child and continue to be a wonderful mother. I like the idea to not find out. That might make it more fun for your son, too!
Also, he may be so much like his daddy now, but just wait until he starts picking up your quirks. [name_f]My[/name_f] son dropped his fork last night and growled at it. [name_f]My[/name_f] boy.
I am pregnant with my second, and without a doubt, last child. I feel the same way. If I have another boy I will need a little time to mourn the daughter I will never have. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I have basically started assuming this one will be a girl by only talking about girl names which is dangerous I know. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and it will get better.
When I found out my first was a girl, I was over the moon excited. I had never wanted anything but a girl, so the first being a girl took care of that. When speculating about the second, we were hoping for a boy for my husband to share his love of sports and all things [name_f]Star[/name_f] Trek/[name_f]Star[/name_f] Wars. However, we always had a feeling the second was a girl, so when we found out we weren’t really that disappointed. She will be our last child so we are a little sad we won’t have a boy, but we’re happy with what we’ve gotten and we know we didn’t really have a choice anyway!
[name_f]My[/name_f] dad was a huge geek and I have many fond memories of him teaching me about computers, playing video games and watching [name_m]Monty[/name_m] Python. He shaped my interests more than my mom did!
I agree. Girls can have similar interests as their dads, although their are some other differences between raising each gender I think. Some of my earliest fond memories with my dad are when he let me stay up and watch [name_f]Star[/name_f] Trek with him when my brothers were in bed even though I was the youngest.
I don’t think anyone was saying that girls can’t have awesome nerdy interests.
I had to find them on my own… [name_f]My[/name_f] dad’s a database architect, but never really had any interest in [name_f]Star[/name_f] Trek or any other sci-fi. In fact, it kind of scares him! He’s not into engineering beyond his job or weaponry, but I found them and love them. This doesn’t mean that my son won’t develop a love of floral arrangement.
[name_f]Maeby[/name_f] does enjoy those things with her dad as well, and he is very involved in raising her and sharing interests. But deep down, I know he would have loved to have a boy. He is completely happy with having two girls, but I think it is natural for him to have wanted a boy.
I’m glad that I have one of each, because I wanted to have both experiences but I’ve done a great deal of reading on the gender differences and they’re really not very strong. Having a boy doesn’t mean he’ll like sports or a girl won’t but the experience is different for everyone. It depends on the interaction of society, self and parent/child bonds. [name_f]My[/name_f] boy may not be into sports but there are certain societal expectations and expectations that I hold that will influence our relationship. As parents we have to negotiate our own hopes and dreams for our children with theirs and I don’t think that’s exclusive to gender but for many is represented by gender. Raising a son or daughter is different, but that isn’t necessarily because of the of parents.
As a parent maybe I dream about shopping and braiding hair and painting nails with my daughter. Even if I were to do that with my son, even if he enjoyed those kinds of activities, it would be tainted by how other people react to the situation and not be the carefree and enjoyable experience I imagined it to be. I’ve certainly heard people say mean things about someone I know that enjoyed time together with their son and daughter by painting nails. But disappointment can happen even if you get the cherished daughter who may reject girly things and want to go outside and run around playing sports.
Maybe try making a list of all of the great things about having two boys. That might help if you are really worried about this right now.
One thing is for sure- having a daughter is not going to stop your annoying [name_f]MIL[/name_f] from going on and on about how much your daughter is just exactly like her daddy and nothing like you at all. [name_f]My[/name_f] grandma (father’s mother) was the same way with me- I take after my father far more than I do my mother, and my grandma never let anyone forget that for a second. I have a brother, too. Grandma also thinks he is just like my dad, except for when he gets into trouble, then that comes from my mom’s side, of course.
It could be worse- I have a friend whose son takes after her more than her husband and her [name_f]MIL[/name_f] has taken her aside on multiple occasions in order to express her doubt as to the child’s paternity. [name_m]Ah[/name_m], family.
I can sympathise, I only ever wanted sons and the idea of daughters left me in a cold sweat. I have lots of sisters and the memories of fighting and sniping completely put me off. I wanted a little mamas boy, someone to carry on the family name.
[name_m]Both[/name_m] times we hoped for a boy, and both times we got a girl. I won’t lie, there was disappointment. But that disappointment vanished the second we lay eyes on our baby. I forgot I ever wanted a boy and came round to the idea of two sisters.
[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t feel ashamed. You aren’t sad at the idea of having a son, you mourning the daughter you aren’t having, if that makes sense. You want your son, you just also want a daughter.
We aren’t having any more babies and I would of course still love a son, and I think deep down I’ll always regret the fact that I didn’t have the boy I wanted so much. But this doesn’t mean I regret my daughters for a minute, because I don’t. I just wish I got to have my son too. Due to a few health and financial issues we won’t be having any more children, and I am of course so happy, but I always wonder what life would be like with boys. This is not something to be ashamed of.
Take care of yourself, if you TTC I hope you get the gender you want.
I can’t say I wanted only boys, but I couldn’t imagine having daughters. Now my girls will outnumber the boys, and I’m actually really happy with it. [name_f]My[/name_f] two boys want to be together all the time, and hopefully the girls will be that way, too. I think I’ve been dealing with other family member’s disappointment over our new baby’s gender, but I’ve been ignoring it. Plus-girl clothes and shoes are my latest addiction, especially since I’ll have three in a row to dress alike
I am definitley not one to restrict either gender to ‘gender appropriate’ activities. I was a tomboy myself and would love a daughter who was a tomboy just as much as a girly girl. And I love my boy. He is currently dressed in a salmon pink onesie! I would be just as extatic if he loved cooking and art as I would if he loved soccer and football!
I think it’s just, like people said, each gender is different no matter what. Having a boy and having a girl, no matter what, is a different experience. And I would love to experience both. Plus, it kinda breaks my heart when 3/4 of all baby stores are filled with cute little dresses, jumpers, rompers, bows, sandals, floppy sun hats! I just about die! And like I said- I would love to see my husbands different interactions with a daughter compared to our son.
I think if we do have another, waiting to find out night be fun. I mean, we have all the boy clothes. [name_m]Add[/name_m] a ribbon and they will work just as well for a girl. Plus we could reuse the nursery stuff we have now which is all yello green and blue. So it wouldn’t be a burden to wait. And we found out with [name_u]Jameson[/name_u], so te different experience might be fun! But idk if I would have the self control to wait!
I guess in the end, I just have to find the positives of both situations! Because no matter what I can’t choose!
Maybe we will just adopt a little girl puppy and call it a day lol
I’m not pregnant yet, but I’ve always wanted a little girl. I’m very girly and love the thought of a sweet, lovely little mini-me running around and melting my husband’s heart. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband grew up with three brothers and he has no idea what to do with a little girl, but I honestly think it would be so precious to see him playing tea party or painting nails with a little girl! So cuuuuute!
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband wants a little boy, of course. I wouldn’t be disappointed at this point because we’ve been TTC for a long time, so I truly would be blessed with either. But I like girl names better, girl clothes better, etc.
I feel like if we had a girl first, I would be fine with only have one child. But if we had a boy first, I would definitely try again for a girl.
[name_f]Glad[/name_f] I’m not alone! Seems the only thing you’re supposed to say is, “as long as it’s healthy.” Well obviously that trumps any other factor, but I’m allowed to want a girl.
We are expecting our first child in [name_f]October[/name_f], a boy. I’m still coming to terms with it.
Boys are just so much harder! Louder! More active! And their clothes aren’t pretty!!! Sorry. Still getting over it. Needed a place to vent since I have pretend to be excited for everyone else. [name_m]Just[/name_m] having a little pout. I’m sure I’ll get over it.
I think it’s completely normal. When a child is in utero it’s still a little bit of an abstraction, and since you haven’t really gotten to know them yet in a meaningful sense it’s still easy to feel an attachment to the idea of a Boy or a Girl. In utero it’s easy to feel that twinge of disappointment.
Once they arrive and you fall in love, you won’t want to change anything about them. I think you can still mourn the philosophical abstraction of the [name_m]Son[/name_m] or Daughter that you never had without wanting to erase or change the little ones you do have.
Yes. This is it exactly. If and when you do have a second child, and if it is another little boy, once he is born, you will totally fall in love with him. It doesn’t mean you will suddenly stop wanting/wishing you also had a daughter. But you would never, not for anything, give up your second little man.
You put this so well! Yes, I remember how head over heals in love I was with my babies the moment I met them and amazingly that love seems to grow each day. You’ve convinced me to go for a surprise for the last time! I shouldn’t second guess myself with worry over disappointments I don’t even think I have.
