[name_m]Hi[/name_m] all! I am newly pregnant, only about to be 11 weeks. I live in [name_u]Texas[/name_u] alone with my husband, and my family lives in [name_f]Miami[/name_f], FL.
Yesterday I found out that my grandmother and [name_f]MIL[/name_f] are planning a baby shower for me when I go home to visit in [name_f]May[/name_f]. I will be about 18 a half weeks pregnant. At first, I was thrilled because I don’t really have any support system here and it will be my only chance to have any kind of celebration with family or receive any gifts…
but then I googled the appropriate time for baby showers, and now I feel both terribly afraid that it is way too early, I could miscarry and also awkward about the early timing. I’m so sad, because I am so happy and want to celebrate that with my loved ones, but now I’m feeling like it may be a bad idea.
I really want to have a baby shower, but is 18 weeks just TOO SOON to celebrate? I won’t be able to fly home again during my pregnancy and sincerely doubt I’ll have any visitors, but I do think people could ship us gifts or giftcards if they wanted to.
Since you won’t be able to fly home again, don’t have a local support system, and doubt that you will have many visitors, I think you should just go with it. It is so kind of your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and grandmother to plan this, I would just graciously thank them and enjoy your shower.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] keep in mind, having a shower now DOES NOT increase your chance of miscarriage. I understand why you are worried about this. I really do. And I understand that it is awkward. But it sounds like this is the only opportunity that your family will have to celebrate with you. That changes things. However, if having the baby stuff around makes you nervous, maybe see if a local relative could keep it at their home and ship it all to you later in the pregnancy.
I don’t think there’s really a “right time” for a baby shower. Too early may be a little strange, but if you wait too long, the baby could come early and you might have to cancel it. (This happened for one friend of mine.) Once you pass 12 weeks, your miscarriage risks go down, so by 18 weeks you should be in the safe zone. Given that you’d have to travel back for another shower and you won’t be able to fly when you’re close to the due date, this seems like an ideal situation.
[name_f]My[/name_f] general rule of thumb is, if someone wants to be generous, take them up on it. Your family want to celebrate the baby and help you out, so go for it.
Second-trimester miscarriages are far far less common than are first-trimester miscarriages. It’s lovely and you’ll be at the best part of your pregnancy: feeling great, no more nausea, looking cute but not yet huge, with an obvious baby bump but still able to tie your shoes.
The only possible downside is that, depending on your local OB’s practices, you might not know the gender yet (if you choose to find out), and many gift-buyers like to know. However gender prediction is fairly accurate at 16 weeks if your doctor provides routine 16-wk ultrasounds.
I think its a good idea. Take the support where & when you can get it. I think its sweet that your family is planning something to celebrate with you & you should embrace it!
As far as gifts go you will most likely get lots of gender neutral little things like teething toys, pacifiers, onesies and blankets & hopefully some giftcards to buy things like a carseat & stroller once you’re back home. Nobody will buy you the big stuff that you would have to ship so you probably don’t need to bother registering at Babies R Us or anything. I think its nicer not to direct people with what to get you - all my favorite shower gifts were things I hadn’t registered for, they are more personal.
I was going to mention that book showers are always really cool, in case your shower planners are looking for ideas… everyone brings a book for the baby & writes their well-wishes in the front cover - but I guess a big stack of baby books would be a real pain to ship.
thank you everyone for your input! I feel a lot better about it now. I must be going crazy to google something like that and freak out anyway, in retrospect.
I think it’s fine. Given your location and you won’t be home again before baby is born. Yes, 18 weeks is earlier than usual (it’s usually past 30 weeks), but I think it’s totally okay in your case. Congrats
