I’m not a parent, BUT when I was growing up, my mom marked several spots in the encyclopedias that had photos of things. Some were anatomy, one, which I remember vividly was a photo of a woman in the process of giving birth. Anyways, she told us that we were not to look at those photos until we were older, and she marked the spots to show us where NOT to look.
Obviously we used to sneak around looking at the photos all the time, just like she wanted. I was maybe five or six.
My mom was a master manipulator, and I totally plan on doing it to my kids.
I don’t remember much before, but when I was 8, I peeked in my parents sock drawer thinking they were hiding presents for me. Turns out they were adult videos, and my mom sat down and had a talk with me. I think she handled it in a good way. She explained that sex wasn’t just people getting naked and kissing, and that [name_u]Tab[/name_u] A goes into Slot B. I started getting a little upset and she told me that it wasn’t dirty or shameful.
In 4th grade, the whole grade was divided into boys and girls. Girls watched a video about puberty for female, and boys watched a video about puberty for males.
In the fifth grade, we switched and watched the video for the opposite gender.
Actual sex education wasn’t taught until the middle school, and my school is an abstinence based program. We learned the mechanics of a pregnancy, and how unsafe sex can lead to STDs, and that the only 100% fail proof option was to abstain from sex. No condoms on bananas or talk of birth control.
Luckily, I knew I could talk to my mom and she told me about other options. [name_f]One[/name_f] of the most important things I remember her saying to me was that she knew I was going to face a lot of pressure to have sex in school, and that it’s okay if I do have sex before I was married. She taught about the emotional aspect of sex, and that she just hoped that I could wait until I met someone I truly loved and trusted. To this day I feel confident talking to my mom about sexual issues, without judgment or criticism (nothing explicit of course).
My dad never talked to me about anything specifically, but my mother told him every step of the way what we were talking about, and made sure I knew that she was telling me.
We are open and honest with our children about sex and anatomy. Right now my son is mainly just noticing the difference between boys and girls. We use correct terminology and answer his questions. For awhile this meant having several conversations a day about who had a penis and who had a vagina. He wanted to know about everyone from Grandma to Yoda. We haven’t actually talked about sex yet since he hasn’t asked but when he does we’ll talk about it. I don’t believe in having “THE talk” but in talking with my children throughout their lives about sex. I wouldn’t want to leave it up to the doctor or the school system because I want to be the person he comes to with his questions.
Well i’am not a parent but I believe sooner the better. I mean it’s better you be the one who explain this to them rather than friends.
I remember when I was about 11, my mom try to talk to me about sex but honestly I didnt paid much attention. I have already knew the most from what my friends had tell me.
And I dont believe in " the talk " either. Sex is a natural thing and kids much be comfortable with that.And, personaly, I would have been completely embarrassed if my kid was asking questions about that on a stranger.
The kid must be comfortable with you to talk about everything. If you avoid talk about that or when you refer to vagina with names like your flower etc ( I swear my aunt told this to my cousin) how they are going to feel when they found the truth?
But as I said I don’t have any experience and when I have kids I might change my mind.
I don’t have any children myself, but my “nanny family” has handled human anatomy and sex education the same way I see myself handling it with my future kiddos. Their oldest is 6, then they have a 4 year old, and a 2 year old. All three kids refer to the body parts as penis, vagina, testicles, etc. They also know which ones they have, and which ones the opposite sex has. That is how I was raised as well. I remember going to daycare when I was about 5 and I was told to sit on my bottom, I had no idea what a bottom was! Anyway, I think being straightforward about it takes away a lot of the mystery and excitement, which usually takes away the need for young children to explore their peers bodies, and let’s be honest here, walking in on stripped down 3 year olds DOES happen, and as innocent as it is, it’s still an awkward situation! As far as discussing sex goes, I would be honest if my toddler asked where babies come from. My mom was honest with me when I was very young and all ears, and it avoided the uncomfortable conversation during my preteen years!
My baby is still in-utero, but when he/she is older, I’ll be very open about it with him/her. It’s a natural part of life, and the way I look at it, God created it to be a beautiful thing.
Not a parent but what my mom did was whenever I had questions, she answered them. I can’t remember learning the proper terminology for body parts so that must have happened pretty young, I learned about eggs and sperm when I was 3 and my mom was pregnant. I was there for all three of my siblings births (I was almost 4 for the first) so I knew how babies came out, I was 8 or 9 when I learned about the mechanics of sex. When I was 10 my mom gave me a book about puberty because I wasn’t asking any questions and she wanted me to know and I loved to read. I don’t recall anything being awkward, I asked questions, she answered, I learned what i needed to. No special “talk” needed.
My daughter is 21 months, and I try to use the proper terms for her vulva, vagina, etc. I picked up most stuff from books and friends when I was a kid. My parents may have told me some stuff, but I do not recall such a conversation ever taking place. When I was 13ish, my sister gave me a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves, which is still on my bookshelf if my daughter ever feels like perusing it. [name_m]Even[/name_m] my college friends thought that my “big red sex book” was a useful resource.
I’m not a parent, but I can tell you how my parents handled it: they really didn’t.
I read about sex when I was about eight, and I was curious about pregnancy and how it worked (apparently while my sister was brushing her teeth, I walked in and told her the facts of making whoopee.) But that knowledge sort of faded away. When I was ten, and I started to get more… emotional about weird things, my mom assumed that I would be hitting puberty soon, and so she gave me a book called “Period.” She talked with me a tiny bit before that, but she never made it so I was comfortable about the conversation. She literally waited until my brother had gone to bed and my sister was in the shower, cornered me in the kitchen, and explained why she couldn’t go on a snow trip. The conversation horrified me because she handled it wrong.
[name_m]Even[/name_m] before then when I started getting underarm hair, it was a matter that was discreetly dealt with. The book she gave me about periods didn’t prove very helpful, and in the end, it made me more nervous then secure. Sex was a matter that I was briefly asked about. At that point I was thirteen, and she asked me: [name_f]Do[/name_f] you want me to tell you or do you want to figure it out on your own? And being thirteen and awkward and shy, I told her I’d figure it out on my own.
The school system I’m in has a fairly decent sex-ed course. In eighth grade, we learned a bit about STDS, teenage pregnancy, and all the dirty details, but it was a fragment of a much larger class. The same went for the education received in high school. In our health two class, we spent about a week learning about pregnancy and the reproductive system.
I think in a lot of ways, my parents could have handled teaching me about sex a bit better. They could have sat down and talked to me, maybe let me know it wasn’t such a big deal. But in the end they were successful. I understand my body, and I know that sans a glove, there shall be no love.
Sorry for the novel! Obviously I have a lot to share! [name_m]Just[/name_m] be open and honest. It’s always better to be well informed.
My mum bought a book and got me to read that everything I know is from schools health ed and magazines. At school they haven’t thought us about sex yet I’m only year 9 and I go to a catholic school and our teachers seem to think we will wait until marriage.
My parents are very conservative Christians (my dad is a clergyman) and come from very conservative backgrounds. I went to a small private school from grades 1 to 5 where even “stupid” was considered a swear word, and sexual language was unheard of. Believe it or not, I didn’t even know what sex was or that it existed until grade 6 when I heard about it from my friends. A lot of stuff I ended up reading about on the Internet because I was too embarrassed to admit I didn’t know what it was. My mum only started talking about it a bit when I asked her. We didn’t have very good sex ed at school. My mum only gave me a book about puberty which talked about bras and periods and stuff but not sex.
I think my mum didn’t really know how to talk about it because her parents didn’t tell her much (they aren’t very educated). Also, she’s from Hong Kong and it’s a cultural thing to not talk about sex. [name_m]Both[/name_m] my parents are adamant about no sex before marriage and they’re probably the most socially conservative people I’ve ever met. I see where they’re coming from so I don’t blame them, but personally I don’t agree with all their views or how they handled it. My mum and I have always been close but it’s only in the last couple years that I’ve felt comfortable discussing this with her, as people I know from school start getting sexually active. (though to the best of my knowledge none of my close friends have had sex and I’ve never even had a boyfriend so yeah)
It’s definitely beneficial to be VERY open with your children about sex when the time comes. I’m not a parent yet, but here’s how my mom did it. I started learning about health ed. in 4th grade and was embarrassed to even talk about puberty for some reason. Around that time, my mom just said that when I was ready, she would tell me about “the facts of life” as she called them. I was embarrassed at first, but every few nights or so, when tucking me into bed, she would ask if I was ready to hear the facts of life. [name_f]One[/name_f] night I said yes, so she started with chapter one. I don’t remember exactly what was in each chapter or how many there even were, but it was at least like a seven part series! 
She started with the less embarrassing stuff like puberty and periods, then worked her way up to sex. There was a lot of red faces and squirming and eye rolling from me at the time, but I really liked the way she did it and now think it was a really sweet way to explain it. She told me that if I had any questions that I didn’t want to ask her in person, I could email her any time and she would email me back with an answer. This was great for me because I have a hard time expressing my thoughts.
Jump to about 3 years later when I had my first period. I was confused and weirded out, but she made it really fun and got super excited when I told her. She told me that I was a woman now and that in African tribes (not sure where she go this), when girls would have their periods, it was a huge celebration and they were then recognized by the whole village as a woman. She gave me some pads and a purity ring with a little pink crystal in it that I’m pretty sure she bought when I was about 5 years old… 
Well to sum up my essay… I think that the best way is to be very open and not weird about it, just present things in a very matter-of-fact way.
Wow, I am so impressed with all the feedback from parents so far. I totally agree that it’s important to be as straightforward as possible as early as possible, and that using the correct terms for body parts is the way to go. Out of interest, do you think that contraception should always be part of discussions with kids about sex with the potential for pregnancy, or should that come up when they’re on the cusp of sexual activity themselves (say 12 or 13)?
I think regarding contraception, it should be brought up when talking about sex generally. You might want to focus on “safe sex” as opposed to limiting that conversation to contraception. Obviously as adults we understand that the pill or the shot or whatever will not protect you or your partner from STD/STIs, but kids don’t automatically know these things. Children need to be informed of ALL the risks involved, not just pregnancy, and be given the means and the knowledge to protect themselves. You do not want to wait too long to have that discussion (and sadly in many cases 12 or 13 is too late).
I used to work within elementary schools in my district through a nonprofit organization. When I was there I took a training called “My Tween and Me” - that program categorized “tween” as children aged 7 to 12. [name_u]SEVEN[/name_u]. When I first learned that I was stunned, because I thought seven year olds were way too young for that categorization. But depending on kids’ family lives and backgrounds (older siblings, parenting styles, exposure to media etc) children as young as seven years old begin to behave like teenagers. You might say “not my kid” (as your seven year old plays with sidewalk chalk in the driveway or something), but even if you do your best to protect your children and keep them innocent, you can’t control who they are playing with and the things they are learning on the playground and from classmates etc.
So its best to keep sex safety an open conversation. It can be uncomfortable as a parent (obviously) but in my opinion it is necessary.
I agree 13 is too late. I’d like to think things at different now, but I have at least a handful of friends who were sexually active at 13 or 14. (Having intercourse, not just experimenting…).
I do think learning about the responsibilities of protected sex is too much for most 7 year olds, though. I think 9-11 is probably a good age to bring that up.
[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t get me wrong, I’m not saying you need to give a 7 year old the whole schpiel, but I do think from the age when you first start talking about sex you need to let them know that its risky business & that there are things they can do to make sure they stay safe. I agree 9 to 11 is probably a more appropriate time to start really discussing options and explaining the risks more thoroughly.