How do you approach sex education with your children? If your child/children asked you, do you actually have books or diagrams in your household to help you explain the anatomy of a human body?
Do you think you should be the one to explain it to your kid? Or would you leave it to a doctor? Would you leave it to the school your child attends?
What were your experiences with sex education growing up? Was there any at all?
At the age of 10, 11, 13, 15, 16, and 17, I had sex education. This was common in my school district. I’m not sure how it is for everywhere else.
Not to mention, my mother is a nurse and my father is a doctor. So I had all sorts of resourceful books at my disposal to look at diagrams of the human body. And I was able to ask questions myself.
That was my experience. The human body was a mystery but it wasn’t really masked to me. But I was raised from a rather conservative family, so sex was one of those things that no one expected me to do until after completing a my education, finding a steady job that I liked, and marriage.
EDIT: In retrospect, my parents did not care too much if I had a curiosity for the human body (because they’ve spent their lives studying it). Those books were on the shelves, free for anyone who visited our home to read. But they knew that the subject would come up and I’m glad they weren’t too weird about it.
I can’t give you experiences as a parent simply because I’m barely out of childhood myself (and of course don’t have children), but my parents didn’t really do much in the way of talking to me about sex. I was given a couple of books, but nothing more unless I asked to know. I don’t think that I suffered at all from that, or have a negative, prudish view of sex. I feel that I know all that I need to at my age, and I know I CAN talk to my parents if I want to.
At about 3 or 4 I remember my mum was pregnant with my little sister and I asked a few questions about where the baby came from (or as I put it ‘Mummy, how does your body know when you want a baby to grow inside of it?’ Her response was ‘it just does’ which I seemed content with at the time!)
Sex education in schools ([name]England[/name]) isn’t that great in my opinion, and I’ve had a few dodgy experiences - like the time, at age 11/12, when my class were told to apply appropriate contraception to vegetables. Yes, vegetables.
Heh, thanks caoimhe for the link. I did give it a read and it does give me an insight to how others have dealt with introducing the subject.
Also, thank you oliviasarah for responding!
I could just imagine a little girl being all chipper with the response of: “It just does!” Hilarious!
And what’s this I hear about vegetables? Hahaha. Well, hey. I’ve had my teachers demonstrate on bananas before. And then there were the actual diagrams they would present, as I got older and informational videos.
It was all very helpful.
I’m afraid I did not get to apply contraception to any vegetables though. Nope, I haven’t!
I never even thought of having the family doctor explain these things to my kids when they’re old enough. That’s a really great idea! As for my experience…school had sex education. I think it began in 4th grade? My parents weren’t prudish and I’m sure I came to my mom with any questions. And of course the general misinformation that went around among the neighborhood kids!
See? That’s why I’m curious. I have met some people who actually never had sufficient sex education or weren’t very informed until they were older, through experience, or attending an introductory college course on the subject.
And yes, you could ask your family doctor I’m sure she/he may give you oodles of pamplets and suggest books to help you or something - if you ask.
My eldest daughter is 4yrs old so we haven’t really touched on sex ed yet. I don’t feel the need to do so for at least another couple of years.
We have of course, discussed the human anatomy. She calls her private parts her “girly bits” and I’m quite content for her to use those terms for the time being.
She did ask where her baby sister (5 months old) came from. We told her that we called the hospital and ordered a baby. We told her it took a long time for the baby to come because lots of mummies and daddies want new babies, but that we had to be patient and wait our turn. She seemed content with that answer too. Because while she was aware that she was getting a new baby sister when I was pregnant, she didn’t seem to notice my growing belly at all.
As far as sex education goes I’ll answer any questions she may have, truthfully, when she’s a bit older. Maybe 10-11 years old? I haven’t really thought it through yet.
Sex education is awful in the schools in my area, I know I got none myself when I was in school. For that reason I’ll probably give her the facts myself, something I’m not exactly looking forward to!
Thanks lucykate, I appreciate your input for this subject.
Also, “girly bits” definitely sounds appropriate for a 4 year old to handle. Haha, how cute.
My family would tell those kinds of stories as I grew up (especially mean older cousins) and I would believe it. But then I discovered the world of books, inquired my parents about it every so often, etc.
Hahaha! Yes, this would be a milestone in the “memories with my child” scrapbook. Not to worry, though! I think going in with the facts and laying it out as best you can is all your daughters can ask for.
please dont make them suffer through an awkward conversation with a doctor. kids learn things in school and they learn plenty. thats really all i got and i did just fine.
I hate this topic! Because it was so incredibly awkward for me growing up. I remember asking my mom when I was eight or nine where babies came from and her anwer was “A seed from daddy goes into mommies tummy and makes a baby.” That was it. When I prodded for more information she ignored me. So I was left to my own devices to figure it out, and decided the ‘seed’ came from daddys tummy when they were kissing and went into the mommies mouth into her tummy. Seriously. Not kidding, even a little bit. I knew boys and girls were different and what everybody looked like naked, but it didn’t occur to me to put those parts together… Anyway, when I was in fourth grade (so 10, maybe?) I learned more about sex. I still didn’t get the whole picture though until I was around 12. I really wish I had had somone more willing to discuss the topic with me without being so mysterious and shameful about it. I thought it was a horrible, degrading thing to acknowledge sex at all. My mother is Southern, and true southern women don’t discuss sex, and when they do they talk about how horrible it is, what an abomination. So that was all I had until high school (14). That was when I really understood the mechanics of it. It took me years a couple years after that to understand it was good and okay for people to have sex, just not to have promiscuous sex.
When I was around nine or ten I read the dictionary (yes, really), and that’s how I found out what sex was. My experience has been that just about everyone knows about sex by seventh grade (age 12-13), and that numerous lies and myths get passed from student to student about sex. Sex education in middle school and high school isn’t very reliable, as the main focus is abstinence and teaching students about STDs - not sex itself. I think it’s best for parents to be 100% honest with their kids when they start asking questions, as lying to them or “delaying the talk” really doesn’t benefit anyone.
Looked it up the world book encyclopedia here! My mother attempted a very confusing and awkward talk when I was around 10ish I think? It was terrible and she didn’t say anything straightforward whatsoever. No sex ed from school either.
I plan to talk to my girls early and keep talking more as they get older and are able to understand more and more information. Namely I want them to understand:
the mechanics of sex and conception
that sex feels good
that sex is special and should be taken seriously
I want them to have the impression that I know everything there is to know and will be more than happy to tell them. I hope and pray they can avoid a lot of the confusion and misinformation that I experienced.
When I was nine my parents sent me to a seminar hosted at the local high school, the speaker explained all the changes that our bodies go though, menstruation and sex. I found it very informative and well timed since I started menstruating a short time later and would have flipped out had I not understood the process.
My parents were/are completely prudish. I was given a book, but they were so serious and uncomfortable in giving it to me, I didn’t bother to open it. [name_m]Just[/name_m] watched an ‘R’ rated movie at a friend’s house and figured things out.
I was told about procreative sex when I was about 7 or 8 and given a book; I learned about oral, anal, and digital sex when I was around 11, and was, again, given a book. We did sex ed in middle school, which I convinced my mom to get me out of – a mistake, in retrospect. When I have kids I want to start comprehensive sex ed as soon as they’re old enough to understand it.
I’d just like to interject, it is best to teach your children proper terminology for body parts at a young age.
For one thing, if you teach them that a vagina is a vagina rather than calling it a pee-pee or cookie or little bum or whatever, it can help to avoid potential embarrassment and mystery or confusion later.
For another thing, (and of course nobody obviously likes to think this is a possibility) it is a deterrent for potential sexual predators to hear children use proper adult terms for their body parts rather than cutesy names. It clarifies for caregivers or teachers the need to be concerned if a child says someone wants to see their vagina rather than see their cookie, or their penis rather than their rocket or whatever. Also, if your child is sexually abused and needs to testify, they need to be able use proper terminology or their testimony may be considered “up for interpretation”, and not hold up legally.
Obviously, you will do whatever you feel most comfortable with as a parent.
There is a movement called “Darkness to [name_m]Light[/name_m]” that has a straightforward chart about healthy sexual development for different age groups. http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6292241/
Edited to add: there is also a children’s picture book called What Makes a Baby, that I think could be helpful for parents that want to be open with their children about sex but aren’t sure how to facilitate that conversation. What makes a Baby is also inclusive for adoptive families, gay couples, transgender couples, IVF families and (apparently) just about every other type of family.
I don’t remember ever NOT knowing about my body or sex & reproduction, so my parents I guess were pretty open about it from a young age. I have an older brother, so maybe he would tell us what he learned in school or something. We did learn in more detail through sex education in school, which is part of our science curriculum. I think in school we started learning about it in grade 6 or so. I used to work in an elementary school and I had children as young as 6 asking me questions (standard answer was that they should probably ask their mum or dad) - but if they were asking me, they were probably asking their friends as well. So I would suggest starting the conversation earlier than that to hopefully avoid misinformation.
My personal experience was via health classes at school, reading magazines for teenage girls, and my friends. My parents said NOTHING. Seriously, they weren’t good when it came to any slightly uncomfortable conversations. I mean, I had issues with eating disorders as a child/teenager, which my mother knew about, and she did nothing.
Growing up my parents were always completely transparent with me. There were no secrets and certainly my questions were always answered honestly. I was one of those kids that asked the basic; but only ever really touched on the others if an issue arose. When I was three or four, I asked mum where babies came from, when she told me I was disgusted. So I refused to talk about it anymore! haha. As I got older we had routine talks about everything from being yourself to puberty. She always said, “It’s not icky and its not gross. I never bring it up to embarrass you.” She also had a mother who told her nothing about puberty and poor mum thought she was dying when she got her first period. In regards to the actual act of sex, I picked up on bits in school as kids do, but we talked about it as well. She acknowledged it wasn’t just “mechanics,” there’s also the emotional and physical side of sex. If its hard for grown women who have had sex with a partner and split up to handle then a teenage girl will struggle just as much - if not more. Plus (without threatening) she always made it very clear that if I ever did become sexually active it is a responsibility, there are risks of STD and obviously pregnancy. I read the Girls Stuff book by Kaz Cook growing up (not because mum bought it,) I bought it because I was interested, its virtually a bible on everything girl-related and that helped as well. Because sometimes there will be questions kids get nervous to ask. I think as well, in a sense, my brother was taught to respect girls and the “mechanics.” Where I was kind of taught the emotional factor because I was always the girl with my heart on her sleeve.
My school was religious, they were, in honestly, quite lax in their sex education. They only ever focused on the religious views and not so much on anything else. We only had sex ed in year ten and one random one day program on STDs. By the time we had sex education, half my year level had lost their virginity, and had multiple partners! I was the minority. But yeah, I think honesty and transparency is the key, I can talk to my parents about ANYTHING. Really. If I needed pads, I could approach my dad without feeling nervous, and I come home and tell them how my dates go or how a party I went to was. My mum also always told me that if I were having sex, she would have no problem with that, and its not the end of the world. But obviously I would need to talk to her about contraception because I have no experience. I think that was one of the best things my parents ever did for me. I trust the implicitly because of it. They never lied or fobbed me off and sex wasn’t a dirty word. Oh, and in regards to using the correct words and terminology when I was really little I knew that people referred to a vagina as a “wee” and to me that was just fact. It was confusing or anything. It was just a short clause for vagina. As long as they know that its fine.
I was also going to mention the importance of teaching a child proper anatomy terms.
When I was 8, my mom and I read through an American Girl book about bodies…it talked about everything from eating healthy, dental care, to periods. I saw a video in school about a year later, and we discussed it (that’s also when I learned about boys’ bits, erections, intercourse, and so on).
I’m not sure I knew how babies were made before then. I don’t think I ever asked anyone.
My mom had this book for adults on how to talk to your children about puberty. I stole it and read it at age 11. That’s how I learned about recreational sex. My mom never actually talked about sex with me. She’s not prude at all and we have an open relationship though, so I don’t know why that is. We had sex [name_m]Ed[/name_m] once more in middle and high school each…maybe learned a bit more about STDs andBC.
With my daughter, I plan on having a continuous and open discussion on it…things like the emotional side of sex, slut shaming, pornography, etc. I do hope she’ll wait until AT LEAST age 16 to become at all sexually active.
Heh, thanks caoimhe for the link. I did give it a read and it does give me an insight to how others have dealt with introducing the subject.
I’m sure she/he may give you oodles of pamplets and suggest books to help you or something - if you ask.