How do you claim a baby name?

General Name Discussion
1

Recently, my husband’s step-brother announced that they’re naming their second son [name_m]Oliver[/name_m], which happens to be my sister’s all-time favorite baby name. She’s actually dating my other brother-in-law. I know, some people find that weird… but it’s actually sort of awesome. Especially during the holidays. Anyways, she was super bummed to hear because chances are, she’ll marry my [name_m]BIL[/name_m] and I’m guessing they won’t feel comfortable naming their baby [name_m]Oliver[/name_m] if they were to ever have a boy.

It got me thinking about how some of our other family members could be having babies before my husband and I do. We hope to in 2017, but still won’t be TTC for a few more months.

I know a few of my favorite names are favored by some other family members and I just wonder what I would do if they had a child before me and named them one of my husband and I’s favorite names.

I also think about it vice versa. If my husband and I have a baby first, but I know some of my family members like the same names that I do. Should I feel bad?

For example, my cousin’s girlfriend and I were talking about names one day and we both mentioned how we love the name [name_f]Nora[/name_f]. They already have a baby girl named [name_u]Quinn[/name_u] and she was talking about how fitting [name_f]Nora[/name_f] would be for a sister for [name_u]Quinn[/name_u]. I definitely agree. So, say my husband and I have a baby girl in 2017, should I feel okay naming her [name_f]Nora[/name_f]?

Basically, what I’m asking is there a way you can claim baby names within your family? Is it just whoever uses the name first? Is it okay to have the same name within your family multiple times? Should it be something that is talked about before deciding… like making sure the other person is okay with it?

[name_m]Just[/name_m] wondering what you other berries do. I know we’re all name obsessed and could very well be disappointed if we saw our sister or cousin’s naming their children names we absolutely love.

UPDATE: I would never literally claim a name. I guess I should have been more clear about that in my post… that I don’t think I could ever tell my family members, hey my s/o and I love this name a lot, so please no one use it. I see it more as if I really loved a name, would casually mentioning how much I love it be an appropriate way of me saying, hey we really would love to use this name in the future. For example, saying something like, “if I were to ever have a daughter I would name her _____.” And hope that they would respect that if they found that they liked that name at one point. But then again, I also think overall, first come first serve. I can’t possibly be upset with someone using a name I love first. I wouldn’t feel comfortable not using a name because someone else in the family loves it and MIGHT use it in the future. So, I couldn’t possibly expect other people to do that. Unless there was serious special meaning to the parents, whereas maybe I just really loved the way the name sounded, then I would consider not using that name.

2

I’m still a teenager and definitely not married so I don’t know how valuable my insight on this is going to be to you.

Basically, what I’m asking is there a way you can claim baby names within your family?
I don’t think there’s any specific way you can “claim” a name. I know someone in your family who adores a certain name, you probably shouldn’t use it out of consideration to them, unless they plan on never having/adopting children.

Is it okay to have the same name within your family multiple times?
Yes, if you and the parent(s) of the other child don’t mind it.

Should it be something that is talked about before deciding… like making sure the other person is okay with it?
Yes, definitely, the more the communication the better.

3

No one can take claim to a name. We all have a right, to a degree, to name our own children what we want. My brother, good friends, and neighbors could or can name their son’s my son’s name. I did not get legal rights to that name after naming him. Actually, until we moved here, there were at least one or two other boys with his name in the neighborhood. It does not bother me. It did not bother the boys. And it never bothered the other parents.

4

Argh, this is such a tricky situation! Especially as the names in your sig are fairly well-known or even popular (and all incredibly lovely, by the way!), and you know other family members like them too. Chances are they’ll be on the radar for other babies in the family, which I know is a super-stressful situation (friends with a spookily similar taste in names to us are currently expecting #2, and I’m stressing out that they’ll pick my favourites, so I do have an idea how you feel!)

I personally find the idea of trying to “claim” a name quite awkward - I feel like if they’re expecting, not me, they have a right to name their child what they want and it would be unfair of me to try and make them choose a second-choice name just because of a potential future baby of mine. On the flipside, if someone who wasn’t even pregnant tried to talk me out of a name I wanted to use I’d be really pissed off! But equally the thought of never getting to use my favourite names because they get taken first is horrible!

Do you have a particular favourite name which you’d be gutted if someone used? If so, it might be best to bring the subject up and claim just that name, but no more. If they’re all more or less equal favourites then my advice is probably to wait and see, and pick another of your favourites if one of your names is chosen. It sucks but it’s not fair to claim a whole list for hypothetical children, especially when you know they love the same names as you.

As for naming your future baby girl Nora, I’d go for it if you get there first. You would regret it if it got taken afterwards, and it wouldn’t be like you were “stealing” the name because you were both talking about how much you love Nora. It sounds harsh but honestly I wouldn’t check if they’re OK with it first, because if they say no then you definitely can’t use it without some serious tension developing, and if they said no and then used it later there’d be even more tension. If it hasn’t been used, it’s fair game IMO - and that applies both to you using a name and to others using “your” names.

I personally don’t like the same name being used by close family members multiple times, unless of course it’s a family name with special significance. I feel like it’s a little unfair, both to the children who don’t get their own name, and to the parents who might feel like their special name has been stolen and recycled. Even similar names (Ella and Eleanor, Lily and Lillian, Jack and Jackson) are a no-go for me. However, I agree with pp that if you’ve discussed it with the parents and they’re OK with it, it’s doable.

5

Actually, you being a teenager is still super helpful!

On your first point, what if two family members (myself and someone else) both REALLY love a name. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you think I should still be considerate and not use it? Or vice versa?

Thanks for your input :slight_smile:

6

I know you can’t literally claim a name. And I would never be upset with a family member or friend if they named their child the same name as my child. But I know personally, it would be harder for me to want to name my child the same name as another child within the family. And I would be concerned if my family would disagree with my choice or dislike the same name multiple times within a family.

7

I definitely worry about this. My sister-in-law is pregnant, I’m not, and I’m nervous she’ll pick one of our favourites! It’s my first niece or nephew, which probably makes me extra wary. I’ve avoided talking to her about names so that we don’t accidentally ‘give each other ideas’ - which sounds terrible, but someone might only decide they love a specific name after hearing a family member praise it. I’d rather not put ideas into her head.

I don’t think I can claim a name though. If she does happen to pick a name I love, I guess I’ll pick another. What if, say, it’s a girls name, she avoids using it for me, but then I never have a daughter? That’s silly. If I can’t use a name I love, I’d like my children’s cousins to have a name I love.

I wouldn’t worry so much about my cousin’s children’s names. Unless you’re super close with your cousin, second cousins don’t have all that much to do with each other. Then again, my brother and cousin have the same name - it was weird when my cousin (who is younger) was born, but we’ve just gotten used to it. They are several years apart, live in different cities, and my brother goes by a nickname, which helps.

8

You don’t.
You can talk to your siblings about which names each of you likes and make a deal, if they don’t like your favourites, it’s unlikely they’ll use it even if their partner does, if both of you like it, make a deal that neither will be upset if both of you will end up naming their kid that.
If a family member uses the name first, you’re either fine with only having a nephew/niece with the name and settle on another one or you go ahead and just use it, too, which I would do if it were one of my absolute favourites.
If they’re upset, tell them that the name has been on your list for a long time, if they’re still upset, ignore it, it’s a name, their child is still special even if it shares a name with yours.
You can give them a heads-up, but tell them “hey, we’ve been loving this name for a really long time and we couldn’t find another we both agree on, so our child wil also be named…” (or whatever) instead of asking them if it’s okay to also name your child…, that can end in either party being upset.
If a family member uses the same name as you, take it as a compliment!

9

So glad you have an idea as to how I’m feeling! I agree, I don’t feel comfortable claiming a name. And I guess I should have been more clear about that in my post… that I don’t think I could ever tell my family members, hey my s/o and I love this name a lot, so please no one use it. I see it more as if I really loved a name, would casually mentioning how much I love it be a good way of me saying, hey we really would love to use this name in the future. And hope that they would respect that if they found that they liked that name at one point. But then again, I also think overall, first come first serve. I can’t possibly be upset with someone using a name I love first. I wouldn’t feel comfortable not using a name because someone else in the family loves it and MIGHT use it in the future. So, I couldn’t possible expect other people to do that. Unless there was serious special meaning to the parents, whereas maybe I just really loved the way the name sounded.

Anyways, feels good to know I’m not alone in worrying about stuff like this! I just got to thinking about it because my sister’s situation and I really feel for her. She’s only 20, so perhaps her name taste will change, but she’s loved the name [name_m]Oliver[/name_m] since she was a little girl. So, it would really stink to be in her situation. Hopefully she only has girls! lol

10

You’re not alone! Sometimes I avoid talking names with my family members who are pregnant or TTC because I don’t want to give them ideas. If we ever do talk names, I try mentioning names I like, but would never use. I know my sister and I have similar taste, so sometimes that worries me. For example, she loves [name_m]Oliver[/name_m] for a boy and I love [name_f]Olive[/name_f] for a girl. In all honesty, if you love a name then you love a name. Chances are, you’ll love it less if it gets used me another family member… but if not, there is no rule in the book that you can’t use it. So, I try and look at it that way to help calm down my worries lol.

And I totally agree, I would never “claim” a name. As I replied to a PP, I should have mentioned in the post that I would never literally claim a name. I would not be happy if someone expected me not to use a name because they liked it, so I would never do that to someone. But I’ve wondered if it would be appropriate to casually mention names you really love and hope to use one day in conversation. For example, if you were to talk baby names with your sister-in-law, maybe you could bounce names off one another and you could mention a name and say, “if I were to ever have a boy I would definitely name him _____.” Hoping they don’t like the name or wouldn’t use it because you love it. I don’t know! My brain hurts hahah.

11

Good point! I can agree with you.

12

Yeah I think it’s whoever gets it first uses it. Especially since you don’t know what children you actually have. You could have the perfect boys name picked out and say it’s off limits then have four girls. A couple of months ago I picked [name_u]Rowan[/name_u] out as perfect esp with my last name. Then I hear my cousin is using it. Now I don’t even think I would even use the name now. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it wasn’t in the family. I think most of the time people do avoid using the same names as people in their close family but there are no rules. If you like the name that much just use it.

13

Good point

14

I guess we can just hope they won’t use it. I don’t talk about names to my family, and extremely rarely to friends. I won’t mind if they end up using some names on my list, though hopefully not my most favourites. I know I won’t be able to use all names I like so it’s quite nice to see it on a nephew/niece anyway.

15

Here’s to hoping! lol

But that’s a good point. Whenever I’m done having kids, I’m going to recommend the names I didn’t use like crazy lol

16

Not really family but my best friend loves the name [name_f]Lucy[/name_f] for a girl. I do as well. Her and her husband are TTC and she mentioned to me that that was one of the names she had in mind. Of course I was a bit bummed because if she did name her baby that I wouldn’t be able to. (Not that I would for sure even if she didn’t). But then I realized, as the future baby’s godmother and auntie, that I would still get to have a sweet little girl to love who would have a name both her mother and aunt love!

17

Basically, what I’m asking is there a way you can claim baby names within your family?
I’m the only child in my adop family, so I basically claim all the names! :smiley: When it comes to my best friend who I do talk names with, if she says a name it’s (personally) off limits for me, but she also has a top girl name and a top boy name; it’s not hard to remove 2 names. I think you could let it be known that you’d like to use a specific name for your child. That makes the rest of the family aware, but it also introduces a name to others that they may not have thought of previously.

Is it just whoever uses the name first? Is it okay to have the same name within your family multiple times?
Yes, first come, first serve. Luckily my family members seem to have different tastes than mine, so it’s not that big of a deal. Although, I’m pretty extreme in that I don’t want my kids having names that are similar to other family members. For example, my niece has a name that ends in -ana, so I’ve knocked all those endings off my list. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though I love [name_f]Viviana[/name_f], it’s now a GP. I also never liked how family members would have to run through the list of similar sounding names to get to mine (ex. [name_f]Cassie[/name_f], [name_f]Katie[/name_f], [name_f]Colleen[/name_f]). They knew us, but with a bunch of similar sounding names it gets confusing to them, so I’d like individuality in naming.

Should it be something that is talked about before deciding… like making sure the other person is okay with it?
You definitely can. If I was seriously considering Ylva I’d ask my cousin how he felt since his daughter also has a 2 syllable name ending in -va. However, asking doesn’t mean they’ll be okay with it so you’d have to be prepared for a no and decide where to go from there. In my opinion, you’ve already said that you like the name [name_f]Nora[/name_f] so it should come as no surprise, if you are pregnant with a girl first, that you use the name. If a family already used the name [name_f]Nora[/name_f] and you wanted to use it too, I’d definitely ask.

18

I worry about this a lot because my sister named her son my favourite boy name, but hey, I got over it really quickly once my nephew was born. I think as long as you tell those your favourite names, although a risk to let them know, then they can either appreciate the fact they’re your favourites and completely veto them, or mention how they also like so-and-so name and you can work out where to go from there.

I honestly don’t think it is the end of the world if two cousins share the same first name.