How do you know when your family is complete?

How do you know when your family is complete? I always thought I’d have two kids and while I do have two, they are twins - I feel like I only got to do the whole experience one time. Not to mention how hard it was or fast it went with two of them!

I am 36, almost 37 with twin girls who are 4.5 years old. Is it too late for me to have another baby? [name_u]Will[/name_u] the age gap be too large? Is it too risky? Could I even handle it at my age? I would love to experience pregnancy again, the newborn stage, breastfeeding, toddlerhood, etc. I love all of it and I’m sad at the thought of never experiencing those things again.

I think I’m scared it would be too much for me. A good friend just had a baby at 35 and she’s physically exhausted, mentally drained, on edge, etc. She also has a 4-year-old at home born the same month as my girls. I guess I just want to hear personal stories of anyone in similar situations past, present or future.

Thanks for reading this!


I don’t have any kids, so you can feel free to take or leave my answers, but I have a really big family so I’m around people with babies, and having babies, a lot.

No. I’ve known plenty of people your age or a little older who had babies and we’re fine. Older pregnancies are getting more common if anything.

I know lots of people with larger age gaps with their siblings. My youngest sibling is almost 21 years younger than me and we have a great bond. You’ll be fine :slight_smile:

Risks increase with age of pregnancy— definitely
consult your doctor— but it’s still generally not super high risk to have a pregnancy in your late 30s or even early 40s. As to whether you could handle it? That’s a question only you can answer, but many people do it and a lot (including a lot of folks I’ve known) do it fine.

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I have a bit of experience with this!
I had twin boys when I was 32. My husband would have been fine with them being our only children but I really wanted to experience pregnancy again and was sad thinking that would be my only time and how stressful it all was. Don’t get me wrong, I feel very lucky to have twins but it is such a different experience than having one baby.
I really wanted the chance to bond with one infant at a time. To maybe get a chance to breastfeed and to just not be as anxious as I was as a first time mom of premie twins.

I got pregnant with my daughter at 35 and it has been everything I thought it would be the second time around.
I was able to make it full term. She’s been such a strong, happy baby and I didn’t have anywhere near the anxiety with her that I did with the boys. I feel like it’s made me a more relaxed mom overall.

She’s almost 14 months now and the boys are 4. She’s already keeping up with them. :laughing:

So I’d say in my situation it was definitely worth it to try for another. :blush:

Eta: as far as the age gap goes I don’t think it’s a big deal. If anything it will help you that your older ones are in school.


I haven’t been in exactly this situation, but for what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s too late for you to have another baby if you want to. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister is 10 years younger than me and in some ways it made our relationship stronger, so I wouldn’t say a 4-5 year age gap is too much or would negatively impact their bond in any way.

I dont think youre too old or its too risky to have another. When calculating the risk I think of it this way, the chance of having a baby with down syndrome at 25 is 0.0008% and at 35 it is 0.0025% and at 40 its 0.01% so while yes the risk ‘doubled’ or more but at 35 you still have a 99.9975% and at 40 a 99.99% chance the baby will not have down syndrome (I’m aware other risks increase with age beyond downs but this is one of the more commonly talked about and the one I could find the numbers for) so I think those are still pretty great chances!

As for the age gap 1 & 5 or 5 & 10 may seem like a big gap but 20 & 25 or 50 & 55 don’t seem like such a big difference.

All this to say if you feel like you would like another baby it is in no way too late

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I don’t think 36 is too old to have another baby, and the age gap wouldn’t be unreasonably large. But there’s no way of telling if you could handle it at your age, there are so many variables involved: your general health, your mental health, will you have an easy baby or not, the support you get, your birth experience, etc. You could be completely fine, but it could also be difficult.

I have four children myself, number 3 and 4 are twins, and my fifth child could be born any day now. For me personally, pregnancy is something I only go through because without it I can’t have a child. I hate it. I think my family will be complete once our fifth is here, but my husband doesn’t agree, so I don’t know. I guess I expected to have some sort of big moment where I realized my family was complete, but that never came. If anything, it’s a rational decision to not have any more children.

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[name_f]My[/name_f] cousin is the same age as you and she and I had our boys 10 days apart, she also has a 6 year old and almost 4 year old :relaxed: It’s completely doable and not too big of an age gap at all. If you want to have another child, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t. I’m 27 and actually younger than 95% of the moms I’ve met with kids under 4!

[name_f]My[/name_f] S/O and his older sisters are 10 and 7 years apart and growing up, the sister who’s 7 years older was incredibly close to him. They still talk regularly and S/O is her child’s godfather, and my own sister and I are close to 4 years apart (I’m older by 3.5 years, 4 school grades) and are best friends, so the age gap doesn’t matter too much imo.

[name_f]My[/name_f] mom 45 when I was born, and there is more than a decade between me and my brothers. I suppose it was a bit of a different situation, since my parents had been trying for a third for a long time, but they always said that I kept them young. Yes, it was tiring, but parenthood always is. Best of luck on whatever you decide!

No real advice to share, just follow your gut!
[name_m]Just[/name_m] wanted to say that I’m [name_u]Happy[/name_u] to see you post and hear an update Lainy!!

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I’m pregnant with my fourth. I have 11, 7, almost 2 and I’m pregnant. I had my first at 25 so I was lucky I guess that I started early and could space them out. I honestly prefer the spacing. It’s been so helpful and nice and all my kids for the most part really get along well. I’ll be 37 when this fourth baby is due and have had zero issues. If anything my pregnancies have gotten easier as they go. I want a fifth and totally feel like I have time for that even!

Not quite related, but I can’t believe the girls are four and a half already!!! I remember when you were still TTC!

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Dude. My half-brother is 22 years older than me. We’re really close. Don’t worry about it.

You’re fine! [name_f]My[/name_f] mom had my youngest sister at 42…she had her oldest twelve years before. Sure, it’s quite an age gap, but that just means they’ll be able to babysit! :wink: