How do you process name remorse?

General Name Discussion
1

[name]How[/name] do you know if your name remorse “means something” – as in, how do you know if the remorse is significant enough to actually make a change?

Another thread got me thinking. Well actually, I have been at times consumed thinking about it since my daughter was born 8 weeks ago. I don’t know if we picked the right name for her, and it is heavy on my mind. I love her name, but I don’t know if the name is right for her. Maybe I am just not giving it enough time for the name to “grow” on her, but from the beginning it hasn’t fit her. I guess I am scared that this feeling will never go away, which makes me start to panic a little. I wish I could rewind to the day she was born and really think things through before announcing her name. I was uncertain from the moment we picked the name – when the nurses would ask what her name was, I would say “We are 90% sure it will be —” So I obviously wasn’t confident with our name choice from the very beginning…it just seemed like the best choice at the time. Now I am not so sure it was the right one.

I just want to be at peace with her name so I can enjoy her 100% and not feel so stressed about her name. I still call her “baby” most of the time, and I really want to feel connected to her name and feel proud of it, too.

Any advice, thoughts or suggestions?
Has anyone been through something like this? What would you do?

I know a little uncertainty and doubt is common, but how do you know if it is just a little doubt that will go away, or if it is such strong remorse that it is worth changing the name?

Or do I just trust that she will grow into her name and I will someday love it 100% without regret? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wishing I would have done something about it…yet I don’t want to regret changing it, either :cry: sigh

2

I don’t know what to say! I’m sorry. Sounds uncomfortable, to say the least. I hope other posters who have experienced this will chirp up.

Here are just a few questions:

Where is your husband with this? Does he share your feelings at all?

[name]How[/name] about others in your family? I don’t know if you have other kids or if the grandparents were deeply involved with this birth and naming experience.

You might want to ask yourself these questions? What will be the worst possible outcome if I just grit my teeth and stick with this name? What will be the best possible outcome? What will be the worst possible outcome if I raise the idea of changing the baby’s name? What will be the best?

Not sure any of that helps. Hang in there.

3

Thank you for your reply, that does help! Those are good questions I need to be asking myself.

I continually express my name angst with my husband, and he always tells me “I am fine with it”, and doesn’t understand why I am having doubts. But at the same time, he is not completely opposed to changing it, either. He has never thought names are a big deal like I do, though.
I shared my doubts with my family (mother and sisters) 3-4 weeks ago, and they all told me they love the name and shouldn’t change it. Back when we were discussing our short list with family, my mother-in-law was the only one who didn’t like the name…and even she is saying that the name has grown on her. So really it is just me that is having major issues :roll:

4

That does make it harder.

Here are a few more questions –
What do you think the chances are that you too will grow to love this name? I know you can’t always quantify emotions, but do you think you have a 50-50 chance, 75% chance, the proverbial snowball’s chance…?
What is the worst thing that might happen is you just TALK about changing your baby’s name? Or do you feel as though you have done that already, and you aren’t getting much support – although not resistance either?

5

I don’t really have any words of wisdom for you, but I can say being on this site probably won’t help. The more I am on it, the more I find names that I like and wish I had thought of them before having my kids. I would never go as far to change their names now, but if I could do it all over again, I might give my oldest a different name. I still like her name, it just went from being uncommon when I had her to top 30 10 years later.

6

I’d give it a little bit more time. Let the emotions and hormones settle a little. I think it is normal to have some type of anxiety after giving birth (althought I cant speak from personal experience) and perhaps you are just funneling yours into worrying about her name. If in a couple of weeks you are still unsure about her name then maybe you can bring up the idea to your husband of changing it. Does she have a mn that you might like to call her? or perhaps a nn?

You’ve made me curious now, may I ask what her name is?

7

[name]Do[/name] you mind, poptart, if I ask what are some names you wish you had used?

8

I too agree that you should give it more time. Is she your first? I had name remorse or at least serious doubt for about the first 6 weeks of my son’s life. I remember it feeling so arbitrary to give him a name when we were at the hospital. My husband couldn’t spend the night with me in the hospital and I’ll never forget staying up all night with my son thinking, “how could we really give you this name, it sounds crazy!”. Partially it was because isn’t a very common name, [name]Arlo[/name], but mostly because ANY name felt strange. My husband and I both had doubt for about 6 weeks and then it started to go away. We’d still talk about it now and again but as my son’s personality came out, it felt more and more right. I never really knew what it meant, but people would always say, “he could be nothing but an [name]Arlo[/name], it’s perfect”.

Now at 2 years old, I can’t imagine him as anything else. So, sit with it a bit and try not to let it drive you crazy (it kept me up at night sometimes too). When the options are endless it’s sometimes hard to feel confident about a decision. But I’m sure whatever it is will suit her just fine.

9

[name]Do[/name] you already have another name(s) in mind?

Why do you think the current name doesn’t fit her? E.g. it’s an unisex name but she looks very girly… how would you describe your daughter in 3 words and how would you describe her name in 3 words (to see if the associations / personalities match? Though I have to say since I haven’t had kids yet, not sure how much personalities shown through yet at her age…)

10

I had a similar situation. I loved my daughter’s name when we first decided on it. As things moved closer to her birth, a few people had negative reactions to her name and I did the same thing with the nurse “we are 90% sure”, etc. Yet, when she was born, we kept the name. I had on and off name remorse for well over a year. I would tell my husband at least once a week that we gave her the wrong name. Seriously. But gradually, something happened, and I started to [name]LOVE[/name] her name again. So much so that I love her name even more than her older sister’s name, which I thought was the best name ever. I have yet to think of a name that I could love more. I think something in your sub conscious (i.e. your gut) pulled you to this name. And your rational self is debating it consciously. I really think you should keep the name and I am certain that you will grow to love the name. It may take longer than you think, but you will. [name]Hope[/name] this helps.

11

Oh, I’m sorry! Maybe you can call her by her middle name and see if that fits better? Or maybe you can give her a nickname? Otherwise, hang in there; I’m sure as she grows she’ll grow into the name!