For those of you who have kids or are pregnant, when during your pregnancy or after birth did you decide on what name you were going to use? After you decided on a name, did you have a back-up option in case you met your baby and they didn’t seem like they fit that name to you?
Context
DH and I are currently just shy of 8 weeks pregnant with our first and due to IVF genetic testing, we already know the gender. We have one name that we keep going back to, that we’re both in love with and feel like it fits all our criteria. It feels way too early to be decided on one name, so we still go over baby name lists and scour the forums for fresh ideas. Despite liking the occasional name we find, we don’t love any of the new ones the way we do our top name. At what point should we just agree on the name we both love and decide that’s our baby’s name? And should we come up with a “backup” name in case we change our minds at the last minute?
For my first we had decided on a name around 34 weeks. Second we went to the hospital with two names and chose a third one one day after birth (it was a strong contender on our list to begin with though)
A couple of my friends chose their kids name 10 years before actually having kids.
There’s no wrong answer. If you have a name you love and that feels right, then go with it!
We had a shortlist with each of us having a favourite, but didn’t decide firmly until we were holding the baby. The first time we were further apart on a favourite, but on holding him my partner’s pick was just right whereas mine did not fit the baby. Second time we had the same favourite and back up in case it didn’t work.
I’m a planner so we decided on a girls name and a boys name for my first at 19 weeks and did a name reveal at the gender reveal about a week later after finding out the gender. For us personally it helps us connect to them better to call them by their name while pregnant. [name_f]My[/name_f] first is [name_m]Marshall[/name_m] and we called him our little Marshmallow while he was in utero
I’ll be 20 weeks and find out baby number 2 gender on [name_m]Thursday[/name_m] - and we are sure about the names for boy or girl. We will announce the name when we announced the gender just like before, and get right on to the adorable in utero nicknames we have in mind for them. (cinnabon🍮 & barry🍓)
That’s what works for us, it eases the anxiety of choosing a name and allows us to bond further with the baby and give them sort of their own identity I guess for lack of better words. During post partum and birth there’s a lot on your mind and a lack of sleep so it’s easier to be as prepared as possible going into it.
Some people like to wait to see what baby feels like, but I already get an inkling of what they feel like while they are in my belly. And as far as looks, those change so I don’t believe choosing a name on that basis.
We were team green and took three top combinations for a girl and a boy (six combinations in total) to the hospital. We were pretty sure we’d use our top favourite for either, but I wanted to meet the baby first. She was born at 10.50 pm on the 4th and we announced her name at 9.30 pm on the 5th, so it took roughly 24 hours to settle on her name. Hubby was pretty set on our top girl name the moment she arrived, but I was hesitant due being exhausted and dopey on morphine. I also had some anxiety on how well or not our name choice would be received, so I just felt like I needed a moment to process it all before sharing it with the world.
I knew in my heart of hearts a few weeks before he was born but sort of entertained our original idea until he came. I would say, only “agree to agree” if it feels right in your soul and you can’t imagine calling them anything else. If not, wait until they’re born. It’s more fun that way, and you won’t feel obligated to stick to a name you changed your mind about later (we were leaning toward a different name for the majority of my pregnancy until a friend suggested my son’s name more than halfway through it!)
I’ve always been a name nerd and have had accounts on sites like Nameberry for more than decade. So really, I’ve had a lot of time to look at a lot of different names and pinpoint what names have stuck with me over the years. That said, the name I picked for my baby boy due in [name_f]December[/name_f] is one that hasn’t been a long term favorite and I even went with a (loosely) honoring name for the middle which I used to always say was a no-go for me. I also thought I’d pick a shorter first name that didn’t need an nickname, but
[name_f]My[/name_f] list was narrowed down to about 3 options by 20 weeks but what I eventually chose was feeling like the front runner already when I had my early gender ultrasound ~14 weeks. It’s odd but having a real, tangible baby to name made me a lot more decisive because even before I felt his movement and he looked like a human on ultrasounds, there was this intuition of “yes/no this name fits him.”
I do have two back-ups ready but I’m around 90% sure I won’t need them because he has the name that’s going to stick.
There’s nothing odd to me about deciding even earlier, either. I’m an ultrasound tech and I talk to my patients about their top names, and quite a bit of them, particularly couples, have their #1 name choice decided before they even conceived. Timelines are different for everyone, and in your case I think it’s okay to say you’ve decided and leave space for a backup choice if that appeals to you and your husband.
Along the way there was some decision fatigue for me, so something that might help is taking a long break from thinking about baby’s name then re-evaluate later.
We are team green each time so it’s a deciding in two names deal so:
[name_f]Baby[/name_f] 1: our girl name was probabaly decided on 2nd trimester; boy like 41 weeks we were finalizing the first middle combo (baby was a boy)
[name_f]Baby[/name_f] 2; we carried over the girl name and I had a boy name settled on by beginning of 3rd trimester. Hubby went along with it because he couldn’t think of another one. [name_f]Baby[/name_f] was a girl
[name_f]Baby[/name_f] 3: this time I decided a middle name that was a front runner with number 1 needed to be the mn for the boy but that through out the fn option hubby had one he loved and I went with it because I couldn’t think of another; girl name same thing. [name_f]Baby[/name_f] was a boy
[name_f]Baby[/name_f] 4: I out in my option for a boy from baby 2 and I was unrelenting and hubby couldn’t even come with any sort of long list let alone short list; I did come up with by 2nd trimester the girl name and hubby loved it also (baby was a boy)
For me I start feeling like I’ve bonded with my baby while they’re in the womb so I don’t personally take to that whole “needing to see and meet baby” thinking so there’s never been any sort of back up name. I mean the baby who’s a newborn won’t really start showing their appearance or personality for weeks
Months or even year so I just don’t feel the need to wait for the hospital to have some sort of name revelation.
Our girls (first) name was decided about 6-7 years ago and we’ve never waivered. Once I was about 8 weeks pregnant I mentioned what I wanted the middle name to be (after my late mother), my husband both doesnt have strong opinions on middle names and was like “well I’m not going to say no to naming after your mum”. So that was that.
We have no ideas for a second girl, but we like a lot of girls names and have a lot of style overlap.
We struggled to find much common ground for boys, but in the end came down to 2 names about 7-8 months before I became pregnant. We have chosen one and that was fully determined when I was about 4 months pregnant, though it was tentatively decided in the first few weeks. I do still occasionally wonder about the middle name choice (we’ve gone with a family name but I think I like the other one better, I just like using family ones). We actually agreed last night that if we ever have a second boy we would quite happily have a sibset of the two boys names we agree on, so if we ever did we’d have picked a second boys name years in advance.
We aren’t taking any extra names with us, if we rethink in the hospital it will be a spur of the moment thing, but I don’t think we will.
Before pregnancy! Years before pregnancy actually. Two girls names- first and middle- and one boy name- first and middle- set in stone before we ever started having kids. So far we’ve used the two girls names and are pregnant with our third. We have a third girls first name but tossing up between three middle names for this baby if it ends up being another girl.
We’re 24 weeks tomorrow with our first baby (boy) and we’re pretty firmly set on two names. But we both agree that one of the name sounds much more like an eldest son’s name so if we’re going to use it, it’ll be for this one (although we love the other and hope to have another son at some point.)
So it’ll be pretty set before going in. We each also have a favorite girl name that the other likes so unless we have 3 girls or 3 boys when we’ll have to search, we’re pretty set (although boy names were a HUGE struggle for us because we vetoed each other’s top names and then took until the last few weeks to agree somewhat firmly on these two).
However, anything could happen so we’ll see! I’m pretty sure of what he’ll be, though.
We knew our 1sts name before we were even pregnant! We knew there was a girl name that we both loved. And that’s what we went with. Our 2nd we probably knew by the end of the 1st trimester. And we’re currently ttc baby #3, but if we’re successful and its a boy that name is already chosen as well.
#1 we settled on a boys name 3rd trimester I’d say. Girls were a struggle, big time. I poured over lists and we were still striking out. We had one we both sort of liked. As they rolled me into delivery, my husband says what are naming a girl? it was a boy
#2 we sort of had a loosey goosey short list for each gender, 2 or 3 or 6 names. Middle name was set regardless of gender, family name. [name_f]Baby[/name_f] was a girl and we went 24ish hours before she had a name and none of them were on our short list!
I think whatever works for you! If you know, you know. I learned not to stress over it and the second time especially, I didn’t worry about it. I knew we would settle on the right name and we did. We didn’t tell anybody our name decision until after we told the gender either.
Pretty early in our marriage we knew we wanted to have kids. We quickly agreed on 2 girl Names and 1 Boy Name.
Baby 1: Team Green: The first Names were set in Stone. The middle Names were chosen in the Hospital. They are family Names. It is a girl
Baby 2 & 3: Team Green: While pregnant with the twins we knew we had one girl and one boy Name. We looked at other names for our List and hd a few we liked.
But we did not love them. In the end we used the Names we already had chosen years ago. The middle Names were again chosen at the Hospital. They are family Names.
They are girl and boy
We were done having kids after that.
Baby 4: Team Green: Well surprisingly I got pregnant again 3 years later and as we did not have any Names we asked for help here. We took one Name each with us to the hospital. The middle Names are family Names again.
It is a boy.
I’ve been on Nameberry for like, 15 years. I’ve had many favourites, loves, “this will be my baby’s name” names over the years. Ultimately we chose a name that had been on my radar an incredibly short time. One of those sleeper favourites that I’d heard and liked but had never really considered. I always thought we’d use one of my long term favourites.
We brought her home and didn’t decide fully on a name for 2 weeks. We called her baby and nothing else. I think maybe, in my heart, her name was decided one night at yoga during pregnancy when I found myself thinking of her as [name_f]Olenna[/name_f] in my head, but it took quite awhile to reconcile this being her name instead of a long term favourite.
I don’t think there is any rush or timeline on when a right name is chosen, sometimes you just know, and sometimes you mull it over much longer than anticipated. I think being on Nameberry and especially after an infertility struggle we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves for perfection, which is unnecessary.
We decided on our baby’s name the day after he was born. We knew we were having a boy but really struggled to find a boys name we could agree on. We went to the hospital with 3 (sort of 4, two were variants of the same name) names that we had settled on around the 25 week mark. As soon as he was born we decided he didn’t look like one of the names, but honestly it was a pretty distant 3rd anyways. It took until the next day to even discuss names, and I told my husband that I thought either of the remaining two would be okay. Honestly I am not sure which of us finally actually picked between the two! And actually most of this conversation happened over the phone while my husband went home to pick up a few things and take a shower. Then when he got back, after we had agreed to the first name, I suggested we add a middle name. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband never wanted to give the baby a middle name, but I suggested we give him my husband’s absolute favorite name as his middle and he agreed. He actually called the baby by his middle name a ton when he was younger, and quite a bit of my husband’s family calls him by his middle.
Honestly there is no right way! And I do think if we had had a girl we likely would have had a name picked out well in advance, we only ever had two names on our girl list. And I do think, now, 6 months later, that our baby could have been any of our top names and it would have fit him fine. I have been surprised by how many people can’t say his name or find it unusual, it is a top 50 name, so I think I would try to test run a name a little more in future. I also did call the baby “baby”, or “baby boy”, a lot especially early on, I think because I wasn’t used to using his name. I honestly had to make an effort to say “can you pick Eli@s up”, instead of “can you pick the baby up”, for a while, but maybe that would have happened anyways!
My first son we decided on his name when I was 34 weeks pregnant. That was when we found out he was a boy instead of the girl we thought we were getting. We had a girl name picked out already, Kelly, then one night, as I was poring over Nameberry, my husband suggested we keep Kelly as his middle name. Kelly as a boy’s name had never even crossed my mind, but as soon as hubby suggested it, it suited him. His first name took us a little longer. August had always been on our shortlist, but as a middle. Finally, two days after deciding his middle, I approached my husband with August. We both fell in love with it and when he was finally born, at 41 weeks, he looked like an August Kelly. Our oldest daughter was harder. She didn’t have a name until 2 days after her birth. We went back and forth over Emma or Sunday. I was feeding her when I thought of Aubrey. Hubby loved it. Her middle name was chosen a split second later by hubby, who had just lost his grandpa, who had been named Noah. And so, her name was decided to be Aubrey Noah. The twins were the easiest to name. I picked my daughter’s name at 12 weeks and my son’s at 20. When we were picking our daughter’s name, we were watching Grey’s Anatomy. Hubby broached Shepherd as a middle at first, but as soon as we got accustomed to it, I wanted to use it as a first name. We carried over Sunday from Aubrey’s pregnancy and named her Shepherd Sunday. Our son’s name came easier. It was late, and I asked him about Reese. He said he loved it, but wanted to use Townes as a middle. I said yes. And so, our twins were brought into the world at 38 weeks, Miss Shepherd Sunday and Mr Reese Townes. I believe that when you find that right name, it’s like a jolt of electricity goes through you. If you and your partner love a name, it’s important you go for it if it seems right for your baby.
I had a favorite but I don’t remember exactly when it was picked because the thought process was pretty organic and also had a shortlist. No pre personalized stuff for me, I think I bought like one cheap thing with the most likely initial on it towards the end. I’ve seen moms who had whole nurseries of personalized stuff and still changed it (which is OKAY! You all are the ones who have to live with the name and stuff is just stuff). I wanted to be sure the name really fit them and I made my final choice right before leaving the hospital. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you are sure, I’d recommend bringing along a shortlist of your old potentials just in case. Mine was just on an app on my phone. After the stress of the birth and everything it may be hard to remember later.
First one around 34 weeks or so. [name_m]Saw[/name_m] her in a dream, and there was her name. Not even in our list but it was just unequivocally her.
Second one 24 hours after birth and it only became an evidence after a few weeks. We had come to the hospital with two names I didn’t love but that baby’s gotta have a name, and we ended up agreeing on the 3rd name on our list instead because the first 2 felt wrong.
A few nights in a row, right around the time I got my positive test, I dreamt about the name [name_m]Hawthorne[/name_m] [name_f]Mairéad[/name_f]. [name_f]My[/name_f] fiance shot it down and we had to do the name search together.
It was second trimester, around week 14-16, that we tossed the name [name_f]Josephine[/name_f] on the table. It was the first one we both felt happy with as a first name; and it worked well with the name [name_f]Violet[/name_f], which we liked but not as a first name (though I was still convinced we’d find a name we both instantly loved). And i was paranoid we’d get to the hospital and have baby girl not look at all like her name and then be back at square one.
Fast forward to 34 weeks, water breaking & having baby early, and we did stick with [name_f]Josephine[/name_f] Violet… but I look at her and can still completely see the original name of [name_m]Hawthorne[/name_m] [name_f]Mairéad[/name_f] fitting her beautifully if we had chosen that one.
while he was in utero 
it was a boy