🍂 Hyphenated Surname?

[readingreverie]

I’m looking for some information regarding hyphenated and/or double surnames!

I’ve never really considered giving my future children a hyphenated or double surname as I’ve always wanted my family to share the same surname (not against having different ones, but I have ran into some people who are pretty nasty towards families who don’t share one), so I always assumed that my children would get my partner’s surname (as would I). Then, I started to consider giving my children my last name no matter what, despite the fact that I don’t like the sound of my surname. Now, I have started to wonder if hyphenating the two surnames/giving them double surnames (for example with random surnames (FN, MN) Kao-Smith or (FN, MN) Kao Smith) is the way to go.

I always wrote off this option due to fear that it would make the surname too long for official documents, make it difficult for my children if they wanted to hyphenate their surname if/when they got married, and because I’ve considered using two middle names for my children and thought this would make their name too long in general.

So, I was looking for some advice/information from berries who have two surnames and/or berries who have children who have two surnames.

Why did you choose give your child(ren) hyphenated surnames? Has there been any problems with it? Do you think having two middle names and two surnames is too much? Would you recommend giving a child a hyphenated surname?

Thank you in advance

ETA - I forgot to mention my last name is one syllable and five letters, if that makes any difference!

[lovelye]

I can’t speak from personal experience but I know three people who have hyphenated surnames and all of them have said it’s pretty annoying or inconvenient when they need to do anything involving official documents. (We live in the U.S. so those processes might be easier in other countries.) They all also go by just one surname in day to day life- they picked either the name they liked the most or the surname of the side of the family they liked the most.

[name_f]My[/name_f] bf has a hyphenated last name and he really doesn’t like it. I’m probably going to hyphenate my last name when we get married tho.

I think it’s really special if you can hyphenate the surnames or make one of the surnames a second middle name. I’m sure it’s worth any minor inconvenience they might face. But once again, I can’t say that from personal experience.

[hellobanjo]

Not sure where you live but I don’t think in the US you can have 2 surnames. Hyphenated yes, move one to the middle yes, but 2 surnames seems unlikely to work out.

[Sadie307]

I don’t have any personal experience of having a hyphenated name or even seriously considering that possibilty for myself or future kids because my maiden name is too complicated to hyphenate with anything.

I think that hyphenated names only work well if both names are easy to spell & pronounce, and the combined name is a maximum of 3 syllables.

I think your example of Kao-Smith would be a hyphenated last name that would be pretty usable.

[CarolAnn]

[name_f]My[/name_f] kids have a hyphenated surname and I think it works very well. I kept my maiden name mainly because I have a professional degree (with several advanced degrees) and changing my last name was just such a hassle So the kids have both last names (one syllable - three syllables). Sometimes they shorten their last name for everyday use (writing their names on school papers, for example) by not including the second last name, which is totally fine.

We are from the US and a European country, so the kids have passports/documents for both countries - it’s perfectly fine in both jurisdictions. And we travel quite a bit - again, no problems so far! No issues at all with the name not fitting on forms or not being accepted. I don’t know what other hassles there would be, but we’ve never faced any hassle or issue with it (my oldest are teenagers now).

I love that they have direct links/representations of both families. While I didn’t plan to do this ahead of time (but rather it just came down to life), I’m really glad that the kids have both family names. Their heritage is not one or the other, but rather they are equal parts of both families, so I appreciate that being reflected in their names too.

[_thelittlefairywren]

[name_f]My[/name_f] maiden name was hyphenated and I hated it. It was long and cumbersome, and it is ridiculously unbelievable how many people don’t know what “hyphenated” means…

Me: “xxxx hyphen xxxx”
Person: “What?”
Me: “It’s hyphenated.”
Person: “Ummm…”
Me: “You know, a little line connecting two words…”
Person: “Errr… I don’t know if our system will accept that…”

All the time! Constantly annoying!!

I understand the various reasons behind hyphenating a surname, and I can see why some parents think it is a good option, but I never recommend it because it is painful to be the bearer of a double whammy surname.

[sarahjane1]

Our daughters have a hyphenated surname (2 syllable-2syllable). We haven’t had any problems whatsoever with it. I did NOT want to change my surname when we got married ( I moved to the other side of the world for him and left all my family behind. Not the slightest possibility I’d be leaving my name as well!!) and I wanted them to have my side of the family represented, as well as it being easier for travelling home with them on my own.

[unknownsel]

Two surnames are common against Latinos, so I don’t see any issue with them having both

I have not had any issues at all, considering my middle and one of my last names is long.

[name_f]My[/name_f] name for reference
First name 5 letters
Middle name 8 letters
Last name 1 8 letters
Last name 2 5 letters

I don’t think it’s too much at all. In fact I always think it’s odd when I come across someone with just one last name (lots of Latinos here)

I don’t see anything wrong with a hyphenated surname either

[Ehrob1]

I have considered using my maiden name as a middle name or a first name. Didn’t end up using it for our first but will use it if we are blessed with a second

[name_f]My[/name_f] husbands cousin - when they got married they chose to both hyphenate their names , which coincidentally are two pretty common first names

[name_f]My[/name_f] neighbours have a hyphenated last name and a cool story behind it. Their great grandfather fought in WWII with their best friend , who died in combat. As his friend never had kids or a wife and would never be able to share his last name as his legacy the surviving friend hyphenated his name to include his buddies LN . Now there is a lineage ( and at least 30 people I know) that have the hyphenated name so the name lived on

[GoogleChrome]

I usually don’t like hyphenated surnames but I really like Kao-Smith

[lateaugust]

No kids but I’ve also been thinking about going with a hyphenated surname for my future kids. I’ve never loved my surname and always thought I would change it, but I’ve been using my last name for work already and have a hard time imagining that switch (basically last names are oddly important in my future/soon-to-be career field to the point where I did a total 180 from ‘definitely going to change my last name’ to ‘what if I gave it to my kids’).

I was also really concerned about the same things you are but, ever since I began considering it, I’ve been seeing hyphenated surnames everywhere!

One of my mentors/advisors has kids with two surnames, no hyphen (I’m not sure how they did it legally but I know that at school they are ‘FN LN LN’). In the nicest possible way, their names look like keyboard smashes - two commonly misspelled last names and one of them has an uncommon first name - and they’re fine, their names are great.

I think I prefer the visual of the hyphen, but maybe the practicality of two last names, no hyphen. Because then they could decide to use one as a middle name or have an easier time when they’re in situations that require giving a name pretty quickly/casually (reserving a table at a restaurant, scribbling their name on a homework assignment)…

Personally, if I did a hyphenated surname, I would probably go for a shorter first name and one middle name. Not a hard rule and I know, especially in other countries, people have 2+ middles and 2+ surnames with little difficulty. Though this would also depend on the flow/spellability of the names.

I’m not sure how helpful this will be, but I thought that hearing the thought process from someone in a similar boat might help?

[pindorama]

I’m Brazilian (born and raised), but I lived in the US for awhile, so my perspective may not help at all . I have 3 surnames, no hyphen and one of these surnames has 2 parts (eg. my list of surnames is like this: [name_m]Santos[/name_m] de [name_m]Marco[/name_m] Silva). The whole thing is fairly traditional by Brazilian standards. In everyday life I use only one surname (again, it’s tradition), except if is something official (aka [name_f]Do[/name_f] people have to know my full name for this?).

When I went to the US all my documents included my full list of surnames. Professors would ask which surname I prefered (although, they mostly called me by my first name). No complaints about it. I never cared about only using one surname most of my life, because a) cultural norm and b) even if I don’t use it, the other surnames are still part of my name and I feel proud of it (honestly, a lot of people don’t know my first name either, because I answer by one surname a lot).

PS: USPS and Amazon made quite an effort to include all my name even with little space. It worked.

[MiriamK]

I’m Angolan-Portuguese, was born in Portugal, and lived there for 11 years before I moved to [name_u]Germany[/name_u]. Against tradition, I have only my mother’s surname instead of two surnames (Mother’s Last Name | Father’s Last Name | commonly used in Portuguese & Spanish-speaking countries), mostly due to legal problems with my dad’s name.

In Portugal, I always felt different and wished I had both my parents’ surnames, but grew to love my surname for the special meaning it has to me. I still wished I had grown up with both names, and I most definitely think that I will use a double with my children (without a hyphen) if my partner has no objections. I am also considering changing my last name when I become a [name_m]German[/name_m] citizen to both my parents’ surnames, if possible.

[regionlatbest]

I live in the US, and I know so many people with two last names. I’m not sure how many of them are hyphenated though. I never heard one complaint from them about having two last names, it honestly didn’t feel that out of the ordinary. Everyone I know with two surnames always used both of them in all situations, I didn’t even notice until years later that they had two surnames (for example, if I always knew someone as [name_m]Luis[/name_m] Portillo Gomez, I didn’t necessarily think about the fact that it was two different last names. [name_m]Just[/name_m] felt like their last name, full stop). It is very popular in the latino/hispanic communities.

I only have one surname myself though, so I don’t personally have first hand experience to share. I have, however, always wished my parents had given me both of their last names. When I was a kid, most of my cousins had my mom’s last name, and I always felt left out because of that. I also felt disconnected from my dad’s side of the family, so I would’ve loved to have the connection to my mom’s side through my last name as well. As I got older, it became less about my extended family, and more about wishing I had shared the same name as my mom. I also have strongly considered giving my last name to my future kids. I’m aware of the fact that that may require them having two last names, if my partner feels strongly about them having theirs as well. [name_f]My[/name_f] situation is a little complicated - basically, if I don’t pass my last name down to my kids, the name dies with me. So it’s a bit of pressure because I’ve always felt disconnected from my last name, I’ve thought about how maybe sharing it with my kids would give me that connection I’ve always wanted.

I think if you feel strongly about sharing your last name with your children, you should go for it. there’s no reason why you should have to feel like your name is left out, while your partner gets to use theirs. I especially think because your surname is short, there’s even less of an issue. I think so long as you are aware of how having a double surname works where you live (documents, etc), then you’re fine. As for the two middles, I think it depends entirely on what the names are, and how you feel they go with the first & last names. If it feels like too much to you, then maybe figure something else out. I don’t think there’s necessarily a problem with having two middles and two last mames though, lots of people have names like that.

I’ve noticed that on nameberry, sometimes on posts about two surnames, a lot of users are strongly against the idea. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re just not familiar with the idea of two last names, or what (not referring to users with first hand experience, obviously! more so the users that only have last name but are extremely anti-two surnames). I think in real life, having two surnames is a lot more common than some nameberry users think. I wouldn’t let those users talk you out of it, if it’s what you really want.

That’s basically the bottom line here. you should do whatever you feel is best. I don’t think you’ll make your childrens lives more difficult by giving them two surnames. In fact, they might end up appreciating that they have that connection to you and possibly your family, depending on the situation. As for the possibility that they may someday want to hyphenate their surname with their future partners, I wouldn’t worry about that. Lots of people with two last names choose to do that, and they figure out a way. I wouldn’t let possibilities and what ifs stop you from using your last name too, if you really want to. I know it’s good to sometimes get outside opinions, especially when you’re having a hard time deciding, but really all that matters is how you feel about it. Go with your heart, and don’t feel pressured to not do what you believe is what’s best for your children. You’ll make the right decision that way, don’t stress too much about it!!

[SparkleNinja18]

I don’t have a hyphenated surname, although I wish I did. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom kept her maiden name but it wasn’t as common to hyphenate surnames in 1999 so my sisters and I just have our dad’s surname. I would love the connection to my mom and her family, and I think it would’ve made it easier for her to not be constantly referred to as Mrs. MyLastName by people who don’t know better (especially because she’s Dr. HerLastName).

[name_f]My[/name_f] cousins were born 10 and 13 years later than me though, and my aunt and uncle hyphenated their surname. [name_f]My[/name_f] aunt also kept her maiden name, so they did this to have both last names, but it’s also helped in another way. [name_f]My[/name_f] cousins lost their dad (my uncle) in 2016. Having both last names means that they get fewer questions about why they don’t have the same last name as their only living parent, which in turn saves them from having to explain all the time that their dad died (which would really suck to have to do).

I’m going to share a surname with my kids, and I’m not changing my maiden name. That means my future spouse can choose between hyphenating or coming up with a new surname with me, and I’d be just fine either way. If I end up having kids with a man, odds are he’s never spent any time thinking about whether he’s gonna change his surname, so why should I? I want that connection with my kids. Like you, my surname is also very short, and it’s very easy to spell/pronounce, so I’m not worried about length or flow.

[readingreverie]

@SparkleNinja18

I don’t have a hyphenated surname, although I wish I did.

This is how I feel as well! My mom changed her surname to my dad’s, however, I wish I could’ve had her maiden name! Like @regionlatbest said, all of my first cousins have my mom’s maiden name (we don’t speak to/even know anyone on my dad’s side), so I think I would’ve felt more included with her surname rather than my father’s. Maybe I’ll change it someday, however, then I’d be having even more hyphenated surname problems when naming my kids!

[Thelovelytri]

[name_f]My[/name_f] mother hyphenated her name when she got married and I got it too. I have my fathers, and then mothers. 2 syllables and one syllable.

I used to hate it as a teenager because with all the new things I was doing, documents signing and getting involved in things, it was common to find a system that wouldn’t accept the hyphen so I had to mush them together or pick one or the other but 15 years later I never have this issue as it’s more common and people do all sorts of weird things to their names so systems are able to handle it.

[name_f]My[/name_f] husband doesn’t have contact with his family and doesn’t like his surname so it was a pretty obvious choice to take mine and to give our children my name. We kept the full thing, hyphen and all and so far I’ve not found any issues with ease of use. Sometimes people get stumped and need help with spelling or the hyphen but most people (like receptionists) are used to names and don’t react at all.

More funny than inconvenient but I once had a very old receptionist who clearly didn’t hear me say my first name and instead wrote my name down as first-surname last-surname and then commented on what a strange name that is for a woman and I brushed it off thinking she was being funny about my top ten first name. Then I got the paperwork a week later in the mail and had to fix it, while crying with laughter!

It does make our kids names pretty long. It’s a bit of a family tradition to have more than one middle, my kids have two, my brother has three (with the same hyphenated surname) and lots of other in the family have long name in both name and syllable count. I don’t think it’s a bother and most are memorable and get a positive reaction from strangers.

It depends on a lot of things, like the names themselves, your partners opinion on it and whether or not you can be bothered to correct people, but I think it’s a great way to bridge family surnames and it give a wide variety of options to a child if they want to change their name or use one in the future.

[rhodes2nowhere]

I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t already been said, but I’ve also been really considering this lately and I’m happy to be able to read through these replies. It’s been helpful. Thank you for bringing the topic up @readingreverie

[PaperGirlAC]

No kids yet but my wife and I have hyphenated surnames and we live in the US. We picked the order of them we liked and now we have each others and our maiden. Ours is one two syllable-one syllable.

I haven’t had a problem at all with the hyphenation. I’ve still been transitioning into it for doctors and stuff like that and no one bats an eye.

I wouldn’t personally give my child two middles and a hyphenated surname. For me, it is too long but I also feel like how often do we say our whole name? Not very often and if its significant to you and your family, go for it.

[Estrela]

I have two surnames (not hyphenated) and that’s never been a problem. I love that I have both my parents last names and have a connection to both sides of the family. I always advice parents to do that!
However, I think hyphenated names in general (whether they are first names or surnames like Sophie-Marie or Carter-Jones) may cause some difficulties in paperwork or if the person in the future wants to go by just one of their names.
Of course, this always depends of where you live and the legal rules that exist in your area.