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Wow. I’m really sorry you’re having such a rough time. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you have any idea why you hate the name now? If you’re truly that upset over the name, it seems like you should change it as soon as you can. But you also need to make sure you and your husband are on the same page.
Without knowing you, I can’t help but wonder – are you coping ok with the new baby otherwise? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you feel like you might be depressed? It just seems a bit extreme to me as an outsider that this would cause you to cry every day. Please reach out to your husband, your family and friends, or a professional if needed.
I hope that you can resolve the name situation and get to feeling better soon. Hang in there.
[name_m]Hi[/name_m] we have many people who come to nameberry with name regret and we always say it is okay to change the name. It is a shame that your husband can’t get onboard with you over this issue.
However, it looks like he may allow her name to be changed albeit unwillingly. I think it is wrong that one has to name a baby before you leave hospital I can’t work out the reason for that, my cousin wasn’t named for a month.
Why not put her first name to the middle position and choose a first name that you love and then you have a win win situation.
Or just give her a nickname that you love. In my family nicknames abound and my mother named [name_f]Margaret[/name_f] was never ever called by that name to give you an idea her nn’s were [name_f]Margot[/name_f], [name_f]Jane[/name_f], [name_u]Jodie[/name_u] and [name_f]Gert[/name_f]. Her dad was the only person who called her [name_f]Jane[/name_f] but obviously that made both my mother and him happy and it didn’t cause any friction with anyone else.
If you want suggestions you will have to tell us her name so that we can try to avoid her name and find out what style you like.
We hope that your grief over not choosing a name that you love will soon dissipate when you find a name that really makes you smile.
We are here to help.
rollo
PS I really didn’t mean my response to sound rude. I am genuinely concerned for you and hope that you are ok.
First of all I would like to say I am SO SORRY that you are going through all of this over your little girl’s name! I can’t even imagine! I have not yet had my 2nd child yet but I am in a predicament similar with my DH on the name of our son if we have a son. He refuses to budge from one name and I was the one who suggested it previously. If your little girl’s name is giving you that much trouble I would definitely change the name or like [name_m]Rollo[/name_m] said give her a nickname. Several of my cousins go by nicknames that have NOTHING to do with their names or middle names for that matter and everyone just goes with it. If you change the name then that is your own business and if it is causing you this much grief to not want to even say the name then I would definitely change it seeing as in the future that could make you hesitant to even have a relationship with your daughter due to hatred for the name. It sounds a bit extreme for me to say that but it could definitely happen. I would tell your husband how terribly this is affecting you and how bad it makes you feel about your daughter that you can’t even say her name even though she is now your world… [name_m]Just[/name_m] keep in mind that what everyone else thinks about you changing your daughter’s name doesn’t matter as long as you are happy and have a solid relationship with your LO. I hope that everything gets better for you!!!
If you need anything don’t hesitate to post!
[name_u]Lanie[/name_u]
I too worry that there could be something more seriously wrong (regarding depression) if this is that painful for you.
I don’t like my sons name. I don’t like that I went along with spelling it incorrectly (his bio fathers last name is [name_u]Van[/name_u] something, so [name_m]Donovan[/name_m] [name_u]Van[/name_u] would have been ridiculous had we worked out and gotten married). I hate that I don’t get a warm and fuzzy feeling over it like I do for my daughter. But, I never cried over it on a consistent basis (though there have probably been a few tears shed).
I also think you really need to talk to your husband and try to find some sort of compromise. What about her middle name? You could call her that instead?
It sounds to me like your husband is reacting to this situation without factoring in the possibility that you’re experiencing some postpartum. I’m not disregarding your feelings by saying that, but I think what you need (more than a new name) is for your husband to at least be open to your discomfort on the subject. It puts a lot of guilt and pressure on you if he says “Fine, but you’re on your own!” He needs to understand if you are more than a little depressed about this. Currently he’s treating the situation as you “stealing” his favourite name, and unless he can sympathize with what you’re going through, you’ll have a hard time loving any replacement.
I cannot stress the following enough: you haven’t ruined anything by your reaction. I’m sure you love your daughter, even if you don’t love her name. In fact, it’s probably because you love her so much that you want a name that mirrors those feelings. Plain and simple, you don’t like her name. It’s not a crime, and it’s certainly something you can get past.
One thing I might try is this: Picture the name on an older child, or a grown woman. If you take the pressure off her “looking” like a certain name at 8 weeks, you may feel better about it. The only thing a name has to accomplish at the end of the day is serving your child well.
Honestly, the place to start would be telling your husband that you are at a stand-still so long as he is unwilling to work this out with you. Please don’t feel guilty about any of this! It is not something you need hanging over you as you try and enjoy life with your new baby. [name_f]Do[/name_f] what you need to do, and big, sympathy hugs!
Choose a lovely name and make that hers. Names can be changed, but a baby is to be enjoyed!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You could always choose a nickname and just stick with calling her that. Nicknames don’t really have to relate to the given name at all. I hope you feel better and congratulations on your new baby
You poor dear… my heart goes out to you. Show your husband this thread. I’m sure he is feeling overwhelmed also. Then sit down in as clear headed
a fashion as you can and move her current name to the middle, or keep her first and call her by a new middle that you love.
I agree with a previous poster that nicknames don’t have to sound like the given name at all. My dad called me Cricket my whole life
I’m sure your husband is a wonderful man… look at the beautiful daughter you’ve made! Please don’t cry anymore… this is easy to resolve!!
That is a very hard situation, I am so sorry you are going thru. I agree with the above poster on not understanding the time constraints of naming the baby if youre just not ready…But, first, take a breath, what your doing and feeling isnt the end of the world and thankfully, one day wont carry the weight it feels like it does today. Your husband and you are feeling the same way about the situation youre just expressing it in 2 different ways…As hard as it is, you have to talk to him and the two of you have to find the understanding of the others reaction to this—in that understanding will come common ground and you can find compromise in that place–Its just between the 2 of you, try as hard as you can to shut the world out …Tell him your regret and sadness and understand his sadness and regret also—then come up with a solution—ignoring each other and not speaking and walking on eggsgells is whats creating the feeling that something was tainted, is tainted whatever, nothing is tainted…its just whats happening right now, and fixing it with compassion from both parties is what is needed and what will end it. I wish you all the best. Now take another breath and go do it. Everything will be fine…no matter what. Be well
I hope this doesn’t come across wrong. I really do care about your feelings. I totally understand how hard those first few weeks/months with a new baby can be, it’s hard for everyone, it was the hardest time in my life for sure. But, I don’t think the way you’re feeling is normal. Questioning whether you picked the right name is common, but being depressed about it to this extent, avoiding saying your child’s name, crying about it every day are all a bit extreme. Have you talked to a professional about the way you’re feeling? PPD and PTSD are very common after giving birth and can make you stress and obsess about things that aren’t really problems. I had PTSD after my daughter’s birth, so I know what it’s like.
I also feel like I need to stick up for your husband a little bit. Yes, it would be nice if he was more understanding of your feelings and more willing to communicate instead of shutting you out, but it sounds like he is every bit as upset about this as you are, just from the other side of the situation. If he said the idea of changing your daughter’s name “kills him”, letting you do whatever you want and not talking about it may be the only way he can cope with his own feelings of grief about loosing your daughter’s name without becoming angry and loosing his temper. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though men don’t give birth, they’re still dealing with plenty of their own stress, anxiety, and sometimes depression after a new baby arrives. Maybe you can both go talk to someone and try to heal yourselves emotionally before making any decisions about your daughter?
I would just really caution you from making any decision about changing or keeping your daughter’s name until you’ve ruled out or treated PPD. If you have it, I doubt you’ll be happy with any decision you make right now and it’ll become a vicious cycle of regret and guilt. Take care, mama. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I know how hard it is.
Agree with this post especially the part I bolded. I think it might be possible that this issue with the name aren’t necessarily a cause but a symptom. Changing the name might alleviate some feelings but it’s possible it won’t, or that something else will pop up and cause similar anguish. I suggest finding someone to talk to about this huge life change, even if it’s one hour a week, would be immensely therapeutic for you. I met with a therapist weekly for about a year and it was SO good to have someone to talk to who would not judge.
I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this Being a new mom myself I know how hard those first few months are!
What is your beautiful little daughters name? Maybe we can all either help you to love it or perhaps give suggestions on ways to improve it in a way that would make your husband feel good about it as well.
Hang in there someday this stressful time will be a distant memory. A favorite quote of mine:
“This too, shall pass”