I don't love my baby's name

I’m not sure where to post this and I’m sorry it’s so long but I hope someone can take the time to read it as I’m really struggling.

I gave birth to our beautiful baby on [name_f]Sunday[/name_f] 7/8/16 at 6:28pm. Our second little boy. I was booked for an induction that night that I really didn’t want and so I was absolutely thrilled when my labour started spontaneously! It was a hard and fast labour (3 hours total), baby was 4.14kg, posterior, with shoulder dystocia and I still had just the gas and managed to avoid an epidural which is exactly what I wanted. I have felt so happy that despite a dramatic labour/birth, I still managed to have the birth experience I wanted for this baby, he’s here safe and sound, of his own accord at 40+4 weeks and he is recovering better from the birth than my first boy did from his. We’ve come home and we are settling in, our toddler loves him and is coping so well.

The only thing is that I don’t love his name. We struggled all pregnancy to choose a name. We chose our first son’s name at about 22 weeks and that was that. This time we went back and forth, had so many short lists, so many options and so many close calls. My husband had a clear favourite through the whole pregnancy but I didn’t. Nothing seemed to clear up as we got closer to the birth. Then on the day he was born before I was in labour I confided in my best friend that I was really struggling to choose a name still. She and I both have 2yo little boys who are 2.5 months apart with the same first name ([name_u]Noah[/name_u]), which was a total coincidence. Neither of us mentioned the name to each other until her son was born and by that point we had fallen in love with it for our boy and when I told her she was so beautiful and supportive and we stuck with our choice and have never looked back.

I thought she’d be a good person to talk to because we have similar taste in names and I felt like I needed a fresh perspective. I told her what our top name was (hubby’s favourite pick) and the reasons I didn’t feel sure about it. And we talked about some of the other names we’d been considering. All of them were names she and her husband had considered for their second baby before finding out they were having a girl. One in particular stood out and I told her that I’ve been thinking about it more and more and loving it more the more I hear it but worried it was too similar to my first son’s name. She had the same name as her top pick for her second and similar thoughts about it being too similar maybe but she said the more she hears them together the cuter they sound as sibling names and she thinks she would use it if she had a boy.

That was like validation of my feelings around that name and I started to see how I could really picture it being our sons name and it felt really right etc… Then I told my husband and he shot it down immediately saying he still thought it was too similar. I told him I wanted to keep it as an option to decide when the time came.

anyway fast forward and baby arrived and hubby straight away said he felt like baby was an [name_m]Eli[/name_m] (his top pick - the one I had reservations about). Straight after the birth I didn’t know if baby looked like the name I loved ([name_m]Jonah[/name_m]).

I felt so pressured to make the decision because baby had been born and hubby was so set on [name_m]Eli[/name_m] and I didn’t feel as sure as he did on anything else. I said I thought maybe we should sleep on it but he was pretty set. Before we told anybody the name I asked him if he felt sure, again when I signed the choice of name paperwork for the hospital records and again before we announced it on Facebook. As I’ve been using it more I was hoping the things I feel unsure of would go away but they haven’t. It still feels like it’s too harsh sounding with the hard E at the start. I feel like it doesn’t flow in conversation and it just doesn’t feel like what I would call my own baby even though it’s a beautiful name.

When I think about [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] it feels right, it’s gentle sounding like my first sons name and it has a really sweet meaning (dove). And now looking at my new baby and knowing him better I feel like it really does suit him. I know it has a similar sound to [name_u]Noah[/name_u] but I don’t feel like that really matters if we love both names. I don’t think they are so similar that it would be weird. Hubby is worried that it doesn’t give our new son enough of his own identity because it’s close in sound. But he loves the name too and wanted to sleep on it to see how he felt in the morning. We haven’t talked about it yet.

I’m feeling so heartbroken that the naming process has been so hard and that we have told people the name and now will most likely be changing it because I just don’t think I can keep his name as [name_m]Eli[/name_m] when it really doesn’t feel right. I feel like people will judge us and our choices so much more and think we are horrible for changing it because it’s a human being not a puppy. I never ever thought I would change my child’s name but I just don’t think I can keep it as it is when I don’t love it and it doesn’t feel right.

I don’t really know what I’m expecting from writing this post and I’m a bit scared you’ll all just tell me I’m horrible but I just needed to put it into words somewhere.

[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t really have any advice, but I’m sorry this has been such a struggle for you! I hope you and your husband are able to come to a solution you’re both happy with. As for people judging you if you change it, I’m sure it will seem strange, but strange is not the same as horrible. The fact that it’s a human and not a puppy means that the name is that much more significant, and that much more important to get right. Congratulations on your new addition, and I hope you can get this all sorted soon!

I think that, if you and your husband can find a name that you love and feel suits your child more than his current name, [name_m]Eli[/name_m], then you should definitely change it.

I don’t think that people will react as badly as you think if you change his name. I know a couple who changed their daughter’s name four months after her birth because they decided that her original name didn’t fit her, and everyone was very supportive about it - nobody thought it was a horrible thing to do, or even a bad thing to do.

If you find something you love more, I say go for it.

If the name doesn’t sound right, then it just may not be The Name for this little one. And that’s ok. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t be afraid to choose the perfect name for your child because of what others might think… if it’s any help at all, I do know sibsets with a [name_u]Noah[/name_u] and a [name_m]Jonah[/name_m], and it works just fine. Might or not help, but as a reference the family KittiesMama on Youtube comes to mind - they have three boys, [name_u]Noah[/name_u], [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] and [name_u]Micah[/name_u] :slight_smile:
Best of luck to you!

If [name_m]Eli[/name_m] still doesn’t feel right to you, I think you should change it. It will most likely end up being a funny story about his infancy - I didn’t have a name until I was three days old, and while this is more unusual than that, I think it’s sort of along the same lines. I absolutely do not think you’re “horrible” as you fear people will!

Although I really like both, I do agree with your husband that [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] and [name_u]Noah[/name_u] sound too similar to be siblings’ names - I think they’d sound just the same if you called one name across a playground or up a flight of stairs, for example. ([name_m]Just[/name_m] my opinion - I will still not think you’re horrible if you use [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] anyway.)

If it’s the softness of [name_u]Noah[/name_u] and [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] that you like, you might also like:

[name_u]Theo[/name_u] or [name_m]Theodore[/name_m]

Best of luck to you!

What was his given middle name? Maybe you should of went with [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] as the middle in case you wanted to call him that, then you could tell people you’ve decided to call him by him middle and in a way you both get your way. I wish you luck figuring something out. I think to help avoid confusion with people maybe just add [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] somewhere in his legal name so he can go by it, whether it’s his first or not or if you leave him with two middle names or take a name away o he’ll only have one. But if the name really doesn’t sit well with you then you really might be better off calling him [name_m]Jonah[/name_m], even if only as a nn

Have you thought about [name_m]Elijah[/name_m]? It’s soft sounding, the same softness I think [name_u]Noah[/name_u] and [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] both have, but it has an [name_m]Eli[/name_m] nickname option too. It’s clear you aren’t happy so you should change it, if you and your SO are at breaking point with the [name_m]Eli[/name_m] conundrum then maybe [name_m]Elijah[/name_m] is a good way to get what you both want without upsetting your SO or the problem with telling others a new name, when ultimately it’s just the longer version.

I instantly thought of [name_m]Elijah[/name_m], [name_u]Elias[/name_u], [name_m]Levi[/name_m] and [name_m]Jonas[/name_m] for your son, as maybe a way of compromising.

I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time - I am too with my daughter’s name. She’s 1 and I just feel like [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f] isn’t her.

If the name doesn’t sound right to you, then it’s probably not the right one. I think [name_u]Noah[/name_u] and [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] sound great as a sibset…and I prefer both to [name_m]Eli[/name_m]. A friend’s son’s name was changed three times in the days after his birth, and nobody thought them horrible!

Good luck to you both!

I’ll say to you what I just said to @belcanto – if you’re on Nameberry asking the question, then the answer is yes. You know you want to do it, you’re just looking for support and maybe permission (hereby granted). Which is easiest to give if you’re sure of the name you want to change to, so I hope your husband will be fully on board with [name_m]Jonah[/name_m]. Otherwise, [name_m]Elijah[/name_m] may be a good solution (though my guess is you’ve already considered and rejected it!).