Hey, momberries! Just thought I would rant a little if thats okay
So, throughout all of my pregnancies we’ve kept our baby names a secret. I would give my friends/family a small hint on what it would be but I wanted it to be a suprise. My in-laws love both of my son’s names Samuel and Joshua, but they have made it very clear that they hate my daughter’s name Genevieve Grace.
My family loves her name but when I first told my in-laws they acted like they loved it too but a few weeks later my sister in law told me how her family talked about how “horrid” it was. When DH and I confronted them they said it was too dated and it had a weird sound. It’s not my husband’s entire family. It mainly his cousins and aunts so I know it shouldn’t bother me but it does. My SIL and MIL are the only ones who love her name and actually call her Genevieve. The other’s just call her GiGi or Gen which I don’t mind. I love her nn but I think it’s immature to not even use her real name. Everytime they hear someone call her Genevieve they roll their eyes. We made it clear that my husband and I love our daughter’s name and what they say isn’t going to change that.
The only problem is now that my in-laws know that I’m having a girl, I keep getting rude comments from his aunts, uncles, and cousins. They say things like “hope you get it right this time” or “Why can’t you just run it by the family first?” I get so aggravated because I feel like no matter what name I choose they’re going to hate it regardless. With my other children, DH and I instantly knew the name. Now we have no clue.
I think it’s stupid to ask permission on which name to use especially with OUR child. But now I’m actually considering it to avoid conflict. My family has been really supportive about it so I just wish they could do the same. I don’t know what to do. Sorry for the long rant, it was just something that’s been bothering me!
First off, I’m sorry they’re saying those things to you. You shouldn’t have to deal with that and they shouldn’t ask you to run names by them if you don’t want to.
I understand wanting to avoid conflict but you and your husband are the ones who will be saying the name every day for 18+ years. Make sure it’s one you both love. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let them bully you into something you don’t love.
[name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] is gorgeous and like you said, they call her by nicknames. The eye rolling is immature though.
Have any of them run their prospective baby names by you first? I am guessing not. I would be tempted to point that out. I know family can be fraught, though, so I would just react as if they were saying positive things. I use this strategy a lot. It takes some moxy, but it really does work. Very few people will persistently say inappropriate things if you keep pretending they are saying something nice.
For instance, if they say it’s dated, say, “thank you! We love it, too.” If they hint that you should get family approval on this name, say, “I just know that we are going to choose something just as perfect as her sister’s name!”
If that doesn’t work, my 3 1/2 year olds go-to comeback right now is “beep beep robot” and I think that would be a particularly apt response to this sort of immaturity.
@thefuturemrsb Thank you! That made me feel better. I agree, my husband and I should find something WE love and deal with the immature comments rather than pick something we hate.
@tarynkay I will definitely try that! Lol! It’ll probably work better than what I’ve been doing. They seem to think all girl’s names should be super trendy or in the top 10. Your three year old sounds adorable! Thanks for the advice!
[name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] is such a pretty name! [name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] [name_f]Grace[/name_f] flows very nicely together and really is a great name for a little girl.
Firstly, I am sorry they are being very immature about this. I can understand your situation a bit because my mother did that to my cousin’s twin daughters. She would constantly make fun and turn her nose up at their names ([name_f]Marissa[/name_f] and [name_u]Madison[/name_u]). It didn’t help others in our family joined in and made it a bigger deal then what it was. However, my cousin finally had enough and put her foot down. She made it blatantly clear that she can name her children whatever she wants and that the name wouldn’t make my mother or the others love the litttle girls any less. She actually told them if they weren’t going to be civil and act mature about it, she had no problem cutting them out of her daughter’s life. Suffice to say they all learned their lesson and learned to like, maybe not love, the names.
What I am trying to say is that people can be immature about what others name their children, believe they have a say in it, and whatever they say goes. Make sure you stand by the names YOU love and don’t let their opinions affect you. She will be your daughter, not theirs. You have the final say on everything, they don’t.
The others gave some great advice too. I hope what I said helps.
You can also mention you doubt your daughter will appreciate finding out her extended family openly made fun of or criticized her name when she was too young to realize it?? Although it doesn’t sound like they’re a particularly considerate group of people, so who knows if they’ll even care?
I’m sorry they’re being so rude. Pick a name you and your husband love and tell them all you don’t appreciate their remarks. [name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] is a lovely name with nothing at all wrong with it, so it’s likely that no matter what you call her they would nitpick.
I think your daughter’s name is really pretty. I cannot believe how ridiculous and self-absorbed your in-laws are being. It is your child, not theirs. Pick a name that you and your husband like, and that is all that really matters. I’m sure you will pick another lovely name
I’d call them out on it and be direct.
Try to be as calm and simple about it as you can but I would not suggest being passive aggressive–it just feeds the drama.
If they say, “Why can’t you just run it by the family first?”
I’d say candidly, “I really appreciate how interested you are in the baby’s name. I know naming is really exciting and you want to be a part of it and I know you’ll love her no matter what her name is. But DH and I are working on finding a name that we both really love. With all the different opinions out there, we don’t want to be confused and swayed by lots of suggestions or disagreements–so we’ll be announcing her name after she’s born. We’d really appreciate your support and love, and we hope we can extend that love and support to your kids too, no matter their names.”
Thank you! My husband and I already scheduled a time to talk about this with them. I’ll be as civil as I can but I’m not holding back this time. I will not allow my precious 3 year old to be a victim of their cruel negativity! If that means me having to cut them out of her life, I’m willing to do that. I’m sure it probably has something to do with me and they’re just using my daughter’s name against me. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. We also decided to not include them in any naming decisions.
[name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] [name_f]Grace[/name_f] is beautiful and I’m sure your next daughters name will be just as beautiful.
When I had my daughter, [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] [name_f]Claire[/name_f], my in-laws told me that they wouldn’t call her by her name and would only ever call her [name_f]Alice[/name_f], because [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] wasn’t traditional enough! She’s now five and we don’t see my in-laws very often but when we do, I don’t think I’ve ever heard them call her by her name.
I told them that if they were going to call her by another name then they won’t see her.
Tell them that your daughter doesn’t need them being rude about her name to her face and if she wants to make fun of the names that you called your daughters then do it when we can’t hear it.
We had the same problem with my MIL, who is very opinionated. She told me she hated the name Tobias, (which is my husband’s middle) and the way it went with Maxwell.
I went to my mother about it and asked her if she liked it, and she said that it was all up to us.
Once Toby was born and she came to see us, we told her the name was final and she said that she didn’t care about the name, as long as she got to see him. She’s an amazing grandmother, who’s actually grown to like the names Tobias and Toby.
Like my mother told me, it’s your choice and if you’re happy with it, that’s all that matters
I’m so sorry they’re being this way! I agree with all the previous posters, name your children something that you and your partner like. Your mother has the right idea, and your in-laws should be more supportive. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if they don’t love the name, they shouldn’t be so hostile.
I had a somewhat similar situation with my mother, who is quite conservative in her naming, whereas I’m much more eclectic. Some of the names I picked out she was visibly repulsed by, which hurt. I’m very close to my mother and her reaction really influenced what names I picked out. Though I love my daughter’s name, I often wonder what she would have ended up being called without the external influence.
If I have another child, I’m going to tell everyone I’m calling the baby Detective Inspector. I’ll maintain it right the way through the pregnancy, and by the time the child is born, they’ll probably be relieved by whatever I choose. It’s a little silly, and probably a tad childish, but sometimes they do need a taste of their own damn medicine.
When I was going through names, they managed to instantly discount some by saying ridiculous things like:
“[name_f]Erin[/name_f]. I knew an [name_f]Erin[/name_f] in school, she was a slut”
“[name_f]Rosalie[/name_f] sounds like a fat girl name”
“[name_u]Seth[/name_u] reminds me of an alcoholic farmer”
All totally illogical, insulting generalizations.
I think in the case of meddling family, the best thing to do is not to tell them the name until they see the baby. That could really help them to shed whatever stereotypes they have, and attach the name to your daughter instead. Then you two get to name her, not you two and the other two dozen.
And [name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] [name_f]Grace[/name_f] is a beautiful name, I think we all agree on that