Last week, my DH’s best friend called and asked about our baby who is due any day now. The conversation quickly turned to names, and his friend asked if we had one picked out, which we don’t. My DH said that we were still looking, narrowing, and deciding. His friend then proceeded to tell him the names that he and his wife are considering and told my DH that those names are off-limits for us.
Thankfully, most of their names are not ones that we would want to use, but there are a few on their list that are similar to ones that we are considering, and there were also a few that we had discussed but hadn’t decided one way or the other on. I was quite irritated about the idea that they were trying to limit which names we could use, especially since SHE’S NOT [name]EVEN[/name] PREGNANT, and they’re not even sure if they’re going to have another child! So, berries, do I take the names that were similar off of our list (one of which was my first choice), or do we just do what we want and ignore their list? In other words, am I being irrational and overly irritated for no good reason, or was that pretty out of line?
You get to keep them. It is quite rude for them to call dibs. And it doesn’t matter if their similar. My fiance’s sister, [name]Allison[/name], named her son [name]Noah[/name] even though her older sister, [name]Samantha[/name], had named her daughter [name]Nora[/name]. No one made a big deal, although his family does tease behind their backs that [name]Allison[/name] copied [name]Samantha[/name]… but since you go first, you get to pick and they get to be the copiers.
[name]Don[/name]'t worry about it. This is why I don’t talk about names much with friends… I don’t want any sort of “stealing” going on (on either side). No one can claim a name. If it’s a name that means a lot to them and it’s not #1 for me, I’d probably let it go, but that’s me.
That’s a good policy. They didn’t ask what we were considering, and I’m not sure how much the names mean to them. If they had said that they had a name that they had their heart set on or that was especially meaningful, I’d gladly stay away from that name. However, called up my husband, gave us a list of about 15 names, and said that they were names that they were considering for down the road should they decide to have another child, so hands off. [name]One[/name] of the names is quite similar to my first choice name, so now I’m worried that if we use that name that there will be hard feelings on their side.
It’s not name-napping if you’re not pregnant and don’t know whether you will be! No one can reserve a bunch of names for all eternity, just in case. Think you or at least your DH needs to say, Listen, I don’t want to step on any toes here, but some of the names you mentioned are like ones we’re considering, and we need to feel free to choose the name we want. And if your friend thinks that’s unfair, maybe you need new friends!
I think you’re right to feel peeved! They have a nerve to call under the pretence of seeing how you are doing and then to dictate to you which names you can’t use. [name]Don[/name]'t change your list - use the names you love.
I would even be tempted to hint to them that you are going to use a combo of their names just to worry them (but it’s probably a better idea to rise above it and not waste the energy!).
[name]Do[/name] what you want and ignore their list. Not to be rude, but these people sound really arrogant. No one should tell you what to name or not name your baby. They should also take into account that if they like really popular names they are going to have a hard time finding people in their circle who won’t use those names. This is just assuming that they like names in the top 100, even then, they should not be calling and harassing you into avoiding “their” names.
If you don’t mind, would you share the name that you have your heart set on and which you feel maybe too similar to one of the names on “their” list. It might not be as similar as you think it is.
If the names are similar, I wouldn’t be concerned. They have 15 names set aside, so even if it is too close to them, they have plenty to fall back on and you can feel guilt free because you didn’t choose any of the names on their list.
I think that’s beyond ridiculous, because those names are shared with lots of other people in the world, and will be shared by future people.
And their name choices are likely to change before they have a child anyways.
I would not be happy with a phone call like that, and I’d be sure to inform them that unless they’ve trademarked the name, they have no business telling us what names are off limits. Much less when they aren’t even TTC.
My number one choice is [name]Mila[/name], and [name]Lila[/name] is one of the ones that they said was off-limits. Visually, they’re so similar. I have also been trying to talk my husband into [name]Layla[/name], so I didn’t want to rule that one out either because [name]Layla[/name] and [name]Lila[/name] are pronounced so similarly. Maybe they aren’t as similar as I think though?
[name]Mila[/name] is totally fine. They can get over it, because it’s not [name]Lila[/name].
I’m actually really offended that they straight up told you which names are off limits. That’s so rude and distasteful.
I’m bad - I’d want to use one of the names out of spite…lol. My friend and I were due a week apart and never talked about names. It was kind of weird because I love names and discussing them. But, I think we both wanted to avoid any “that was my name” issues. We have different tastes and went with completely different names anyway so it all worked out.
I say you go with the name you want and ignore their list.
I completely sympathize because I am going through the same thing at the moment
I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with baby number 1. My husband and I have decided not to tell anybody the names we have picked out and my brother’s fiancee, who has made it clear she doesn’t want children for at least another 5 years) announced her choices at [name]Easter[/name] lunch and told me to keep away… her boy’s choice is the same as ours and now we actually can’t use it because it will look like we copied GGRRR
I don’t think [name]Mila[/name] and [name]Lila[/name] are too similar - sure, they look similar but are pronounced completely differently. I saw go for it
Thanks for the feedback on this! It’s nice to know that my annoyance at that phone call isn’t irrational. I also feel better about using [name]Mila[/name] (or even [name]Layla[/name]).
@katarina - It’s frustrating! [name]How[/name]'re you going to handle that?
ok stupid question and totally off topic, but what does DH stand for? and i totally agree you cant put dibs on names, go for it, the name you give your child is your decision, and you should not compromise, think about what is right for your family. by the way i do think it was pretty rude of her to claim a name, not cool
In the nicest possible way tell them to take a running jump. I’m sorry but it’s one thing that really seems to annoy me. My brother was over from [name]America[/name] visiting us back in the UK last month and when talking about names I said that my partner liked one that he mentioned and we’d talked about it. He got on his high horse telling me “you can’t have that, what if we have an accident and need another”. Well tough luck. It turns out I don’t like the name personally but I won’t be told by other people what I can and cannot name our child. It’s not like names are unique and it’s really no one’s business but ours. I also get really miffed when people pull a face at a name choice, but that’s another different rant lol.
Basically, do what you like. It’s your child and personally I think the names are different anyway. Congrats!
My friend and I were due a week apart and never talked about names. It was kind of weird because I love names and discussing them. But, I think we both wanted to avoid any “that was my name” issues. We have different tastes and went with completely different names anyway so it all worked out. 
