On another thread I noted that [name]Jane[/name] is one of the girl names we’re considering for our new baby coming in just two weeks–if it’s a girl. I’ve loved the name [name]Jane[/name] for years. As one of you mentioned on that other thread it’s the little black dress of names and to me that’s a really good thing.
Here’s the trick: we just moved into a new house less than three months ago in a new town and one of our close neighbors who we’re getting to be friends with has a 10 month old named [name]Jane[/name].
If we use it, is that stealing? Is the fact that I feel awkward about it the answer? Or am I being too sensitive? Would love some perspective.
You’ve loved the name way before you met your neighbors. I don’t think that’s name stealing. [name]Jane[/name] is a nice name and it’s quite common too. [name]Don[/name]'t be awkward about using it because your neighbor’s child has the same name.
Fellow lover of [name]Jane[/name] here! It’s my daughter’s middle name and I sometimes wish I saved it for a first name.
Anyway. Honestly? Right or wrong, if I was your neighbor, I’d be ticked. BUT, you liked the name before you met her, and who knows? She may be more mature than me. So I think you need to bring it up with her, and explain that you feel weird about it, but it just might be THE name that you can’t let go. If she’s upset, it’s still your right to name your baby [name]Jane[/name] (no, I don’t think this is “stealing”), but you might just have to be prepared for a rift in the friendship.
[name]Jane[/name] is a timeless classic, therefore in my humble opinion, it isn’t possible to “steal” it from anyone.
[name]One[/name] of my mom’s friends used [name]Elizabeth[/name] (my twin sister’s name) about 8-months after my parents used it. I once asked my mom if it had bothered her. Her response was to say, that it’s a classic name, and no-one has any ownership over it. The same applies to [name]Jane[/name].
If your friend’s daughter was called - trying to think of a J name that’s a bit more “unusual” - lets say for example [name]Jessamine[/name], and you wanted to use [name]Jessamine[/name], then I could see potential issues. We’re not talking about [name]Jessamine[/name] though, we’re talking about [name]Jane[/name], a name that is such a classic anyone using it should prepare to hear of others (even among friends).
Totally agree with @maggiemary. When your neighbor chose the name Jane for her baby, she must have been quite aware that many, many others have made the same choice for centuries, and it should not be a shock to her if any of her relatives and friends choose the same. You will have to be aware of that, too, if you go with Jane. Your closest co-worker or a relative may use it shortly after you do. That’s the way things go with classic names. I have several names on my list that were not even given to five children in the U.S. last year, so if I were to use one of those and then my next-door neighbor used the same name, I would find that aggravating. But if I went with one of my more “normal” choices like, say, Sylvia, and then by the next year I had a neighbor baby named Sylvia, I wouldn’t assume the name idea had been gotten off my child.
I know all names are “up for grabs,” but sometimes repeats can be offensive depending on the popularity of the name. In the case of Jane, though, Jane is 100% up for grabs to anybody and everybody regardless of how close you are to other Janes.
You should talk to your neighbor about it. See if it will hinder your friendship. If your neighbor feels awkward or if you feel it could hinder your future relationship (don’t forget at some point it might make the girls feel awkward too) maybe use [name]Jane[/name] as a middle. My sister has had a very similar experience that ruined her friendship with a close friend. Lesson learned, I would definately talk to her first.
I’m trying to “reverse engineer” this decision from our perspective with our daughter [name]Clara[/name]. If she was about a year old and a new neighbor moved on the street who was pregnant then named her daughter [name]Clara[/name] a couple months later, would I be bugged? I love that [name]Clara[/name] is a little uncommon, so would miss that relative “uniqueness” in our neighborhood, but otherwise I struggle to imagine I’d be offended because I don’t know them well enough yet so they surely didn’t take it from my daughter, so it was a name they must have wanted independent of anything to do with my [name]Clara[/name], so good for them, right? Hey, they picked a great name!
I guess for it to really be stealing in any way it would have to come specifically from their daughter and their daughter has nothing to do with my feelings about the name [name]Jane[/name]-- though she’s a really cute kid.
So it’s not stealing. But that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be disappointed to have another [name]Jane[/name] on the street and I’m not sure I want to risk that. Hmmm. Tough one.
If you are not really good friends with your neighbors yet, I think it is okay to use [name]Jane[/name]. I really like [name]Jane[/name] for you, as you stated that you have loved it for years. You could always let your neighbor know that you have loved [name]Jane[/name] for years, and see what she says. Or maybe you could tell her it is a family name?
Something similar just happened to me. I found out that a friend, who is due 3 months before me and knows she’s having a boy, chose the boys name that I had picked out. I freaked out and just about cried, but I never told her what I was thinking so I have absolutely no right to complain. She told me she didn’t care if I used it, too, but I decided that I’m the one that cares, and I can find something else I like just as much.
Did you choose the name partially because it isn’t used too often anymore? [name]Do[/name] you mind having to get the “[name]Janes[/name]” straight when they’re playing together in the back yard? If this dampens your relationship with your neighbor, is it worth that to you? [name]Do[/name] you imagine you’ll be living in this neighborhood for a long time, or is this likely more temporary? Only you can answer those questions.
I think, in reality, you (and your daughter and your neighbor) will probably be happier long-term if you decide on something different. [name]Just[/name] my .02.
I say no, these are your neighbors and for all you know they could move, you could move, etc…I grew up on a street with a girl who had the same name and it was no big deal.
I say pick a new name that is unique and special to you because regardless, the girls will grow up together and when someone has the same name as you it becomes less special. [name]How[/name] about [name]Junia[/name] nn [name]June[/name] or [name]Junie[/name], hey it’s even biblical!
Yeah but there’s no guarantee they will grow up together, what if they forfeit [name]Jane[/name] and 6 months after they have [name]Junia[/name] this family moves? When it comes to neighbors I say do what you want. I never felt less special because another little girl on my street shared my name, if anything it was sort of cool to be the two <instert name> on the block
We had a gender surprise with my first child and I was very open about our names. 6 days after my son was born, my neighbor named her daughter [name]Isla[/name]. I would never use [name]Isla[/name] now because it bugs me that the little girl down the street has the same name.
It isn’t “stealing” if you’ve loved the classic name long before you knew your neighbor. While it’s perfectly fine to stick by a name you’ve loved forever, consider whether or not you can stand your daughter being the other [name]Jane[/name] in town. If you and this new friend are hitting it off, it shouldn’t be an issue to show your sincere concern about the name. Perhaps she’ll understand!
This happens a lot to parents who are into trendy names, I’m sure.
Like other posters have said, [name]Jane[/name] is a very sweet and classic name. It is also a bit of a common choice between parents. As for the stealing issue, I don’t consider it stealing. Partly because it’s a traditional type name, and because you loved this name. It isn’t just because your neighbors had chosen it for their daughter , I am sure. Personally, I would rather my daughter be the only one of out her group of friends with that name than there be 4 or 5 …
I wouldn’t consider is name-stealing. You’ve loved it for years and just met these neighbors not long ago. I would still talk to them about it, but [name]Jane[/name] is a common name, so they probably know plenty of people who have a child with the fn or mn [name]Jane[/name]. If they don’t plan on using a nn, maybe your [name]Jane[/name] could be [name]Janie[/name]/or their [name]Jane[/name] [name]Janie[/name] and yours no nn. Less common names, [name]Isla[/name] (a name another poster mentioned), is less common so you naming your daughter [name]Isla[/name] this soon after they had their [name]Isla[/name] might seem more like name-napping than with a common name like [name]Jane[/name]/[name]Sophia[/name]/[name]Isabella[/name]/etc. And who knows what life holds in store for you. You could move, they could move, etc. Family and close friends would be a different story, but neighbors or acquaintances I don’t think it’s a big of a deal.
Considering you already loved [name]Jane[/name] for years, no I don’t think it’s stealing. Also, it makes it easier that it’s the neighbors and not family, there most likely won’t be a life long connection. They may think it’s odd if you don’t explain your connection to the name but that’s all I see as far as any awkwardness goes.
I absolutely wouldn’t call it name stealing. If you do it because you love it, and you had it before, it’s just a coincidence.
However… many people are very sensitive about names (me!). I would say that if you really want to go with it, you can, but I would bring it up to the neighbor first to help avoid her drawing negative conclusions. You could do it very casually. When you’re over there one day mention how [name]Jane[/name] has been on the top of your girl name list “for years now” (whatever’s true) and you’re glad that their [name]Jane[/name] is very sweet as to not mar your opinion of the name… etc.
Who knows… the girls could become extra special friends over that little bond - it’s taken less with other kids.
I wouldn’t do it, but I’m weird. Same name on the street… not for me… or assuming your kiddos would be at the same school and possibly in the same classes/sports teams I wouldn’t name my girl something that I know ahead of time is for sure duplicated. But I know I’m kind of illogical with these things and therefore I don’t think “I’m in the right” by any means - it’s just how I am
Also… I think [name]Jane[/name] is a beautiful name!
I’m not sure you can really name-nap a classic like [name]Jane[/name], [name]Elizabeth[/name] or [name]Sarah[/name] (except maybe from your sister or brother). If you are ready to give birth in two weeks and you really just moved in a few weeks ago and barely know your neighbors I wouldn’t worry about it. You picked out the name before you knew them, it’s not like the name you choose was something like [name]Viveka[/name] with that spelling that was used 5x in 2011 in the US).
The only issue about asking a neighbor is what if she says she would rather you didn’t use the name. This happened to me- I asked someone who really had no dibs on the name if they would be upset. They said yes. Then I wished I had never asked. If in your heart you know this is a name you loved for years, you should use it. Then you can casually mention to your neighbor that you too will have a [name]Jane[/name] and that you have loved the name for years. You could say you hope that she understands this is the name you were planning on.
