Isn't it fair?! (dilemma, please help!)

So, my partner and I have very different name tastes. His is very down to earth, classic, “normal” names - mine is a bit more off with the fairies. With both our boys I’ve been kept well grounded by him and I do love our childrens names, even though I’m sure some will think them boring and overused.

However, now we’re naming our daughter I’m struggling a bit. I [name_f]LOVE[/name_f] [name_f]Flora[/name_f] and I wanted to name her [name_f]Flora[/name_f] Ferelith [name_f]Pearl[/name_f], but was vetoed. Instead we’ve gone with [name_f]Alice[/name_f], which, altho I adore it, is his choice. Its been his no. 1 girl name for the past 6 years (all our babynaming time basically). She will have 2 middles - 1 after his grandmother and another we can’t agree on.

But here’s my gripe - I would like something different, something to add a little funk and unusual to an otherwise classical name. And since he has decided her first name and its his grandmothers name as the one middle, I find it only fair that he gives me the second middle.

He chose our eldest sons first name - my father chose his middle.
We agreed on our second sons first name - he chose the middle.

We won’t find one we both agree on and the ones he likes - well, I just can’t muster any excitement. They don’t feel right! I love my sons names, despite having been vetoed quite a lot, but I just can’t get excited about my daughters name. It sounds beautiful the ones he like, but I just feel thoroughly “meh” about them. I know his choices are going to be the more popular and generally crowd pleasing ones, but I feel my choice is the right choice for our daughter, if that makes sense!?

Am I really wrong for feeling its only fair he “gives” me her middle when he has had the majority say in all our kids names?

I had a similar issue when we were deciding names for our next child. I really wanted to name him [name_f]Pallas[/name_f] after my great great uncle. Wouldn’t [name_m]Pal[/name_m] be such a cute nickname?! Anyways, so I can somewhat relate. Obviously there has got to be some kind of agreement on the name. If he absolutely detests what you pick, I would hope you’d (perhaps even begrudgingly) let it go. I do think that you should be able to have a very big say in this second-middle name battle as you have already stated that he has had so much say in all the previous names. Best wishes to you!!!

He doesn’t dislike it. I think he just thinks its a bit “odd” (his word). Like I said, he’s an [name_f]Ava[/name_f] and [name_m]Oliver[/name_m] kind of person and I’m a bit more … well, not so traditional. Plus we got a bit of a culturel issue - I’m Scandinavian and I would’ve LOVED for my children to have a Scandinavian name, atleast for one of our children to have one! However, he vetoed that completely and I respected it.

I think its more a “thinking outside the box” issue. We got a lot of those :stuck_out_tongue: When we first met he’d never contemplate eating his meat just slightly pink and had never tasted a beetroot and first time for both he was thoroughly sceptical. Ok stupid examples, but he likes what he knows and new things are a bit odd until he gets used to them.

Why does he think it’s fair for his family to be honoured in the name, but not your heritage? You’re definitely not being unreasonable to want a say in your kids names - after all, it’s your choice just as much as his! Why don’t you try explaining your view - tell him that, although you like the name he chose for your daughter, you want to choose her other name. If all else fails, tell him if he won’t let you use your middle name, you won’t use his first name :wink: (it doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t follow through with the threat, it just shows him how serious you are).

But on a serious note, you should absolutely have some say in the name. If you don’t love the name, don’t use it :slight_smile:

He doesnt like Scandinavian names. I can live with that, its annoying, but ill survive. But i just so love this name and i wish he’d love it as much as i do.

Let me get this straight…You are only asking for the middle name? He has gotten to honor his family members and gotten to use more traditional names with your sons. And you are only asking for ONE of the middles!!! He needs to be willing to compromise here. Plus, it is your only girl. That should give you more sway in this situation. Stick to your guns on this one.

I think it’s only fair that you pick the second middle name. It seems that he has been able to exercise quite a bit of control so far. And besides, hardly anyone with hear the second middle name! Who cares if it’s a little wild or different? I think it would be exciting paired with [name_f]Alice[/name_f]. (I adore [name_f]Alice[/name_f], by the way!) It’s your turn!

I have an idea. Why don’t you make a deal with him.

  1. He makes a list of 6 girls names, and you get to choose one of them. And he can’t complain about which one you choose.

OR

  1. You make a list of 6 girls names, and he has to choose one of the names on the list. And you can’t complain about the one he chooses.

It sounds quite unfair that, because he thinks your names are “odd”, he gets all of the naming rights and you’re fighting to just have ONE of one the middle names. He can’t possibly detest absolutely every single name you throw out there, and if he does it sounds like he’s being a tad stubborn and childish because he wants his way. I know you keep saying you can live with it and you respect his opinions (clearly untrue or you wouldn’t be here…) but he should respect yours as well. They’re your children, too, you deserve some of the right to naming them. I think you need to make that clear, otherwise he is going to get his way and you’re not going to have any say in her name.

We had a looong talk about it and he does like it and understand my reasoning. He’s just worried she wont like it because it is quite an unusual name. But he’s okay with it as h just wanted [name_f]Alice[/name_f], which he’s got =) so now everyones happy xD