Just a quick rant about "soft" boy names

General Name Discussion
1

Okay, I get it, you don’t want to give your boy a girly name, and you don’t like girly names, so when someone asks for feedback you say -it’s a bit “soft”- It’s fine, you’re trying to be diplomatic, and that’s admirable and all, but I’m just really tired of boys’ names always needing to be strong and rugged. It’s really a disservice to men everywhere to assume that giving a boy a more feminine-sounding name is any more objectionable than giving a girl a slightly more masculine name, and it really just perpetuates the damaging gender roles that our culture has so ingrained in us, that boys shouldn’t aspire to be sensitive and caring, tender and nurturing, or other “soft” qualities.

I’m just ranting because I see these kinds of comments a lot, and like I said, it’s fine, you are absolutely entitled to your opinion and to give people that kind of feedback, but I just would like to encourage everyone to think a little about what it really means when you say a boy’s name is “soft”

This message brought to you by my raging pregnancy hormones! :slight_smile:

2

I like soft boys’ names better than strong-sounding ones, tbh. :slight_smile:

3

I completely agree - [name_m]Neville[/name_m], [name_m]Louis[/name_m] ([name_u]Lou[/name_u]-ee), [name_u]Freddie[/name_u], [name_m]William[/name_m], [name_m]Kenneth[/name_m], [name_m]Matthew[/name_m], [name_u]Jamie[/name_u]/[name_u]James[/name_u], [name_m]Henry[/name_m], [name_u]Alfie[/name_u], [name_u]Percy[/name_u], and [name_u]Kit[/name_u] all appear on my boys list, and I could care less about them being “soft”, no more than I care about [name_f]Doris[/name_f] being “ugly” or [name_m]Christopher[/name_m] being “plain”.

I love the softness of [name_m]Neville[/name_m], and look at [name_m]Neville[/name_m] Longbottom from [name_m]Harry[/name_m] [name_m]Potter[/name_m], he wasnt exactly strong, and didnt have a strong sounding name, and ended up being the hero. That’s what I think of when I hear it. Strength isnt in a name.

A boy named [name_u]Kieran[/name_u] could be just strong as a boy named [name_u]Aubrey[/name_u].
A boy named [name_m]Louis[/name_m] and a boy named [name_m]George[/name_m] could both be into cars, or into playing with baby dolls.

I ran into this at a college placement, there was this gorgeous little boy in kindergarten named [name_m]Kenneth[/name_m], and another little boy named [name_m]Ben[/name_m] in the other class. [name_m]Both[/name_m] relatively soft, but polar opposites. [name_m]Ben[/name_m] was destructive and would misbehave constantly, however [name_m]Kenneth[/name_m] would sit quietly playing in the dress up centre, being a “daddy” to the many baby dolls.

Really, it’s sexist and wrong to say, and most of the time, I’d choose a “soft” choice over a “strong” one, but that’s only going by what I like.

*also, if names are “soft”, doesnt that lump [name_m]William[/name_m], [name_m]Edmund[/name_m], [name_m]Henry[/name_m], [name_u]James[/name_u], and [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] into that category?

4

I like both! I just get really annoyed because usually people only comment that a name is soft when they are pointing out why someone might not want to use it - I don’t think I’ve ever seen “soft” used as a positive reason why someone should use a name, you know what I mean?

5

Exactly! I think it’s a good aspect for a name. I’d rather meet 12 Alfies and 10 Tobys than 1 [name_m]Rock[/name_m] any day (no offense to anyone who likes the name [name_m]Rock[/name_m]).

6

Haha [name_u]Haley[/name_u], I honestly have no clue what qualifies some names as soft- I only know the implication of the term when used by posters on the interwebs. Like, at this point it doesn’t mean anything to me and just sort of pushes my irrational rage button, LOL

7

I have been guilty of this, but I know deep down there are soft names (like [name_m]Lewis[/name_m]) that I love. I think it is something we tend to say to justify why we don’t like a certain name. It probably isn’t the softness that turns me away from [name_m]Milo[/name_m] and [name_u]Noah[/name_u], but they are soft, so I just assume that I don’t like them for that reason. In reality it might be their popularity or the long O sound that bothers me.

8

I agree, most of my favourite boy names would be considered “soft”; but that’s one of the reasons I love them!
They are gentle and soothing, and I love names like that. For example, the boy’s name [name_u]Elisha[/name_u]. I adore it, but often am told that [name_m]Elijah[/name_m] would be better as it is stronger. But [name_u]Elisha[/name_u] has that gentle quality that [name_m]Elijah[/name_m] doesn’t and that’s why I love it. And to me, that makes it strong.

I also love [name_u]Austen[/name_u], [name_u]Elliott[/name_u], [name_m]Oscar[/name_m], [name_m]Lewis[/name_m], and others like those, all which are beautiful and gentle names :slight_smile:

9

God forbid a boy’s name end in a vowel sound, right? Are people giving you grief about [name_u]Sequoia[/name_u]? I think it’s awesome. I imagine a guy who’s very introverted and wise, obviously a huge nature enthusiast. He’s outdoorsy, patient, and calm. Definitely a [name_m]Jon[/name_m] [name_f]Snow[/name_f] type guy if you’re into ASOIAF.

10

I’m guessing it means the not-so-manly, sensitive sounding, wouldn’t-necessarily-be-obsessed-with-dirt-and-hunting-and-typical-boy-things type names, but it’s so nerve wracking. The same goes for names being ‘too cutesy’. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister and I just had this discussion looking at some famous bands she likes. In the one, there are 4 boys, [name_u]Bradley[/name_u], [name_u]James[/name_u], [name_m]Connor[/name_m] and [name_u]Tristan[/name_u], I think typically, [name_m]Connor[/name_m] and [name_u]Bradley[/name_u] would be the rough and tough type of name, and [name_u]James[/name_u] and [name_u]Tristan[/name_u] would be more soft and ‘weak’ even.

Looking at the boys, [name_u]James[/name_u] and [name_u]Tristan[/name_u] are the tallest, and while [name_u]James[/name_u] is sensitive, he works out a lot, loves cars and football/soccer, but if you handed him a cat or a baby, he’d quickly turn into one of those mushy-baby talking types. [name_u]Bradley[/name_u] and [name_m]Connor[/name_m] are younger, and while [name_m]Connor[/name_m] would happily play with his pet lizard over a cute fluffy bunny, he’s apparently the most romantic member.

Using boys in bands that my younger sister and I listen to probably isn’t the most mature example, but yeah, haha. I know of a few others as well though, and I think the only insensitive guy I know is a [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m], which is softer :wink:

11

I love soft names for boys. I don’t see why boys can’t have soft characteristics. These characteristics aren’t just found in females and gay men but everyone. Is it okay that a girl can be named [name_u]Ryan[/name_u]? Nowadays, sure. Is it okay that a boy can be named [name_u]Vivian[/name_u]? For me, yes. I would love to see many more male Vivians than girl Vivians (sorry!). It isn’t just the unisex names either. The soft names that have always been male are more appealing to me than those rugged names. I think it actually looks better if a man is somewhat more on the manly side and has a soft name like [name_u]Seth[/name_u], [name_u]Elisha[/name_u], [name_m]Griffith[/name_m], [name_u]James[/name_u], etc. Actually, before this post, I didn’t realize people were using “soft” as a bad thing. I can remember posters calling my names “soft” and thought it was a compliment! Oh, well, at least I love “soft” names, right? Here’s a list of many “soft” names for boys: Slim Softies - British Baby Names

12

I agree. Why can’t a boy name be soft?
“Soft” names can evoke thoughts of gentlesness, kindness and caring. Why can’t a male have these qualities? It seeks rather sexist to me.
And how soft a name is also depends in how each individual associates it. I would totally name a boy [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] or [name_u]Madison[/name_u]. Who says boy names have to be oozing with strength and masculinity?
I think if girls are starting to wear names like [name_u]Blake[/name_u], [name_u]James[/name_u] and [name_u]Carter[/name_u], Boys can be called [name_u]Madison[/name_u], [name_u]Ashley[/name_u], [name_u]Allison[/name_u], etc.
This whole “soft name is a girl name” thing is sexist and illogical.

13

Totally agree with your OP, moonkai!

14

Haha, no, I’m long over the fact that not many people seem to think [name_u]Sequoia[/name_u] is a good choice for a boy for whatever reason ( too feminine, too hippie-dippie, too “out there”, etc.) I’m always glad to find people who like it, though :slight_smile:

15

I don’t really get this, because as far as I’m concerned ‘strong’ and ‘soft’ are not opposites? I personally do aspire to names that I think are strong, but I don’t think this precludes softness or gentleness. Strength is admirable in anyone, and so I like strong names, but there are also many different sorts of strength. The opposite of strong is weak, and soft names are not weak. If someone calls your name ‘weak’, you are justified in being upset, but ‘soft’? That’s not the same thing at all.

I’m not a fan of hyper-masculine names that seem like the boy’s parents want him to be an action hero or something - I generally think they smack of insecurity rather than strength, though. I put those with all the other sorts of names that feel to me like the kid is going to have to ‘live up’ to the name, whether the parents clearly wanted a rough-and-tumble action hero, or a poetic philosophical type. From that perspective I don’t think it’s any better to name your boy [name_m]Socrates[/name_m] than it is to name him [name_m]Gunner[/name_m] [name_m]Ace[/name_m] or whatever. Some boys are going to be active and boisterous, some boys are going to be gentle and sensitive, most boys are probably going to be all of these things depending on how they’re feeling (if their parents let them, sadly I know a lot of boys are conditioned to be ashamed of sensitivity and emotion). Names should ideally be chosen that can suit all the personalities your child might have, and avoid making assumptions based on gender or whatever else.

What I don’t like (and this is obviously entirely subjective, not trying to bash anyone’s tastes) are frilly, fussy names, on boys or girls. To me, frilly is the opposite of strong. I think simple names have a lot of strength, whether they have soft or hard letter sounds in them. E.g. [name_m]Pascal[/name_m] and [name_u]Evan[/name_u] - I think one is clearly softer than the other, but they are both equally strong in my opinion. Frilly names sound weaker to me, so I avoid them. But of course that’s just my personal taste.

16

[name_f]My[/name_f] thoughts exactly.

I have called names soft before…because they are soft in sound. It has nothing to do with the masculinity of the name. Example, [name_u]Noah[/name_u]-a very popular, clearly male, name. I am not a fan of it because it has a soft vowel heavy sound and I tend like names that have hard consonant sounds in them. This applies to boy and girl names.

17

Rant away. I agree. [name_u]Sequoia[/name_u] [name_u]Orion[/name_u] is gorgeous, btw, and I think I already told you that. If I haven’t, I have now. :slight_smile:

@jackal and @rylane46, in my experience, most of the people who say a name is too soft to use for a boy mean it’s not masculine enough. Masculine names being “strong”, and the word “soft” used to mean feminine sounding. That’s not to say that strong is the antonym of soft, that’s just a diplomatic word some berries use to say the name is girl-y. While some berries might actually mean the name is simply soft, and they prefer names with hard consonant sounds (for boy and girl names), many berries do mean soft boy names sound feminine.

Personally, I like all sorts of names. I think most of my top boy names would be considered “soft”, but most of my girl ones are, too. I’m pretty set on my favorite combination of sound. I love the “ian/ion” sound and the “or/ora” sound. I also like “th” names. All soft sounds. To me, though they sound soft, it’s soft in a romantic way. Knights in shining armor, poets and artists.

18

I read this thread and I literally looked up to the sky Pennsatucky-from-orange-is-the-new-black-style and went “thank you and bless’d beeeee!!!” because this is what I’ve always thought and it literally makes me cringe in front of my computer screen when I see someone critisising a name simply because it’s sounds “too soft” and is therefore “girly”.

19

Yes, I knew this was directed at the people who have rigid ideas about the gender binary and use ‘soft’ as some sort of cloaked insult meaning ‘girly’ as if ‘girly’ was a bad thing. Sorry, I was being somewhat facetious.

I meant that we should just ignore those people, they are clearly deeply insecure. I would simply respond saying, “Thanks! It is a lovely, soft name, I agree”, or something to that effect :wink:

20

@redwoodfey - You might have, but thanks again! I feel like it is the best of what hubby would agree to :slight_smile:

@mckaylalove - Haha. I [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] OITNB.

@jackal - Definitely a good way to handle it - I usually just don’t respond at all, haha.