"Just one more" ?

Parentberries
1

Hello ladies,

[name]Hope[/name] you are all well, particularly those of you who are expecting your little bundles :slight_smile:
I have something of a dilemma and wondered your thoughts. My husband and I have six (yes, six!) daughters and to be honest, I never ever saw myself with more than four children, five at the very most. Generally, I swung between three and five. However, after our three girls, we decided to try for just one more to complete our family. Upon becoming pregnant, we found out it was triplets. We were shocked, of course, but delighted all the same. Fortunately, we were in a position to be able to afford to have three more, whereas some people would greatly struggle with three more babies when trying for just one. I think that this made things a great deal easier for us but in my mind, we were completely done. In terms of splitting myself six ways, it is very difficult. I have had to give up my job, whereas for 1 more I would have continued with it but having six children in some sort of nursery/daycare after school would not make sense financially, even though I’m lucky enough to have a good job. My husband always wanted at least six children and is the best daddy in the world- the girls worship him. However, he does work extremely hard in order to provide for us so it means I’m on my own with the girls most of the day apart from Saturdays and evenings, depending when he comes home. When he is here, he is fabulous and I get a chance to rest, as he is completely hands on. We’re very lucky to have such a wonderful daddy :slight_smile: I do have help from my family and friends which is great and without them, my life would be very difficult to say the least! However, one of my close friends has recently had children of her own since so she isn’t around quite as much as she was (naturally) and isn’t as able to take the girls out and about as she did when I needed a break. I think on the outside I appear to be coping and everyone always says how well I am doing but the issue is, my husband would love a little boy. He is so happy with his girls and you just have to talk to him/look at him with them to know but in his head, one more wouldn’t be too much of a stretch, as I appear to be able to manage day to day well.
I know a boy would make him so happy (and me too!) but I feel done. I feel that we have our family (larger than planned) and don’t think I could “cope” with one more as things are finally ticking along just fine, almost a year after the triplets came along. We have our routines sorted out and are all happy and healthy :slight_smile: But I feel like I’m denying my husband a son :frowning:
I have six beautiful, fantastic, wonderful girls and couldn’t imagine anything better but I want my husband to be happy too and I feel I’m being selfish by not allowing him this pleasure- as we could afford it, I just don’t feel able to cope with 7 young children :frowning:
Sorry, this is all over the place, just feel really upset and confused!

[name]Gracie[/name]

2

Six girls - how wonderful! But tiring, too. And therein lies the key - a different number of children is right for every person, in my opinion, and if you already feel like six is stretching your limits, then I wonder how able you would feel to cope with one more? Would you feel guilty for not being able to pay each child as much attention as you might have done? Would you feel taken for granted, or bitter, that you had another child you didn’t feel ready for?

Ultimately, I believe that one should only have a child if both parents are totally keen on the idea, and not simply doing it out of love for/acquiescence to the other parent. Of course, you would love another child once they are here, but to me that is different from longing for them beforehand.

Also, while your husband may really want a son, I am sure he would never want one more than he would want your happiness, and would you feel happy if you felt so stretched? Additionally, there is no guarantee that a seventh child would be a boy (especially after so many girls …).

Are you in a position to wait a few years, until all of your girls are in school and the stressful toddler years with triplets are over? Perhaps then one final child would be much more feasible and enjoyable for both of you.

If you are perhaps not young enough for waiting to be an option, or even if you are, you might consider becoming foster parents when your girls are older - you can even just offer respite care for boys, which is normally only a few days (I believe), and would give your husband a chance to be “dad” to some boys who really need one, and do the typical father-son things like football in the garden, without placing permanent strains upon your time and finances.

Good luck!

[name]Auburn[/name]

3

While my husband and I don’t have six yet, I kind of understand your situation.
I had my first two very young (16) and my husband is not their biological dad. He wants two together, a boy and a girl. So we have two of each. We already have [name]Jasper[/name], who is almost 6 and we are expecting again in [name]September[/name]. We haven’t found out yet, but I have a feeling we’re having a boy because of how I’m carrying and my “symptoms”. If that’s the case, we will likely try again for a girl.

4

You sound like a wonderful, loving family. In regard to having just one more so that your DH can have a son. I agree with the previous poster in that you must only have another if it is the heartfelt desire of both of you.

Perhaps Dad is thinking that he will miss out on going to the football because he has daughters or that they won’t be interested in mountain bike riding or whatever the sport is that your husband may feel is just for the boys, but nowdays girls play whatever sports they please and I am sure that at least one of them will be interested in the sport Dad enjoys.

I can see Dad at the football and half the cheer squad being made up of his girls. He would be so proud and I am sure that the man/son connection would be forgotten.

Alternatively he could take an interest in a nephew and bring him along on family camping trips or any other activity that would make him feel that he has a son to share manly things with.

Blessings to you and your family.

5

Keeping in mind that we are in very different places in life, (I have no children yet, and am like you were, planning on only four, maybe five) I still wanted to comment since I feel like our situations might be somewhat similar, if not reversed.

I long for a baby. My husband and I have only been married 10 months, but I still long to feel something growing inside of me; something that is half him and half me and completely unique.

That being said, my husband is not quite ready. He worries so much about being able to provide (just as you worry that your time and energy will be overstretched). The point is, we have talked it out between us, openly, and I know that he is not at the point where I am. (And growing up in my family, we always heard that “a yes and no make a no”). But the point is not what I want; part of wanting a baby is knowing that your partner is excited along with you. My husband has the knack of saying yes to a lot of things because I want them so badly, and he doesn’t really mind one way or another. I’ve told him that this cannot be one of those times. When we have a baby, I want him to be excited about it, not just happy that I am excited.

I’m sure your husband feels the same way that I do. He loves you more than he loves the idea of a son. The best way to know is to talk to him about it, open and honestly. Maybe when the time comes in the future that you feel more ready for another child, he will be so content with his life he’ll have forgotten he ever wanted another one, or he will be happy and you will try for a son. Either way, the future will work itself out, but for now, open communication is the best way to resolve your situation.

6

Wow, 6 girls :slight_smile: that sounds like fun. (I was the only girl in my family, cousins included and I always wanted girl relatives) My first thought when I read your post was what if “one more” isn’t a boy and another girl? With 6 girls already it’s a pretty good chance that the next one would be too. I read it to my husband and he made an interesting point, what if the next pregnancy was also a multiple and that 1 more turned into 2 or 3 more? I agree with the other posters that you need to do what would keep you happy and not stretch yourself farther than you can comfortable do.
I’m also in a different situation as I have no children of my own but we have been trying for some time. I’d be happy with 1 right now, I can’t really imagine 6.
I liked the suggestion of fostering but if your husband wants to do things with a boy that the girls aren’t into, are there Big Brother programs in your area? He could be a father figure to a little boy who needs one. [name]Just[/name] an idea.

7

[name]Hi[/name] [name]Grace[/name]

I agree that both parents should want a child. If your DH’s motivation (for lack of a better word) for wanting to try for # 7 is that he would like a son, will he want to try for # 8 should your next one also be a girl??

I think that as the primary parent looking after your children, your capacity to take on the added responsibility of a 7th child should be paramount. It is the hardest thing in the world, being a mother!! And to already have 6, that is so much work (worth it, of course!!). If one more will not allow you to be the parent you want to be, then you shouldn’t do it. Your children will not benefit by having a mother who can not commit herself to all her children in the way she wants.

You aren’t denying your husband a son - remember that the sex of the baby is generally determined by the father!!

I think you need to talk to your husband about the way you are feeling. You sound like such a loving, supportive family, I can’t imagine that he would want you to feel the pressure you are feeling now about this.

What are your girls’ names??

8

My family sounds very similar to yours, minus the multiples. My parents always talked about having 8 kids, before they got going and realized it wasn’t financially possible. After having two girls, they decided to try for a boy, and got my second sister. Of course they had to try again, but the fourth was again another girl. My father doesn’t love us any less, he loves his four girls, very similarly to how you described your husband. My family talked about having another child, but who knows? I could have 12 sisters by now. My parents decided they were happy with their 4 girls and didn’t truly need a boy to complete their life. They did consider adopting, but I think finances have prevented it. Now, we are a foster family and love it. Ironically, only girls have been placed with us, but eventually we’ll get boys too. My father, when asked about being disappointed about not having a son, always replies that he doesn’t care because he loves his girls…and eventually he’ll have grandsons.

9

My husband and I have 4 daughters, one of whom is still on her way, and I feel kind of “obligated” to give him a son. He was an only son and had 5 older sisters growing up, all of whom are married with kids.

He’s one of the last male members of his family and he’s really worried about carrying on our last name. He really loves our daughters and we wouldn’t change a thing, but I know he’d like to have a son someday.

10

[name]Hi[/name] [name]Gracie[/name]!

Six children must be incredibly hard work for you even with some help from family and friends and a supportive husband!
I think you need to discuss this with your husband so that both of you can express your feelings fully. I absolutely can understand why you feel that your family is complete and that you would struggle with another.
I agree with others that it is really important that you (or any other couple) both want another child before you try to conceive. You also have to take into account all the other children. It must be very hard to split your self six ways and provide all the love and attention that all the children need already. I only have three and find it hard to help the older ones with school work or take them to after school activities, prepare meals, do housework and look after the baby. I feel that the older ones miss out on various activities eg long walks, cinema trips, etc because we chose to have a third child. I also feel that the baby has to be very patient and gets less attention than the older ones did at that age. I feel guilty about these things and also get v tired! I am sure that you must have the same difficulties too. In addition, you have to consider the strong possibility that you try to conceive and have another girl! Also, what if you were to conceive but the child was less healthy than your current children. That would impact on the whole family hugely.
I understand that it is a hard decision but you shouldn’t feel obliged to have another child because of guilt.

11

Hello mama [name]Gracie[/name]! I smiled when I read your post. You seem like such a loving, caring mother and wife. I skimmed over the other replies and do not want to repeat so I will be brief. I wholeheartedly agree with everything the others said - what if it is not just ONE more? [name]Even[/name] if it is one, it could very well be another girl. Most importantly, I do feel you [name]BOTH[/name] need to be committed to the decision 100%.

If you decide you are ok with a 7th baby, are you open adoption? That way, you would guarantee one, and you would guarantee a boy. So many children in this world are in need of a good home and loving family, which sounds like exactly what you have. Something to consider maybe!

I too would love to hear your girls names!!!

12

I was told that once you have three childeren of the same sex any futre children would most likely be that same sex. My brother looked into it because his wife is one of 7 sisters, her dad always wanted a boy. I don’t know the hard facts and statistics but you might want to look into it. Seems like lots of families that I know fit this trend. My next door neighbors have 5 boys under the age of 7, with one set of twins. Their youngest is 4 months, they were trying one more time for a girl, but they say they are done now!

I agree that adoption would be a great option. Wait a few years until your triplets are older or you could even adopt a child that is a little older to take some stress off the baby years. Although I am sure adopting is stressfull too! Can you imagine what a little prince he would be with 6 older sisters?!

13

I would like to thank each and every one of you for such thoughtful replies, it really means a lot to me :slight_smile:
I must apologise for the length of time it has taken me to get to replying- [name]Madeleine[/name] came home with chicken pox that seemed to be going around her school and one by one the triplets caught them! :frowning: It has been a long few weeks! As a teacher, I’m used to dealing with lots of children at once in most situations but with three babies all with chicken pox, it really took it out of me!
I will reply to all of your lovely messages as soon as I have time- just don’t want you to think I have forgotten about them! It’s safe to say at the moment, my darling husband is certainly not as keen as he was for his “just one more” after having three sick nearly one year olds on his hands! :slight_smile:
For those of you who wondered about names, in order of birth I have [name]Madeline[/name] [name]Kate[/name], [name]Isabella[/name] [name]Rose[/name], [name]Olivia[/name] [name]Grace[/name], [name]Clementine[/name] [name]Jane[/name], [name]Florence[/name] [name]Ivy[/name] and [name]Imogen[/name] [name]Olive[/name]. We tend not to use their middle names often but I know you namberries like to know :slight_smile:
Thanks again, I promise I’ll get back to you all!

[name]Gracie[/name]

14

What lovely names! And your triplets have names which sound so wonderful together - that must have been a challenge.

Of course, I am sure none of us mind your taking a while to reply - six children can’t leave much spare time at all.

Good luck! [name]Auburn[/name]

15

Hello ladies :slight_smile:

I decided in the end, after much thought, so show my husband the post I made here and the replies you had all given. I left it in his office one evening when the girls were at my parents for the night to give us a chance to discuss it. He was, as I knew he would be, so fantastic about it all. Your replies very much helped us in our discussion and he hadn’t known that I was feeling so concerned about it :slight_smile: We have decided to wait and if we’re blessed with one more in a few years then fantastic, but we’re not going to try again :slight_smile: However, based on your lovely lovely suggestions, we have come up with a few different things we want to do and for that I’d like to thank each and everyone of you. I shall write a new post thanking individuals for such wonderful suggestions and let you know how they have helped us in our decision and improved our relationship :slight_smile:
Thank you all so much.

[name]Gracie[/name] & [name]Scott[/name]

16

Based on your replies, we came up with a few things to do to ensure [name]Scott[/name] gets his "boy stuff"done, in the midst of all these little girlies :slight_smile:

[name]Auburn[/name]- you are always so kind in all of your posts, not just to me so thank you :slight_smile: We have decided to wait a few years, as you suggested, and then maybe consider that final baby :slight_smile: However, your suggestion of fostering really struck a cord with us and it is something that we have looked into. We’re on the way to being accepted as temporary/emergency foster parents, so we can help children when they are most in need, but not have to committ to one or more children for a very long period of time, just yet but we’ll still get to be parents to boys and girl for a short while. [name]Scott[/name] has already gone out and bought some “boy toys” as he’s hoping we’ll, at some point, get a little boy to look after :slight_smile: When our girls are older, instead of returning to work, I have really thought carefully and think I would just love to foster :slight_smile:

[name]Rollo[/name]- It looks like our [name]Olivia[/name], though ever so pretty and perfect as a little girl could be, is going to be our tom boy! Instead of the ballet classes her sister’s take, she goes with daddy to karate, golf and football! My best friend has triplet boys and though too young now to do much, [name]Scott[/name] has spoken to [name]Dan[/name] and they’ve decided to “swap” babies (our triplets and theirs) so he can do the “boy stuff” and [name]Dan[/name] and his wife can do the “girl” stuff. Lol. As well as that, this weekend [name]Scott[/name] is going away on a boys golf weekend this weekend so he’s still getting his chance to do all the man things while us girls do our shopping and mani/pedis!
I hope your grand daughter is doing well :slight_smile:

[name]Jennie[/name]- your post is actually what made me decide to print these posts off and show them to [name]Scott[/name] and actually talk to him honestly about things :slight_smile: He does love me more than the idea of a son and he told me so, after he read your reply. So thank you so very much for that. :slight_smile:

Sassy- Thank you for your post :slight_smile: Have you had any luck yet? I hope you have, I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful mum :slight_smile: After showing my husband your post, he admitted he hadn’t even considered it might be multiples again and the thought almost made him want to faint! It was a really good point and it really did give him something to think about.

Bex- again, your post was one of the ones that made me want to tell [name]Scott[/name] how I felt. He had no idea he was putting any pressure on me to have another baby and he was actually quite upset when I explained how I felt. Thank you, for giving me the courage to talk to my husband :slight_smile:

[name]Danielle[/name]- [name]Scott[/name] and I have decided we are “complete” and we know how blessed we truly truly are. Like your parents with their girls :slight_smile: I mentioned above we have been accepted to foster and perhaps one day, we would like to adopt when our girls are older :slight_smile: Thank you.

Mummybee- [name]Aren[/name]'t girlies just so much fun though? :slight_smile: I would tell you to talk to your husband about how YOU feel about having another, trying for a boy. It certainly worked for me. :slight_smile: You could maybe also consider the fostering route, if it’s something you and hubby would be interested in :slight_smile:

mummyto3- I must say, your post made me cry. Not in a bad way, just in a way that sort of brought it all home to me how much I AM splitting myself with my girls. Before the triplets were born, it played on my mind a lot that my other three would lose out on time with mummy and daddy but after they were born, we just muddled through. I sat down and really took on all those babysitting offers we have from friends and family and scheduled in time for [name]Madeleine[/name] and me, [name]Madeleine[/name] and daddy, [name]Bella[/name] and me, [name]Bella[/name] and Daddy and [name]Livia[/name] and me and [name]Livia[/name] and daddy. It IS difficult and it isn’t as often as I would like but we have managed to have a mummy/daddy day with the three older girls every week, so they get one to one time at least once every three weeks with us. So thank you for that :slight_smile:

Seiwf- Your post brought a tear to my eye. The triplets all had chicken pox and I was feeling like a rotten mummy and your post just really touched me. You don’t know me but to say I sound like a good mum, at that time, really touched me. So thank you :slight_smile:

MollyK- We are considering adoption in a few years, in the process of fostering just now :slight_smile: Thank you :slight_smile: My gosh, a little boy in this house with 6 mother hens clucking around him- he would be spoilt rotten!

Thank you, thank you, thank you :slight_smile:
[name]Grace[/name] & [name]Scott[/name]

17

I am so glad that my suggestion helped, [name]Gracie[/name], and you sound so lovely and caring that I just know you’ll make brilliant foster parents. It is such a wonderful thing to do, rewarding for everyone involved, and I’m sure your daughters will love having the occasional visiting child to dote on, especially a little boy!

Best wishes,
[name]Auburn[/name]

18

This reminds me of my aunt; she wanted 4 kids and also got triplets. My question when i read this, are they identical or fraternal triplets? (because it are 3 girls)

[name]EDIT[/name]/ sorry just looked and saw the post above me. thats what i get for not noticing the second page xD