I kept my married name after my divorce. I’m planning on becoming a solo parent and I don’t want my child(ren) to be tied to a name they have no connection to. [name_f]My[/name_f] maiden name is the name of my dad’s adopted dad who wasn’t always so nice. It’s also quite rare which can be good or bad. [name_f]My[/name_f] dad’s surname at birth also didn’t belong to a nice man so I have no desire to carry on that name.
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I don’t know if I should just keep my current last name and give my child(ren) a new last name, but then I don’t know what kind of issues that might bring up, if any. [name_f]Or[/name_f] if I should give myself a new last name. I don’t know how my parents would react and that would mean changing a lot of documents and a professional license with my current name.
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Has anyone had children and given them a last name different from their own? If so, did that create issues? [name_f]Or[/name_f] come up with a whole new surname for themselves and their children as a single/solo parent?
[name_f]My[/name_f] son has my husband’s surname (I kept my name when we got married). Has never once been an issue with paperwork, appointments, social situations, etc. then again he is only 2 years old, but I don’t forsee it ever being a major issue.
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[name_m]In[/name_m] your situation, I think I’d pick a new last name and share it with my child. Yes, it would be an adjustment and hassle for you at first, but the outcome seems worth it. If I were a child in this scenario, I don’t think I would want the surname of my parent’s ex, if they have no involvement in my life. It wouldn’t be the worst thing, but not ideal.
I would not give my child a last name that was different than my own. Especially if I was a solo parent. It will cause so many more issues down the road. Either change your name to match the one you want them to have or give them your current surname.
not sure if it’s still an issue now, but from past personal experience, there were sometimes questions when it came to giving permission to do things (like school stuff / medical stuff) or the parent with the different surname might have to bring proof that they were[name_f][/name_f] the parent – or had permission to make those decisions [name_f][/name_f] we’re talking 20 years back though, so things may have changed given how different families can look!
I can’t speak to any part of your last paragraph, but I have lots of family baggage (?) too, so me and my partner are going to use a new surname. I think it will be freeing for you to use something new [name_f][/name_f]- you deserve that as much as your kids
I would either go the full 9 yards and change your surname to a name you want. [name_f]Or[/name_f] give your children the same name that you use.
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Your children are not going to associate your surname with your ex, they will associate it with you[name_f][/name_f] and your family bond. [name_f]So[/name_f] I think the most important thing is to choose a name you will share with your children rather than giving your children a baggage free surname, because for them it doesnt come with baggage it just comes with you.
I think you should first choose the name you most warm to, your ex’s or one via your father’s [name_f][/name_f]- or mother’s line.
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But if none of them chime, then change your last name to a new name that means something positive and good, that you and your child(ren) then share. [name_m]You[/name_m] could use one or both your parents’ first or second names as inspirations. Eg if your father is [name_m]Anthony[/name_m], you could use it or [name_m]Anton[/name_m] etc as your last name. [name_f]Or[/name_f] a smoosh of your parents’ names, first or last. That’s if you want to [name_f][/name_f]- it could be good for your child to have that connection to your parents, if that’s positive for you.
If you’re an American, I hope you are paying attention to the SAVE Act which was just passed by the House. [name_f][/name_f] [name_f]Any[/name_f] woman with a married name – which doesn’t match the name on her birth certificate – could be denied the vote. [name_f][/name_f] I kept my own name when I married – we married in Connecticut so I was legally allowed to do that – and my kids have a hyphenated surname consisting of my name and their father’s. [name_f][/name_f] [name_f]My[/name_f] daughter has kept this arrangement, but my son dropped his father’s name when he joined the [name_m]Army[/name_m].
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If you aren’t American, do what you want to do. [name_f][/name_f] If you are, talk to a lawyer first.
I would look into local laws regarding what surname can go on the birth certificate. For example, in the state I will give birth in, if parents are married then the surname must be the father’s. If the parents aren’t married, then the surname must be the mother’s or hyphenated with the father’s last name, and dad’s last name has to be second. I would imagine some places have laws about what surnames you can change your own name to. [name_f]So[/name_f] my first step would be to look into your local naming laws and go from there.
If your father is a good guy I would probably use the maiden name bwcause the babys grandparents have the same last name. [name_f]Or[/name_f] hpw aboutyour mothers maiden name?
First, look for the laws about surnames in your area. And then decide! Considering your circumstances as solo parent by choice, I think you should have the same surname as your children, less complications this way.
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I also would like to add: the moment you changed your surname to your ex it became your surname[name_f][/name_f], not his. [name_m]You[/name_m] are allowed to like it and, if there is no law against giving it to your child, use it.
[name_f][/name_f] we’re talking 20 years back though, so things may have changed given how different families can look!