I have just had my third baby and I have been really tired lately and I have a new thing on my mind. My three year old [name_u]Avery[/name_u] has been saying “shit” lately. I dont know where he picked it up, or how he knows it, but thats like his favorite word lately.
I try to ignore him and tell him that its not a nice word , but he doesnt understand.
It also doesn`t help when my husband laughs every time he says it. Like the other day, we were eating are dinner and he said that word. My husband just started hysterically laughing. I had to kick him in the shins to get him to shut up. errrrr.Honestly, my husband is very immature.
I am just afraid he s going to slip at a store, or when grandma and grandpa visits. That would be really embarrassing.
Has anybody gone threw anything like this?? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you know any solutions??
Thankyou!!!
I also have a three year old who picked up on some not so nice words from her daddy (ok and maybe some oopsies from mommy too). When she was a little younger I would catch it and try to correct it by feeding her a different word that sounds similar. For example my husband said “what the f@&$!” and she repeated it and I told her " no baby, dad said [name_m]Donald[/name_m] Duck" she bought it and then started rambling on about MMCH. I let an “oh shit” slip out in front of her on accident and she repeated it also and I told her I said “pirate ship!” instead and she went with that word too. But when she got older and I started hearing clearer versions of her father’s words come out of her precious little mouth I had to be straight with her and I told her those were bad words and princesses don’t use those kinds of words or they can’t be princesses anymore and play with any of the princess toys like dolls or jewelry. Also, I warned her I was close friends with [name_f]Santa[/name_f] and if I needed to I had his number and I could call him and tell him she was saying bad words. I pretending to call and she spit out an apology right away. Now, I catch her correcting her father telling him not to say bad words or Mommy will call [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t know if this helps for you but it worked in our home. When all else fails a little blackmail and the threat of losing toys can go a long way. ”
My daughter dropped the f-bomb in front of a family friend a couple of months ago and I almost died of embarrassment! I think its an age thing, because we don’t swear around her or encourage the use of bad language. I’m not even sure where she heard it because DH and I try really hard to shield her from that type of language.
I do think kids should have a word they can use in frustration - My sister has banned ALL forms of this and her kids end up using really bad language all the time. For example, I won’t let my girl say damn, crap, or any of the other more serious curse words, but I do let her say flip and fudge. Like this morning, the strap on her schoolbag broke on the way to school and she said “oh fudge!”, and I was okay with that as its inoffensive and age appropriate.
I think its a pushing boundaries thing, when they are at an age when they are finding it hard to express themselves. I tell my daughter that cursing is impolite and rude, and that people will think poorly of her if she does it. She does need vocabulary to outline her frustration, which is why saying flip, fudge and shoot is okay.
If this persists, taking away her favourite toy or a time-out may get the message across better.
I know all kids are liable to slip up occasionally and let out a swear word but its not an acceptable thing for children to do on a regular basis.
Next time I catch my daughter cursing there will be strong consequences, maybe a grounding or her favourite toy taken away for a week. Its important for them to understand its totally unacceptable.
I don’t have any children myself, but I’ve been a teacher and a nanny and I do have experience having to correct children swearing. The best strategy is to address it as you would any other misbehavior. I would say, “That’s not a nice word, please don’t say it again.” If he continued to say it, I would put him in a time out or whatever form of discipline you regularly use.
I think in this instance, the big thing to remember is to not show any sort of strong reaction to it (which it sounds like you’re doing well). If he swore and you gasped loudly and yelled and otherwise made a big deal out of it, he would probably be more likely to continue using it instead of less, because he realized it’s something he can get a good reaction out of. In terms of your husband’s reaction, I’m not really sure what you can do about that haha. It’s definitely not the best thing to do, because your son might decide he’s going to swear more because it’s funny, and kids love getting other people to laugh. Maybe you could just try explaining that to your husband? I’d bet (not that I hope this happens!) that the first time your son swears in public when your husband is with him, he’ll be embarrassed and be less likely to laugh at it in the future.
The last thing I’d suggest is that if your parents are visiting any time soon, pull them aside when they get there and explain that you’re not sure where he picked it up but your son has been using a bad word recently, and you’d appreciate it that if he uses it while they’re there, they don’t react and leave the discipline to you.
Good luck!
Having worked for the last three months with this age group, this is a terrible idea! No reaction works with words like ‘darn’ or ‘dumb’ or ‘stupid,’ which aren’t really as big of a deal, and are certainly better alternatives, but for things like $h!t and it’s counterparts, you really should crack down. Give him one warning, if that, and after that time out, send him to his room, whatever punishments you guys typically use.
[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let your husband laugh, talk to him about that, whatever – yeah, it’s hilarious, I know, we all know, but if you want him to stop, then so do the POSITIVE reactions. He’s not trying to get any reaction, just a good one. If you turn that laughter into some serious time out time, he’s [name_m]WAY[/name_m] more likely to stop than if you’re passive about it. Be an active parent, not a passive one.
When I was 8 I said a$$, and my dad was in the room. He sent me to my room, no excuses, no chances, no nothing – I was generally a good kid, so getting punished at all was a big deal for me, and believe me, I didn’t swear for at least another five years after that, because it just wasn’t worth it.
We had a similar problem with our twins (2 years old) and I actually brought it up on a visit to a family counselor (sort of a support person for families of young kids in our neighborhood that you can book time with). She advised us to totally and completely ignore it. Her point was that words are not something like an action that you can physically stop a small child from doing. And at this age they crave the attention, any attention. Before we talked to her, we had tried the time out thing or just holding them on our laps and looking at them seriously and telling them ‘No! That is not a nice word!’ etc. It TOTALLY backfired! Like out of control crazy backfired. I think one boy ran around saying the word every 10 seconds for the rest of the evening, and we felt we had to be consistent with our chosen approach so each time we grabbed him, looked him in the eye and told him NO! blah blah blah. Not a productive choice for such little kids.
I think kids ages 2-3 are testing boundaries and it is important to help them define what is right and what is wrong but once you’ve said calmly ‘That is not a nice word’ I would suggest moving on and trying to find a way that you can legitimately give him the attention he is looking for in a positive way. For example, steer him towards some game or toy he likes and see if you can get him involved in counting something or describing something for you so you can engage him in conversation. I know my kids often act up when they want attention because I am doing something else so maybe see if he can help you with some task (kill two birds with one stone so to speak- attention for your son AND getting chores done)- unloading the dishwasher, putting away laundry, etc…
It didn’t work immediately, but over the course of a few weeks they got the message and stopped using that word to get attention. They understood that they had to do positive things to get a reaction rather than negative things.
Good luck!
I don’t have any children myself (I’m far too young!) but my little cousin who I see almost everyday started using the f word about a year ago and at first my auntie tried telling him off for saying it and giving him a tine out. But he just kept on doing it so she decided to just ignore it completely and not reacting at all. He soon learnt that he wasn’t getting attention from doing although I do still hear him saying it under his breathe, he is now at an age where he understands that you can’t say certain things to people or use rude language towards his friends family or anyone else for that matter. [name_f]Hope[/name_f] you figure something out!
If you will read my response more closely, you will realize that I never recommended having no reaction. In fact, I suggested giving a verbal warning and then, if the behavior continues, using a time out or other form of discipline. Having gone through four years of education to work with young children, and having over two years of daily experience with this age group, I think I’m qualified to give advice on this topic.
OP, I hope you find a strategy that works well for you!
You’re right; my wording was off. I correct myself: In my experience, a MILD reaction isn’t nearly as effective as a strong reaction.
We all cuss like sailors in my household, and in my house when I was a kid, but I never had an issue of copying my Mom and saying them in public or anything. I think because they were such a non issue, they were just part of the vocabulary, so I never had the “oooh, bad word” stigma and thought they were taboo in any fashion. I plan on [name_u]Rowan[/name_u] growing up that way too. There are no bad words, some are just unnecessary in certain company. At this point, she hasn’t copied us or started screaming obscenities in the grocery store, so I think it’s working.
My best friend’s little brother was about 3 and his Mom almost got sideswiped by a semi truck on the highway and she yelled “F@#king truck!” and the whole rest of the trip, her brother would point and exclaim “F@#king truck!” every time he saw a semi. We just laughed and he stopped doing it after a few hours. No biggie.