Is it as much of a faux pas to “steal” a middle name that a relative has already used as a middle name on their own child? Of course we’d ask first, but in general, your thoughts?
My fiance has a brother who is married with three children, and they bestowed the middle name [name]Helen[/name] upon their firstborn, after my fiance and his brother’s beloved grandmother, who lived next door to them while they grew up, and was probably one of the single most important influences on both of their lives. We want to use a family name for our child’s middle name, and we both love the idea of using [name]Helen[/name], should we have a daughter. We have other names to choose from, but aside from thinking [name]Helen[/name] is a beautiful name, she’s a person we’d naturally want to honor.
Is this weird, though, for two cousins to have the same middle name/namesake? Would you get upset if one of your siblings or siblings-in-law, or even cousins, used a middle name on their child you’d already used on yours?
I used the middle name to honor a family member. I do not think it is weird at all. It actually could be a nice bond for the two cousins to have their middle name be [name]Helen[/name] after a grandmother who was very special. I would not get upset, but I guess someone somewhere might.
On another note, I picked middle names from my side of the family. I figured the last name is from my husband, so this was a way to include my side.
I don’t see any problem with using the middle name [name]Helen[/name] if you have a daughter. It would be different if they had chosen a middle name out of the blue and you chose the same middle name. Since it’s a family name I think it’s acceptable.
I have got two cousins named [name]Kenneth[/name] on one side of my family - they both have different last names and a 10 year age gap - named after a beloved grandfather who was taken too soon. Permission was requested and it has never caused a problem for our family.
I don’t see an issue with using [name]Helen[/name] as your daughter’s middle name. Family names are fair game in the middle spot. My middle name - [name]Madison[/name] - is also the first name of five generations of male family members. Since middle names are so rarely used it doesn’t come off as “stealing.”
Good point, it could be a nice bond for the two cousins. I think just because his brother had a baby first doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get to also honor someone who was important to both boys.
I’m using the argument that if he gets to pick the middle and last name, I get more influence on the first name.
I thought a middle name was less potentially problematic since, as you point out, we rarely say them anyway. I hope his brother and [name]SIL[/name] agree!
I don’t see it as a problem either (as previous posters have said).
I plan on using [name]Louisa[/name] as the first name for my first born girl after our great grandmother [name]Luisa[/name] and my mother (whose middle name is [name]Louise[/name] after our great grandmother). I think the spelling marries the two nicely Grandma [name]Lou[/name] (as she was called) was the absolute center of our family and was a very important influence on both my life and my brother’s life. Because of this, I fully expect him to use her name in the middle spot (he has already excessed he does not want it in the first name spot, and I think he wants to use the [name]Luisa[/name] spelling). But, even if he did decide that he wanted it in the first name spot, I would accept that (we would obviously use different nicknames!) because she meant so much to both of us.
Family names are never one time use or owned by a certain family member in my opinion
Since it’s a family name that you both share, no, I don’t see it being a problem. I have quite a few cousins with the same middle name (after my grandfather) and no one took offense.
I think its perfectly acceptable for you to use [name]Helen[/name]. My mom has 3 sisters and all 4 of them gave one of their daughters the middle name [name]Marie[/name]. It is my grandma and mom’s middle name. I think it is cool that we all share it.
I don’t see a problem with using the same middle name at all. If it were cousins sharing the same first name, then yes, but as for middle names - just go for it! As previous posters have mentioned, it could even be a nice bond between the two.
My cousin and I share the middle name of our grandmother, and we always loved it. Whenever we wrote notes or letters to each other as little girls, we would include our middle name. I don’t think it ever caused problems between our parents; they would certainly never have said anything to us about it. I tend to think family names can’t be “claimed” anyway, especially if it’s the name of someone important in your life. My father, a brother, and several nephews share a middle name and I don’t think anyone was upset by it.
Personally I don’t think it is the same as it is with fns. If her fn was [name]Helen[/name] and you wanted to use [name]Helen[/name] as a fn as well then I think you would be stepping on some toes but not with a mn especally with it being in honor of the grandmother. I myself share my first name with two of my cousins (one born before me and spelled differently and one born after and spelled the same). I don’t have a problem with it at all seeing as I rarely see either of them and they are my second and fouth cousins. I think it is nice that you want to use [name]Helen[/name] and I think your brother-in-laws daughter will love that her cousin shares her middle name (especally if you say you are naming your daughter after her).
I think middle names are up for grabs, especially if they’re family names. In some cultures every child in the family shares their mother’s maiden name as their middle, so obviously there would be tons of repetition. My son’s first name is a family name, but it’s shared by multiple other family members as a middle name. I also agree it would create a kinship of sorts between the cousins. Kids like feeling special, but they also [name]LOVE[/name] to find they share something in common with each other. The same as finding out someone shares your birthday.
My sisters and I have daughters whose middle/first names are a version of [name]Catherine[/name]. My great-grandmother was [name]Sofie[/name] [name]Katarine[/name], so I named my daughter (first girl in the family born) [name]Caitlin[/name] ([name]Katarine[/name] didn’t work with our last name). My first sister named her second daughter [name]Susannah[/name] [name]Kathleen[/name], after her husband’s mother.
My second sister named her only daughter [name]Eliza[/name] [name]Catherine[/name]…
Incidentally, my grandmother’s name was [name]Helen[/name]. She was one of the greatest influences of my life, and my second daughter – she was a stillbirth – was [name]Rachel[/name] [name]Helen[/name].
[name]Helen[/name] is a beautiful name, and enjoy using it.
Grandma [name]Lou[/name] (as she was called) was the absolute center of our family and was a